Callahan's Fate

by Lee Ann Sontheimer Murphy

  “How long did you say you’d been here in New York?” The question seemed casual, but his tone wasn’t.

  “I moved here in August,” Raine said.

  “Have you ever visited before?”

  “I came out in late May for my job interview but other than that, no. Why? Is something wrong?”

  Cal’s dark eyes locked with hers. “I don’t know. I hope not. There’s three guys over there, and they keep staring at you. Maybe they just think you’re pretty or something but I think there’s more to it. It’s like they know you from someplace. Don’t whirl around, but when you get a chance, take a look and see if you know them from anywhere.”

  Alarm flared within. “They must be doing more than staring at me.”

  “Call it cop intuition. Yeah, they’re staring, but they’re talking, too, and something feels off.”

  “You’re scaring me.”

  He reached out and grasped her hand in his. “I’m not trying to, doll. If you never saw them before, it should be okay. Maybe they’re just curious, or I’m paranoid. Working in law enforcement makes a guy get that way. We all see a lot of shit, but either way, I’ll protect you.”

  His promise made her a little less anxious. “I know. So what should I do?”

  “Drop something and then when you pick it up, take a look.”

  Raine hesitated, then opened her purse. She dug around, dropped a coin purse in the process, and after a moment, she bent down to retrieve it. When she straightened up, she glanced over. Her recognition must have shown because Cal said, “You know them?”

  “Two of them have been my students. The tall one likes to be called ‘Bull’ and he finished his time in juvie last week. I haven’t seen him since. His buddy is his cousin, Simon, I think. He goes to high school in the Bronx but not one of the schools I visit.”

  “Bull? As in a big, mean, male cow?”

  “Bull, as in short for ‘bully’,” she said. “Simon likes to be called ‘Shoe,’ although I don’t know why.”

  “I don’t suppose you remember their real names?” He sounded like a cop in search of knowledge.

  “Give me a minute. I probably do. There’s just so many kids to keep straight.”

  As she sifted through all the students in her mental file, Callahan sighed. “Would it happen to be Marsh or Marshall?”

  His suggestions clicked in her head. “Yes, I think it is Marsh.”

  “Yeah, it’s one of the names they use. The third one, with the long ponytail, he’s bad news. He’s Bull’s older brother. They call him ‘Snake’ on the streets. He just graduated from a three-year stretch on Riker’s Island for rape and aggravated assault. He’s a suspect in a homicide investigation, but there’s no evidence to nail him. He’s got juvenile priors, too, but I don’t know what they are.”

  The calm way he spoke about criminal records provided insight into his daily duties. Callahan spoke in a flat monotone, and if she hadn’t been able to see his eyes, she might’ve thought he didn’t care. They burned, though, with a powerful fire, and the way he drummed his fingers on the tabletop in restless rhythm proved his anxiety. “Are you sure?”

  “Totally,” he said. “I’m the one who arrested him on the charges that sent him to Riker’s. That’s why I didn’t know if they’re staring at me because he’s told them, or if they’re giving you the eye.”

  Raine couldn’t decide which would be worse. “So what can happen?”

  Callahan spread his hands wide in a helpless gesture. “Hopefully, nothing. Either they think they can intimidate me, or they think you’re pretty. Worst-case scenario, they try to start something, but if they do, I’ll shut it down quick. I doubt they will, not here. I don’t imagine Snake wants to go back to prison this soon.”

  “Should I be afraid?”

  He hesitated for a long moment, enough that Raine thought she probably should be. “No,” he said. “Like I said, I’ll keep you safe, and besides, it’s just a fluke we ran across them. It’s a big city, doll, and the odds on seeing these guys again are astronomical. If you’re ready to roll, let’s get out of here.”

  “Okay.” She put her purse across her chest bandolier style and stood up. Raine linked her arm through Callahan’s. At the same moment, the trio across the restaurant came to their feet and strolled toward them. “Cal,” she whispered.

  “I got it, baby,” he replied. His use of the endearment thrilled her because it seemed more personal than “doll.” He draped a possessive arm around her shoulders.

  Bull stared, mouth open, then said, “Hey, teacher, how goes it?”

  “Fine,” she replied. She used her best classroom voice, bright but no nonsense. Shoe dipped his head in a brief nod, but the one Callahan called Snake paused. “I heard about you, teach,” he said. His tone lacked any respect, and his eyes glittered with hatred. “You should’ve stuck with books and all that shit instead of assholes like this piece of shit law dog fucker.”

  Her heart pounded faster, and her chili dog soured in her stomach. If Callahan hadn’t been beside her, his steady arm providing support, Raine thought she might have trembled or collapsed onto the floor.

  Beside her, Snake’s words didn’t faze Callahan. He returned the malevolent stare with an unblinking one, hard as pavement. “Beat it,” he said. For a second, she thought Snake or Bull might react, but instead they slunk away, heads down like scolded animals. None looked back but Raine watched them until they headed down the sidewalk toward the beach.

  Cal shifted his hand to the small of her back, and they moved toward the street without a word. Once outside, she drew a long breath of fresh air and exhaled. He took her hand and moved out of the way of the other pedestrians. “Don’t let this spook you,” he told her.

  She managed a shaky laugh. “It’s hard not to, Callahan. Now I feel like we both have targets painted on our backs.”

  “We don’t. Snake’s stoned and probably won’t remember anyway. C’mon, forget about it. You wanna go back to the beach for a while?”

  “No, it looks like it might rain again.” It did, but besides, the trio of thugs had headed that direction.

  He shot her a glance so piercing that Raine knew she hadn’t fooled him one bit. “Okay, so how’s about visiting the New York Aquarium? It’s not far and I think you’d like it, unless you just want to go home or something.”

  Raine would rather spend more time with him, and from the grin teasing at the corners of his mouth, he knew it. “I would like it a lot, so sure, let’s go.”

  They whiled away the rest of the afternoon enjoying the exhibits, and the rain held off long enough so they saw all of it, including the sea lion show. Neither said anything more about the unpleasant encounter, and the harmony they’d experienced on the beach returned. Raine exclaimed over the fish and animals, Callahan laughed at them and at her, but with such tenderness he had her smitten by the end of the day.

  On the train home, the easy rhythm of the cars rocked her into a delicious drowsiness, and she rested her head against his shoulder, afraid she’d fall asleep. Cal seemed almost as somnolent as she felt, and they didn’t say much until they reached her station. He walked her to the door, and this time, after some frantic tidying in the early morning hours, Raine invited him to come in for a while.

  Her narrow kitchen and the tiny room combining bedroom with living area had never seemed smaller. Callahan filled it with his presence and physical size. He glanced out at her limited view over the street below, then he turned and pulled her into his embrace. Cal kissed her with an increased intensity. His hands strayed beneath her shirt, and he fondled her crotch through her jeans. Raine tightened her grip on his jacket and let her fingers trail through his hair. When his arms tightened around her, she shivered as a rush of pleasure swept over her. Lord, but she wanted to make love and decided if he asked, she wouldn’t refuse.

  After they’d kissed and caressed for a long time, however, Cal broke free. “Aw, baby, I need to go,” he said. He sounded truly so
rry. “You’ve got stuff to do, and so do I. I’ll see you tomorrow, though, around five at the Thirty-Fourth Street subway station, right?”

  “Right, I’ll be there,” she told him. She ran her hands down his arms and across his chest, wanting and needing to touch him. “If you get things done and you’re bored, call me. Or text me.”

  His eyes lit. “All right, I will. I promise.”

  Callahan brushed her mouth with another kiss, this one too brief, and put his hand on the doorknob to leave. “See you later, doll,” he said.

  “Bye, Cal,” she answered.

  He started through the door as she stepped forward and touched his back. “Wait.”

  “What is it?” He halted in place.

  “Promise me you’ll be careful,” she told him. The brief confrontation with Bull and his pals brought home to her that he had a dangerous job. When he went out on duty, anything could happen. “Take care of yourself and be safe, Callahan.”

  “I’ll do my best, baby.” He turned around to face her. “But I can’t make any guarantees, so I won’t. But you give me a reason to stay safe, so I’ll give it all I got. Good enough?”

  “I guess it has to be,” Raine said. A thought struck her. “Have you been hurt before?”

  His forehead creased as he frowned. Cal blew hard through his nose and then he nodded, once. “Yeah, but don’t worry about me, all right?”

  Haunted by images of bloodstained shirts, the terrible red glare of ambulance lights, and the imagined sound of sirens echoing through her head, Raine shook her head. “I already do, and I will,” she said. “You matter to me, and I can’t pretend you don’t.”

  He grasped her in a fierce hug and held her tight. Raine clung to him seeking comfort, and after a long few moments, Cal kissed her forehead and released her.

  “You watch out, too, baby,” he said and vanished through the door, leaving her alone.

  Her two rooms had never seemed so empty or small.

  Chapter Seven

  Callahan strode away from Raine’s building with an even step, his back squared and head held high. If she happened to be watching, he didn’t want her to see any sign of anxiety or show of weakness. The chance meeting with Snake Marsh and company rattled him far more than he cared to admit. He remembered making the arrest and sending the hard-eyed man to jail, and Marsh wasn’t the first perp to toss a few insults his way. He could and did deal with that. But the incident reminded him of what happened with Anthony and brought the slow, simmering guilt he’d tried hard to shed to a boil. If Raine were to be hurt or worse, Cal knew he’d never be able to deal with it. It would gnaw away at his guts and soul like caustic acid, and in time it would destroy him.

  A year and a half later, he still hadn’t come to terms with Anthony’s death or shed the blame he’d put on his own head. Aidan had told Callahan it wasn’t his fault, to grieve, not choke on guilt, but he hadn’t listened. So Aidan put the distance of the continent between them and moved to Los Angeles. When he died, Callahan paid to have his remains brought home and buried at Green Wood cemetery in Brooklyn beside Anthony, Grandma, Aunt Birdie, and their mother. It didn’t provide any closure, though, and he’d carried a double burden of regret and blame since.

  Shay had never pointed any fingers and welcomed him into her home. The boys—Alex, Sean, and Timmy—adored him, and he played the generous uncle as often as he could stand. She intended to be supportive and kind, but all she did, in his opinion, was heap coals of fire on his head where they smoldered.

  En route to the subway, he saw a liquor store and entered. He bought a fifth of Jameson’s fine Irish whiskey, his favorite poison when he sought oblivion. It always went down smooth and eased his pain if only for a short span. Some respite was better than none at all. Callahan resisted drinking until he reached his apartment. Once inside, he tossed down his keys, kicked off his shoes, and took the first slug.

  The liquor traveled down his throat and impacted his belly with warmth. After a few more drinks, he began experiencing the effects of it. Some of his tension, his terrible emotion eased, but most of the fear remained.

  Caring for Raine brought him happiness, but it made him vulnerable, too. Cal hated that because it meant he could be hurt emotionally. He didn’t give a shit about physically—he would die for Raine if a situation warranted—but he doubted his ability to live with any additional torment. Fear made him mean, and he knew it. If he didn’t take control of himself, sooner or later he would vent on Raine and she might walk away.

  With a burst of resolve, Callahan put down the bottle. He screwed the lid back in place and stared at it. As if she were present, he heard his Aunt Birdie’s voice in memory, the words as tragic and powerful as they had been back then. “Buddy, don’t get hooked on anything, not booze or drugs or even cigarettes,” she had told him. Then she lit one and took a hard drag. “It’s not worth it, and it’ll destroy you. Be better than me. Be stronger and braver and tougher. Do it for me, kid, and remember.”

  I wish Aidan had remembered what you said, Auntie, he thought. I wish I’d reminded him. If I had, maybe he’d still be alive.

  If he allowed himself to start thinking about his brothers, he’d drain the bottle and go out for another. Callahan resisted and realized he had one lifeline, one thing to prevent him from getting drunk, one ray of light to combat the darkness threatening to consume him—Raine.

  Cal picked up his cell, then put it down. What the hell would he say to her? Should he share the truth and tell her about his brothers? If he did, would she judge him? He reflected on their conversation on the pier. She said she wouldn’t.

  He yielded and phoned her. When her voice filled his ear, he welcomed it. “Hey, baby,” he said. “It’s me.”

  “I know. So you made it home?”

  “Of course I did.”

  Although he schooled his voice to sound normal, he must have failed because her tone changed.

  “You sound funny. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, sure, I’m good.” He tried to sound cheerful.

  “I don’t think so,” Raine said. “Callahan, what is it?”

  “Aw, shit.” His tongue tied into a knot. Where in hell would he begin to tell his tale of woe?

  “Talk to me,” she told him. “What’s happened?

  When he made no answer, she drew a hard breath. “Oh, God, did you run into Bull and his bunch or something?”

  Her intuition impressed him. Somehow Raine understood whatever had messed him up was connected. “That’s close, but not quite,” he said. “What happened earlier, it brought back some memories, and they’re not good ones, baby.”

  “Oh, honey.” Callahan marked the endearment, the first she’d used toward him. “Is it something about the Marshes, or is it about your brother?”

  The question struck his heart like a well-aimed arrow. Although he resisted the urge to drain the rest of the bottle, the raw emotion threatened to bring him down hard. “How do you know that?” he asked. His voice broke.

  “I listen,” Raine told him. “From some of the things you said and the way you talked about your brothers, I figured something had happened and you’d lost at least one of them.”

  Her calm, soft voice with its almost-Southern flavor usually soothed him, but at the moment she evoked his bitter grief and heavy guilt. Callahan wanted to rage and weep simultaneously, but he drew on what willpower he had remaining and didn’t. “They’re both gone,” he said after a pause. “Anthony and Aidan are dead.”

  “Cal, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine dealing with that kind of loss. Do you want to talk about it?”

  His reply shot from his mouth. “No!” When she made no reply, he said. “Yes. I do, and I don’t. If I talk about it, it becomes real and I have to deal with it. Most of the time, I’d rather not. But when I don’t…”

  “It eats you alive,” she said. “Why, though?”

  Callahan shut his eyes and took the plunge. “Because it’s my fault that my brothers are de
ad, Raine.”

  He waited, certain she would hang up or say something terrible. After a long pause, she spoke. Her voice sounded as if she choked on tears, but he couldn’t be sure. “Even though I don’t know what happened, I don’t believe that. I may not have known you very long, but I think I know you well enough that I can’t imagine any way you would be responsible.”

  Raine meant to comfort, and on some level, her words salved some of the hurt. But they broke his resolve, too, and he swallowed a sob. “Then you don’t know me as well as you think, Raine.”

  “Callahan, you’re upset, and now I’m worried. Talk to me, tell me what happened. It will help to get it out.”

  She might as well ask him to scale the Statue of Liberty and stand on top of the torch. “I can’t,” he told her. “I don’t even want to think about it.”

  “You need to so you can deal with it and put it behind you, honey.”

  The truth of it loomed large, but he didn’t think he could. “Maybe you’re right but not now. I don’t want to tear out my guts on the phone.”

  “Then I’ll come over.”

  “Raine, don’t. You said you had lessons to do and stuff.”

  “This is more important. I can wing it tomorrow.”

  “Baby, I’m okay, really.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  God, he couldn’t hide a thing from the woman. “I will be. I promise. Sometimes, it just gets to me and I break down a little. I’ll take a shower, get some sleep, and I’ll be good.”

  He had managed it countless times, pulled his shit together and moved forward. Sometimes he had gone through the motions of life like a walking zombie, but he got through the days and nights. Before he met Raine, he’d been numb most of the time. Meeting her opened his emotions, and with the happiness she brought, he could feel again. That included the pain.

  “I’m really worried. Let me come over.”