Shape Of My Heart

by Khardine Gray

  “You sure you’re okay?” Zelda asked, eyeing her with concern.

  “Yes, you can count on me. I’m a strong person.”

  “Alright, well here is the job specs with your duties. As discussed, your first task is to get Mr. Mancini to the ESPN show. We’ll deposit the twenty-grand bonus into your account then, and the rest will follow in a few months if you can get him ready for training.” The show was in a few days short of three weeks. She was sure she’d be fine. “For your sake, I hope you’ll last the week. These are the keys to his house. That is where you’ll work. We need you there nine to five, later for events as required. If you need anything call me. If he needs anything call me. Best of luck.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

  “Just remember what I said,” Zelda warned.

  Amy nodded and fixed her red beret back onto her head. She was very unlikely to forget Zelda’s warning.

  Well, here’s to her first day of this job.

  She was sure she was in for a very interesting day.

  Amy pulled up in front of Mr. Mancini’s beach house in Malibu at eleven. Located on the oceanfront, it offered a panoramic view of the ocean and sandy beach.

  She got out of her car and took a moment to admire it.

  Now this was the ultimate definition of modern and creative, eye catching for anyone with a taste for design. The house was truly beautiful and impressive with its extraordinary geometric design and architecture. Fashionable shades of cream and burgundy adorned the concrete walls. It had a flat roof and a grand wooden door that fit perfectly with the glossy windows that were as tall as they were wide. Cedar beams ran over the front porch, adding more character and definition.

  Amidst the manicured lawn, cascade of fantail palms, and assortment of exotic plants, it looked like a cut out from a holiday brochure. She’d read that this area was a celeb haven. Amy could definitely see why. A bubble of excitement lifted within her and she couldn’t wait to see what was inside the house.

  She wondered what he was going to be like. From the look of the house she could tell he had great taste and an interest in style. People like that tended to be outgoing and friendly, so maybe Zelda was wrong. Maybe she was one of those women who were over dramatic and jumped to her own conclusions.

  Amy stepped out of the way to allow a couple jogging with their two retrievers to go by. She then grabbed her purse and proceeded up the steps to the house and opted for ringing the bell as opposed to using the keys Zelda gave her to let herself in. She just thought it was the correct thing to do, especially for someone like him. She may have lived in a trailer park for a rough chunk of her life, but she was as much a southern belle as any of those upper-class girls raised in wealth, with impeccable manners and the correct ways of etiquette.

  Besides, if it were her, she didn’t think she’d be too happy if some stranger came into her house completely unannounced and uninvited. She wanted to start off on the right foot with him and didn’t plan to run off like the other PAs. She wasn’t going to allow anyone to push her out of this job, either. Those other PAs might not have needed to be here like she did, maybe they were weak.

  She waited patiently, straightened out her blazer, and rolled her beaded bracelets up her arms so they’d stop clinking every time she moved. After a few minutes she rang the bell again and continued to wait.

  Fifteen minutes later she was still outside. Maybe he wasn’t in. She moved over to the window but couldn’t see anything because the curtains blocked out any view of the house’s interior. She waited another five minutes before she decided to use the keys, hoping that it would be okay.

  As the door swung open the first thing that hit her was the strong, pungent stench of alcohol. The image of a cheap hangout came to mind as that damp, hadn’t-been-cleaned-ever beer smell filled her nostrils. Like the kind of place that would attract the likes of her father. The smell reminded her of him and discomfort filled her stomach at the recollection.

  “Hello?” she called out, brushing the memory aside.

  There was no answer. She ventured in farther and was greeted by a landmine of garbage in the living room. Pizza boxes, bottles of cider, bottles of wine piled on top of each other. Packets of this and that, junk galore everywhere. The floor was covered and so were the sofas in the living room. What was worse was that there were dirty clothes mixed in with it. Men’s clothes and women’s underwear.

  The sight took away from the beauty and tasteful design of the room and from what she could see around her. She didn’t bother to look too much for fear of what else she might see.

  There was another stale smell that she suspected was rotten food. Amy was a clean person who was obsessed with organization and having her surroundings tidy. She also believed in clean eating and eating for optimum health. This room and everything around her were an abomination to her and everything she believed in.

  A series of female giggles pierced the silence. She looked upstairs to where the sound resonated and saw two women in barely-there bikinis running down the steps. Behind them was Joshua Mancini himself wearing a pair of shorts and a black t-shirt. He was chasing the women.

  Amy geared herself up to meet her new employer. Even if she was appalled at the state of the house, she had to make that first impression a good one.

  As he got closer she saw that he was truly handsome, indeed, with his sleek muscles and untamed pride. What she saw online was totally drool worthy, but those images had nothing on the real-life Joshua Mancini who was six feet six and extremely well built with a ridged wall of a chest that bulged against the soft fabric of his t-shirt. He was breathtaking to look at with his black, shiny, spiky hair, tanned skin, and piercing eyes with an unusual mix of blue and green.

  Turquoise. That was the color. It was turquoise, like the sea in somewhere like the Caribbean. Not that she’d ever been, but she’d seen enough pictures.

  He was the kind of man that made you want to stare, even against your will. She quickly adjusted herself and her focus. It would do her no good to go all girlie weak-kneed and turn into some babbling buffoon in front of him. She had to look professional.

  He looked her over with appreciation as he made his descent down the stairs and stopped a few paces away from her, making her feel like a dwarf even in her heels that added an extra two inches to her mere five feet and four inches. The women joined him and giggled as they tried to fix each other’s hair.

  “Good, the stripper’s here,” he said with a wide smile that revealed super-gorgeous dimples in his exotic high cheek bones. It took her a second or two to realize that he was referring to her.

  “No, no I’m from the agency,” she replied quickly.

  “Doll, you’re going to have to be more specific than that. What agency did you come from? There’s Kelly’s, Tina’s Angels, Bert’s Whore’s from Hell, but you don’t look like the girls he usually sends. And the list continues.” He was drunk. His words slurred and he smelled like wine and the beer that filled the house.

  The women ran into the other room and grabbed their jackets.

  “Come on, Josh, we don’t want to be late,” said the dark-haired one that looked like a Barbie doll. Actually, they both did.

  Amy decided to ignore the debacle.

  “I’m coming, baby, why don’t you start the car up for me,” he laughed. The women proceeded to go outside. He watched them, eyes focused on their exposed behinds in bikini thongs. He then turned back to Amy, giving her a lascivious look. “You coming, babe?”

  She felt completely violated as she watched him openly stare at her breasts and, to make matters worse, lick his lips. Quickly, she pulled her jacket closer and cleared her throat in an attempt to bring his attention back up to her face. It didn’t work.

  “I’m Amy, your new PA.” That was when he looked up at her and narrowed his eyes. “If you could just point me in the direction of the office, I’ll get started.”

  There, that was professional.

  To her surp
rise, however, he started to laugh. It was the usual sort of off-balanced laughter you’d expect from someone who was truly wasted and didn’t know what they were even laughing at.

  “Those people are jokers.”

  “This is no joke. I’ll take care of all your paperwork and everything.” She offered a smile.

  “Ha, ha. Everything? Well you can start in there.” He set his square jaw in a firm line and pointed to the mess in the living room. “Clean that up, will you?”

  Her mouth dropped. She attempted to protest but he just walked away, leaving her there to gawk at the crazy mess.

  When the door closed she looked around and felt her stomach shy away from the disgraceful site. She was beginning to see why Zelda had given her the heads up. Amy was also beginning to see why the other PAs left. She didn’t realize that this job would come with the extra duty of cleaning.

  If her mother wasn’t sick, there was no way in hell that Amy would still be standing here. In fact, if this was under normal circumstances, gorgeous as he was, she would have stormed off after that look he gave her, which explicitly told her what he was thinking.

  She was right about one thing, though. This was going to be very interesting indeed.

  And possibly disastrous.

  Chapter 2

  Unbelievable. Zelda was really working overtime to get him back. As if a pretty blonde could win him over. Josh had other things in mind for the blonde that didn’t involve any PA shit.

  Zelda could kiss his ass for all he cared. And that was just the thing, he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything and he wasn’t going to spend his time worrying over football.

  He just wanted more beer.

  “Cindy, baby, get me another drink.” He pushed Cindy off his lap and smacked her ass, loving the feel of her smooth bronze skin on his hands. He pulled Allegra into his lap and buried his face into her voluptuous breasts as the music changed to something more upbeat. They’d been at Ty’s beach party now for a few hours and Josh was enjoying every minute of it. He was living like when he was back in college, when he didn’t care about anything because he was young and free and the world belonged to him.

  He loved the beach, loved everything about it. Loved the sand, the sea, and that salty smell that came with it.

  What kept him going was beautiful women and booze. That combination kept him from thinking; it always had and never failed. As soon as the effects started wearing off he’d just top up on both. Both were always at his fingertips and he would happily get by like this until he died.

  Death.

  It didn’t seem so bad if you weren’t on the other side of it. If you weren’t suffering from the loss that came with it then it would be okay. You’d just be no more. Nothing left of you, just memories held by those who loved you.

  He still had a father, who for some reason cared for him. He’d remember Josh when he died. No one else would though. Not even this beautiful woman in his lap who’d been with him for years. He knew she was only there because of who he was, and because he was rich. If something happened to him she would just move on to the next rich athlete. Cindy would too.

  It was fine, they meant nothing to him. He just loved their bodies and they knew what he liked. They were no better than a favorite drink that could never disappoint because it was always the same flavor.

  That was all they were to him. If he had the courage he would have taken his life the same day he found out his mother and sister had been killed. There were several reasons to want to end it all.

  Guilt and shame were in the lead. If they hadn’t been trying to get to his game then they’d still be alive. If he wasn’t the arrogant bastard that he was he wouldn’t have insisted that they travel after such a terrible storm. He would have understood that safety came first when you cared about the ones you loved. Nothing could fully describe the guilt and shame he felt, and it only intensified when he thought of his father. For that reason, he stayed away from his father. He didn’t bother. Why should he? Josh was the reason that the best two people on this Earth no longer lived. He’d been the cause for taking away the love of his father’s life and their precious daughter.

  So, the next reason for wanting to exit this world was simply that he couldn’t stand it anymore, he couldn’t stand the guilt and shame that only got worse with each passing day.

  Josh only hadn’t done it because for some reason, some crazy reason, he thought it would disappoint his mother. It was ironic and laughable because the way he lived now would be a sure disappointment to her, but if he took his life that would be the end. No more chances. No more anything.

  He dug his toes into the softness of the sand, still damp from the retreating tide. Gazing out to the horizon in the distance he found himself momentarily lost in the vibrant hues the sun cast against the sky and the striking blue waters. It reminded him of Italy and spending summers there as a child with his grandparents. He supposed they’d remember him too.

  Josh was thinking too much again, which meant he was beginning to sober up.

  “Josh, not in front of people,” Allegra giggled as he kissed the swells of her breasts and tried to pull the straps of her bikini top down.

  “Let’s go make use of one of Ty’s rooms.” Ty was one of the team’s wide receivers.

  Josh looked across to his teammates who were playing a mean game of volleyball. A round of laughter erupted as Taj tripped Ty up.

  “Don’t you want to wait for Cindy?” Allegra’s large brown eyes sparkled in the bright sun.

  “No, let’s go. She can join us later.” He ran his hands up her thighs and hooked his finger in the edge of her bikini thong.

  “That’s fine by me.” She hopped off his leg and took his hand to pull him up.

  Corey approached them as he stood. “Hey man, you aren’t going yet are you?” he asked.

  Josh smiled and tried to balance himself. “Not yet, bro.”

  “You joining us next week for the team meeting?” Corey asked, looking hopeful.

  The guys met up every week for one thing or another. Aside from being good teammates, they were all friends. Josh used to join them before his life went to hell. Now he’d go to parties where the setting was like this, with a lot of people. That way he could blend in and come and go. He could avoid questions and their looks of concern and worry.

  He’d never been able to avoid Corey, however, in any setting. Josh had known Corey for a long time; they went to high school together, played football there and in college. He guessed he could say that they played for the same team now, too, even though technically Josh didn’t really play anymore. He hadn’t since that terrible day when his mother and sister were taken from him.

  “Nah man. I’m just here.”

  “Why don’t you come for a little while?”

  Josh couldn’t think of anything worse than a team meeting. He couldn’t go. He couldn’t imagine sitting with the other Gladiators and their coach in their meeting room at the stadium talking about last season, which he didn’t take part in, and the upcoming season. Josh just couldn’t bear the thought of it. He only needed to touch a football and he’d remember all that his parents went through to make it possible for him to get to play pro ball for a leading national team. And by the same token, the same memory triggered how he put football above the lives of his family. It was a double-edged blade for him, and he didn’t know what to do about that.

  Allegra slipped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. Corey cut her a sharp glance. He didn’t like her. Never had, and it didn’t look like he ever would.

  “How about I think about it,” Josh slurred.

  “You said that last time.”

  Josh couldn’t remember that. His memory was very hazy these days. He liked it that way.

  “This time I will promise you, hand on heart, that I’ll think about it,” he chuckled, running his hand along Allegra’s waist.

  “Cool. We miss you, man.”

  His team needed hi
m. He could tell. He’d helped them win the year before last and he understood that his absence was missed.

  He played for the Dolphins for four years before he got signed by the Gladiators. It was then that he actually felt like he was part of a team. They were friends too, real friends. He’d known a majority of them for just over five years and he had to admit that he missed them too. He missed playing with them, missed the crazy stunts they’d pull on the field. Josh glanced over at Gage Montgomery, the Gladiators’ quarterback, as he served the volleyball straight in Ty’s face and started to laugh. Josh would have laughed, too, if he was in a better mood.

  Gage turned and saw Josh watching the spectacle.

  “Hey old man, come play with us,” Gage beckoned.

  He and Josh had this running joke about their ages. Josh was only a month older than Gage but they’d had this stupid joke going from the day they met. Josh got on really well with Gage. They looked similar and had the same personalities too.

  “Next time, dude.” Josh waved back.

  Gage would have answered but Ty sent the ball right back at Gage, hitting him in his neck.

  “I have to go.” Josh focused his attention back to Corey. “I don’t want to keep my woman waiting.”

  Truthfully, he didn’t want to think about football, his friends, or anything to do with playing. Josh knew that an impending decision lay on the horizon for him. The team management had left him to grieve for most of the year. They’d left him to do whatever the hell he wanted and treat them how he felt, but he knew that they’d start exerting some form of control the closer it got to the upcoming season with all the events and trainings planned.

  It was understandable; they had a business to run and a team to prep.

  The problem was Josh wasn’t sure he could be part of any of it anymore. His body wanted it, and he longed to play. His mind was another story.

  Allegra giggled in that cute girlie way that he liked and pulled him away from Corey. She’d be able to give him just what he needed and wipe his mind clean of all worries, if only for a little while. He followed her happily into the house.