Shape Of My Heart

by Khardine Gray

  “Yes we are.” He nodded with a wicked glint in his eye. Taking the edge of her camisole top, he edged her closer.

  “Josh.”

  “Yes, baby.”

  “We can’t fool around.”

  He spread his arms wide and held them out. “Baby, you’re seriously telling me you don’t want this?” He motioned to his perfect body, drawing her attention once again to his sculptured abs and the intense definition of each muscle against the glossy black ink of the tattoos swirled across his chest.

  She tried to hold back a smile.

  “Josh, I work for you.”

  “Baby, that didn’t stop you weeks ago.”

  “That was different.” It wasn’t and she didn’t know how to talk down a kiss she’d wanted more than anything at the time. “We were on the beach.”

  “And the time before that?” A mischievous smile lit up his face, showing off his gorgeous dimples.

  She pulled in a sharp breath and felt the blood begin to pound in her temples.

  “You remember?” She couldn’t have felt more mortified when he nodded and felt worse by the second as her mind conjured up the image of them in the office and how she had behaved with him.

  “Like I’m supposed to forget that?” He smirked.

  She stared at him open mouthed, feeling her skin burn with embarrassment. She was certain that she would have turned every shade of red in the last few seconds and that she must have been a glowing crimson shade now.

  “All these weeks you remembered?”

  “Yes,” he said with more insistence. “So yes, we are most definitely fooling around.”

  She brought her hands up to her cheeks and sighed. “I have to go.”

  Josh caught her before she could flee and pulled her close to his bare chest. “I liked it.” He smiled.

  “You were drunk.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I liked it, and I like you.” He held her gaze and pulled her even closer.

  Amy couldn’t move out of the enchantment he placed on her. It was the way he looked at her with that intense desire and want.

  She’d be lying to herself if she said she didn’t feel desire and want for him too. But then she had to remind herself that this was the same Joshua Mancini who managed to get under her skin so badly when she first met him. And then he wasn’t just involved with one woman, there was always two women upstairs in his bed for a massive chunk of that first week she was here.

  Why would she just want to be an addition to his collection?

  “You’re bored, and to my knowledge you haven’t seen Allegra and bed friends in a while. You should call them. It’s Friday night, you have my seal of approval to go out and have fun. But no drinking.”

  He laughed and shook his head. “That’s bullshit, Amy. All of it. You know if I wanted to be with Allegra and bed friends they would be here. So stop resisting me, baby. Clearly I want you, and I know you want me, too.” A slow sensuous smile curved his lips.

  “I…don’t want you.” She didn’t even know why she bothered; anyone would be able to see very clearly that she was lying.

  He answered with a laugh, then reached out to touch her face again. “Okay, prove it. If you don’t want me go back to work.”

  It was probably the last chance, but he knew just as well as she did that she wasn’t going anywhere. He gave her a few seconds, though, to make the decision, then his smile widened at her hesitation.

  She couldn’t help herself. Again it was the look that got to her. That paralyzing look that captivated her and held her in place. She pressed her hand to the hard planes of his chest, savoring the solid ripple of muscle she felt as he slipped his arm around her waist.

  “Come here, baby.”

  Any last thought of resistance melted away beneath his stare and she tilted her head up as he lowered to her lips, welcoming his kiss. This was wrong, she knew that, but the emotions she suppressed for him eradicated logic from her mind. All Amy wanted to do was enjoy running her hands over his body and to feel him touch her too.

  As the kiss intensified he moved with her over to the sofa where he pulled her down into his lap, meeting the hungry kisses he fed her with the same unsated desire. He tasted good to her, like everything she wanted and needed mixed with lustful desire.

  Heat radiated from her body and warmed her from the inside out. As he ran his hands over her waist, she molded herself to him, encouraging him to touch her. And touch her he did. He slid his hands up to her breasts and squeezed her gently, leaving a trail of fire on her skin in the wake of his ascent. Jolts of pleasure surged through her, parting her lips as a soft moan escaped her. She pulled in a breath to steady her mind.

  “You like that,” he whispered against her lips and gave her that mischievous smile.

  “Josh, we shouldn’t.” It was the last attempt of her brain to keep their relationship professional.

  “We should, baby.” He ran his fingers over her already tight, taut nipples, driving her wild. “Tonight we’re just a guy and a girl who like each other. We can be that, right?”

  She should say no, but it would be a lie, and it would be against what she wanted.

  “Yes.” That was it. That was her raw need for him talking and there was no coming back.

  His lips fused to hers again, ravaging her with kisses she felt all over her body. Electricity sparked off her in droves as he kissed his way down her neck and squeezed her breasts. No one had ever touched her like this before. The men she’d been with wouldn’t know how.

  “Let me see you, baby,” he said against the hollow in her neck , his warm breath caressing her skin and scattering her nerves.

  His blue-green eyes met hers with a lustful, hungry look, then returned to her breasts.

  “Yes,” she barely managed the reply. On her word, he slid the straps of her top down, revealing her bra. He moved her back into the sofa so she was resting against its padded back, then with one quick snap he undid the butterfly clasp holding her bra together and eased the lacy cup aside.

  She watched his desire for her intensify as her breasts spilled out.

  “God, baby, you’re beautiful,” he breathed, sexual heat heavy in his voice.

  She went to answer but found herself unable to as his lips smoothed over her left nipple with tantalizing possessiveness. Her breast surged at the intimacy of his touch as he drew her into his mouth. A groan of satisfaction slipped from her lips, begging him to continue, and continue he did to her other breast.

  The gentle massage of his tongue sent currents of desire through her, making her want more. His hands moved down the length of her back, over her skirt, and crept back up her thighs. Instinctively her body arched into him and moved back as he released her, allowing him to follow her as she lay down.

  Their lips met again and her skin burned where his touched hers. His untamed touch awakened the woman in her, igniting something she didn’t know existed.

  “Beautiful Amy,” he whispered into her ear as he hooked his finger into the lace of her panties and tugged on the edge to slide them down.

  Her stomach clenched as his body crowded hers and he was so close she could feel the hard bulge of his arousal. She gasped for air as he ran his hands across the already heated skin of her stomach and tried to remove her clothes.

  But just then the house phone started ringing. At first she thought she imagined it, but as it sounded she realized it was real. It chimed into the haze of their passion, bringing her out of her lust-filled, intoxicated mind.

  Josh stopped in his tracks and looked over to the phone on the side table. A solemn expression filled his face as he gazed ahead and turned pale as the answering machine clicked on and the voice of his father came on.

  “Hey son.” His voice sounded frail. She didn’t know him but she recognized a pained voice when she heard it. “Just seeing how you are. It would be nice to see you. I just want to see you. Call me if you want to talk.”

  Josh moved off her. Desire still pounded throu
gh her veins but she was hoping he’d go over to the phone. He didn’t. He just sat there staring ahead and allowed the phone to switch off.

  She fixed herself, putting her bra back together and adjusting her top back to how it was.

  “Josh.”

  His eyes darkened with emotion as he looked at her. She slid over to him and rested her hands on the wide muscles of his shoulder.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. My dad, um…” He looked away, unable to finish.

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. You have no idea how badly I want you.” His eyes locked on hers and she felt like he was staring right through all the barriers of protection she’d placed around her heart.

  She couldn’t help the emotion that swirled through her as she said, “I want you too. But we should take things slowly.”

  They needed to, because she felt like her head was going to explode, and she had a lot of things to get around her poor head before she even contemplated venturing down this road with him.

  “You’re not sure about me.” Hurt added to the pain in his eyes.

  “It’s not that.” It definitely wasn’t that. There wasn’t a question in her mind as to how sure she was about him, and that was the worrying part. It was like her heart could skip over everything she needed to consider and jump to the part where she wanted to give into that carnal desire she had for him.

  “Then what is it?”

  “It’s new.” That was the best explanation she could come up with, and it was the truth. Being with him was new to her. Not only had she never been with a man with such a strong personality like him, but he was a star athlete who everyone knew. Men wanted to be him and women came in multitudes to fall at his feet, begging him to take them. There was a reason why all those magazines wanted him.

  He continued to gaze at her, looking at her like he didn’t understand.

  “It’s new, and you’re you, and I’m me.”

  “What’s wrong with that?” His eyes searched hers.

  There was everything wrong with it but she couldn’t say that to him. She wouldn’t hurt him more than he looked.

  She’d done such a great job at avoiding feeling like this. Feeling her heart respond to someone who she had no control over. Feeling her pulse leap every time he looked at her.

  There was too much going on to deal with this right now.

  “It’s new, Josh, and I need slow right now.”

  The other overarching thing was obviously why she was here. Why she was working for him. Over the last few weeks she’d had several chances to tell him about her mother. Several opportunities to talk about herself. Thankfully they were kept busy with trying to sort out his problems.

  The last thing Amy wanted him to think was that she helped him the way she did because of the money. It would break her heart if he thought that.

  At first she’d come for the money and that goal to get all that she was promised, but that was in the extremely initial stages. Things changed and her feelings changed. Right now she’d jumped so far over the line of professionalism that she couldn’t see it, and even if she could she didn’t know if she could go back over it.

  “Slow,” he muttered.

  “Yes. Josh, you have other things to worry about. Your father is probably at the top of the list.”

  He looked away again and sighed. “I can’t speak to him, Amy. I want to, and I wish I could see him, but I don’t know if I can.”

  “You should try.” She’d heard his father call a few times now. He always said the same things, and Josh always treated him the same. He always allowed the answering machine to pick up. “He sounded terrible.”

  Josh turned to face her. “Amy, my parents were madly in love with each other. Every memory I have of them is filled with it. They were always together, hardly ever argued, and when they did it was over nonsense. Sometimes it was embarrassing, but it made me realize that people really can feel that way about each other.”

  All Amy could do was look at him and listen. She didn’t know how to comment because she’d had the complete opposite in her life. Her mother definitely loved her father, but he was a useless jerk who left his family practically on the streets with nothing. He didn’t love her mother or his children. All he cared about was himself.

  “That’s beautiful,” she told him.

  “It is. And while I may be finding ways to deal with my guilt, I don’t know how to face him feeling like I took the love of his life away.”

  She put her arms around him and he pulled her close to his chest. “You didn’t, Josh. You didn’t take her away.”

  He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

  She ran her hands across his chest. “You should talk to your dad. You really should.”

  “I’ll prepare myself to call him.” He pulled away from her so he could look at her. “Amy, you can say no, but do you think you could stay with me. I just…need you.”

  Staying would place her right in the den of her intense attraction to him, but she would stay if he needed her. Besides, it sure would be nice to be somewhere safe and comfortable.

  “Of course I’ll stay.”

  That seemed to really cheer him up. He took both her hands, brought them up to his lips, and kissed her knuckles.

  “Thank you.” He smiled, then narrowed his eyes at her. “So, does slow mean not doing anything?”

  She smiled at that. “No.” Her cheeks warmed as the mischief returned to his eyes.

  “Can we do what we did tonight, just…slowly?” He went to touch her waist and she swatted his hands away.

  “No.” She giggled.

  “This is real torture, baby. So what can we do? You can’t expect me to just stare at you from afar like some weirdo.”

  She laughed then reached out to hold his jaw. “Come here.”

  His smile widened as she directed him back to her lips and kissed him.

  “We can kiss.”

  He smiled against her lips.

  “Before nine and after five.”

  “Okay. I’ll try this.” He pulled her onto his lap again to kiss her properly.

  Chapter 13

  They had a really good weekend. It was the best she’d had in a very, very long time. Amy ended up staying for the whole time and she loved being with Josh.

  She also loved being in his house and not having to go back to her horrible shoebox of an apartment, with those creepy men.

  Her excitement and lovely weekend was, however, short lived. On Monday afternoon she got a call from Dr. Carson. Her mother had contracted pneumonia so any plans for surgery had to be postponed until she got better.

  Until then Dr. Carson was keeping a close eye on her with a course of strong antibiotics. She was grateful that her mother was getting such good care but she would have been happier to have the surgery out of the way. Waiting meant still being in the danger zone and further deterioration. However, waiting was what her mother needed now because her body wouldn’t be able to go through such an intense, invasive procedure with pneumonia. So once again Amy had to gather faith and strength.

  As she was leaving Josh’s house the next day they got a surprise visit. Amy opened the door and found a man standing on the porch. He was just about to ring the bell.

  It was Josh’s father. She’d seen pictures of him, but seeing him standing before her displayed the wealth of similarities he shared with Josh. Josh was the spitting image of him. Same piercing-blue turquoise, same strong features, same build, height, and smile.

  “Hi, I’m—”

  “Dad?” Josh said from behind her. Amy turned and saw him.

  He’d been in the basement working out in the gym. His hair was dripping with sweat and his white jersey clung to his chest.

  “Hi son.” His father gave Josh a tentative look, then returned his gaze to her. “I’m sorry, I can see that you were leaving.”

  “Oh, it’s fine. It’s really great to meet you.” Amy shook his hand. “I should go, though, and
leave you two.”

  Josh caught her hand and tugged her back towards him. “No, stay.” He then bent down and whispered to her ear. “Can you hang back for a while?” He looked nervous.

  She nodded. “Sure.”

  He squeezed her hand looking grateful.

  Josh took Amy into the kitchen while his father waited in the living room.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that. Did you have plans?” He should have asked her properly before practically dragging her back into the house.

  “I was just going to brush my hair.” She giggled.

  He reached for a lock of her silky hair and held the ends between his fingers.

  “I can brush your hair for you.” This was the way they’d been since Friday. A continuous flirt cycle where she teased him painlessly with her beauty and he tried to keep his desires under control. Yes, he hoped for more, but this was fine.

  “I’ll hold you to that.” She smiled sweetly. “Now go talk to your dad. You’ll be fine. I’ll bring in tea in half an hour or so.”

  “You aren’t going to bring in tea because you want to check out my dad are you?”

  Her bright green eyes widened and her cheeks turned that sweet rose color. “No, of course not.”

  He chuckled, enjoying her protests.

  “He looks like you, a lot.”

  “Okay, well just remember I’m the real deal. And heck, I saw you first.”

  “Oh Lord.” She rolled her eyes and walked into the office. “Don’t keep him waiting,” she called back over her shoulder.

  No, he wouldn’t. He’d kept his father waiting long enough. For months.

  Josh entered the living room and looked across at his father sitting in the armchair. He straightened up on seeing him and offered a smile. Josh sat in front of him and tried to think of what to say.

  “How are you doing?” his father asked.