A Sister's Shame

by Carol Rivers

  ‘But clothes and jewellery aren’t everything.’

  ‘I know that now. I began to see what was happening when Teddy made me give up the Blue Flamingo. He said there were other people, famous ones, who were better to mix with and good for my career.’ Her eyes grew cold. ‘Do you remember I told you about the Christmas party?’

  Marie nodded. ‘Yes, where you met someone who said you could be an actress.’

  Vesta laughed emptily. ‘And I believed him.’ She put up her hand to cover her mouth. ‘I’m so ashamed.’

  Marie had a bad feeling. ‘Why?’

  ‘I don’t know how to tell you.’

  ‘Just start at the beginning.’ She waited as Vesta, through her tears, tried to continue.

  ‘Teddy introduced me to Bill – William Dearlove – this director. Teddy said he was going to give me a part in his play, that I would fit in just right for what Bill wanted. The thing was, I didn’t know what he really wanted, and I . . .’ she put her hands over her face, ‘I slept with him.’

  Marie sat quite still. She could hardly believe what Vesta was saying. ‘But you was with Teddy,’ was all she could mumble.

  ‘That’s what I thought too. But I caught him kissing another girl.’

  ‘What girl?’

  ‘A very beautiful girl. She was all over him, and he her. It wasn’t just a peck.’

  Marie took a breath and nodded. ‘Teddy is very attractive to women. That was obvious from the day we saw him at the Queen’s.’

  ‘I wish I’d never fallen for him.’

  ‘We can’t put back time.’

  ‘If I’d never gone to that Christmas party, I’d never have met Bill. I didn’t mean it with him. I can’t even remember doing it, except waking up in the same bed as him. Even then, I didn’t believe it had happened. I just had a terrible headache and couldn’t think straight.’

  ‘Because you’d had too much to drink?’

  ‘Yes. It’s the only thing that helps now.’

  ‘But, Vesta, drinking isn’t good for you.’

  ‘It stops me thinking – feeling. And things have got so terrible with Teddy, I hate him even touching me, let alone—’ She stopped, her choked sobs muffling her voice.

  ‘Are you still seeing this Bill?’

  ‘Teddy’s still making me see him. If I don’t do what Teddy says, he . . .’ Vesta put her hand on her bruised cheek. ‘He does this. That’s why I couldn’t be your bridesmaid. I looked so ugly.’

  ‘You mean he hits you?’

  Vesta nodded.

  ‘You have to leave him.’

  ‘I want to, but I’m scared. And, if he’s of a mind, he will lock me in. Today I managed to get out, but only because I was nice to him and he didn’t suspect what I planned to do.’

  ‘Then me and Bing will come round and get you.’

  ‘No. You mustn’t.’ Vesta’s face was full of fear. ‘It’s not just Teddy, you see. He only does what the Scoresbys want. They pay him to get girls like me to fix up their rich clients. They’re evil men and will kill anyone who stands in their way. Like Sid, the handyman that Dad replaced, and Irene and Joanie.’

  ‘Then we must go to the police.’

  ‘It’s no use doing that. The Scoresbys have the police in their pay. And there’s something else.’ She stopped, looking down. ‘I went to the Blue Flamingo with Teddy and found your letters in Wally and Leo’s office, in a drawer.’ She raised her eyes slowly. ‘There was a gun there too. It was Teddy’s.’

  Marie felt as though she was seeing this at the pictures, not in real life. ‘How do you know it was his?’

  ‘He threatened me with it. I have to go along with what he wants, or else he’ll—’ Vesta began crying. ‘There was a photograph there too.’

  ‘Of who?’

  ‘Me and . . . Bill. We were in bed together. Bill gave me a lot to drink and some kind of pill to take. I don’t remember much after that. Oh, why did I do it? But he was kind to me and listened to all my troubles. I thought he was a friend, that I could trust him.’

  Marie sat beside her, drawing her close.

  ‘I was lonely,’ Vesta mumbled. ‘I thought you might have written to the Blue Flamingo. I wanted to hear from you so badly. And Teddy found me in the office. He knew everything about the photograph. He said the Scoresbys used such pictures as insurance to get people to do as they want.’

  Marie took a breath, trying not to show her fear and anger. Her lovely, beautiful, innocent sister! What had happened to her? What had become of the young girl who had fallen in love so trustingly?

  ‘Teddy said I would never live down the shame if everyone was told I was a tart.’

  ‘That’s a terrible thing to say.’

  ‘But he’s right. And there’s more. It’s what I’ve come to tell you. And you are the only one who can help me. Will you?’ Vesta’s blue eyes lit up with hope.

  ‘You know I’ll help you if I can.’

  ‘Promise?’

  Marie frowned. ‘You’d better tell me what it is first.’

  ‘All right.’ Vesta dropped her chin. ‘I’m . . . I’m expecting.’

  Marie felt as though the world had gone silent around them. All she could hear was the throb of her heart. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked in a whisper.

  ‘I’ve missed two periods. And I’m sick in the mornings.’

  ‘Does Teddy know?’

  Once more Vesta hung her head. ‘He saw me being sick and guessed. He was furious and said it could be Bill’s, or anybody’s, for all he knew; that I was to go and see this woman he knew of, who helps girls like me.’

  ‘What kind of woman?’ Marie asked.

  ‘She goes by the name of Nurse Jones.’

  ‘Is she a nurse?’

  Vesta shrugged. ‘She looks like one.’

  ‘Have you seen her, then?’

  ‘Just once. To make arrangements.’

  ‘You’re not going through with it?’ Marie gasped.

  ‘What else can I do?’ Vesta demanded. ‘I’ve tried everything else. She told me to take a mixture of Epsom salts and ginger, but it just made me more sick. I sat in a hot bath and drank gin and the same happened again. I was very ill the next day but I still didn’t lose the baby. Now she says she’ll have to take it away.’

  ‘You can’t do that.’

  ‘What choice do I have?’

  ‘I told you, come and live with us.’

  ‘I can’t do that. Teddy would only come after me. And anyway, Bing wouldn’t want me and a baby in his house. How could I look after it? I don’t want a baby. I don’t want something growing inside me, then looking at it when it was born and thinking I didn’t even know who was the father.’ She broke down, sobbing.

  ‘Vesta, you could have the baby and then go away. Somewhere Teddy could never find you.’

  ‘And what about the baby?’

  ‘I don’t know. We’d have to think about that.’

  ‘I told you, I don’t want a baby. But I couldn’t give it away either. I’d rather kill meself.’

  ‘Don’t say that!’

  ‘I mean it.’

  ‘But will you go back to Teddy after?’

  ‘No, I’m going to run away. I won’t have a baby to worry about. I’ll stand on me own two feet. As soon as the nurse has done it, I’ll go back and pick up my things. Teddy’s away so he won’t know I’ve gone for a while.’

  ‘But where will you go?’

  ‘Could I have that money you made me save for a rainy day?’

  Marie thought of the savings she’d put in the Post Office. It was meant to be for Ada but she couldn’t refuse Vesta. ‘Course you can. But where will you go?’

  ‘To Liverpool.’

  ‘Liverpool!’ Marie repeated. ‘But you don’t even know where that is!’

  ‘I do. They’ve got boats there that sail all over the world. I’m going to get as far away from London as I can.’

  Marie shook her head. ‘You’ve never been out of Londo
n.’

  ‘I don’t care. I have to get away. And the further the better. Can you get the afternoon off work next Friday?’ Vesta wiped the tears from her cheeks.

  Marie closed her eyes. She couldn’t bear to hear Vesta talking this way. Would she really kill herself if she said no? Could she actually find her way to Liverpool, let alone go on a boat?

  ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’

  ‘It’s the only way. I’ve thought about it long and hard. You promised you would help me.’

  ‘I didn’t know what it was you wanted when I promised.’

  Vesta stood up, her thin body stiff and tense. ‘In that case, there ain’t much use me going on. I’ll end it all.’ She walked to the door.

  Marie hurried after her. ‘Stop.’ She was terrified Vesta would do as she threatened. ‘I’ll help you.’

  ‘You will?’ Vesta stared at her, pushing back her lank hair. ‘You’ll come with me on Friday?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Vesta hugged her. ‘What will you tell Bing?’

  Marie knew Bing would stop her from helping Vesta. He would say her plan was crazy; that Vesta would never kill herself anyway. She looked into her twin’s strangely bright eyes. ‘Nothing, I suppose.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Vesta mumbled.

  ‘So am I.’ Marie felt Vesta’s thin arms wrap around her. She knew Bing would be very angry if he found out. But if Vesta were to throw herself in the river, Marie would feel guilty for ever.

  On Friday afternoon, they caught the bus to the Commercial Road. Marie watched the people on the street going about their business as though it was a perfectly normal Friday. To her, it seemed unreal. To get the afternoon off, she had told Mr Morton a relative had died. She was still praying that Vesta, at the last moment, would change her mind.

  But when the bus came to a halt at the stop and they got off, Vesta was as determined as ever. ‘It must be near here,’ she said, taking a piece of paper from her pocket.

  ‘Didn’t you say you saw the nurse before?’

  ‘Yes, but I went somewhere else.’

  ‘Why is it different today?’

  ‘She gave me this address and told me to come at two o’clock,’ Vesta shrugged. ‘Let’s hurry up. These towels and bits of rag in me bag are heavy.’

  Marie pushed her hair from her face. She was hot and confused. Why had Vesta been asked to bring towels and rags? Didn’t nurses provide that sort of thing themselves?

  ‘Are you coming?’ Vesta said impatiently.

  ‘Yes, but I still have me doubts.’

  ‘Why? I told you, she’s a nurse.’

  After this, they walked on in silence. Marie wished there was something she could think of to make Vesta change her mind. But now, anything she said seemed to make her more determined than ever to do as she planned.

  Finally they came to a stop. Vesta frowned up at the name of the street. ‘Vanguard Lane. We’ve found it at last.’

  The long, winding road was bordered by dilapidated terraced houses; some had their windows broken, some had boards nailed over the doors. Marie shuddered. ‘It can’t be here.’

  ‘That’s what it says on this.’ She waved the piece of paper. ‘Look, there’s someone to ask.’

  Vesta marched across the road to where an old lady, dressed in a grubby shawl, stood with a boy. They frowned suspiciously as Vesta showed them the paper. ‘Is this place close by?’ she asked.

  ‘Who wants to know?’ said the boy from under his cloth cap.

  ‘Does Nurse Jones live here?’ Vesta asked.

  At this, the woman turned and disappeared quickly inside the building.

  ‘What’s it worth to you?’ the boy demanded, wiping his dirty nose on his ragged sleeve.

  Vesta fumbled in her bag and gave him sixpence.

  ‘Top of the ’ouse,’ said the boy, quickly pocketing the coin. ‘Up them stairs.’ He nodded to the doorway behind him.

  Slowly, Vesta made her way in. Marie hesitated as the smell of lavatories filled the air.

  ‘It’s them lavs in the yard,’ laughed the boy. ‘Yer get used to after a while.’

  Marie looked at Vesta. Surely this would change her mind? But Vesta was already going upstairs. Marie wanted to turn and run away from this dreadful place, but she didn’t know how she could persuade Vesta to come with her.

  Cobwebs hung from the ceiling and the stairs seemed endless as they climbed to the top.

  ‘Nurse Jones?’ Vesta called when they reached the only door on the half-landing. She pushed it open.

  The attic was empty, except for one chair. Horsehair poked out from its worn arms and torn fabric. The window was so dirty that Marie could hardly see out of it. The bare boards of the floor were filthy. Many were missing, showing black spaces beneath.

  ‘This can’t be the place,’ Marie said. ‘No one lives here.’

  ‘But it must be.’

  ‘Even if this was the right place you couldn’t—’ Marie stopped as footsteps sounded on the staircase.

  A tall woman appeared, her close-set dark eyes narrowing suspiciously when she saw them.

  ‘Nurse Jones!’ Vesta smiled. ‘Thank goodness. We were just about—’

  ‘Who’s this?’ interrupted the woman, glaring at Marie.

  ‘Me twin sister, Marie.’

  ‘I told you to come on your own.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Vesta apologized.

  ‘Well, now you’re here, let’s get on with it. Come into the scullery.’ She marched past them, clutching a black bag. Marie didn’t like her at all. She was dressed in a belted navy-blue raincoat and her grey hair was pulled tightly back from her face in a bun. It was as though she was trying to look like a nurse.

  Marie caught Vesta’s arm. ‘A proper nurse wouldn’t use a place like this.’

  ‘I don’t care,’ Vesta snapped, pulling away. ‘She said she would do it and that’s all that matters.’ She looked into Marie’s eyes. ‘Remember, this is the only way and it will all be over soon. Then I’ll be free of Teddy for ever.’

  The scullery had a long wooden table that stood next to a brown-stained sink with a rusty tap. Besides this was a stove that looked as if it had never been cleaned. On the top was a battered kettle and large saucepan.

  ‘Whilst I boil the water, take off your knickers and stockings,’ said Nurse Jones as she removed her coat and rolled up her sleeves. ‘Then lie on the table. Did you bring the towels and rags?’

  Vesta nodded silently.

  ‘But before you do that,’ Nurse Jones said briskly, turning and holding out her hand, ‘I should like my fifteen guineas.’

  ‘But Teddy paid you,’ said Vesta weakly.

  ‘For advice, yes. I can’t help it if that didn’t work. I’ve had to rent this room for the day. Fifteen guineas is a small price to pay for what you want of me.’

  ‘This place is rented?’ Marie asked.

  The woman smirked and said nothing. Marie was filled with fear. ‘Let’s go,’ she begged Vesta, but she was already taking off her clothes.

  ‘Marie, give her the money,’ Vesta called from the table.

  ‘But it’s all we’ve got,’ Marie protested. She had drawn twenty pounds, all their savings, from the Post Office.

  Vesta looked up from the table where she was lying, her dress pulled up to her waist. ‘Give it to her, please. I have to have this done.’

  Marie felt ill as the woman placed the instruments on the filthy draining board. Wondering how Vesta could agree to this, Marie took the money from her bag, her hands trembling as she handed it over.

  Even though Vesta had been given a potion to drink to numb the pain, she was in agony. The pail on the floor was full of bloody water, and the towels that Marie had folded under Vesta’s buttocks were soaked with blood. Her legs were drawn up against her chest and spread wide. The instruments of torture had been inserted through Vesta’s most tender parts and aimed upwards. Vesta had squeezed Marie’s hand so tightly that her nails had dug into
her skin. When Vesta had screamed, Nurse Jones had pushed a rag in her mouth. Marie had tried to take it out again, but was told not to interfere.

  ‘If you don’t want some busybody poking their nose in, you’d better keep her quiet,’ warned Nurse Jones as she poked and pulled.

  ‘She’s in pain. Can’t you give her something to help?’ Marie begged as she held Vesta’s trembling hands.

  ‘It’s nearly done now.’ With a final twist of the long instrument, she swept the bloody mess coming from Vesta into the pail.

  Marie held Vesta tight, burying her face in Vesta’s sweat-soaked hair.

  ‘One less mouth in the world to feed,’ the woman sneered, as she wiped her hands on a rag.

  Marie felt a rush of anger. ‘How can you say that when you’re supposed to be a nurse?’

  ‘I perform a valuable service, my dear,’ was the cold-hearted reply. ‘Your sister will never have the bastard she conceived in her moment of lust and degradation.’

  ‘It’s not up to you to judge her,’ cried Marie, as the dirty instruments were bundled in newspaper.

  ‘Listen, you silly girl, I’ve done what was asked of me. Now get her washed and out of here or you’ll have the landlord demanding more money for the rent.’ The so-called nurse smiled through her thin lips. ‘And don’t turn your nose up at me, madam! This was purely a business arrangement. Your sister doesn’t know me and I don’t know her. If one word of what happened here is breathed to a soul – and that I was involved – I shall deny all knowledge of the event. And your sister will be revealed for the harlot she is.’

  Marie’s eyes filled with angry tears as the woman put on her coat, threw the newspaper-wrapped instruments into her bag and hurriedly left.

  Marie held Vesta close. ‘Oh, what have we done?’

  Vesta mumbled, drawing her legs up and groaning softly. She was shivering, mumbling words that Marie couldn’t understand.

  For a moment, Marie felt numb, then in a rush of despair, she felt Vesta’s pain as if it were her own. She stroked Vesta’s damp hair and kissed her forehead. ‘It’s over now.’

  ‘Is the baby gone?’

  Marie nodded. ‘I’m going to wash you, then take you home.’

  ‘I have to get away from Teddy.’