Always Something There to Remind Me

by Lilian Kendrick

  ‘I didn’t know what to get you. I hope this is OK.’ I’d struggled to find the perfect gift and eventually I’d stumbled across ‘Track Days’ – the opportunity to drive a racing car on a Formula One track. I’d bought a voucher that Des could exchange for a session in a Lamborghini any time within the next six months. His eyes opened wide as he looked at the documents.

  ‘Wow! This is amazing. Honey, you shouldn’t have, but thank you. I love it!’ He kissed me and then gave me a similar envelope. My hands were shaking as I opened it and looked at the paperwork inside: email printouts confirming that Des had spent a lot of time organising my gift. I stared at him, speechless.

  ‘What is it?’ Trudi was bursting with curiosity. Still unable to speak I handed her the papers. ‘A week in New York!’ she said ‘That’s what I call a present! Hotel reservations, theatre tickets, flight confirmation – it’s all here. You lucky girl!’

  Des put his arms around me. ‘What’s up, Lyd? Did I do the wrong thing?’

  ‘No, of course not.’ I was sobbing now. ‘I think it’s wonderful and I’d love to go, I really would, but I can’t fly. You know I can’t.’

  ‘Baby, that’s just not true. In the last few weeks you’ve proved beyond doubt that you can do anything you set your mind to.’

  ‘You certainly have.’ Trudi agreed. ‘This is all booked for your birthday, so you have until April to get over your fear. And it’s not like you have to do this alone; these arrangements are for two people, so I assume that Des intends to be there to hold your hand.’

  ‘But of course,’ he replied. ‘Unless there’s someone else you’d rather go with?’

  Who on earth could I possibly want to go with? I’m flying already. Superman has scooped me up in his arms just like Lois Lane in the film.

  ‘Oh Des, thank you. I’m going to try to do this.’

  ‘That’s my girl!’

  I love being your girl.

  Chapter 23: Baby, It’s Cold Outside

  Trudi left around nine o’clock. She claimed she was tired, but I think she was being discreet, sensing that Des and I wanted to be alone.

  ‘I’ve had a lovely day, Lyd. Everything was perfect,’ she said as she hugged me. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow.’ She turned to Des and shook his hand. ‘Make sure she relaxes now. She’s been on the go all day.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of her.’ He put a protective arm around my waist and we waved as Trudi got into her taxi. The temperature was already below freezing and when we closed the front door I was shivering. Des cuddled me.

  ‘Alone at last,’ he said. ‘Have you got any cocoa?’

  ‘The last of the great romantics!’ I laughed. ‘I haven’t got proper cocoa, but there’s some “el cheapo” drinking chocolate in the cupboard.’

  ‘Romance and hot chocolate aren’t necessarily incompatible. We’ve got all night, unless you’ve changed your mind and want me to go home?’ He pouted and fluttered his eyelashes.

  ‘No, I want you to stay, but I also want to have a hot bath, so you’re on chocolate duty, OK? I won’t be long. You know where everything is.’

  I had just immersed myself in lavender-scented bubbles when there was a knock on the bathroom door. Suddenly feeling a little shy, I sat up and drew my knees up to my chest before saying ‘Come in.’

  ‘Should I close my eyes? I brought your chocolate. I thought you might like to be decadent and drink it while you soak.’ He didn’t close his eyes, of course, but perched on the side of the bath and offered me the mug.

  ‘Thanks. I feel pampered.’ I sipped the chocolate. ‘It’s perfect.’

  ‘Naturally. I’m an expert. Do you know what else I’m good at?’ He grinned.

  ‘I’m sure you’re going to tell me.’ I gave him the empty mug and he put it on the floor.

  ‘No, I’ll show you,’ he said, rolling up his sleeves and taking the sponge which was floating in the foam. ‘Lean further forward and relax.’ He squeezed the sponge, allowing the warm water to trickle down my spine, then he dipped it into the water and repeated the action several times, before kneeling down beside the bath and gently rubbing the soapy sponge in a circular motion across my back. ‘Is that nice?’

  ‘It’s very relaxing.’

  ‘Am I reaching the parts you can’t get to yourself?’

  ‘In ways you can’t begin to imagine,’ I replied. ‘My back hasn’t been so clean in years.’

  Des smiled and leaned across to kiss me. ‘Can I do anything else to help you, madam?’

  I closed my eyes and lay back in the water, no longer shy. Des pretended to cover his eyes with his hands but peeked through his fingers. I couldn’t help laughing.

  ‘Pass me the towel; I think it’s time I got out. The water’s getting cold.’

  He took the warm bath towel from the radiator and I stood up and let him wrap it around me. I stepped out of the bath and into his arms.

  We woke late on Boxing Day and lay in bed, cuddling and chatting, until hunger forced us to get up and seek sustenance. Des took my list from the fridge and studied it while we breakfasted.

  ‘You’re really getting there, aren’t you?’ he said. ‘I always said you would.’

  ‘I couldn’t have done it without you, you know. But there’s still a long way to go.’

  ‘We’ll find your next audition piece after breakfast, if you like. We need to look at the requirements again too.’ He sounded so businesslike that I laughed.

  ‘You’re the boss.’

  ‘Not the boss, Lyd.’ His tone was almost solemn. ‘I’m your facilitator.’

  ‘Come on then. We have our work cut out, Mr Facilitator.’

  We browsed YouTube for ages without really having a clue what we wanted to find. We searched for all the female singers we could think of who had voices similar to mine, but none of the songs seemed quite right. The first audition had only needed me to prove I could carry a tune, but this time it would have to be a real performance if I was going to get through. I tried a couple of Alison Krauss numbers, but the ones I sang best weren’t going to be showstoppers.

  ‘This isn’t going to happen,’ I said. ‘Unless a miracle occurs, my shot at fame is about to evaporate.’

  ‘Fame! That’s it. I’ve been trying to think of it for ages. You remember the TV show from the eighties?’ Des was suddenly very animated as he typed into the search bar.

  ‘Every Thursday at nine o’clock? Yes, of course. It was compulsive viewing.’

  ‘Remember the episode where they said goodbye to Mr Crandall?’

  ‘The drama teacher? That was so sad. I cried when they all joined hands and sang to him.’

  ‘Exactly! And what did they sing, Lyd?’ He didn’t wait for an answer, but clicked ‘play’ and the screen sprang to life with the scene I remembered so well. Des was smiling.

  ‘Starmaker. Oh yeah! Fabulous song.’

  ‘OK, baby. Let’s see what you can do with it.’

  I sang along with the track a few times and then we found an instrumental version that wasn’t actually a karaoke track, and after a while it began to sound almost acceptable.

  ‘That’s it, then. There’s your next audition. We have the next two weeks to perfect it, but right now we should call it a day and I should go home. You must be sick of the sight of me.’

  ‘Not quite.’ I kissed him. ‘I like having you here.’

  ‘I like having you anywhere,’ he said with a grin. ‘But I need to shower and change my clothes and phone my sister, stuff like that.’

  I walked him to the door, and he hugged and kissed me. An icy blast of air greeted us as he went out. He turned to wave before getting into his car.

  ‘Don’t stand out in the cold, Lyd. I’ll call you later.’

  I waved back and went inside. Missing you already, as they say.

  I turned on the TV, but soon lost interest and headed upstairs to take a nap. I didn’t bother to undress, just kicked off my slippers and slid beneath the
duvet, my head resting on the pillow that still bore the faintest scent of Des’s aftershave. I smiled at the memory of the best Christmas I’d had for years and was asleep in no time.

  I slept for two hours and woke up to find I had three voice messages on the landline. I pressed ‘play’. The first was from Trudi.

  ‘I had a lovely time yesterday, Lyd. Sorry I didn’t call earlier, but I’ve had a string of phone calls and so on. I’ll talk to you later, and thanks again for a lovely Christmas Day.’

  The second message started and my blood ran cold. Bob was obviously drunk and his speech was slurred.

  ‘Season’s greetings and all that shit. Do you really expect me to believe that guy’s your boyfriend? What a loser! If you need a real man, call me and I’ll see if I can fit you in.’

  My feelings ranged from anger to hurt and back again. I was sorely tempted to ring back and give him an ear-bashing, but common sense prevailed and I listened to the final message instead.

  ‘That was the best Christmas ever. If you want to go out for a drink later on, call me. Or if you want to come over here and hang out, call me. Or if you want to chat, call me. In fact why don’t you just call me anyway? I’ll be waiting.’

  The sound of Des’s voice soothed my ruffled feathers. I called him back and was soon on my way over to his place to watch old movies and eat pizza.

  Chapter 24: Out with the Old

  The rest of the holiday weekend passed all too quickly. Des and I spent a lot of time together, most of it working on my audition. As well as performing the song, I would have to be interviewed on camera – a sort of screen test, I suppose. That thought made me really nervous, so Des dug out his camcorder and we invited Trudi over on Monday to play the interviewer. I couldn’t stop laughing at first; the others were so serious.

  ‘What sort of questions do we need?’ Trudi had brought a clipboard and was actually making notes.

  ‘Oh, anything you like, really.’ Des was eyeing me through the camera lens; he looked very professional. ‘It’s only to get her feeling less self-conscious.’

  I ‘arranged myself’ comfortably on the sofa and announced that I was ready.

  ‘OK. Lydia’s interview … Take One … Action!’

  Stifling the urge to laugh again, I focused on Trudi who was standing beside Des.

  ‘Lydia, would you like to tell us a little bit about yourself? What do you do for a living?’

  ‘I work for the city council, in the housing department.’

  ‘And what does that entail?’ Trudi was trying to ask ‘easy’ questions.

  ‘I have to deal mainly with complaints from tenants and organise repairs, etc.’

  ‘Cut!’ Des switched off the camera. ‘Trudi, ask something more interesting; give her a chance to sparkle. Lyd, smile for the camera and try to relax. Take two.’ He turned the camera back on. ‘Action.’

  ‘Why have you decided to audition for Stargazing?’ Trudi’s tone had changed and I wondered what she was up to.

  ‘It’s always been my dream to appear on TV,’ I answered. From behind the camera Des nodded and smiled. ‘I guess I want my fifteen minutes of fame.’

  ‘Isn’t it a little late for that? You’re easily twice as old as most of the other contenders.’

  ‘Surely it’s never too late to chase your dreams?’

  ‘Even when you’re old enough to know better?’ The words cut me and I bit my lip and glanced at Des. He’d stopped looking at me and was glaring at Trudi. I couldn’t read her expression at all, but whatever was going on, I wasn’t letting her get away with that.

  ‘I’m old enough to know what I want,’ I said, ‘and to know when it’s time to give up on myself. That time hasn’t come yet. A teenage girl had a dream thirty years ago and did nothing about it because she didn’t know how. I’m doing this for her … the child I used to be. I owe it to her … she made me the woman I am. I’m chasing this dream because I can and because I’m old enough to know better.’ I flopped back against the cushions and closed my eyes, feeling suddenly drained. Trudi was at my side in an instant.

  ‘I’m sorry, Lyd. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ She hugged me. ‘I hope you got that on camera, Des; she was magnificent! They love these emotional outbursts on reality shows.’

  ‘I got it, but you had me going there for a minute … that was pretty harsh. You could give Simon Cowell a run for his money.’ He put the camera down. ‘Anyone for coffee?’

  Trudi stood up. ‘I’ll make it. Your presence over here might be more beneficial than mine.’ She headed for the kitchen and Des took her place on the sofa.

  Wrapping his arms around me he whispered, ‘You’re amazing, Lyd. I reckon you’ll be able to handle anything they throw at you.’

  I looked up at him and smiled at last. ‘I’m OK, Des. You don’t need to console me.’

  ‘Oh … is that a polite way of saying you want me to stop cuddling you?’

  ‘No. I like the cuddling; it’s the sympathy I can’t handle right now.’

  ‘OK. How about a totally unsympathetic kiss?’ He didn’t wait for an answer, but kissed me anyway. ‘See – no sympathy there,’ he said.

  * * * * *

  The office was quiet for the next few days. Most of the staff had tacked a few days annual leave onto the statutory holiday so they weren’t due back until after the New Year. Liz was still off sick – a fact which gladdened my heart and lightened the atmosphere considerably. I finished early on New Year’s Eve; Des and I were going to a party at Tess’s house along with the rest of the writing group. Of course, she’d invited us separately, not knowing that we were … whatever we were. I still didn’t know quite what that was. I just knew that we were good together and when we got the invitations we took it for granted that we’d be going to the party as a couple.

  I wore my ‘posh’ dress, the one I’d worn for the first audition, and when Des arrived, suited and booted, we indulged in a little mutual admiration. It was strange to think that this was our first proper date. We’d been out together so many times before, but walking arm-in-arm into Tess’s house felt almost like making a statement of … something.

  It was a large detached house in one of the expensive suburbs. The massive reception room sparkled with Christmas decorations and our hostess had hired waiters to serve drinks and hors d’oeuvres to her guests. Feeling a little overawed, I accepted a glass of champagne. Des wasn’t drinking as he’d offered to drive.

  ‘I’ll stick to Coke for now and have a glass of bubbly at midnight,’ he said, as we made our way through the assembled guests to where Tess was holding court with the rest of the writing group. She greeted us with hugs.

  ‘So glad you made it,’ she said, holding onto Des for just a little longer than I thought necessary. ‘It wouldn’t be the same without you.’

  Des rewarded her enthusiasm with a brilliant smile. ‘Wouldn’t have missed it for the world, Tess. Did you have a good Christmas?’

  ‘Very pleasant, thank you. Such a shame you couldn’t make it to the Christmas lunch, Des. We had such fun. Did you spend the day with family? I hope it wasn’t too dull for you.’

  Is he going to tell her? I wondered. I caught his eye and he winked.

  ‘Not dull at all, Tess. I had a great day. Good food, good company.’

  ‘Glad to hear it. Perhaps you’ll make it to our next function.’ She moved off to circulate amongst her other guests and we remained with the writers. I wasn’t sure if I imagined the sensation of relief from the little group once Tess was no longer there. The conversation became more animated as we chatted about the resolutions we would all be bringing into force on the stroke of midnight. I’m not much good at small talk usually, but I managed to relax and join in with a little help from Des. I envied the ease with which he could chat to anyone, always making them feel that he was really interested in whatever they had to say. After a couple of glasses of champagne, I was relaxed enough to tell one of the other women in the group about my list an
d my upcoming audition. Being discreet, I didn’t mention the part Des was playing in making my dreams come true.

  ‘You’re so brave,’ she said. ‘I could never do anything like that.’

  ‘I’m not sure I can do it, yet. I still have to get through the next round of auditions.’ I looked around for reassurance, but Des was nowhere to be seen.

  ‘I’m sure you’ll be fine,’ Jenny gushed. ‘I bet you’re really good.’

  I smiled weakly; I was only half listening to her as I scanned the room. There was no sign of Tess either. I didn’t know why that made me feel uneasy, but it did. Greg, one of the younger group members caught my eye.

  ‘If you’re looking for Des he’s gone outside,’ he said. I felt myself blushing as if I’d been caught out somehow.

  ‘Oh, thanks. I wasn’t actually looking for him, I just … er …’

  Greg nodded. ‘Yeah, right. Well, Tess asked him to help her do something in the garden. Not that you’re interested, of course.’ He gave a knowing laugh, the way people do when they’ve had too much to drink already and have become experts on everything. I cursed myself silently for being so bloody obvious and turned back to Jenny.

  ‘Do you know where the loo is?’ I asked, needing an excuse to escape for a few minutes.

  ‘There’s a cloakroom down the hall, last door on the right.’ I deposited my glass on a nearby table and left the room.

  I found it easily enough, and my intention was just to take a little time out. I really didn’t mean to end up spying. It just sort of happened. I went into the ‘cloakroom’ and bolted the door then went into the toilet cubicle. The window was slightly open and I could hear muffled voices from the garden. I climbed onto the toilet seat and opened the window a little further, realising that the voices belonged to Tess and Des.

  ‘You’ll have to have it somewhere else,’ Des was saying. ‘I can’t get it to stay up here.’

  Tess giggled. ‘Why’s that?’

  ‘It won’t stand up properly. It needs to be upright for the best results.’

  ‘Well, if you don’t think it will work here, let’s try it on the patio. It might be firmer there.’