The Darkness of Shadows

by Little, Chris

  We were in the kitchen and Val was cooking up major amounts of comfort food as the afternoon slipped into the silhouettes of night.

  “What’s wrong?” Val said. “You’re not eating.”

  I looked at the tasty plate before me. I couldn’t wait to get the stupid cast off. Eating left-handed wasn’t easy.

  “I have no idea what to do next.”

  She took a healthy forkful of pot roast, chewed, and swallowed.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Shoot.” I made a volcano out of spuds.

  “What did your pseudo mom say to you?”

  I gave her an awkward smile. “If I told you everything, all the mystery would go out of our relationship.”

  “Ha ha. Very funny.”

  I tried to be as clinical as I could, but my emotions slid in and my voice gave way a few times. I shifted, not from the pain in my body, but from the pain I was sharing with Val. She held me as the life I once knew did a free fall.

  “Why did you help her?” Val said.

  “I wish I could say she was different. That she apologized for being a monster. But I knew if she came back, it would be worse. And she needed to be free of him.”

  “So do you.”

  “I don’t think I ever will be.” I took a sip of water. “I’m a combination of their insanities. What does that make me?”

  “A survivor,” she said. “Your courage gives me the strength to go on. You know I couldn’t do this without you.”

  “I said that to you in the hospital.”

  She smiled. “Not verbatim.”

  She was playing with the bracelet I gave her, sliding the woven knots along the strands of silver, as if trying to find some balance.

  “How do you fight the fear?”

  “It’s not about fighting the fear,” I said, “it’s about what you do with it. You have to either learn to live with what happened or let it consume you.”

  “I want you to come with me to talk to Mom.”

  “Not sure that’s a real good idea,” I said. “I’m not in a forgiving kind of mood right now.”

  “Me either. But it’s time we talked.”

  “I’m sure Tina’s woven one hell of a story by now. You guys always say you never turn your back on family. Tina’s got the Betancourt-Guerrero bloodline, I don’t. It’s a no-brainer for your mom,” I said.

  “Then Mom’s got some tough choices to make.”

  I didn’t like the sound of that.

  A knock at the back door. Speak of the devil—Mrs. G was there, with Tina standing behind her.

  “May we come in?” Mrs. Guerrero said.

  Something was missing. Right—Tina wasn’t wearing makeup. She looked shorter without it.

  Should I be a bitch and say no? Glean Mrs. Guerrero’s powers like Walter did to Val and me? Like I’d even know what to do with them. I wanted to hold a grudge, but couldn’t. Mrs. Guerrero was looking out for her own. Collateral damage happens.

  “Ma’am, you’re welcome to come in. Your daughter isn’t.”

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Val’s jaw was in training for the Olympics.

  “Calm down,” I said.

  “We need to settle this situation,” Mrs. Guerrero said.

  “M-o-o-o-m,” Tina said.

  “Living room. Ahora.” Mrs. Guerrero’s anger was contained for now. “If you will please.”

  “You up for this?” I said to Val.

  She stormed off. I took that as a yes.

  Mrs. G waited for me, my movements bogged down by my detriments.

  Tina started to settle into an armchair.

  “Get out of Nat’s chair!” Val said.

  “Where do you want me to sit?” Tina shied away.

  “In hell, where you belong!”

  Tina moved around the coffee table to the couch. Mrs. G sat next to her. I parked my tired ass in the leather chair. Val joined me. This was going the way of all Jerry Springer episodes, I could feel it.

  “Girls, there will be no more violence.” Mrs. Guerrero said. “Is that understood?”

  I brushed Val’s hand. She broke her death-stare for half a second.

  “What?”

  “Answer your mom.”

  “Fine. No more violence.”

  “Augustina.”

  “Fine.”

  Mrs. Guerrero turned.

  “Sorry, Mom,” Tina said.

  “Augustina, your behavior toward Natalie has always been objectionable,” Mrs. Guerrero said.

  “I—”

  “Do not interrupt me, young lady.”

  Tina slumped back into the couch.

  “You are twenty-seven years old, no longer a child. You must be held accountable for your actions as well as your inactions. I would like to know of your involvement with Mr. Gannon.”

  Tina shifted forward. “Mr. Gannon said if I didn’t do what he told me, he’d kill you and Val.”

  A promising opening. Of course, she’d had time to work on it.

  Mrs. G’s court face was in play. “And you did not come to me for what reason?”

  “He said if I told anyone, he’d make me watch.”

  Popcorn and a soda, that’s what was missing. Tina ran to her mother if someone looked at her funny. Mrs. Guerrero would do anything to protect her daughters. She had connections like you wouldn’t believe. Tina shifted closer to her mother and turned on the waterworks.

  “I couldn’t take the chance.”

  Val rolled her eyes.

  “Tears and theatrics will not save you anymore,” Mrs. G said.

  The tears stopped. “But that’s what happened.”

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake!” Val said.

  “I will handle this,” Mrs. G said. “This is the time for truth, Augustina.”

  “You want the truth?” Tina said.

  I expected Jack Nicholson to appear and finish with “You can’t handle the truth.” No such luck.

  Tina jerked a thumb at herself, then pointed an accusing finger my way.

  “I’m your daughter, not her! You and Daddy completely forgot about me when you brought her into our home!”

  Mommy and Daddy love you more than they love me! Hands on hips, stomp, stomp, hair flip. Jesus.

  “You ungrateful bitch!” Val said. “Mom and Dad gave you everything. You’ve never worked for anything in your pathetic little life! Do you know how much you hurt our parents?” She tried to calm herself. “And me?”

  “Hurt you? You’ve got to be kidding me! You never wanted anything to do with me!” Tina said.

  Val’s words detonated like precision charges. “I tried to look out for you. I tried to include you in my life. You were never interested. I was too boring for you, not pretty enough, not chic enough, not smart enough—”

  “I hate you, you stuck-up bitch! You think you’re better than everyone!” Tina turned to her mother. “Mr. Gannon called me and said he had an opportunity for me to get that bitch out of our lives.”

  I needed to get Tina a thesaurus.

  “Un-friggin’-believable,” Val said.

  Mrs. G remained passive. “Augustina Elena Guerrero, do you truly believe what you have just said? Your behavior has caused much discord in our family. Your therapists said it was a phase and we should be tolerant—”

  “Yeah, a twenty-seven-year phase,” my best friend said.

  Tears, probably real this time, started again. “Mom, I’m sorry.”

  “Your apologies mean nothing now.” I’d never heard Mrs. Guerrero speak so coldly. “My blindness to your actions almost cost me my family. What happened to Valerie and Natalie was a direct result of your selfishness—”

  “And her greed,” Val said.

  Mrs. Guerrero’s full attention turned to her oldest daughter. “I beg your pardon. What did you say, Valerie?”

  “Tina traded her services for money, just like the whore she is.”

  “You CUNT!” Tina scrambled over the coffee table, sendin
g magazines and the tissue box flying.

  The sisters were now standing toe to toe.

  “SHUT UP!” Tina screamed. “Just SHUT UP!”

  Val was silent as I worked my way to her side. Yeah, my middle name is Dumbass. Mrs. G would’ve been crushed if she got in the middle of this one.

  “Fuck off, you stupid crippled bitch!”

  “You need to get some new material,” I said.

  Val pushed closer. I caught her eyes with mine. “Please don’t do this.”

  She backed off and returned to the chair. I turned to Tina.

  “You’ve been given so many gifts in your life you take them for granted.”

  “You have no right to talk to me like that,” Tina said.

  “You’re just like my parents—you poison everything you touch. But if you think you can play in the William Gannon league, guess again.

  “You hurt three people I’d give my life for. I can’t do anything about how you treated your father, but your mom and sister are now off-limits.”

  She raised her hand to strike me.

  “Think very carefully before you do that,” I said. “Because when I’m done with you, there’ll be nothing left.”

  She lowered her hand and stepped back. I returned to the chair.

  Tina stood alone.

  “Augustina, is this true?” Mrs. Guerrero was now in front of her youngest child. “You accepted monetary compensation for your role in this nightmare?” Her fingers curled and uncurled as she waited for an answer.

  “If Val had minded her own business, none of this would have happened,” Tina said.

  The carefully constructed lies that made up so much of Tina’s life were decomposing around her, exposing the bones of her ugliness.

  There was a warm stillness in the room, like right before a thunder and lightning storm starts. I like those storms. When the lightning strikes, it ignites the darkness with a truculent force that is spellbinding. What scares me a little is the thunder afterward. Scientists say the loud noise is the superheated air around the lightning bolt expanding at the speed of sound. Sound travels slower than light, so the flash is seen before the bang is heard. It’s weird because they happen at the same time.

  They also say the lightning is what you need to worry about, not the noise after.

  Mrs. Guerrero’s slap to Tina’s face traveled at about the same speed as a bolt of lightning, followed by the wail of her youngest daughter. Shock boomeranged from Tina to Val to me, then back to Tina.

  She held her cheek. “You hit me!”

  Mrs. G stilled herself. “Augustina, I can no longer accept you and your treachery in my life.”

  “Mommy, please let me explain.” Tina tried to pull her mother into a hug.

  Mrs. G moved away.

  Holy shit!

  Tina wasn’t sure what was going on. Neither was I. Val grabbed Tina and shoved her toward the kitchen.

  “Mommy didn’t mean that!” she said. “Let go of me!”

  “Looks like your little oligarchy finally came tumbling down,” Val said.

  “Mom will understand when I explain—”

  “Listen to me, you self-serving bitch, if you ever come near Mom, Nat, or me again, I—” The rest of Val’s threat was lost behind the slamming of the kitchen door.

  Mrs. Guerrero’s shoulders were shaking. I wasn’t sure if it was from anger or sadness.

  “Ma’am, would you like some privacy?” I picked up the Kleenex box and magazines.

  “Pardon? Oh, no. Please stay with me.”

  “Sure thing.”

  “I was unaware of how deep the loathing went among my daughters.” The tears were on the periphery of her eyes. “Perhaps it is because I chose not to see it.”

  I handed her a tissue.

  “Thank you.”

  I stayed silent, wishing Val would hurry back to soothe her mom’s broken heart.

  “When Miguel died, I lost my husband and best friend,” she said. “He was my world. But Augustina … she was never there for me or her sister. After my parents went home, it was Valerie and you that helped restore my faith.” She shook her head. “I do not know where we went wrong with Augustina.”

  “Ma’am, you can tell me to mind my own business if you want …”

  “Please continue.” She dabbed a tear away.

  “You gave Tina the world, loved her, and taught her right from wrong. She chose a different path. It’s who she is. Neither you nor Lieutenant Guerrero could change that. No matter how hard you hope, sometimes people disappoint you.”

  “Oh, Natalie, I am deeply sorry for what Augustina has done.” She hesitated. “And for not being truthful with you. This is my fault as well.”

  Uh oh. Was she going to pull out her magic wand and show me the wrath of Rita?

  “Outside of Valerie’s hospital room, you said something that unnerved me. You said that you only have Valerie.” She shook her head. “You are incorrect. You have me as well.” She headed for the bathroom. “Excuse me …”

  Not expecting that at all, I choked back a sob.

  Val came in. Her hair was messed up a little, her sweater was askew, but there were no visible strike marks.

  “Where’s Mom?”

  I pointed to the bathroom. “You okay?”

  “Not sure. This is unreal. Mom and Dad never hit us.” She shook her head. “I guess when it’s your kid you never want to see anything but the good in them.”

  Mrs. Guerrero called us into the bedroom.

  “Natalie, I must tend to your injuries. There will be no arguments.” Mrs. Guerrero, prosecutor extraordinaire, was back in action. Her eyes were a little red from crying, but no other signs of her daughter’s betrayal showed.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Please sit on the bed with me.”

  Mrs. Guerrero had a towel on her lap and placed my broken arm on top of it. She began whispering and running her hands over the encased limb, careful not to touch it. It tingled and began to vibrate. A cracking noise filled the air and my arm was free. We stared at the tiny woman and my arm.

  “Can you move your arm, child?”

  I was too afraid to try and just as afraid not to. I flexed the fingers, then the wrist, and the rest followed. It didn’t hurt, it just felt strange. I turned the arm over, inspecting it, still not able to believe it didn’t hurt anymore.

  “Ma’am, thank you. It’s just weird not having the cast on. And the pain’s gone too. Don’t really understand it.”

  “You are welcome. Now, your back.”

  “Um, it’s feeling much better.”

  “You are not telling me the truth.”

  “I … ah … um.”

  “I will need to examine you. Please change.” Mrs. Guerrero folded the towel with the remains of the cast.

  I went into the bathroom and put my bathrobe on backward.

  “How bad is the pain? Is it constant?”

  “It hurts more when I lean on it. Other than that, it’s just an ache,” I said.

  “May I see please?”

  I turned my back to them.

  “Oh my God!” Val said.

  “Dear Lord!” Mrs. G said. “You must be in agony. We will need to make a poultice to apply to your entire back—we must do it religiously. This will take many sessions to heal. Please sit.”

  Val said, “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I nodded.

  “I must put my hands on your shoulders for this,” Mrs. G said. “This will cause you much distress. Are you ready?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  How bad could it be?

  Holy shit! Surges of energy zinged around and through the scars like a pinball and Mrs. Guerrero’s hands were the paddles. The power coursed and settled in the new designs and pulsed furiously. Yeah, I have to tempt the Goddess of Pain and call her a little boy. That’ll teach me.

  Things started going gray and I flumped forward.

  I awoke lying face down on my
bed. Pillows were placed around and under me. It was pretty comfortable, but of course I had to pee. I pushed to one side and sat up, the bathrobe still covering my front. My arm felt good and the rest of me was much better. Something was on my back, bandages I figured. Boy, did I need to brush my teeth. My mouth tasted like yesterday’s news.

  “Should we wake her up?” Val said.

  “No, she needs to sleep. I fear the poor child has not slept since this all happened. What she has experienced and continues to experience will not let her rest. And to complicate matters more, Walter did not heal her back properly,” Mrs. Guerrero said.

  “Why?”

  “To cause her pain.”

  “If I ever come across that bastard again, I’ll kill him.”

  “If he is well enough when I am finished, you may have him.”

  “Will she be all right?”

  “I am not sure,” Mrs. Guerrero said.

  I pitched forward—it felt like I didn’t have my sea legs yet. The cane didn’t do much to steady me. I made it to the bathroom, accomplished what I needed to, and washed up.

  Soft footsteps brought the Guerreros’ conversation closer.

  “Hey! How are you feeling? You okay?” Val said.

  I nodded as I stumbled back to the bed. They both had on different clothes. “How long was I out?”

  “Almost twenty-eight hours.” Val’s smile held some worry. “Not that I was counting or anything.”

  “Ma’am, how’s my back looking?” I said.

  “It will take much attention,” Mrs. Guerrero said. “I fear my skills are not what they used to be.”

  “Okay.” The disappointment lay heavy in that single word. “Thank you for doing what you did. The pain’s much better.”

  “If I may call Mrs. Carey and a few others, the chances may be better—”

  “No thank you.” I didn’t want Nurse Helen or anyone else near me.

  “Natalie.”

  “I think you should let it go,” Val said.

  Mrs. Guerrero raised her hands in protest and thought better of her closing argument.

  “If you change your mind, please do not wait too long.”

  “Whatever you can do is fine by me,” I said.

  “You need to eat something. Do you feel up to going to the kitchen or would you like me to bring you something here?”