Cross My Heart: Hearts Series Book 5.75

by L.H. Cosway

  Bowie shrugged. “It’s worth a try.”

  I sucked in a breath and steeled myself. “Nah, I can get through this without help. I’ve done it before.”

  Mr Hector followed me as I took one last look around the decaying room that had been my home for the last two months, then quietly left as though I’d never been there at all. When you’ve got nobody but yourself to rely on, you learn how to become a ghost. An incorporeal shadow that no one ever notices. It’s the only way to keep safe. When you’re solid you can be used, taken from, hurt.

  I snuck out of the building as inconspicuously as I’d entered, Mr Hector heavy on my heels, the shadow of a shadow. I wasn’t sure why he insisted on sticking by me, because sometimes I got the feeling he didn’t even like me much.

  Maybe it was survival. Stay with the human that gives you food.

  I walked for hours, but every time I thought I’d found a place to sleep, it turned out someone else was already there. If anyone ever said homelessness wasn’t an epidemic in London they were lying through their false teeth.

  In the end, I crouched down in a darkened alley not too far from The Grub Hut and closed my eyes. Mr Hector curled up beside me, his warmth a welcome comfort. I tugged my long coat tight around myself and prayed it didn’t get any colder tonight.

  Sleep never came, only that horrible half sleep where you drift in and out, constantly aware of your surroundings. By the time morning came I couldn’t stop shivering. I was so cold I felt like I’d never get any heat back into me.

  Why did I have to be homeless in such a cold part of the world? Why not somewhere warmer, like Miami or Barcelona?

  I had an early shift at work so I ambled my way down the street, my chin tucked inside my threadbare coat to avoid the morning chill. I still shivered all over. I just had to make it to the restaurant where I could hide in the bathroom for a little while, maybe warm my hands under the hot tap.

  Instead of using the front entrance like I normally did, I went around the back, hoping to avoid any of my co-workers before I could clean myself up. Mr Hector followed me all the way there, then disappeared. It was like he was making sure he knew where I was so he could find me.

  Were cats that clever?

  I hoped so, because I wasn’t sure I could handle Mr Hector abandoning me. He and Bowie were my only friends. And perhaps Liam.

  Speak of the devil.

  To my dismay, there was a delivery truck parked out back. Lee and Liam were unpacking boxes and carrying them inside. Maybe I was suffering from frostbite, because my reaction time was seriously slow. Before I had the chance to tuck tail and turn in the other direction, Liam spotted me. It was like he had an internal radar, because I was still a good distance away. He homed in on me, seeming to notice something was wrong.

  There was nothing else for it, I had to keep walking and pretend like everything was normal, even though my teeth chattered and my bones ached.

  “M-morning,” I said, stammering from the cold.

  “Iris, what the hell? You look like shit.”

  “Jeez, thanks.”

  He swore under his breath. “Fuck, that’s not what I meant. What happened to you?”

  I mustered a casual expression and moved to walk by him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He caught me by the elbow, and though he didn’t do it roughly, in my current condition it hurt like hell. “You’re pale as a ghost and your lips are blue. And Jesus Christ, you’re shivering.”

  “I’m fi—”

  Before I could finish the sentence, he pulled me inside. The warmth of the restaurant hit me instantly, the smell of breakfast filling my nostrils and making my stomach clench with hunger. Lee, who was coming out to get another box, shot both of us a perplexed look. Liam didn’t stop to explain, he simply dragged me down to the end of the corridor where there was a large radiator affixed to the wall. Without a word, he pushed me up against it, then encapsulated me in his arms.

  Ah, heat. Sweet, delicious heat.

  “You’re freezing cold, Iris,” he said, sounding frightened.

  I sank into his warmth like a sugar cube melting into a cup of coffee. I wasn’t sure why he was doing it, but he felt so good, warm, alive. I felt icy cold, near death. So I took the comfort he offered.

  I tried to remind myself that I’d been through this before. Hell, I’d been in worse fixes in my time. I just needed to get warm. Liam could help me do that. I knew I wasn’t in my right mind, wasn’t thinking clearly, when I burrowed my face into his neck and snuggled into his clean skin. A gruff breath fled his lips and he tightened his strong arms around me.

  “Christ,” he swore, his hands moving carefully down my back and up again as though searching for injuries.

  “I’m n-not hurt, just cold,” I managed to croak out.

  I sensed his anger even though I wasn’t looking at his face. “Who did this to you?”

  I let out an unexpected yip of laughter. I might’ve been driven mad by way of frostbite. “The weather.”

  “Iris, don’t play games with me. Did someone chain you up and leave you outside all night or something?”

  “Nah, I did that all by m-m-myself.”

  He shifted his head and glanced down at me, his brows furrowing attractively. My teeth chattered. His eyes moved back and forth between mine as he studied me, coming to some sort of silent realisation. He swore again. I burrowed back into his neck, just wanting to live in the moment with him warming me, rather than contemplate the reality that he might’ve just figured out my circumstances.

  “I’m taking you back to mine,” he said in a firm voice. It was the bucket of cold water I needed. Quick as a flash I pulled away from him, finally coming to my senses.

  “You can’t. I’ve got work.”

  “You can’t work in your condition. God, Iris, look at you,” he said, his eyes sad.

  I stuck to my guns. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  He reached for me but I took several steps back. “L-leave me alone or I’ll tell Lee you’re harassing me,” I stammered.

  It was a low blow, I knew that, especially considering how he’d been trying to help me. But pride was a funny thing, and mine simply wouldn’t allow me to admit my circumstances to Liam. Even if he might already have guessed them for himself.

  “Iris, we both know that’s not true.”

  I knew that even if I did lie to Lee, he wouldn’t believe me over Liam. Hell, I wouldn’t believe me either. I was an inked up, bedraggled, homeless little nobody and Liam Cross was a police constable. He had friends and a family and a life. He was the one to believe.

  My lip quivered. I felt awful for threatening him like that. “Thank you for . . . for holding me just now. You don’t know how much I needed it, but I assure you, you don’t want anything to do with me. I’ll only drag you down.”

  Before he could reply I turned and hurried to the staff bathroom. I turned over the lock and exhaled a deep breath.

  I might not be in danger of freezing to death anymore, but without Liam’s arms around me my heart felt cold.

  Three

  Ziggy Played Guitar

  I ran my hands under the hot tap for long minutes, until my shivering subsided. When I emerged from the bathroom, Liam was gone, and with a relieved sigh I went and clocked in for my shift. He didn’t show up again, but I did catch a few questioning glances from my boss. Lee was obviously wondering what was going on between me and his brother.

  This fact was confirmed when he approached me during my break. “Saw you and Liam earlier. What was that about?”

  No one could ever accuse Lee Cross of beating around the bush.

  I shrugged. “I think we might be friends.”

  Lee’s lips twitched, like he wanted to smile. “You don’t seem too happy about that.”

  “Yeah well, I didn’t get much say in the matter.” And honestly, I wasn’t sure if he still wanted to be my friend after how I behaved this morning.

&n
bsp; “Sounds about right. He’s a stubborn one is our Liam. Kind of the silent, deep thinker of the family. When he picks someone, a person to be one of his people, it’s a big deal. Means he sees something in you. He’s had the same best mate since he was five. Bloke named Gary, nice guy, little bit of dry bastard but he’s a decent sort.”

  “Right.”

  Lee studied me. “Can’t remember the last time he took interest in someone.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Iris, are you feeling okay? You look a little peaky.”

  “I’ll have you know I was born with this delightful, sickly pallor.” I hoped my attempt at humour might keep him off the scent, but like his brother, Lee was very perceptive.

  He didn’t leave me be. Instead he kept on looking at me, then asked. “You ever sort out those living arrangements of yours?”

  My heart thudded and a sick feeling of dread filled me. “Not yet.”

  Don’t sack me, please don’t sack me.

  Lee arched brow. “Been staying with a friend?”

  “Something like that.”

  Silence fell. I wanted to go eat my lunch but I couldn’t afford to be rude.

  “Looking for somewhere to rent?” Lee went on.

  I nodded. “Yeah, it’s hard to find somewhere affordable in London. And even when you do, you’re up against fifty other people vying for the same spot.”

  “There’s a room going spare at mine,” he said and I immediately waved him off.

  “You’ve already done enough for me.”

  “You didn’t let me finish. I’ve been thinking of renting it out for a while now, so why not to you? You’re one of my hardest workers and I trust you, Iris.”

  My chest ached. He was being too nice to me. I didn’t know how to take it. Still, the idea of moving into Lee’s, of having a warm, safe place to sleep at night sounded like heaven. My voice was a little choked when I replied, “Let me think about it, okay?”

  “Sure. You think about it. Just don’t think too long,” he said with a kind smile before leaving me to my lunch.

  All through my break, my head was filled with thoughts, the main one being, if I did take Lee up on his offer, that would mean Liam and I would be living under the same roof. The idea was both thrilling and terrifying. It scared me mainly because Liam was the first person in forever who’d managed to break past my walls. I could only imagine how easy it would be to fall for him. And then, what if things went sour and we still had to be housemates? That wouldn’t be a pleasant situation for anyone.

  Needing a break from my meandering thoughts, I pulled out the dog-eared copy of Great Expectations I’d been reading and nestled into the story as I ate. I really liked Pip, could relate to him since we were both orphans. Both alone in the world. It felt nice to know I wasn’t the only one, even if he was a fictional character.

  It was coming to the end of my shift when I heard Liam’s voice out in the restaurant. I swore I could pick him out from a thousand chattering souls, his cadence deep and distinctive.

  “You like him, don’t you?” said Bowie. He sat perched on the edge of the counter, Ziggy Stardust today.

  “Get down from there. I’m trying to work,” I scolded. He plucked a wet dish from my rubber-gloved hand and set it down.

  “Now I’m helping.” He grinned.

  “Is it so boring in the after-life that you’d rather be here helping me scrub dishes?” I questioned.

  “It can be rather dull up there, yes, but I came to make sure you were still alive after last night’s debacle.”

  “Of course I’m alive. If I wasn’t you would’ve seen me make an appearance in your neck of the woods.”

  Bowie raised his hands in the air. “How am I to know you weren’t headed for warmer climes?”

  I splashed some washing up liquid suds at him. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “It’s always a possibility.”

  “Don’t you have some songs to be writing? I must admit, of all the different phases you’ve gone through, this is my least favourite.”

  He shot me a self-deprecating look. “You obviously haven’t heard my stuff from the late nineties.”

  “Okay, maybe death is better than your Hours album,” I allowed.

  Bowie glanced at the clock and met my put down with one of his own. “Looks like it’s home time for you. Oh wait, you don’t have a home.”

  “Very funny. Pick on my misery, why don’t you.”

  He smiled. “You know I love you really.”

  I smiled right back at him. “And you will always be my most treasured idol.”

  I packed up my things and clocked out, not looking forward to the night ahead. I still hadn’t had time to buy a new sleeping bag, but it wasn’t like I had anywhere to sleep either. Lee’s offer was looking more and more appealing by the minute.

  As I made my way out through the front of the restaurant, I could feel Liam’s eyes on me. He sat by the bar in his uniform and appeared to have just finished eating. Was it my imagination or was he spending a lot more time here than usual? We made brief eye contact before I stepped out into the cold. Even though I’d managed to warm up during my shift, a chill still lingered in my bones. It was only going to get worse tonight.

  I walked in the direction of the nearest Argos, hoping they might have a sale on. I hadn’t gotten far from The Grub Hut when I sensed someone walking close behind me. Too close. I turned my head a little to the side and caught sight of a familiar uniform.

  I swung around.

  “Are you following me now?”

  Liam stopped in place. “I want to apologise for earlier. I overstepped my bounds and I’m sorry. I’m just concerned about you, Iris.”

  His apology took me off guard. I stared at him and saw genuine remorse in his eyes. He didn’t really have anything to be remorseful for. I was the arsehole here, pushing him away when all he wanted to do was help. Be a friend.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  The expression he gave me said he agreed but he was going to stand by his apology all the same. There was something about that uniform that made him seem older, authoritative, but I knew he couldn’t be any more than twenty-five.

  “Can we go somewhere and talk?” Liam asked. “Starbucks or something?”

  I didn’t have much time before the shops started to close and that meant another night of icy cold. I felt rude saying no to him, but I didn’t have any other choice. “I can’t. I, uh, have some errands to run.”

  “Then I’ll come with you. I’m off duty now anyway and we can talk while you run your errands.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. Deep down, I really wanted Liam as a friend, even if it was dangerous. And I knew if I pushed him away again I’d lose him. People could only put themselves out there so many times. “Okay then,” I said and swallowed nervously.

  A small smile touched his lips, but there was still an edge of concern in them. He was still thinking of the state I’d been in his morning. He confirmed as much when he commented, “You look much better now than you did this morning.”

  “Yeah, I feel it.” Just barely. I was still exhausted since I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep and had completed a full day’s work.

  He eyed me closely. “Tired?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “Lee told me about the offer he made you.”

  My pulse thrummed. “He did, did he?”

  Liam nodded. “Yeah, and I think you should take him up on it. You’ll like it at our gaf. Got an eighty-inch flat-screen TV in the living room.”

  “How very garish.”

  “Hey! Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” He chuckled. “It’s like having a private cinema in the comfort of your own home.”

  “And just think there are people out there who don’t even own a television,” I chided.

  Liam nudged me in the side. “I’m not bragging. I’m trying to sell you on the idea of moving in with us, that’s all.”

&n
bsp; “I know.”

  “So, have you made a decision?”

  I blew breath out through my mouth and looked around. “People probably think you’re arresting me.”

  Liam frowned. “How do you reckon that?”

  I gestured to myself and laughed. “Just look at me; black hoodie, dirty hair, tattoos, mean face. I’ve got criminal written all over me.”

  He stopped and stood in front of me, his expression gentle. “That’s not what I see.”

  His words made my throat clog as I stared at him head-on. “What do you see?”

  “Intriguing fashion sense, hair so black it’s almost blue, skin that’s a work of art, gorgeous face. No, strike that. Beautiful fucking face. Sad eyes.”

  I almost gasped at what he said, trying my hardest to maintain a neutral expression while my heart wanted to soar right out of my body. No one had ever complimented me like that. Not ever. I wasn’t the sort of woman who swooned, but right then I could definitely go for some swooning.

  I looked to the ground. “Why are you so nice to me?”

  Liam’s fingers touched my chin and tilted my head up so I was looking at him again. “Because I like you. And because for some reason I desperately want to make those sad eyes of yours happy.”

  “Is Mother Theresa a distant relative of yours?”

  “Nope. Though my grandad used to say we were related to the Crays.”

  I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “I wouldn’t go bragging about that, especially not in your line of work.”

  “And a captivating smile. Add that to the list,” Liam murmured, thumb brushing across my chin once before he dropped his hand.

  A moment passed where we just stared at one another. When I couldn’t take much more of the intensity radiating off him I blinked and looked away.

  “I really wasn’t lying when I said I had things to do. We need to get moving.”

  He made a gesture with his hand. “After you.”

  I turned and started walking again, noticing a few weird glances thrown our way. We definitely looked strange together. Liam the respectable uniformed officer and me the scruffy twenty-year-old dirtbag.

  When we arrived at Argos there were just a few minutes before they were closing. Liam stood browsing a display while I made a beeline for the catalogues. I’d found the cheapest sleeping bag available when he came up behind me. Crap. I’d been hoping to make my purchase and shove it in my backpack without him noticing what I was buying.