Cross My Heart: Hearts Series Book 5.75

by L.H. Cosway

  “I saw you the first time you came in looking for work,” he said, surprising me. “I overheard your conversation with Lee. Then I saw you and I don’t know why, but I was drawn to you. There was something in your eyes that spoke to me. You just seemed so . . . lonely.”

  I felt vulnerable hearing this. On display. I couldn’t believe he’d noticed me before I ever noticed him.

  “After that I started watching you. You never acted how I expected. You rarely spoke to the other staff. I knew next to nothing about you other than your name and that you didn’t want to give my brother your address.”

  I stared at the floor and scratched my arm. “That’s because I didn’t have one.”

  “Yeah, fucks my head up that I didn’t realise sooner.”

  I twisted my lips self-consciously. “It’s not like it was your fault.”

  The look he gave me said otherwise, which was ridiculous. I let out an aggrieved sigh. “Please don’t tell me you’re one of those bleeding hearts who thinks the world’s problems are his own.”

  He still didn’t say anything. Only stared at me so intensely I had to look away.

  “You never smelled bad,” he said randomly. “Your clothes and hair were always clean, too. I figured you must’ve been living somewhere. I feel like shit that it took me so long to see the truth.”

  His words struck a chord. I was always so worried about stuff like that. Looking dirty and dishevelled, or offending people with my odour. “I use the public swimming pool a few times a week. I don’t swim, I just go to the showers,” I whispered.

  Tension radiated off him, and I knew this must’ve been hard to hear. It was hard to say. He reached out and took my hands in his. “Christ, Iris, I’m sorry I didn’t try talking to you before now. You were just always so closed off. Believe it or not, I was actually a little intimidated by you.”

  I scoffed but felt warmth trickle over me at the same time. “Yeah right.”

  “It’s true. You’ve got that whole don’t mess with me vibe going on.”

  This made me laugh a little. “Shut up.”

  Liam laughed, too. When it tapered off he said, “At first I thought maybe you were on the run from someone, and that’s why you wouldn’t give an address. You didn’t want anybody to find you if they came looking.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “So I looked you up,” he confessed.

  My eyes widened and I pulled my hands from his. “What?”

  His expression showed his regret. “I thought if you had a record I could find out where you came from, but you didn’t have one.”

  “You checked to see if I was in the system?” All of a sudden, I felt unsettled.

  “I know it was wrong but I was worried about you. It just seemed like you didn’t have anyone, like you weren’t safe.”

  “I didn’t have anyone and I wasn’t safe, but that didn’t mean you had the right to do that,” I said, shifting away from him and standing. I knew deep down that he’d looked me up out of concern, but it still felt like a violation.

  “I’m sorry, Iris, I—”

  “No, you don’t need to be sorry. You . . . shouldn’t have done it but I’m glad you did. I’m glad you saw me. Very few people ever do.”

  I tried to convey my gratefulness with my eyes even though my gut twisted. I was torn. I appreciated his help but was bothered, too. I’d always felt powerless when it came to authority. People in government jobs had moved me from pillar to post until I was old enough for them to discard me. Liam had used his position to try and find private information and he had no right.

  “I’m tired. I think I’ll go to bed,” I said, heading for the door.

  “Iris, don’t be like that,” Liam pleaded.

  “I’m not mad at you, I promise. I just need some time to . . . absorb things.”

  Liam’s handsome face studied me. “Promise?”

  I gave him the sincerest look I could muster. “Cross my heart.”

  Six

  Rebel Rebel

  I was still sleeping on the floor.

  It had been a week and I still couldn’t get used to the bed, found it hard to sleep in a clean, normal environment. There had to be something wrong with me. Maybe I was institutionalised by too many nights on the streets. Maybe I’d always feel ill at ease with comfort.

  But no, I didn’t believe that. Couldn’t. And anyway, it wasn’t like I hadn’t become fast friends with the shower. I could spend hours in there just soaking under the water, feeling clean for the first time in years.

  Liam and I had gone back to watching each other.

  I wasn’t holding what he did against him, because I knew his heart was in the right place, but the whole conversation had created an awkwardness between us. I really wanted to talk to him. I felt like I was going to burst with it. I wanted to go back to that moment on the couch, where we couldn’t tear our eyes off one another.

  I was carrying the rubbish out the back of the restaurant at the end of my shift when I caught sight of a familiar coat of ginger fur.

  “Mr Hector! I thought you’d abandoned me.”

  He let out a loud, cranky meow and I threw the bag in the bin before going over to pet him. “Hey, you. Long time no see.” He meowed again, like he was complaining about my disloyalty, but he didn’t look like he’d been going hungry. In fact, he looked a little too well fed. I was willing to bet he’d made friends with the bloke who ran the butcher shop down the street. Opportunistic scamp was probably eating sausages every day.

  “You really are pretty, aren’t you?” I said, running my hand along his silky fur.

  “Who are you talking to?” came a familiar voice.

  I glanced up and saw Liam standing by the gate. There was a police car parked outside and he was in uniform.

  “My cat,” I answered and lifted the ginger fluff ball. He twisted in my hold. He didn’t like being held, always had to be the one to initiate contact. “His name is Mr Hector.”

  Liam eyed me with a funny expression. “Are you sure you didn’t steal him? He looks like he hates you. Also, he is a she.”

  I gaped at him. “What?”

  He grinned now. “Your cat is a girl, Iris. Haven’t you checked out her . . . bits?”

  I shot him an appalled look. “I’m not in the habit at looking at cat genitals, if you must know.”

  Liam laughed, his eyes dancing with mirth. “Oh, man. You’re something else.”

  I glanced at the cat in my arms. “Are you really a girl, Mr Hector?” I shit you not, he/she shot me a look that was all, I’ve been trying to tell you for months!

  “He’s, I mean, she’s just so big. She really looks like a Tom.”

  “You’re too fucking cute,” said Liam as he came forward to pet Mr Hector on the head. I wasn’t changing her name. She’d just had to live with Mr Hector.

  I inwardly flushed at Liam’s softly spoken compliment and said, “She’s not really my cat. She’s a stray but she used to sleep with me at the squat sometimes. She was my buddy. I’d ask if I could keep her at the house but I have a feeling she’s far too wild to ever be domesticated.” Just like me, sleeping on the floor like a weirdo.

  Something pained passed over Liam’s expression at my mention of the squat, but it quickly passed. He eyed my apron. “You got much longer left of your shift?”

  “I’m just finished, actually.”

  Liam eyed me, considering. “Want to go get drive-through at McDonald’s? I’m on a break and I was going to get something here but I’m in the mood for some junk food.”

  My heart leapt. He was asking me to hang out. I tried not to let my excitement show too much. “Sure, just let me go clean up and I’ll be right back.”

  Liam nodded. “I’ll wait in the car.”

  When I emerged and came to join Liam I felt weird. I’d never been in a police car before. Believe it or not, I’d managed to evade being arrested for squatting during my two years of homelessness. I’d also been a regular shoplift
er before I started working for Lee and could afford my own food. Luckily, I’d been too good at it to get caught.

  “It’s so bizarre that I’m friends with a copper,” I said, looking all around. It wasn’t like a normal car. There was all sorts equipment attached to the dashboard.

  “It’s more bizarre that I’m a PC, considering my history,” said Liam.

  I glanced at him, chewing on my lip. I’d almost forgotten about that. “You used to steal cars?”

  “Yep. Got away with it for a long time, too. Until I didn’t.”

  “What happened?”

  He let out a wry chuckle. “Karla happened.”

  “Lee’s Karla?”

  “Yeah. They started seeing each other. On the down-low, of course. Karla’s bestie used to go out with my oldest brother, Stu, so she and Lee had crossed paths a few times. When their relationship was still a secret, Karla caught me on the rob. I was a cocky little shit, thought she wouldn’t catch me.” He smiled like it was a fond memory.

  “And . . . did she?”

  “Oh yeah. Karla’s got some mad driving skills. She arrested me, brought me back to the station until Lee came to bail me out. That was sort of the catalyst for everything that followed. Us going straight, I mean.”

  “And joining the police,” I probed. “How did that come about?”

  Liam exhaled thoughtfully. “I felt a bit aimless after we left all that behind. Had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. The only skills I had were ones that involved stealing. One day I got this idea to flip it on its head. Use what I know to catch thieves instead of thieving myself.”

  “So you decided to become a copper,” I finished for him.

  “Pretty much. Karla helped. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t have had a hope in hell of getting on the force. But her dad’s this big shot superintendent, so she had enough clout to get me in there.”

  “That’s lucky.”

  “Yeah, I love it. Though it’s not so fun when you bump into people you used to steal with,” he said with a grimace.

  “Awkward?” I guessed.

  He chuckled. “Yeah, something like that.”

  We’d just arrived at the drive-through and Liam rolled down his window. He ordered a large Big Mac meal with Coke and chicken nuggets on the side. I went for the same. He parked a little way down the street and we ate our food in companionable silence. It was nice, just being with him, doing something as simple as eating fast food. A few minutes went by before he spoke.

  “How long have you been on your own?”

  I blew out a breath. “That’s kind of a heavy question to ask mid-Big Mac.”

  “I like to get the heavy stuff out of the way first so we can get to talking about Ryan Gosling’s latest flick,” he joked.

  “Never pegged you for a Gosling fan.”

  Liam smiled as he chewed. “He’s just so dreamy.”

  I laughed. After a minute my expression sobered. “My, um, my mum passed away when I was fourteen. There was no one to take me in so I was put into care. When I turned eighteen the state was no longer responsible for me, so . . .” I stopped speaking and made a gesture with my hands. “Here I am.”

  Liam’s look was gentle, understanding clear in his eyes. “Here you are.”

  ***

  After we finished eating we talked for a while longer and then he drove me home before heading back to work. Again, it was strange to be driven around in a police car. I went to my room and pulled out my copy of Great Expectations. I spread the duvet on the floor with the pillows and settled in for cosy evening of reading.

  A few hours passed before Bowie decided to show his face.

  “Somebody’s been hard to reach lately,” he commented as he took a seat on the bed.

  “I’ve been busy working.”

  “And staring dreamily into a certain police constable’s handsome blues,” he added.

  “Whatever.”

  “You look happy, Iris.”

  “Are you going soppy on me?”

  “Sue me if I like seeing you smile more often. It’s a relief you’re not sleeping in that awful squat anymore, although I don’t entirely get this whole floor situation you’ve got going on.”

  I glanced at the bed. “The mattress is too soft. I can’t sleep on it.”

  He eyed my backpack by the door. “You haven’t unpacked either. Looks to me like you’re still ready to run at any moment.”

  I scrunched up my brow. “Why would I do that? I’ve got a good thing going here.”

  Bowie stared at me pointedly. “Yes, you do. So unpack your bloody bag and start sleeping on the bed. This is your life now, and it’s only going to get better from here on out.”

  “You don’t know that,” I sniffed, but like always I knew he was right. I could feel it in my bones.

  His smile was knowing and infinitely wise. “Oh, but I do.”

  There was a knock on my door and I startled. “Who is it?” I called.

  “Liam. Can I come in?”

  “Uh, yes,” I said before I remembered my duvet and pillows were on the floor. Shit! I scrambled to put them back on the bed, but it was no use. Liam opened the door and stepped inside before I had the chance. He looked around and his brows knit together.

  “Thought I heard you talking to someone.”

  Oh God, kill me now. He heard me talking to Bowie. This was too embarrassing to be real. “Oh, um, no. I wasn’t.”

  He glanced at me then, his expression suspicious. “You sure?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Well, I just knocked off work so I’m going to take a shower. Call if you need anything.”

  “Sure, okay.”

  He was about to leave but then stopped, turning back to take me in. “Iris.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Why are you sitting on the floor?”

  I swear I turned bright red in an instant. I tried to think of a plausible story but came up empty, so I just sighed and told him the truth. “I like it down here.”

  He arched a brow. “You don’t like it on the bed?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not used to mattresses. I can never fall asleep on the bed.”

  He stared at me for a long moment, so long I felt like I might burst with self-consciousness. His face was a picture of empathy and my stomach twisted.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I blurted, unable to take much more.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you feel sorry for me.”

  His lips dipped in a frown. “Iris.”

  “I’m fine. I sleep perfectly well on the floor. I’m not harming anyone by it.”

  He went quiet again, a conflict warring behind his eyes. I thought he might push the matter but instead he nodded soberly and closed the door. I heard him go inside the bathroom and then the sound of running water as he turned the shower on. Huh. That was easier than I thought it would be. I returned my attention to my book, falling into the story again. I didn’t know how much time had passed when my door flew open.

  I jumped at the intrusion. Liam stood there, his hair wet, and he was only wearing a pair of sleep pants. His chest was completely bare and my skin warmed just looking at him. He had a nice body, a strong, muscular frame. He ran a hand through his wet hair and slammed the door shut.

  “I want to try something,” he declared and came to tug my book out of my hand. “Stand up.”

  I was curious what was going on, but I did as he requested. Once I was standing he started putting my duvet and pillows back on the bed.

  “Liam . . .”

  “Don’t argue, just humour me,” he said, holding a finger up before going back to work on the bed. I watched the muscles in his back move, oddly mesmerised. It was after eleven and the house was quiet. I imagined everyone else had gone to sleep already.

  When the bed was made he beckoned me forward. “Get in.”

  “Um . . .” I bit my lip.

  “Iris, I said get in.”

  His tone bro
oked no argument, so I closed the distance between us and got in the bed. Once situated, Liam surprised the hell out of me by climbing in next to me. My pulse pounded in my ears and I felt way too hot, especially considering he was topless. I wore my usual sleep clothes. There was nothing even remotely sexy about them but Liam’s eyes still shone with heat as he looked at me.

  “C’mere,” he said as he lay back with arms outstretched, his voice a husky whisper.

  I lowered myself to lie against him, cheek to chest. His skin felt warm and firm. I wanted to touch him, run my hand over his abdomen, then along the little trail of hair that disappeared inside his bottoms.

  He lowered one arm to wrap around me, holding me close, then reached over to turn off the lamp. Dark surrounded us. His smell was everywhere. His presence an aphrodisiac in itself. I lay in his embrace, confused and turned on and excited. My heart felt too full.

  “What are we doing?” I asked the dark room.

  “We’re going to sleep,” Liam answered, his soft voice lulling me into a relaxed state.

  “We are?”

  “I have a theory,” he went on, ignoring my question. “It came to me when I was in the shower.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed, because that was too much of a pleasant picture not to visualise. I was such a pervert.

  “Oh?”

  “I think maybe you can’t sleep because you feel on edge in the strange environment. I think that if there’s someone sleeping next to you it’ll become easier.”

  I didn’t speak for a long moment, then whispered, “It’s a possibility.”

  His hand started to move back and forth over my lower back. I tingled all over, every muscle in my body coiled tight in anticipation of how he might touch me next. I loved every stroke, every light caress.

  I thought since he was doing it to me, it would be okay to return the favour. I brought my hand to his stomach, my touch light and explorative at first. I dragged it from his abs up towards his pecs and heard his breathing quicken.

  Before I reached his pecs his hand came to mine, preventing more movement. “I’m not a saint, Iris,” he quietly warned, and each syllable reverberated through me.

  “You’re touching me.”