No Choice But Surrender

by Meagan Mckinney

  "There you are! I had almost forgotten about you!" She bent down to give him a couple of reassuring strokes on the head. "Let's see how the patient is doing." She stood up, al­lowing the dog to enter, and then she anxiously walked over to the mean little bed now bathed in the orange glow of sun­rise.

  How still and pale Avenel was as he lay upon the straw! For a second her heart twisted in her chest, for she thought him dead. But then to her unspeakable relief his lips moved in undecipherable, feverish whispers.

  "Avenel?" She touched his arm.

  "Am I dead, then?" His lips parted dryly with the words, and he raised his head. His eyes were still glazed, but the madness in them of the previous night seemed gone.

  Brienne gave him a tired little smile and said softly, "On the contrary."

  He sighed and rolled his head back onto the pallet. "Good. That's good."

  "Are you in much pain?"

  He shook his head.

  "I don't know how we're going to do it, Avenel. But we have to get back to the Park." Tenderly, she wiped his brow.

  "I know. Get the horses." He closed his eyes as if preparing for the ordeal to come.

  "I'll be right back."

  "Brienne?" He called to her before she could go.

  "Yes?"

  "Take the pistol."

  "Yes." She clutched the walnut-handled weapon to her breast. "Of course."

  It was late in the day when they arrived back at the Park. Avenel had begun bleeding again halfway through the ride. By the time they reached the edge of Osterley's formal grounds and were spotted by some of the grooms in the stable block, he had nearly fallen unconscious from the loss of blood.

  "Take him!" Brienne cried as Cumberland and the two burly Norwegian gatesmen ran up to her from across Os­terley's courtyard. They pulled Avenel down from Idle Dice and laid him on the grass.

  "Hans, get the physician from the township. Tell some of the lads to come here and give us a hand getting him back to the house!" Cumberland called out orders, ignoring Brienne for the time being. Hans took off, and soon an army of young footmen showed up; they took their master into their charge and quickly removed him to the house.

  "I didn't know if he would be able to make it." Brienne hugged her grimy green riding jacket to her. Chilled and shaken, she was worn out from the ride. Cumberland, noticing her state, put his arm around her and tried to comfort her. As they walked back to the house, she was able to gather her wits about her somewhat. "I thought you and Rose would still be in London."

  "Yes, yes. Well, we had a delightful time. But neither of us felt easy about leaving the Park. In London, we received news that the Earl of Laborde had returned to England. I'm afraid I suspected something like this would occur." After Cumber­land spoke, Brienne noticed the deep lines of worry that were etched on his pleasant face.

  "Then it was my father." Her whole body seemed to quake with the statement; her fears were confirmed. "Every time I'd see Avenel leave the house, he always carried a pistol. But there was no way he could defend us. We were just attacked. . . ." She couldn't go on. Gratefully, she felt Cumberland's arm tighten around her.

  "When you didn't return from your ride, we sent out a search party. I'm glad you were both able to return on your own. Rose and I are not very brave. I'm afraid we feared the worst."

  "Perhaps I should have waited at the cottage for help. I don't know if I did the right thing letting Avenel ride." Think­ing of the way the footmen had had to carry him off, Brienne suddenly found tears in her eyes. She wiped at her muddied cheeks; her eyes glowed like two sparkling amethysts in her soiled face. She knew she looked terrible, but she didn't care about that now. Seeing Avenel almost unconscious had been more than she could take after all they had been through.

  "You did exactly the right thing. Avenel will recover. He's been through worse."

  "Worse?" Brienne stifled a sob and looked at Cumberland. She couldn't imagine anything worse than what had happened in the clearing.

  "Let's not speak of such things now, my lady. I think it's time you were attended to. I might add that Vivie has been worried sick. We all have been." He hugged her before they mounted Osterley's steps.

  "Is there s-something I can do to help Avenel before the physician arrives?" she stuttered once they were inside, not wanting to retire to her room. Although she desperately needed food and a bath, she felt she would go mad if she were forced to wait upstairs for news.

  "No, no, my dear. You've done enough. Rose will take care of him now." Cumberland paused and studied her face. "It seems that you have acquired a fondness for Avenel in the days we've been away."

  The statement caught her unawares. But there was little need to argue. She knew her feelings for Avenel must show. Her very heart had fallen, torn and bleeding, with him when they'd pulled Avenel off his horse.

  Seeing her stricken face, Cumberland nodded in resigna­tion. He then murmured enigmatically. "I don't know if that is good or bad. But your feelings for him have at least kept him alive."

  Before Brienne could question him, Rose met them in the" hall. She ran up to them and placed her gentle arms around Brienne.

  "How is he?" Brienne asked her.

  "He is in the bedchamber," Rose replied. "I'm waiting for the physician, for I dare not remove the bandages without the doctor's approval. I fear he will bleed further."

  "I—I tried to help him. Truly I did." Brienne shivered.

  "Avenel owes you his very life. But never fear! He may look bad, but he's as strong as an ox. No doubt it would take more than a flesh wound to put him away. I am sure he will be all right." Rose took Brienne's icy hand. "Come along. I'll take you to your chamber. I think it's time someone took care of you for a change. Cumberland?" Rose turned to her hus­band.

  "I will let you know as soon as the physician arrives." Cum­berland looked at both women, and Brienne noticed how old and gaunt he had grown since the wedding. That had been less than a week before, but it seemed as if years had passed since the morning she and Avenel had watched them leave for Lon­don.

  Rose nodded to him and then led Brienne up the grand staircase to her room. But during the evening, Brienne was only dimly aware of the care she received from Rose and Vivie. Her mind was far away in the state bedchamber, where

  Avenel lay. The physician from town arrived promptly, and when he left, she was told that Avenel slept comfortably and that she must also. But as she sat in the yellow settee watching the crackling hearth, she knew it would be more difficult to sleep tonight than it had ever been.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  A week had gone by—a week of hearing news from the state bedchamber. A week of wait­ing to see Avenel. But no request for Brienne ever came from the resplendent green velvet room.

  Every day, Brienne watched people go back and forth from Avenel's chambers. The florid-faced village minister, Rever­end Trumbell, came once, nodding to her in brusque greeting before he disappeared down the passage. The physician was a common sight now. But there were, strangely enough, no other outside visitors. At Avenel's request, security was tight­ened around the Park. Cumberland informed the gatesmen and groomsmen of the looming threat of the earl, and al- v though Brienne ached to ask Cumberland why Avenel hadn't asked for her, she stayed clear of the troubled man; her guilt become unbearable every time she looked upon his pleasant, endearing face. Then all she could think of was how much she hated her father.

  Rose seemed to be the only one who understood her suffer­ings. Every time Brienne said she was sure that Avenel loathed her and refused to see her because of all the damage her father had done, Rose quickly came to her aid, reassuring her that this was not so. But even Brienne knew Rose was perplexed by Avenel's unexpected refusal of her company. Left with nothing but frustration, all Brienne could do was roam the halls and passages of the great house and wait for the moment when Avenel would say he missed her.

  But there seemed no desire on Avenel's part to seek her out. The days trudged on, yet
not once did Avenel make any effort to see her as he recovered. As Rose and Cumberland had predicted, Avenel was quick to heal. Although Brienne was relieved by this, she was also disheartened, for this only made his rejection of her even more puzzling.

  Every evening when Brienne, Cumberland, and Rose sat down for their meal in the eating room, the dear couple would try and make light of the situation, relating stories of Avenel's strange fancies throughout the years they had known him. There had still been no response from his bedchambers con­cerning Brienne; but Rose would toss it off as one of his odd quirks. She would make excuses, each day adding a new one, until they all realized there simply were no excuses. For some cursed reason, Avenel was shunning Brienne's company. She had saved his life, and yet others who finally had been allowed to call, such as the Duke and Duchess of Hardington, were the ones he entertained as his bedside companions. Brienne felt as tossed away as his old bandages. And that very fact seemed to drive the green dowel of jealousy right through her heart. Even the winged sphinxes that supported the chairbacks in the state bedroom had more of his time than she did. Brienne found herself envious of the mere sheets that he lay upon.

  By now the last vestiges of clear weather had left. Snow dusted the grounds, and though it was late, winter finally de­scended on the Park. The grounds grew too slick and icy to ride. Because of this, Brienne sat up in her room and watched the dismal fields grow heavy with wet, white flakes. Dusk had fallen early today, and the day seemed to mirror her spirits exactly—it was dark, cold, and miserable. A tray was set up by Vivie for her dinner, and the little maid, ever sensitive, now bustled quietly about the chamber, giving her a bit of com- party with her discreet presence yet not intruding upon her thoughts.

  Standing up from the tray, Brienne roamed her bedcham­ber, restless and unspeakably agitated. She forced herself to settle down to read a book of poetry that she had borrowed from the downstairs library, but once she was sitting comfort­ably on the taffeta settee, her attention wandered to the flames licking up from the fireside. She stared into the fire and sought out its orange and lapis-tipped warmth as solace for her inex­pressible feelings. She was in a particularly black mood this night, for Rose and Cumberland had spent the entire evening with Avenel.

  Putting down the book of poetry, she couldn't help but wonder what they were doing now. She bit her lower lip, deep in thought, trying desperately to understand what was going on. Why would Avenel behave this way to her? Although her guilt was still upon her, she knew she could not be considered merely the daughter of Oliver Morrow any longer. She had saved Avenel's life. Why had he turned his back on her after she'd proved how much she cared for him?

  Because it was your father who shot him. The words could not be stopped from entering her mind. Moaning, she acknowl­edged the possibility that Avenel hated her now more than ever. With every ache and pain of his recovery, she knew he thought of the earl—and then he thought of her.

  Shaking off her despair, she told herself that the situation had now become a matter of pride. She would not force her company on him if he had no desire for it. But she knew, as the days had passed, so had her anguish over his rejection.

  "Tout de suite!" Vivie called out as someone knocked loudly on the bedchamber door. Brienne looked up from the settee; the knock brought her temporarily out of her melancholy. "Oui?" the Frenchwoman inquired. Brienne saw that a young footman stood outside the door, giving Vivie a message. Then the maid closed the door and ran up to Brienne in a flurry of excitement.

  "Ma demoiselle! The Monsieur has called for you in the tapes­try room!"

  Her nerves jumped but Brienne tried to exude a false calm as she inquired, "What answer did you give Toby?"

  "I told him that you would be there." Vivie looked at her in wide-eyed amazement. "You wanted me to tell him that, non?"

  "That's all right, I suppose," Brienne said reluctantly, her ire was raised not by Vivie's mistake but by Avenel's unparal­leled gall in issuing commands.

  "But, my lady, I did tell the boy that Master Slane would have to wait for your appearance." Vivie let out a sly smile, which Brienne now returned.

  "I see. So tell me, Vivie, since I have all this time, I think I shall have . . ." Brienne thought for a moment, wondering what activity would take the most time and would therefore cause an irritating wait downstairs. "Why, a bath!" She laughed out loud, unpinning her gleaming hair. "I do believe my hair could use a good washing. After all, we've just gotten it dry from this morning's bath!"

  Both women laughed mischievously, and Vivie took her time calling for the housemaids to bring up the tub.

  Two hours later, Brienne stood in the drawing room by the mahogany door that led to Avenel's private apartments. Her vigorously brushed hair gleamed with highlights of magenta. It was artfully dressed, and one glorious, swelling curl rested on her bosom. She was simply gowned in a hyacinth satin brocade. The dress's stays laced up the front over a stomacher of the same material. There was not a stitch of embroidery to be found on the plain but vastly becoming material. She felt fresh and pretty, and this gave her the confidence to open the door after she heard Avenel give die disagreeable command, "Come in!"

  Quietly she stepped into the tapestry room. Vulcan courted Venus in half-naked elation, and Cupid and Psyche played as well in Boucher-inspired medallions that were woven trompe I'oeil into the rich crimson needlework; they represented the loves of the gods. Amid them, Avenel sat on the richly hued Moore carpet with one leg bandaged and straight and die other bent at the knee. His back rested against a settee uphol­stered in needlework from another Boucher design, "Let Amours Pastorales." He stared away from her into a blazing fire that chased away the draft and actually gave the elaborate room a cozy atmosphere.

  Brienne was forced to take several steps farther into the room to see his face. When she did have a full view, Avenel's visage appeared unusually hard and strangely desolate. It was not the face of a man who had just spent the evening in the company of his friends. She noted that his hand was wrapped around a crystal glass filled with fine aromatic brandy.

  "You wanted to see me?" she asked, moving softly to him until she could be seen in the distant ring of firelight. She noted that the dark red wallcoverings made the edges of the room disappear. As there were no candles lit in die farther reaches, the room was deliciously warm and intimate.

  "How dare you order a bath after I called for you!" He shot her a glaring look and spoke with tight, forbidding lips. He picked up an apple from a plate of fruit and started peeling it exactingly with a sharp steel fruit knife.

  "I was not aware of my servitude here at Osterley. Must I now run to the master at his every beck and call?" She did not move or flinch underneath his baleful gaze. She was still very angry with him, and she vowed that she would let him know it.

  "You've kept me waiting for over two hours!" he yelled at her, dropping the fruit knife and crossing his dark-haired, muscular forearms over his robe. He was obviously waiting for her apology.

  "Yes," she said, taking time to note every sorely missed aspect of his appearance. His dark locks gleamed in the fire­light, and she took a particularly long moment to appreciate the way his thick, green-blue robe fell open at his chest. This left to her view a magnificent male torso that rippled down to a taut abdomen and finally disappeared suggestively under­neath the folds of a silk and velvet sash. "Yes, I suppose two hours is a very long time to wait," she finished, letting all the bitterness she'd felt during the past week fill her voice.

  He looked at her sharply. "I see. You're angry with me, are you not?" He let out a mirthless laugh. "Sit down, little one. I will ease your tensions."

  She complied, taking an armchair directly in front of him. "What was it you wished to see me about, sir?" she asked sarcastically, feeling the heat of his eyes on her more intensely than that of the flames that burst up through the chimney.

  "I have come to a decision where you are concerned, my beauty." His returning sarcasm forced h
er gaze to his arrogant face. "It has taken me a week, but at last I have made it. It will be finalized tonight."

  "A decision?" She frowned.

  "Yes." He looked away momentarily and took a long draught of his brandy.

  "I don't understand—"

  " 'Tis not for you to understand!" he snapped at her. Sud­denly he tossed a golden object to her that landed in the lap of her gown. She looked down at it and swallowed the dread that had caught in her throat.

  "What is the meaning of this?" She held the gold key in her hand.

  "You've earned it. I should have given it to you a week ago, but I needed the time to think." His eyes glistened and then chilled to a solid frost as he watched her reaction. Finally he snapped out ferociously, "Take it then, and be off with you!"

  "It's worthless," she gasped, reeling from a sudden, inexpli­cable pain in her chest. "I have no comb any longer. It was broken here in this very room. If you will recall, the Earl of Culpepper crushed it."

  "I've had it repaired. Along with the bag of gold I plan to give you, you will have enough money to go anywhere you like. And the coach will be at your disposal to take you there in the morning." He moved the knee of his wounded leg stiffly and then grimaced as he relaxed it once again. He looked up at her and made her jump with the harshness of his voice. "Go! I tell you, leave this instant!''

  "You don't—" She found herself choking on the words.

  "Find some lost relation and live there, Brienne." He soft­ened, seeing the torn look on her face. "You've more than earned your freedom. And it's my duty to urge you to get away from this mess."

  At Avenel's words, Brienne envisioned the two of them at the little cottage. She remembered with heart-twisting clarity how warm his arms had been when she had lain in them that night. She remembered, too, the deep regret she had felt that it had probably been her father or one of his henchmen who had attacked them in the clearing. In the morning, when Avenel had been forced into the torturous mounting of Idle Dice, she recalled how she had felt compelled to apologize for all that had. happened to him. But she knew that "I'm sorry" wasn't enough to make up for all his pain. She had stood by searching for the right phrase that would be a balm for both their spirits, one that would help them make the journey back to Osterley more pleasant, one that best expressed what she felt in her heart. But then, quickly realizing the insanity of her thoughts, she had mounted Queenie and they were off before she had uttered those terrible, irretrievable words, "I love—"