Finding My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  I grab one of his big gray t-shirts from the dresser on my way to the shower. I don't bother with my hair, I'll have to ask Logan how to get the paint out. For now I just braid it back. The lack of products in Ash's bathroom is almost comical in comparison to the other boys'. All I see is one bar of soap that has no smell to it. Yes, it all seems very...him. After drying off I use my finger to brush my teeth with the toothpaste left out on his sink.

  When I step back into the bedroom, Ash is already there, sitting at a small table with one chair, three plates towering with food on top. Three? Is someone else joining us?

  "I didn't know hungry you...." He trails off, looking me up and down from my bare feet up to my face.

  "I borrowed your shirt, I hope that was okay, I didn't have anything else to put on, I'm sorry." Crap, I should have waited and asked him.

  Ash shifts in the chair, his face looking slightly flushed. "It's no problem." He rasps out. "I was just saying that I didn't know how hungry you'd be so I loaded us up." He gestures at the food.

  I contemplate where I'm supposed to sit but shrug and walk to Ash, climbing in his lap, sitting sideways. He doesn't protest so I figure he doesn't mind. He does slide me a little farther toward his knees though. "This okay?" I ask.

  One of his big arms curls around my hip, holding me in place. "Yeah, I've been wanting to do this ever since I saw Reed do it." He has? Why? I give him a small smile before I tuck into the food. Tristan made runny eggs and biscuits. Yummy.

  Ash occasionally holds a bite of fried ham or sausage to my lips for a bite with his fork. Apparently he wants me to eat meat. Just for fun I give him bites of my eggs and biscuits. He's feeding me, I can feed him too right? Together we manage to eat all three plates. My belly is so full I could already use a nap. I blame Tristan for making his food taste like heaven.

  I lean into Ash and press my face in his neck, closing my eyes and enjoying the smell of him. My whole body shakes with his laughter.

  "Did you eat yourself into a coma Little One?" He asks me.

  "Maybe." Can you really do that? I'll have to ask Kellan, he'd know. I feel his large hand skim over my leg, starting at my knee, down my calf, to my toes. My belly does the weird flutter thing like with Remy. Maybe I just ate too much. "I wish I could just go back to sleep."

  Ash keeps playing with my toes as he answers. "You can, I'll make sure no one disturbs you."

  I shake my head, lifting it so I can look at him. His focus is on my feet. "I have a few things I want to do today, I should probably get started with my day." I feel and hear him growl, which makes me giggle. I guess he's still not ready to let me go. That's okay, I don't want him to.

  "You could help me, you know." I say to him, resting my head on him once more.

  "How so? What do you have to do?"

  "I wanted to go get my own toothbrush. Maybe some dental floss too. I was going to ask Kellan if he knew how to sew, see if he can fix Noah up a little. And talk to Remy about starting my job." The more I think about it the more I have to do. "I should probably find time for laundry as well."

  "My Little One has a big day ahead of her. What is it I could help you with?" I almost forget to answer him. He called me his. I smile dreamily into his neck before I realize I still have yet to say anything.

  I clear my throat, willing the tingly feelings to go away. "You could be my shadow." I state simply.

  Ash laughs out loud. "I think I'm a tad too big to be your shadow Kitten."

  "Nonsense, shadows are always bigger. If you wear black today you'll be a perfect fit." I say, smiling at him. He beams back at me.

  "Yes, a perfect fit." His face goes serious again, black eyes intense. "Is getting dressed anywhere on your list today? You look good in my shirt and all, but I don't think it would be appropriate if I'm taking you to get a toothbrush."

  "See? You're already helping me, what would I do without you, Shadow?" I say playfully.

  "You'll never have to find out Sunshine." He replies, stealing my breath when he leans in, pressing his lips to mine softly. It's over way too quickly for my liking. "Let's get you to Logan so we can go."

  Ash stands, setting my feet on the floor. He puts a hand at the small of my back guiding me out of the room. I wasn't sure if Reed's kiss counted, but Ash's sure did. Yay! I've officially been kissed! And by the sweetest of guys.

  I stop in my tracks, turning to face Ash. I just thought of something. I bite my lip, hoping he goes for it. "Hey, um...you said YOU were taking me shopping right? For the uh, toothbrush?"

  He raises an eyebrow, nodding his head and waits for me to continue. "Well....do you think we could take the glass bike?" Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes. I mentally beg him.

  Ash scoops me up in his arms, kissing me again. When he pulls back a handsome smile lights up his face. "If that's what Little One wants, that's what Little One will get." He carries me down the hallway as I squeal in delight. YES!!! "It's made of all chrome by the way Kitten, not glass. Could you imagine crashing on a glass bike?" He shudders. I shudder too. Ouch.

  Chapter 15

  Logan tells me that there's no special way to get paint out my hair, I just have to scrub it really good. Handing me an expensive looking bottle of shampoo he waves me into the shower again, telling me he'll pick out an outfit for me and set it on the sink.

  My hands are like raisins by the time I think I've gotten all the paint out. Logan has left a silky short-sleeve shirt, tight fitting dark jeans, socks, underwear, and my converse sneakers. I check myself out in the mirror. I look nice. Normal. I don't resemble the street kid I was when I first came here. I don't notice any bruises either, which is sort of amazing.

  Logan says there's no point in doing anything with my hair, as the bike ride will just mess it up. He separates my hair weaving it into two braids that he calls pigtails. I giggle at that.

  "Why are hairstyles named after animals? Pigtails and ponytails." I ask.

  "You know, I don't honestly know. Humans have an unnatural obsession with the ass end of farm animals?" He jokes.

  Ash reaches over and slaps his neck. Logan just winks at me, leaving the room. Ash is taking his job seriously. He stood outside the door as I showered and hasn't left my side yet.

  "Are you ready to go, Shadow?"

  "Lead the way, Sunshine." I have a better idea though.

  "Since I have pigtails do you think you could give me a piggyback ride?" I really liked that yesterday. I plan on getting as much as these as I can get away with.

  "I could, but you owe me another Kiss." I smile, dashing to the bedroom and stand on the bed. Ash follows, amused. "What are you doing?" He asks.

  "How was I supposed to kiss you? Jump?" I don't think he thought this through very well. He walks to me slowly, his dark eyes swirling. His hands go to my hips as he stands in front of me. Bringing his face close to mine, he stops when he's just out of reach. Why did he stop?

  We stand like that for what seems like forever. Ash's warm breath fans my face as I stare at his lips. Just a bit closer and I can have them. I lean forward, my lips slowly pressing to his. I couldn't help it, I didn't want to wait anymore. Ash presses back with more force. I like that. When we pull back, my tongue darts out, seeking his taste. Ash growls deep in his throat, leaning forward again, the tip of his tongue licks my bottom lip. I gasp, shocked. Then I return the favor tentatively. His tongue slides over mine and my body lights on fire.

  Oh my, that was awesome. Ash pulls back and my face falls. I wanted to do it again. Is this the weird 'turn' thing like yesterday? Do I have to do that someone else first before he'll do it again? He better not do that with anyone else. My vision turns red at the thought.

  "Let's go Kitten, if I don't stop here I never will. Don't pout." I don't really need a toothbrush that badly. I'm about to tell him that I'll just use Logan's when he puts his back to me, his hands grabbing my thighs as he pulls me onto him.

  My arms cross his chest as he starts walking. I realize t
hat I'm the perfect height now to press my face in his neck. As I inhale deeply, I think to myself, I really, really like my Shadow.

  ……..

  We rode the glass bike all the way to a Walmart store. It was a little far but it was exhilarating Besides, Ash said he doesn't know much about shopping but Walmart’s have everything. I know this fact to be true, it used to be my favorite store. When I was around ten, I would run down the toy aisle and push all the buttons on all the toys that made noise. It annoyed people but it made me happy. I had to stop because I drew the attention of the workers one time and they asked where my parents were. I haven't been back since. Too scared they'd call someone to get me. I'm not worried though, Ash won't let anything happen to me.

  I climb off the motorcycle on shaky legs, pulling off Ash's huge leather jacket. I barely felt the wind with it on. He slips it on, placing his hand on my back as we walk in the store. The blow dryer thing at the entrance is still here I see. Even though I'm older I still don't know what purpose it serves. Do you stand under it and dry your hair? Do you have to have dry hair to enter the store? These Walmart people sure are picky about their customers.

  We walk to the area under the sign that says 'Health and Beauty', Ash leading the way. I choose a bright purple toothbrush and pick up dental floss in a mint flavor.

  "Do you need anything while we're here?" I ask Ash. That really was a long trip for two items. Ash rolls his eyes, taking my stuff and placing it in the cart. I thought it was funny when he refused to push it. He said it's too short and he looks like a little old lady hunched over. Yeah right.

  "Let's get you a bag so we can carry it back."

  "Can't you just put them in your pocket?" I question. He ignores me, reaching for a tube of mint toothpaste and tossing it in the cart.

  I follow him as he walks up and down every single aisle He picks up a pink razor and replacement blades and deodorant too. I should have thought of those. Ash smells each and every shampoo bottle before he finally decides on the Dove one. He throws the matching conditioner and bars of soap in the cart too. I hope he doesn't pick up anything glass, as the stuff tends to bounce around when he does that. My Shadow is no gentle giant.

  After finding a set of stretchy black headbands he wants for me, we finally move on from that area. As we pass by the toys something in the stuffed animals section catches my eye. It's a small black wolf. It can probably fit in my hand, and has dark brown eyes and pointy ears. I reach out to touch it but before I can, a big hand swipes it. Ash tosses it in the cart. I smile at him and he smiles back.

  "It looks like you."

  "I know, that's why I want you to have it. A stuffed Ash is better than a stuffed Noah." I giggle, he doesn't seem to like my bear either. None of the guys do.

  "So we're naming it Ash then?"

  He nods. "Yep, it's small so you can call him Little Ash or something."

  "What about Ash Jr.?" I ask.

  He gets a goofy look on his face, like he's stuck in a daydream like Reed gets. When he snaps out of it, his eyes are intense, practically shining. "Yeah Kitten, we'll name him Aeshlyn Jr."

  I don't understand why he's being so weird about it now. I walk to the side of the cart and get my new treasure out, sitting him in the front part where small kids go. I buckle him in. "We could call him A.J. for short."

  As I'm looking at book bags Ash is doing something with his phone. I not picky about much but I know the importance of a good backpack. I finally decide on a bright orange one with padding in the straps and a buckle across the chest. It should fit the stuff in the cart. Walking back to Ash, I see he's done pushing buttons.

  "You ready little one? Kellan should be home by the time we get back." I nod, following him with the cart. He stops and reaches for something else. I roll my eyes, Ash is just as curious in a store as I am. Maybe he would like to push the buttons in the toy section too? No, I can't picture him doing that. He'd just think I was stupid for asking. I lean around him, wondering what has his attention. They look like socks. He throws a pair of the black ones in.

  "You're buying one pair of socks?"

  "Yeah they're socks, but they have little holes for your toes. This way you can keep your feet warm and I can still see your tiny toes." That makes me laugh, he likes my toes? As he starts to walk away, he must think better of it because he turns back to the rack and grabs a pair in every color.

  I just laugh harder. "I don't need all of those Ash, we came here for toothpaste remember?"

  "Of course you do, gotta protect those things Sunshine, it's my job." He winks at me. Ash winked!

  "You know, you're pretty sweet when you want to be." I say to him. He really is, in a gruff sort of way, but sweet none the less.

  "You make me want to be Kitten, at least to you." He bends down and kisses me. "Only you."

  We check out, Ash not allowing me to see how much he spent, and I pack everything up in my bag. I left AJ's head poking out of the top and he thought that was cute. I climb on the glass bike, my arms wrapping around his tummy as he starts it up. I'm glad I didn't let him let me go this morning.

  When we get back to the house I search out Kellan as Ash takes my bag to his room and grabs Noah. I find him in the kitchen, talking to Tristan. They're sitting at the kitchen island, drinking coffee. I give them each a kiss on the cheek and take a sip of Tristan's coffee. I make a face, handing it back. Yuck, he put stuff in it.

  "Well hello to you too Kitten." Tristan laughs. "Have fun shopping with Ash?"

  "Yeah, he bought me lots of toe socks."

  "What are toe socks?" Asks Kellan.

  "Socks with spaces for toes. He said it would protect them." I shrug. I've never had them and my toes are just fine. But Ash wants me to wear them, so I will.

  "Okay, I suppose I'll see them soon enough. Do you think I could talk to you privately sometime today?" Kellan asks me, looking anxious.

  "Actually, I was looking for you. Do you know how to sew? I figured since you were a doctor or whatever that you might know how to do stitches."

  Kellan's face pales. "Did you get hurt? What's wrong? Did Ash get hurt?" He fires questions at me before I can answer them.

  "It's for the bear, calm down." Ash says, walking in with Noah. Kellan looks relieved.

  "He needs surgery Doc." I pout my bottom lip out.

  The three of them chuckle. "No way can you say no that face Kell." Tristan says, handing me a cup of black coffee. I stop him as he backs away, going on my toes to kiss his cheek.

  "I didn't get to say thank you for the wonderful breakfast earlier. I stuffed myself stupid until it wasall gone. You food is truly wonderful Tristan. Thank you." He hugs me close to him, kissing my forehead.

  When he pulls back, he tugs on my pigtails. "I like these." His fingers trail over the braids.

  "Did you know they're called pigtails?"

  He gives me his beautiful Tristan smile. "Yes, I've heard them called that before. Strange right?"

  "Very." I answer.

  "Alright Kitten, let's go get your bear fixed up shall we?" Kellan says. "I'll have you know that at one time, I was actually a surgeon." Holy crap, for real? Oh yeah, dummy, he's not really 19.

  I get Noah from Ash. "You coming Shadow?"

  "Not this time Sunshine. I heard Kellan say he wants to talk alone. You go on, I'll find you later." With that, he kisses me hard on the lips, quickly. My eyes snap to Kellan and Tristan, wondering how they will react. They don't, neither one even batting an eye at Ash's display of affection. Okay then, this must be okay.

  Kellan leads me to his doctor's office. "You look nice today." He tells me.

  I blush, looking at my clothes. "Thank you, Logan gave me these." That makes him laugh and shake his head.

  We each take a chair, facing one another. "Okay Kitten, let's start with what happened between you and Remy yesterday morning." Oh God, I don't know how to talk about that. "I understand this may be difficult for you, but it's important."

  "Um...I uh
, liked what we did." I whisper.

  "Did you initiate it?"

  "I think I did, but I was asleep." Kellan makes a note in his folder thing.

  When he looks back up to me he sighs. "I just wanted to check if you were alright Kitten. You were crying when Ash came to the door. Would you care to explain that?"

  "It wasn't because of what I and Remy did, not really. He didn't hurt me. It was new, and exciting, and weird and I had no idea what my body was feeling or doing, but I don't regret it, if that's what you think. I freaked out when someone knocked on the door because it could have been Jace. And I didn't want him to know." I pick at nonexistent lint on my knee. I won't take back my time with Remy.

  "It's not bad that you enjoyed yourself Kitten. The rest of the guys, myself included, just wanted to make sure that nothing was forced on you, that's all. Remy can be a little...intense. Persuasive if you will."