Songbird Caged

by Lisa Edward

  You can’t imagine how happy you made me when you said you would marry me. I was so worried you would say no. That it was too soon, and you would tell me to ask again when I got back home. But you didn’t. I’ve replayed that moment over and over in my head, and I still can’t believe how lucky I am.

  I know you’ll wait for me, and that’s a huge weight off my mind. It enables me to focus on the mission, confident in the fact that the love of my life will be there when I return.

  I don’t know what’s in store for us when we reach our destination. I wish I did, but maybe it’s better to not know. From what we’ve been told, the place we are going will be pretty rough, but our skills are needed there, and we’ve been trained to handle these conditions, so I don’t want you to worry. I wish I could tell you where that place was, and what we were doing. I know you would have something positive to say, something reassuring, but for security reasons, ours, and yours, it’s better that you don’t know.

  All the guys say ‘Hi’ and congratulations, although they think you’re crazy for committing to this lifestyle. They also think I’m the luckiest guy in the world for getting you. I have to say I agree ;)

  I love you babe, more than you will ever know. I will write as often as I can, and hopefully the letters will get through.

  You have the address to send your letters to. They will forward the mail on every week or two to our base camp, along with supplies. I have also made you my ‘next of kin’ and sole contact, so if you need to ask the army anything, hopefully they will be helpful.

  We need to board now so I’ll have to say goodbye. I wanted to write this first letter from Australia so I could be sure you would receive it.

  I will think of you every minute of every day. I will remember all the amazing times we’ve spent together and fantasise about what is yet to come. I will miss you, your smile, your laugh, the look in your eyes when we’re alone together and the way you make me feel, and I will love you with all my heart until my last breath.

  I love you so much, Tara. Stay safe, stay happy, and write soon.

  All my love

  Irish xx

  Before turning off the light to go to sleep, I read the letter again and again, and then tucked the covers under my chin, still clutching the piece of paper to my chest. I lay awake for more than an hour, replaying in my mind our last night together. I knew every word, every facial expression, and every touch by heart. Finally, when I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep, I found some paper and a pen and sat down to write Riley my first letter.

  To my gorgeous Irish,

  I can’t believe you’ve already sent me a letter. It was such a surprise, and I have already read it at least half a dozen times.

  Kelli and I have just returned from Sydney. She’s staying with me for a week, and then will move back into her old apartment for six months. I can’t tell you all the details, I’ll let Kelli tell Cooper the news, but needless to say it’s going to be a hectic time.

  I stayed at your place while I was in Sydney, and found a couple of your notes—yes, I had a little snoop around your apartment. It never ceases to amaze me how thoughtful you are. It’s the little things like that which I value the most, and I love you so much for it.

  I also saw the new photos on your wall. I laughed when I saw the duck photo; that was such a great day and unforgettable night. I look forward to having many more just like it in the not too distant future (if you know what I mean!).

  I’ve been trying to think of things to fill my time. You know me; I have to have a project or two on the go. One thing I’d like to do is buy Kelli a new car. Hers almost blew up on the trip home, and I don’t think it’s worth the money to fix it. It would mean accessing my trust fund, which I know you are not keen on, but I really want to help her out. You’ll understand more once she writes to Cooper.

  I’ve also thought about opening the restaurant at Songbirds – what do you think? Marcus doesn’t have the money to completely fulfil his dream, and I’d like to help him. I’d like to hear your thoughts on it though before I do anything.

  I miss you already, babe. It’s funny; you think that you are the lucky one. I think I’m lucky to have found you. You make me smile just thinking about you. Your heart is so big, and so full of love, and I feel blessed that you chose me to share your life with.

  I don’t know how I’ll manage to last six months apart from you. There have already been dozens of times that I’ve wanted to call you to tell you something.

  I’m already missing your smiling Irish eyes, and your infectious laugh, but I know you’ll be back soon, and then we can start our life together. I can’t wait for you to move to Melbourne so we can set up house—I’m so excited!!

  Until then, please, please, please stay safe, keep your head down, and write as often as you can.

  I love you so much babe.

  Your Fox xxoo

  WAKING EARLY, I unfolded myself from the couch. My back ached from the saggy springs, so I dragged myself into the shower, and without checking the temperature properly, stepped in.

  I squealed. The water was like ice cold needles on my skin. Jumping out, I fiddled with the taps, turning the hot all the way up and the cold off. It remained stone cold. The taps in the sink were the same, and, as if it would be any different, I checked the kitchen.

  I groaned to myself. The hot water system had been playing up before I’d left for Sydney, and it looked like it had finally given up the ghost.

  Kelli was still snoring her head off, so I quietly got dressed, then scribbled a quick note telling her there was no hot water, and letting her know I was going to get coffee and post a letter.

  Walking down the nearly deserted street, past cafes and restaurants, I smelt the enticing aroma of freshly-brewed coffee, and knew I should stop at one of them to buy my morning fix. But, instead, as if on autopilot, I kept walking to the end of the street until I reached the beach, then turned the corner and walked a few more meters until Cole’s building was in front of me.

  I hadn’t seen Cole for just over a week, and I had missed him more than I would ever admit. As soon as I thought about setting eyes on his gorgeous face, and hearing his deep husky voice, my spirits lifted.

  Upon entering the building, I spoke to the doorman behind the desk. I asked if Cole was in, and he buzzed up to the penthouse, while I waited nervously for the okay to go up. After about thirty seconds, I was told that Mr Michaels wasn’t answering.

  “Did you see him go out this morning?” I asked anxiously.

  “I’m afraid I can’t say, Miss,” he replied noncommittally.

  “Well, did he come home last night?” Now I was really anxious.

  “I’m afraid I can’t provide that information on one of our tenants, Miss.”

  Damn! How frustrating to have a doorman who didn’t want to gossip.

  I muttered not to worry about it, and pulled out my phone to call Cole’s number. He didn’t answer, and my heart sank. He had probably gone home with one of the many bimbos who hung off him after one of his gigs, and was otherwise occupied.

  I was just about to ask the doorman—I needed to find out his name—to leave Cole a message, when I heard someone enter the building behind me.

  “Hey, beautiful girl,” a deep gravelly voice said as two big arms wrapped around me. “I wasn’t expecting you back until tomorrow.”

  He spun me around, and hugged me into his broad chest. It was hot and sweaty, and I realised before I even looked at him that he had been for a run.

  Hugging him tight, I buried my face in his chest, so relieved that he had been out running and not with some nameless girl.

  “I was just about to ask the doorman if he could leave you a message.” I looked at the doorman pointedly. “He wouldn’t tell me if you’d come home last night, or gone out this morning.”

  Cole laughed, and patted the doorman on the shoulder. “He’s just doing his job, babe, although maybe a little too well in this case.”

&nbs
p; He turned to the doorman again. “Phil, if Tara comes around, you can answer any of her questions.” Then he looked at me with a cheeky grin. “In fact, you can let her up to the apartment if she needs to go up and I’m not answering.”

  Phil raised his eyebrows, surprised, but quickly fixed his face back to the blank expression he had been wearing. He pulled out a file and added my name to a very short list. From where I was standing, I could see there were Mr and Mrs Michaels, Jayden Conroy, and now me.

  I gave Phil a big smile, and he gave me a polite nod back. Cole had told me once that he never brought girls home, so this was a big deal for him. He was entrusting me not only to know his whereabouts, but also granting me access to his personal space, even if he wasn’t there.

  We stepped into the elevator and headed up to the penthouse. I looked out the corner of my eye at Cole as the elevator rose. He was looking straight ahead, but he had the most adorable smile on his face.

  “What are you grinning at?” I asked as I bumped his shoulder with mine, my grin matching his.

  He shook his head, still smiling. “Just happy to have you home,” he replied as the doors opened.

  “I’m going to grab a quick shower,” he said over his shoulder, as he made his way down the hallway. “You can come and talk to me in the bathroom if you want.”

  I turned bright red, and he gave me a husky laugh. “Or you can just make yourself at home.”

  Then he disappeared into his bedroom.

  I hesitated for a moment, before seriously slapping myself for even thinking of following him. I was engaged to Riley, so following Cole into the bathroom and talking to him while he showered was definitely not a good idea.

  Cole came back out as I was just starting to make coffee. He had pulled on jeans, but nothing else. The button was still undone, and my eyes instinctively followed the little trail of hair from his navel downwards, until it disappeared. He raised his hands to his face and combed his damp hair with his fingers, trying to get it into some sort of style. I smiled, it didn’t matter what he did with his hair, it always looked messy, and I loved it.

  He came over and wrapped his arms around me again, and I buried my face into his chest. He smelled of cedar and musk, and I inhaled deeply.

  “Did you just sniff me?” he asked, laughing.

  “Yep,” I said, closing my eyes and taking another deep breath. “You smell much better than you did fifteen minutes ago in the foyer.”

  “Sorry about that. I was a bit sweaty, but I just wanted to hug you.” He looked down at me, his emerald eyes sparkling. “I missed you while you were away.”

  I was so relieved to hear that. We had ‘had words’ about my sudden engagement to Riley just before I’d left for Sydney, and we were yet to clear the air. At least if he had missed me, he couldn’t still be mad at me, right?

  Wrong.

  “So, are we going to talk about what a huge mistake you made by getting engaged?”

  I gave him my seriously angry face. I didn’t expect him to understand, but I did expect him to respect my decision. I ignored the question and went back to making the coffee.

  He ran his fingers through his hair again. “What, so we’re just going to ignore the elephant in the room, are we?”

  “What elephant is that, Cole?” I asked, banging the milk jug down and glaring at him.

  He pointed to my hand. “The fucking big elephant sitting on your finger.”

  He started pacing the floor, which was never a good sign. His hands went to his hair and stayed there.

  I was watching him, nervously. Our happy reunion was not so happy anymore. Should I just go home? But he wasn’t finished yet.

  “It’s just that—it’s so quick!” He stopped beside me.

  I could see the rise and fall of his chest as he tried to calm himself down.

  “You were almost over the break up, almost over him, and ready to move on. Then, within two weeks you’re back together, and getting married. That’s insane, Tara!”

  Knowing deep down he was right, I dropped my eyes, unable to look at his face. It was too quick, but we didn’t have the luxury of time. Riley was being deployed for six months, and his last request was that we get engaged, and I wait for him. How could I turn him down?

  Besides, I was sure that we would have eventually followed this path, maybe not for another twelve months or so, but sooner or later. Sure, I would have preferred to have lived together first to see if we could make it work, but that’s just not how it happened.

  Needing to see Cole’s face as I asked the question, I forced myself to look into his eyes. “Why do you care so much that I’m engaged to Riley?”

  He held my gaze for a second. A thousand different emotions ran across his face before he looked away. He rested his elbows on the kitchen bench and buried his face in his hands.

  “He’s not right for you,” he finally replied. “He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t put you first.”

  I put my hand on his shoulder, and for a moment forgot what we were talking about. I was lost in the intricate design of his tattoo, and the definition of muscle under his smooth skin. His body was ridiculous.

  Clearing my head, I tried to get back on track. “You’re wrong. He does respect me. He loves me, and I love him.”

  “You forget I saw you outside Marcus’s house. He was banging you up against the wall, for fuck’s sake. That’s not how you treat someone you respect—believe me, I know. That’s how I treat girls who mean absolutely nothing to me.”

  I didn’t want to argue anymore. I knew Cole well enough to know he was as stubborn as I was. Neither of us would change our minds. Putting my coffee cup down, I started for the elevator, but he took hold of my hand.

  He pulled me back towards him and led me over to the couch.

  “Don’t go,” he said as he pulled me down to sit beside him. “We don’t have to talk about that now. Just stay, please.”

  I sighed, and allowed him to pull me down onto the cushion beside him. I didn’t want to leave, so the decision to let him win this one was easy.

  Instead, I told him about the trip to Sydney, and how sparsely furnished Riley’s apartment was compared to his.

  “He’ll have to buy some furniture if you’re going to spend time there,” he said, through gritted teeth.

  “I don’t think he can afford it on his salary. I’ll have to buy some, and hope he doesn’t get upset with me for doing it.”

  He looked at me, his brow furrowed. “What do you mean by ‘on his salary’? He’s a Corporal, right? He should be earning decent money.”

  Biting my bottom lip, I tried to remember every conversation I‘d had with Riley about money. There weren’t many, but at no time did we discuss how much he earned, or what he spent it on. I had just assumed that because he’d had to sell his motorbike to buy my bracelet, ring, and take me to Fiji, that he didn’t have much.

  “You don’t know much about him at all, do you, Tara?” Cole commented cockily. “Maybe you need to find out a bit more before you make such a huge commitment.”

  Rolling my eyes at him, I changed the subject and told him that I had spent the night on the couch, while Kelli had my bed.

  “Hang on a minute; why are you sleeping on the couch?”

  Hmm, that’s a bit tricky to answer. I made some feeble excuse about giving the guest the bed, and tried to skip over it by mentioning the hot water problem.

  “Well, if the couch is uncomfortable and you don’t have any hot water, why don’t you stay here? I have two beds you could choose from.” Then he gave me a cheeky wink. “Or three, if you include mine.”

  I could feel myself blushing, and tried to calm my racing heart.

  “Hey, that would be great. I’m sure Kelli would love to stay with you,” I said sarcastically, knowing how Kelli felt about Cole.

  Cole’s eyes widened as he took in what I was suggesting. “No way! I couldn’t live with her. Girls are difficult enough to get along with, but Kelli would be
impossible.”

  Here we go again. “Are you saying I’m not a girl again, so therefore you could live with me?”

  We had already had this argument once before, when Cole told me I was ‘one of the boys’, and not a girl. It had caused a lot of tension between us at the time. The comment had come at a particularly bad time, when Riley and I had broken up, and had made me feel extremely rejected and unattractive. What was worse—he’d said he didn’t want to sleep with me, either. Coming from Cole, that was a real insult.

  He held up his hands to stop my train of thought. “No, that’s definitely not what I’m saying. What I mean is, you’re the only girl I could live with. You know you’re my exception to every rule.” He leaned over and took hold of my hands. “So, what do you say? It would only be until your water’s fixed, but it could be fun.”

  I had to admit, it was tempting. Cole’s apartment was amazing, and right on the beach. And the prospect of staying at my place on the lumpy couch, and with no hot water for another five or six nights, made my back ache just thinking about it. But mainly I didn’t want Kelli having to endure cold showers in her condition; she deserved to be as comfortable as possible.

  “I’ll stay, on one condition,” I said to him with a grin.

  He grinned back, and nodded enthusiastically.

  “Kelli has to stay here, too.”

  I was sure he would reject the idea instantly, but he seemed to be considering it.

  “Is that your final offer?”

  “Yep,” I replied stubbornly.

  “How soon can the two of you move?”

  As we were just working out the final details, my phone beeped. It was Kelli, wondering if I’d gone back to Sydney to buy my coffee as I’d been gone so long.

  “I’d better head back,” I said as I started towards the elevator doors. “Just one more thing, though.” I stopped, and turned to Cole. “I don’t want Riley to know that I’m staying here. Even if it’s with Kelli, he still won’t like it. So if Kelli’s not on board with keeping it between us, then I can’t do it.”

  Cole had managed not to mention Riley for the last hour, but I could see from his expression that he still had a lot that he wanted to say.