Learning to Live Again (Corbin's Bend, Season Two Book 9)

by Ruth Staunton

  “First of all,” Matt told him, “you need to understand that there is a difference between hurt and harm. A punishment spanking may not be pleasant, but it’s not going to do any real harm. Not if you’re doing it right.”

  “That’s the problem,” Grant interjected. “How am I supposed to know if I’m doing it right? I have considerable experience of being on the receiving end when I was growing up, but absolutely none on the giving side.”

  “If that’s what you’re worried about, that’s easy enough to fix,” Matt said. “Brent gives lessons.”

  Grant loved Corbin’s Bend. He didn’t regret moving here for a second, but there were moments it felt very much like he was living in an alternate reality. They talked so easily and openly about things here that anywhere outside of the community would have likely gotten someone a one-way ticket to a psych hold. “Seriously?” he blurted.

  “Yes, seriously,” Matt confirmed. Their final game had never stopped. They were having this ridiculous conversation as they moved back and forth around the table, setting up and trading shots, but Grant didn’t think either one of them really had their mind on the game at this point. He knew he didn’t. He didn’t see how anyone could talk about this stuff and still concentrate on angles and lines of trajectory. The conversation alone was mind-boggling enough.

  “I do,” Brent verified, coming over from where he had been sitting.

  Grant turned in Brent’s direction and realized that the small audience they had attracted when they had first begun to play had disbursed at some point during the intervening time. Belatedly, he hoped they had been gone before the conversation turned to the personal. He was both surprised and ashamed that at the time he hadn’t even noticed.

  “I’m more than willing to help you,” Brent went on. “I’ve taught a lot of the others here.” Then, addressing himself to Matt with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look, he added, “In fact, I helped fine tune your spanking expertise. What’s stopping you from teaching him? I know you know it yourself.”

  “You have a point,” Matt conceded. Addressing Grant, he continued, “He’s right. I can teach you if you want. So could most of the other HoH’s. We’ve all been where you are at one point. Even our resident expert here was a newbie at one point, even if it was in the dark ages,” he added under his breath, grinning at Brent.

  Brent gave Matt a look that even Grant could see promised retribution later but didn’t rise to the bait. “This is exactly why we had the mentoring system in place so that everyone has someone else they can turn to for help when they need it. However, just because Matt is your mentor, doesn’t mean he’s the only one you can turn to. I think you’ll find that most people are willing to help if you ask. You can feel free to go to whomever you feel most comfortable.”

  “Thank you, both of you,” Grant said. “I’ll take one of you up on that one day soon.”

  “What’s wrong with now?” Matt asked.

  “Now?” Grant echoed, feeling utterly ridiculous when apprehension rose in his throat. He counted on having at least a few days to wrap his head around the idea before going to someone.

  “Why not?” Matt pressed. “Our families are occupied, and it’s not like either of us have anything else we have to do. You know what they say, no time like the present. We can practice here or go somewhere more private. Nothing we talk about will surprise anyone here in the least, I promise.”

  Grant took a deep breath, resolutely forcing down the uneasiness that plagued him. Matt was right. There was no time like the present. It was time he got himself together and manned up like the leader he claimed he wanted to be. It would be stupid not to take Matt up on his offer. He firmly ignored the voice in his head that insisted his father or grandfather should have been the one to teach him this, and it was wrong for him to do this without them. That excuse had kept him from stepping up for far too long. Neither man would have believed that, and he knew it. Both of them would have been telling him to get his head out of his ass. “Okay,” he replied, praying he sounded more confident than he felt, “but can we go somewhere a little less public?”

  “Sure,” Matt agreed easily. He moved immediately to return his cue to the rack on the wall, heedless of the fact that they were abandoning the game in mid-stream. “Let’s walk down to my place. If I know my kids, they won’t be ready to leave the pool for at least another couple hours.”

  “What about this?” Grant asked, gesturing at the pool table where balls were still scattered in every direction.

  “What about it?” Matt countered. “I was kicking your ass anyway.”

  Grant rolled his eyes. “In your dreams,” he shot back, going to put away his own cue.

  “Can we borrow the dummy?” Matt asked Brent, rolling balls into pockets and setting the pool table back to rights.

  “Of course,” Brent replied. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys, tossing them to Matt. “You know where it is.”

  Matt caught them easily. “Thanks. I’ll get it back to you later.”

  Before Grant could question that bizarre exchange, Matt was hustling him toward the door. “Come on, let’s go.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “Wonder what they’re up to?” Lainie asked as Grant and Matt walked off. The men had come out to let them know they were going to Matt and Julie’s house and to make arrangements for both families to have dinner together later that night.

  Julie shrugged. “Who knows?” She sprawled back against the side of the pool, stretching her legs into the cool water and basking in the sunshine. “I love the sun,” she said, sighing. “It feels like coming out of hibernation when it finally gets warm around here. That’s the one thing I missed most when we moved.”

  “Where did you come from?” Lainie questioned.

  “Arizona,” Julie replied. “Talk about culture shock. I’m a desert rat, born and bred. The first winter I thought I was going to freeze to death. And snow. I had never seen so much snow.”

  “I’m kind of looking forward to the snow,” Lainie admitted.

  Julie snorted. “You say that now, just wait. It’s pretty at first, but then it’s just a pain in the ass.”

  “I thought you liked that,” Lainie said with a cheeky grin.

  Julie’s expression turned quizzical. “Liked what?”

  “You know, pain in your ass,” Lainie said, giggling. “Sorry, too much time with middle school kids telling lame middle school jokes. It’s an occupational hazard.”

  Julie groaned, giggling. “Not that kind of pain.”

  “You know what you were talking about when we were unpacking, about how the other kind of pain can sometimes be a turn on?” Lainie said after a minute, hesitantly. “I get it now.”

  “Oh?” Julie said, one inquiring eyebrow raised.

  “You got me curious,” Lainie said. “I mentioned it to Grant, and, well, we ended up trying it.”

  “And you liked it?” Julie questioned.

  Lainie bit her lip, feeling a blush starting at the base of her neck and spreading rapidly to cover her face and the tips of her ears. Not for the first time, she cursed her fair skin. Every emotion she felt bloomed plainly on her skin. She couldn’t hide a damn thing.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” Julie said. “I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be blushing like that if you hadn’t liked it. Am I right?”

  “Yes,” Lainie told her. “I liked it all right. Very much. Truthfully, it was the best sex we’ve had in a long time.”

  “Told you,” Julie said, looking smug. “We’ll convert you into a spanko yet.”

  “A what?” Lainie asked.

  “A spanko, someone who is turned on by spanking, either giving or receiving,” Julie explained.

  “I’d say that has already been accomplished,” Lainie told her. “We’ve only tried it the once, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since.”

  “Remembering is half the fun,” Julie told her. “Were you sore the next day?”

  Lai
nie shook her head. “No, but I almost wished I was. Is that crazy?”

  “Not at all,” Julie assured her. “A lot of people like having some sort of reminder, a little heat or marks. That’s what makes the engraved paddles so much fun. You have a little reminder afterward.”

  Lainie’s blush had begun to fade as they talked, but now it surged again. Only this time it had nothing to do with embarrassment and everything to do with the picture that Julie had created in her mind. God, that was hot. The idea of carrying a reminder of her spanking in the marks on her body sent a surge of arousal right to her center. No, not just any marks. Grant’s mark. The sheer possessiveness in that should have been appalling, but it wasn’t in the slightest. It was sexy as hell.

  What was happening to her? She was a strong and independent woman. She didn’t need a man owning her, possessing her. She wasn’t an object. So why did she find the idea of being marked so sexy? It wasn’t just that either. If she were honest with herself, she liked Grant being demanding. The more dominant and demanding he was, the more it turned her on. When she haltingly admitted as much, Julie just grinned. “Welcome to the club, honey.”

  “How can you be okay with this?” Lainie had demanded. “Half the time I feel like I should hand in my feminist card or something.”

  Julie went wide-eyed. “What? There are membership cards? Mine must have gotten lost in the mail or something. Should I report it lost or stolen? Is there a one-eight-hundred number written on the back, like a credit card?”

  Lainie fizzed with laughter. “Shut up. You know what I mean. It really doesn’t bother you.”

  “Nope,” Julie replied. “You like cavemen. Who among us doesn’t? It’s not a crime, not to anybody except my family at least. As far as feminism goes, I’ve always thought that was all about making sure that women had the same choices as anyone else. Choosing to live the lifestyle we do is a valid choice. No one has any more right to judge me on that than they do the fact that I chose to stay home with my children or that you chose to pursue a career. It’s all about choice. Our choices are just as valid as anyone else’s.”

  “You have a point,” Lainie conceded.

  “Of course I do,” Julie told her breezily, face alight with amusement. “Besides, if you’re happy, who cares what anyone else thinks.”

  “Well, I’m happy with that part of it at least, in the bedroom. I’m still not sure what I think about the whole rules thing.”

  “Not everyone here does DD, you know,” Julie told her. “You don’t have to. Everyone here incorporates spanking into their relationships in some fashion or another, but exactly what form that takes is up to the individual couple. It can be DD only, or only as part of sex, or some of both. I think most of us incorporate a little of both, but no two couples are alike. That’s perfectly fine. Like I said, it’s all about choice. Whatever form you and Grant figure out works for you, the rest of us will accept, as long as it doesn’t ever cross the line into abuse.”

  “Does that ever happen?” Lainie asked.

  “It has,” Julie said sadly. “We try to be really careful with the interview process and everything, but in a community like ours it’s inevitable that eventually a few creeps are going to slip through the cracks.”

  “What happened to them?” Lainie wanted to know.

  “When it came out what they were doing, they were evicted by the housing board. Their partner is given safe haven here for as long as he or she wants or needs it. Like I said, we will accept any kind of safe consensual spanking relationship, but not abuse, and we do know the difference.”

  “A lot of people would say there is no difference,” Lainie commented.

  “Yeah well, a lot of people don’t get it,” Julie replied. “That’s one of the best parts about living here. Everybody gets it, and we don’t have to deal with anyone passing judgment on our relationships.”

  Lainie nodded. She could see how that would be a relief. Even though she and Grant hadn’t had this kind of relationship before moving here, she could just imagine the uproar it would cause if it got out. “You said the partner gets safe haven for as long as he or she needs.” Lainie said slowly. “He or she? Does that mean the man is not always the one in charge? The whole rules thing isn’t just about keeping women in their place?”

  Julie laughed. “Not at all. I’m sorry. I promise I’m not laughing at you. I was just thinking what some of the others might have to say to that. We need to do some serious TiH reeducation with you, my friend. You should come to the book club. We have just about every couple combination possible around here. Two men, two women, male-female with the woman in charge, and male-female with man in charge. Male lead male-female relationships are the majority, but not by any means the only one. I told you, we accept all sorts of relationships.”

  “I guess you probably think I’m pretty clueless,” Lainie said quietly.

  “Not at all,” Julie assured. “You’re new. We all were once. It’s just hard to remember that sometimes. It’s probably even harder for you than it was for me at first. I was new to the community but not the lifestyle, you’re new to both.”

  “It’s a lot to get used to,” Lainie said.

  “It gets better,” Julie said. “You really should come to book club. It’s a great way to get to know people.”

  “Book club?” Lainie asked.

  “There are two,” Julie explained. “One is mixed, with both HoH and TiH members. The other is just for TiH. You are welcome to join either one or both, but I really think you would enjoy the TiH one. Jonathan spearheaded it. It meets at Venia’s. I don’t remember when the next meeting is, but I can give you a call if you’re interested. For that matter, I think I have the schedule at home. We can take a look at it tonight if you want.”

  “Absolutely,” Lainie said. She couldn’t remember the last time she had read for pleasure or read anything that wasn’t required eighth grade literature. It sounded like fun. “So Jonathan is, what do you call it, a TiH too?” That was an interesting thought. From what she had seen of the man, he was sweet, quiet, and incredibly competent and efficient. She couldn’t imagine him needing someone to be in charge. It seemed like he practically ran things around here himself.

  “Oh yes,” Julie said. “His partner, Benjamin, is his HoH. It’s completely obvious if you ever see them together. Ben is retired military and totally alpha male. Jonathan loves him to pieces, and the feeling is completely mutual.”

  “That’s sweet,” Lainie said. “So they do DD?”

  “Yeah, they do. Like I said, most of us do, but that doesn’t mean you have to.”

  “Grant wants DD though, or at least he says he does,” Lainie said. “He’s completely convinced that it will save our marriage. His parents and grandparents all practiced DD, and he swears that they had the closest most solid marriages of anyone he’s ever known.”

  “He does have a point,” Julie agreed. “I think DD brings people closer. I never feel any closer to Matt than right after he’s disciplined me. There’s something about it that bonds us. Of course, the fact that it often leads to fantastic makeup sex doesn’t hurt either” – she flashed Lainie a wicked grin – “but there’s more to it than that.”

  “You’re kidding me,” Lainie said incredulously. “He punishes you like a child, and you want to have sex with him?”

  “Ew,” Julie said, wrinkling her nose. “Don’t say it like that. That’s gross.”

  “Isn’t that what it is though?” Lainie asked. “They’re giving us rules and punishments like children.”

  “Absolutely not,” Julie insisted. “First of all, Matt doesn’t just give me rules like a parent to a child. We decided on our rules together. I had an equal part of that conversation. Didn’t you?”

  Lainie considered it, thinking back to the initial conversation she’d had with Grant about DD back in the winter when he had first discovered Corbin’s Bend. “I guess,” Lainie said slowly. There had been a discussion, sort of. It had mostly consiste
d of Grant making his case as to why they needed to do this and her going along for the sake of pleasing him. She’d been tired of fighting, sick to death of the constant conflict, with her students, with her children, with her very life it had seemed. She’d been utterly exhausted and willing to agree to pretty much anything if it meant that Grant would stop working all the time and actually help her with things rather than relying on her to take care of everything. When he’d started talking about letting him be the head of the household and in charge, she felt like celebrating. She’d never dreamed that he was really taking all those rules stuff seriously. Even when he had started talking about rules and writing them down, she just tried to nod in appropriate places. To be fair, he had given her opportunities to talk about each rule and had asked her if there were things she wanted to add. However, since she had been absolutely certain they were no more than a token gesture, she’d felt no need to actually discuss things. She couldn’t honestly say she hadn’t had a part in the discussion though.

  “Yeah, I did,” she admitted finally.

  “So it isn’t really something he is imposing on you,” Julie pointed out. “It’s something the two of you have decided together.”

  “It still feels like he’s trying to tell me what to do,” Lainie insisted.

  “He is, in a way, but only within the bounds that the two of you have decided on together.”

  “I suppose,” Lainie replied.

  “If you’re not comfortable with anything, you really need to talk to Grant about it,” Julie told her. “You’re under no obligation to do anything you’re not comfortable with just for the sake of living here. Like I said, people incorporate spanking into their relationships in all sorts of ways, and that’s fine.”

  “It’s not the spanking that’s the problem,” Lainie replied. “I like that just fine, at least in bed. I can even see how it might be helpful with dealing with guilt and such. I don’t have a problem with that. It’s that telling me what to do part that bothers me.”