by Anya Byrne
By the time Erdi was fully inside him, Jensen could barely even think anymore. Yes, the invasion hurt, but he didn't care, because oh God, it hurt so good. Jensen half-feared he wouldn't survive their love-making, because surely the human body wasn't designed to withstand this level of bliss, sexual or otherwise.
It felt like that time when he'd gotten high on LSD, only to stare at the ceiling and discover new colors he hadn't known existed. It reminded him of the very first successful hack he'd made in secret governmental files, and all the hacks he'd done after that—the jolt of adrenaline that he'd never found elsewhere. It was like everything and nothing, and impossibly, it became even more.
Erdi gave him some time to adjust to the penetration, but then, he started to move. At that point, memories faded into a disjointed jumble, and all Jensen could do was to cling to Erdi and hang on for the ride.
Erdi fucked him like a man on a mission, like he couldn't not do it. His teeth were bared in a grimace of near-pain, and Jensen could swear they were far sharper than they should have been. But then, Erdi wasn't exactly human. That shouldn't have excited Jensen as much as it did, but whatever reason he'd had left had fled, chased by the mastery of Erdi's touch. The man seemed to have some sort of preternatural instinct in hitting Jensen's prostate every single fucking time. Distantly, Jensen wondered if that was a secret werewolf ability. Under different circumstances, the stray thought might have made him laugh.
He didn't laugh, of course. He couldn't have, simply because his vocal cords refused to work. Every part of him, from each individual lock of hair, to his toenails—and everything in between—buzzed with sexuality and life. Trapped between their bodies, Jensen's cock benefited from extra friction, and it was all so good it felt painful.
Jensen almost wanted to shy away from it, because he knew it would make him come any moment now, and he didn't want this to end, not just yet, not ever.
Above him, Erdi growled and snapped his hips, the rigidness in his shoulders screaming the man was about to find his peak as well. And then, the most unexpected thing happened. That tension seemed to turn into something different, completely unrelated to fun, sexy times.
That was the only warning Jensen got before his lover pulled out of him. Jensen gasped, expecting Erdi to shove his dick inside him again, but it never happened. Erdi didn't pull away, but neither did he impale Jensen on his cock again, leaving Jensen feeling somewhat empty and bereft.
What little part of him remained rational screamed "error," like a blue screen of death flaring in his mind's eye. He wanted to ask why, to beg and plead for Erdi to take him again. Undoubtedly, he would have done exactly that, but Erdi seemed inclined to sabotage all of Jensen's plans. He cupped both their erections in his large fist and jacked them off with more desperation than finesse.
Two strokes, and it was all over. In spite of his dismay, Jensen cried out and came, arching against his lover. Wet heat splashed over his abdomen as Erdi followed him over the edge. And it was absurdly satisfying, so much so that it took a while for Jensen to muster enough coherence to process the fact that Erdi had taken off his condom. It didn't help his confusion, and he managed to stammer a question, "W-What?"
Obviously, his brain processes weren't quite up to speed yet, but Erdi understood regardless. He kissed Jensen's temple and smiled sadly. "I just can't stay away from you, but I managed to remember you might not want to carry my baby—or be my mate. I'd hoped the condom would help prevent pregnancy, but I realized it wouldn't work."
There was so much that needed to be addressed, solely in those simple phrases, but Jensen didn't have enough time, or strength to do it. What he did manage was to wrap an arm around Erdi and curl into the man's embrace.
He might not have words to explain how he felt. He himself didn't understand it. But for now, this was fine. This was real. Whatever they were building between the two of them, they'd take it one step at a time. Hopefully, the answers would come to them soon.
Chapter Six
Over the following days, Jensen and Erdi settled in a regular routine—or at least, as regular as it could get when the individuals involved were a werewolf assassin and a human hacker on the run from a mysterious threat. They were both still on the edge, not knowing who exactly was after Jensen. Erdi had contacted Willow Cove more than once. Dean Simmons had assured him they were looking into it, and the best thing Erdi and Jensen could do was to stay safe and away.
It obviously unsettled Erdi, since Jensen often saw him pace like a proverbial werewolf in a cage. And so, he assigned himself the task to distract Erdi, only to distract himself in the process.
Jensen would have never thought it possible for him to stay for days on end in a remote cabin with no Internet connection, but he had plenty of interesting things to do without accessing the World Wide Web.
It was all about information, the one thing that had always fascinated Jensen. Erdi was a seemingly never-ending fount of it. Some of it often struck Jensen as unbelievable, although Erdi didn't really help since one time he'd told Jensen some pretty outrageous stuff as a prank.
Even so, they'd avoided anything sexual since the day of their arrival, which had started to frustrate Jensen. And maybe it wasn't even the carnal part that bothered him most. Erdi had times when he'd sit down at Jensen's side and lean against him, nosing his hair. He would laugh at Jensen's shocked looks—he'd been particularly entertained by Jensen's reaction at the idea of anal birth. In such moments, his mask would drop, and Jensen got to see the man behind the "silencer". It never lasted, because Erdi always pulled away in seconds, always restrained himself, and then kept his distance for a good couple of hours.
In the beginning, it hurt. Jensen felt like he was making all sorts of assumptions, drawing mistaken conclusions and messing up more and more in the process. Fortunately, the use of the sat-phone was not restricted, so Jensen found himself reaching out to Parker.
Parker had been sheepish and apologetic when Jensen had first learned the truth, but their friendship was stronger than any awkwardness that could have existed between them. He was human, but he also knew a lot about the werewolf world, and his perspective helped a great deal.
"I think it's very hard for him, to want you, but not be able to have you," Parker told Jensen once. "Werewolf instincts are very strong, and the way they bond with their mates... It's unique. I can't quite explain it. You have to feel it to fully understand it."
"But he does have me," Jensen protested.
"You're not listening. It's not just sexual. A mate bond means more than that. It's commitment, trust, the hope for a future. I know Erdi was reluctant to join our pack, so I can only imagine he doesn't feel he deserves that sort of thing."
Parker was right, of course, and Jensen saw it every day. He tried to be patient, hoping things would get better in time. In the end, it was after one of Erdi's attempts to avoid him that Jensen finally snapped.
That morning, they decided to have breakfast together—as they usually did—and they'd unexpectedly started to talk about their families. For the most part, they'd stayed away from such topics since they'd come here, but this time around, they kind of stumbled into it.
Later, Jensen would blame himself for it—because it started out from something he said. "I love it here, but I admit I miss the activity back home."
"I know what you mean," Erdi commented. "It's peaceful... yet very strange. I suppose I could get used to it."
Jensen laughed. "You can get used to all sorts of things. When I left the orphanage, I was very wary of what I'd find with my new family. I was afraid that I'd abandoned my only friend, and I'd never have anyone again. But... I think things turned out all right—even if I'm not really close to them."
His adoptive parents had been nice enough, but Jensen's curiosity had eventually led to a rift between them. He'd done some unfortunate digging into his father's computer, and that had eventually led to a crazy revelation—that the man had another family in a completely differen
t city. His mother had been crushed, but in the end, it was Jensen who had paid the price for it, since he had ruined her dream of finally having a family.
He must have looked pretty melancholic, because Erdi unexpectedly offered some information of his own. "At the end of the day, family is something you can't predict or judge. Just look at me. I don't even have a pack. All I have is a brother, and he's the one who pulled me into the silencer business to begin with."
It was the first time Erdi had mentioned being a silencer without Jensen prodding him, so it startled Jensen. Erdi immediately tensed, abandoning the sandwich he'd been busy making. Before Jensen knew what was going on, Erdi was already out of the kitchen and disappearing through the back door.
Jensen ran after him, but it was no use. He exited the cabin just in time to see wolf-Erdi vanishing into the forest.
Resigning himself to a forced wait, Jensen returned to the cabin and made himself a cup of hot cocoa. He knew Erdi wouldn't go far, or stay away from him for too long. The man was far too aware of the threat Jensen faced to simply abandon him. The fact that he'd left at all spoke volumes of how much it hurt to have his feelings brought to light.
Well, Jensen would not allow this any longer. He knew better than to hope Erdi's guilt would miraculously vanish, but that didn't mean Jensen couldn't soothe it. Erdi deserved a second chance, a second shot at having a family.
He mused over that thought, letting it roll in his mind, analyzing it from every possible angle. Like Parker had said, a mate bond was a very real commitment, and Erdi wouldn't want Jensen to jump into it out of misplaced compassion. Jensen didn't want that either, because Erdi deserved better.
But the thing was... Compassion aside, Jensen wanted to be with Erdi. He wanted to see those smiles without them fading away. Erdi was always handsome, but when he let go of the sorrow he wore like a veil... Jensen had no words. For all his bloody past, Erdi was a good man.
He was also the only person to ever make Jensen feel safe, loved, understood and completely accepted. The closest Jensen had come to that had been with Parker, but the friendship the two of them shared didn't quite reach that point. Sometimes, Jensen looked at Erdi, and he felt like the man could understand him without words.
Crazy? Maybe. But his life had taken a crazy turn when he'd embarked on this journey, not knowing that he was stumbling into a world that couldn't be quantified through numbers and coding.
Ironically, Erdi's relationship with Jensen wasn't truly his biggest concern—but rather, the whole pregnancy thing. Jensen closed his eyes and remembered how he'd felt when he'd seen Gavin with his son, or during the drive with Jackie and Kyle. He wanted that, so very much. Added bonus—no anal birth. Parker had assured him that the procedure used was always a C-section, and Jensen felt quite thankful for it. There were some things that not even Jensen could wrap his mind around.
When Erdi stepped into the kitchen again, perhaps a half hour or so later, Jensen had already reached a decision. Erdi didn't speak or look at him, but Jensen had expected that. The man's entire demeanor screamed "Do not approach." For once, Jensen wouldn't let that stop him.
"You're wrong," he said, setting the cup of his now-cold cocoa down on the table.
Erdi turned toward him and arched a brow. His face could have been carved out of stone. "Wrong? About what?"
"You have a pack. You have a family. Saul and the others welcomed you into theirs, no matter what you might think. And... You have me."
Erdi's eyes widened. "Jensen..." He took a step back, stumbling in an uncharacteristic display of clumsiness. "I can't..."
"Yes, you can." Jensen got up and walked toward his mate—yes, his mate!—keeping his gait slow and steady in a deliberate attempt not to spook Erdi. "You've known this for a while now. You have me. I've been yours since the moment we met."
Erdi shook his head. "I can't ask that of—"
"You're not asking, and I'm not offering," Jensen interrupted him. "It's a fact. It's not up for debate." He let his voice soften and gave Erdi a pleading look. "You know it's true, Erdi. You can see it, just like I can. I want this... I want you."
"Baby... You don't know what you're saying. I'm a monster."
"You're a man," Jensen countered, "just like me. Nobody is perfect. Yes, you've made mistakes, and yes, you have a past—but that doesn't mean you can't have a future. With me. With... maybe with a baby."
Erdi made a noise like he was choking, and maybe it would have made Jensen hesitate if not for the look in Erdi's eyes—so full of yearning, of desperate hope. Hoping he was reading Erdi correctly, Jensen pressed his advantage. He stepped closer to his mate and molded their bodies together. "I want this," he repeated as he wrapped his arms around Erdi's neck. "I won't force things if you don't want me back, but—"
He didn't get to finish the phrase. Erdi's lips cut him off, hot and hungry, swallowing what he was about to say. The kiss was passionate, almost brutal, and Erdi devoured him, thrust his tongue into Jensen's mouth, melting his apprehension into renewed decision and a lust that invaded every cell in his body.
When Erdi broke the lip-lock, Jensen couldn't help a whine of protest. The haze of desire cleared a little when Erdi spoke again, his voice filled with gravel. "You're what I want most in this life. Don't ever doubt that."
Jensen tried to press in closer, but he couldn't quite manage. It frustrated him to no end that Erdi always took the time to get dressed after his runs before he actually came in to see Jensen. That was easily fixable—and hopefully, it would have the added effect of getting Erdi to see that Jensen meant what he said.
After all, this wasn't just about sex. As much as Jensen desired Erdi, there was more to what they shared. If only he could make himself find the words to describe it... But he couldn't—could barely even breathe, too hypnotized by the look in Erdi's eyes.
There was something hungry and feral in those dark orbs, a beast that just waited to be unleashed. And whatever doubts Erdi deemed justified, the 'want' was obviously not the issue.
At the end of the day, that was what mattered, this very clear connection, the honest truth they couldn't shy away from. Jensen tightened his hold on Erdi, willing the werewolf to understand, no, to accept what Jensen offered. They just stood there, staring at each other, at a deadlock, the tension between them palpable, both erotic and not, with a depth that weighed heavily on Jensen.
Jensen was afraid to move because he had a feeling this was a defining moment in his life. If Erdi pulled away, if he said no... Jensen didn't know if he'd have the strength to try again. He felt exposed, every emotion in his heart clear for Erdi to see, all the dreams that he barely even dared to glimpse now on display.
Finally, just when he thought he was about to implode out of sheer tension, Erdi let out a sound that was part sob, part growl. Jensen didn't manage to figure out how that noise could even come from the throat of a man, werewolf or otherwise, but it was so...Erdi that it aroused Jensen beyond belief.
And then, Jensen didn't have to think or judge anymore because Erdi was kissing him again. This time, he didn't pull away, nor did he show any sign of planning to do it anytime soon. Biting Jensen's lower lip, Erdi pushed him back, shoving him against the kitchen wall.
The wood dug into Jensen's body, but he couldn't have cared less. He did his best to find leverage and wrapped a leg around Erdi's waist. Erdi lifted him up, his strong hands landing on Jensen's ass and kneading lightly even as they helped support Jensen. As Erdi devoured his mouth, Jensen welcomed his mate's lust for him, responding in turn. Their tongues dueled in a battle that Jensen refused to yield, at least at first. Erdi's touch unleashed the wild need inside him, and he couldn't get enough, was desperate for Erdi's taste, for everything his mate could give him.
Erdi managed to steal his breath—in every way that counted. Jensen simply didn't have the patience to take in oxygen, but he didn't even think that refusal was the cause of the haze taking over his mind and body. Erdi became the focus of his enti
re world, and everything else seemed to dim, unimportant, irrelevant.
There were no more doubts, no more mistakes. For once, their path was clear, like lines of computer coding that inexorably led to a result. When Erdi broke their kiss, Jensen somehow knew his mate no longer intended to stop or pull away. And Erdi didn't, instead choosing to take advantage of their position to press bruising kisses over Jensen's neck. Erdi's lips left behind waves of heat that pooled straight into Jensen's cock.
Jensen tried to grind against his lover, but despite his efforts, he couldn't quite get enough friction. Then again, he doubted anything would be enough. After the last couple of days, Jensen burned with need, one that could only be satisfied in a single way.
It was that need that unlocked Jensen's vocal cords. Somehow, he managed to utter two simple words. "Claim. Me."
He hadn't actually intended to say that, and in fact, what part of him had been able to rationalize the phrase had meant it as a 'fuck me' plea. But it came out entirely different, with more meaning than he himself could bear.
That was what he wanted, to be claimed, to belong to Erdi. Even if there were parts of the werewolf world he didn't completely understand, Erdi had been open with him about what it meant to have a mate—if only because he'd wanted to point out Parker was completely safe with Finn. But, in truth, that wasn't the reason behind his decision. In his heart, Jensen just knew it to be right, the piece of him he'd been looking for ever since he'd been old enough to want an intimate relationship.
Thankfully, his words shattered whatever traces of resistance Erdi might have preserved. Suddenly, Erdi was jerking Jensen's clothes off, his lips twisted into a near-snarl as his claws tore into the material. Jensen shivered when his shirt ripped, but he also clung to Erdi tighter, hoping his proximity would somehow show his mate how much he wanted this.
Encouraged, Erdi continued his self-appointed task. When Jensen's shirt was in scraps on the floor, Jensen realized their current position made getting naked a bit... awkward to say the least. In that exact moment—as if he could read Jensen's mind—Erdi flipped Jensen away from the wall and onto the kitchen counter.
