by Maya Banks
“Damn right we want you,” Dillon bit out. “We’re not your pansy-ass ex-husband, Lily. We don’t throw out weak accusations and hide behind guilt. Living with us may not always be easy, but I’ll be goddamned if we don’t give it everything we have. We’ll love you unconditionally, and you’ll always, always have our full support.”
“Even if I don’t want more children?” she asked quietly.
Michael squeezed her tighter to him and brushed his mouth across her forehead. “Honey, I can only imagine the horrific grief you feel at your loss. I can’t even wrap my brain around it. I won’t say I understand it, because I’ve never experienced anything of that magnitude. But even if we never have children, we’re still going to love you and want you with us. In time, and when some of the rawness is gone, you may decide that children are something you want. And we’ll support you one hundred percent. We can change diapers, burp and feed babies with the best of them. Every single one of us had a hand in raising Callie.”
“It will be different this time, Lily,” Seth said. “You never ever have to fear that you’ll be alone with a baby to take care of. If we decide in the future that children are something we want, then we’ll tackle it as a unit. Family. You’ll not only have us, but you’ll have Mom and Callie and the dads. You have a big family who loves you now. We support you unconditionally. That’s what family is about.”
“Oh God,” she whispered. “I’ve been so afraid. I’ve shut it all out because I didn’t want you to know. I knew you had to eventually, but every day I told myself I just wanted one more day. And then it turned into one more day and another and another. I kept telling myself later. I’d tell you later, but I didn’t want to ruin something so perfect and the first real joy I’ve felt since the birth of Rose.”
Michael kissed her again and Dillon rubbed his hand over her back.
“Now about the condom,” Seth hesitantly began. “Honey, you have to know we’re so damn sorry. We’d never do anything to hurt you or that went against your wishes. But I need you to know something okay? Look at me.”
Her gaze drifted to Seth, to the fierceness on his face.
“I need you to hear this. If it ends up that you got pregnant, that your birth control wasn’t effective yet, we are going to be there for you every single step of the way. We’ll handle this together, and I guarantee you that there’ll be no shortage of people to watch over our child every minute of the day so that you can rest and recover. I swear it, Lily. On my life.”
Dillon and Michael both nodded and some of the awful tension eased just a tiny bit in her chest.
“Okay,” she whispered. “I believe you.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
“She’s been this way for a goddamn week,” Dillon swore.
The three brothers were gathered in the kitchen while Lily had secluded herself in Dillon’s office painting. She’d spent most of her days there, coming out at dinner, even smiling and making casual conversation. But there were shadows under her eyes, and pain still lurked in their depths.
“I want to marry her,” Michael said bluntly. “As soon as possible. I think we should ask her now.”
Seth raised an eyebrow. “You really think now is good timing?”
“It’s what we all want,” Michael said. “And the thing is, I want to do it now, before she knows if she’s pregnant or not. If it turns out that she’s carrying our child, I don’t want her to ever think that we married her for any other reason than we love her and want to spend the rest of our lives with her.”
“He raises a good point,” Dillon said. “I’d rather do it now, before we know one way or another. That way we can face the outcome together.”
Seth grimaced. “I hope she’s not pregnant. She has a lot of healing to do before we can even think about children. I have no doubt that we’d support her every step of the way, but I want her to have our child because that’s what she wants more than anything. Not because a goddamn condom broke.”
“I agree,” Michael said quietly.
“It would seem we have a ring to buy, and we need to figure out the best way to pop the question,” Dillon said. “I have to admit, I never expected the day I asked a woman to marry me to be a group effort.”
Seth snorted. “I hear that. But I don’t regret it, and maybe you two need to hear this because this is going to take a hell of a lot of patience and sacrifice on all our parts. I love Lily and I know you two do as well. I’m okay with that. I never thought I would be. I’ll be honest. But she makes it all okay. I want her and I want her to be happy. I think the three of us can do that.”
“Well damn,” Dillon said. “Big brother’s getting all mushy. You’re going to have me tearing up in a minute. I think I feel one getting ready to fall.”
Seth rolled his eyes. “You’re such an asshole.”
Michael laughed. “Just like old times. Dillon and Michael against Seth. It’s a wonder you survived to adulthood.”
“I can still kick the crap out of you two shitheads,” Seth threatened. “And now you don’t have Mom to hide behind like a bunch of damn girls.”
Dillon flipped up his middle finger.
“Okay, you two, enough. We have a ring to buy and a proposal to work on. I want this to be perfect for her. Her first husband was a complete fuckwad,” Michael said.
“One of us needs to go to Denver to get the ring, and it’ll look damn suspicious if we all go, not to mention I don’t want to leave Lily alone right now.”
Dillon nodded his agreement to Seth’s statement.
“Dillon has the best taste when it comes to jewelry,” Michael said slyly. “He wears all those really cute earrings. I think he should be the one to go pick it out.”
Dillon shot him a quelling look and Michael just laughed.
Seth smiled and turned to Dillon. “Looks like you’re nominated. Get your ass on the road early in the morning so you can be back. Michael and I will work out the rest.”
Lily marked through yet another drawing, frustrated by her inability to get to paper the image in her head. It had to be perfect—it would be perfect before it was over.
For the past few days she’d worked with single-minded focus, drawing and redrawing and then tossing when the image didn’t meet her expectations.
She sighed and leaned back in her seat, stretching her tired back muscles. It probably looked to the guys like she was avoiding them. Like she’d sought solitude to wallow in her grief. But the truth was, she was pissed off.
Not just pissed off, but furious.
She’d done a lot of thinking. She’d done nothing else as she’d immersed herself in her art. And the more she thought, the more she realized that she would have to do something if she was ever going to move forward.
A light knock at the door startled her, and she swiveled in her seat to see all three men standing in the doorway. She quickly pulled down a blank piece of paper over her drawing and focused her attention on them.
“We have a surprise for you,” Michael said. “Can you spare us a few hours? We have something planned.”
Intrigued and eager to get out of the house, she nodded and stood, rubbing the kinks out of her neck.
“You’ll need to change into jeans and bring along your light jacket,” Seth said.
She nodded slowly. “Okay. Give me five minutes and I’ll meet you out front.”
She hurried into the bedroom where all her clothes were put away in the closet and pulled out one of her new pairs of jeans. She shimmied them on and then chose one of the nicer shirts Callie had picked out.
Her curls were more unruly than normal because she hadn’t taken as much care in the past days, but after a look in the mirror, she deemed them acceptable and went in search of her boots.
When she went out the front door, all three brothers were standing around the Jeep waiting for her. Michael slid into the driver’s seat while Dillon held the front passenger door open for Lily.
She smiled as she settled into her seat
and Michael turned, his gaze roaming over her face.
“That’s the first smile I’ve seen from you in days. I’ve missed it, Lily. I’ve missed you.”
She reached over to touch his arm. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been difficult. You all have been so patient with me.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I’m saying, baby. I just like to see you happy and smiling. That’s all.”
She gifted him with another smile.
As they turned around to head down the drive, she asked, “Where are we going?”
“That would ruin the surprise,” Dillon said.
Some of the heaviness weighing down on her lifted. She’d done a lot of thinking and a lot of soul searching since telling the guys the truth about her past. She knew what she had to do. Now she just had to find the courage to do it.
They drove a familiar path out of town and started up the mountain and around the switchbacks that led to their parents’ house.
She smiled a bit broader when the Colters’ cabin came into view. How quickly she considered them family. Her family. She already loved them. They’d accepted her and shown her nothing but love and unconditional support.
The guys got out and Dillon opened her door, holding out his hand to help her out.
“You’re being awfully gallant today,” she said as she stepped down.
He grinned. “I hope I’m gallant every day.”
“Aren’t we going in?” she asked when they bypassed the front porch and headed toward the barn.
Seth put his arm around her and propelled her forward. “Nope.”
“Oh.”
She followed behind Michael and Dillon, Seth’s arm wrapped around her. They were all being so solicitous with her. And careful, as if she were incredibly fragile and they feared breaking her.
And in a way, she supposed their fear was justified. Her meltdown had been monumental. But freeing in a way she’d never imagined.
When they reached the barn, Seth stood with Lily while Dillon and Michael went in. A few moments later, they returned, each leading two mounts.
She glanced suspiciously up at Seth. There was no way they’d saddled the horses that quickly. Which meant that they’d been readied before they’d arrived.
Dillon stopped in front of Lily and handed Seth the reins to the horse Lily had ridden the time she’d gone with Callie. Then Dillon lifted her into the saddle and Seth handed up the reins.
She waited while the men mounted, and then Michael started toward the trail that led to Callie’s Meadow. Dillon motioned for her to follow Michael, and he and Seth fell in behind.
They took a leisurely pace and Lily was enchanted with the changes that had taken place just since she and Callie had last taken the same path.
Spring had fully sprung. The fields were a lush cover of blooms in an array of colors that were so brilliant, she itched to put them to canvas. She stared at the beauty of the meadow, trying to commit every detail to memory. She’d need to update her drawing for Callie. The meadow was alive with new growth, bursting with vibrancy that enchanted her.
The stream that dissected the meadow gurgled and was fast running from the melting snow from nearby peaks. The sound mixed with the chirps of birds and the sounds of insects, the life and breath of the landscape.
Michael rode to the stream and dismounted, allowing his horse to nose into the stream to drink. Seth slid from his horse and then reached up for Lily.
They left the horses by the water and walked up a small incline that was particularly ablaze with wildflowers. She hadn’t noticed until now that Michael carried a basket in one hand and had a blanket roll under his other arm.
It was a perfect day for a picnic, and she was delighted that they’d thought to surprise her with such a sweet gesture. After being cooped up in her makeshift studio for the week, alone with her thoughts and her drawing, being outside, surrounded by the beauty of spring, was a balm to her tattered soul.
Michael handed the basket to Dillon and then unfurled the blanket. The breeze caught it and it billowed out. Michael flapped it twice, arranging it just so before pulling it to the ground. Dillon set the basket on one corner to hold it down while Michael stepped on the other.
Then he turned back to Lily and motioned her forward.
Seth escorted her onto the blanket and sank down on the edge. Then he reached up to pull her down beside him. Dillon settled on her other side while Michael sat across from her.
“Are you hungry?” Michael asked.
“Starving.”
Michael smiled. “Dillon has fried chicken. I made potato salad, and Seth made brownies. Dillon also dug into his highly prized collection of wines and brought along a bottle that he’s been saving for just the right occasion.”
She nearly moaned. “It all sounds fantastic.”
Michael pulled out hard plastic plates and napkins and passed them around. Then he took out the container that held the chicken and placed it in the middle, followed by the bowl containing the potato salad.
He handed the wine over to Dillon to open and then Michael distributed glass wine flutes.
It was amazing. They’d thought of everything.
“White or dark?” Michael asked her.
She grinned. “Both. I want a thigh and a wing.”
He plopped two pieces of chicken on her plate and then dished up a healthy helping of potato salad and handed it to her.
She wasted no time digging in and was soon enjoying the delicious, perfectly seasoned chicken. It was so good that she licked her fingers after every bite.
They ate in companionable silence. Lily stared up at the sky, mesmerized by the brilliant blue unmarred by a single cloud.
“It reminds me of your eyes,” Seth murmured.
Startled, she turned to look at him. “What does?”
“The sky. Today it reminds me of your eyes. Beautiful and so vibrant.”
“I never know quite what to say when you say such wonderful things,” she said in a low voice.
He smiled. “Keeping a woman speechless isn’t the worst thing in the world.”
“Ooohhh, you just had to go and ruin it,” she said as she made a stabbing motion at him with her fork.
Michael chuckled. “Guess he gets the couch tonight.”
Lily sipped at the wine, savoring the taste on her tongue. She took the last bite of her potato salad and put the plate away with a groan.
“Surely you’re not full already? We still have brownies to eat,” Dillon said.
“I’d have to be dead to turn down chocolate,” she said.
Michael took a metal canister and opened it. Immediately the rich scent of chocolate wafted on the breeze, teasing her nostrils with the delicious smell.
“Oh my God,” she murmured. “Gimme.”
Seth laughed. “Give the woman her chocolate. She sounds slightly demonic.”
She took the hunk of brownie from Michael and sank her teeth into it. “Oh sweet mother, this is heaven,” she groaned.
Seth leaned in to nuzzle her neck. “It’s not as sweet as you.”
“Okay, you’re forgiven for the speechless woman crack,” she said magnanimously.
His expression turned serious. “There’s something we want to talk to you about.”
Her stomach did a complete flip and she glanced warily at Dillon and Michael.
“You’re scaring her, dumbass. Quit being so serious,” Dillon said.
“We have something to ask you,” Michael corrected.
Michael reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a tiny box. He actually looked nervous and even a little pale as he scooted toward her and held out the box on his palm.
She reached for it, her fingers shaking.
“Open it,” Seth urged.
She took off the top and found a velvet jeweler case inside. She turned the box upside down to shake out the smaller one, and it landed in her palm with a plop.
Her stomach was a big, tight ball of nerves as she f
umbled with the lid. When she finally got it open, diamonds flashed in the sun, stunning her with their dazzling brilliance.
She stared in absolute befuddlement at the gorgeous princess-cut diamond ring. In the middle of the arrangement were four square-cut diamonds put together as if they were one large single diamond. And then on both sides of the centerpiece were four smaller cut diamonds, again arranged together as if they were larger stones. Then smaller diamonds were embedded in the band all the way down the sides.
It was the most gorgeous ring she’d ever seen, and it was exactly something she would have chosen for herself. Simple, yet so elegant.
She didn’t know what to say. She was completely and utterly overwhelmed and speechless.
Seth took the ring from its perch and gently slid it on the ring finger of her left hand.
“Will you marry us, Lily?” Dillon asked, his voice a velvet brush over her skin.
“Will you stay with us and love us as much as we love you?” Michael asked.
“In sickness and in health,” Seth whispered next to her. “Until death do us part?”
It was on her lips to say yes. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. There was no doubt in her mind or heart that they were what she wanted. That she loved them with every part of her soul and that her heart belonged only to them.
But she also knew that she owed it to them to come to them whole. Healed. Free of her past. She owed it to herself.
So she bit her lips, because she couldn’t say yes. Not yet. Oh, she would. There was no doubt. But first…first she had to do the most difficult thing she might ever face in her life. She had to face down her past. And then she had to forgive herself.
“I love you,” she said fiercely. “I don’t want you to ever doubt that.”
She looked each of them in the eye as she spoke the words.
“You have no idea how much I want this.”
She slid off the ring and carefully returned it to the safety of the velvet jeweler’s box.
Before they could protest, she turned back to them, not wanting them to believe even for a moment that she was rejecting them or their love.
