Sam hesitated for a moment as she started to take off her shirt. She thought anxiously about the fact that she was older than Valerie, and out of shape. Then Valerie took the shirt off for her.
Her strong hands played over Sam’s body, exploring her. “Baby…don’t ever be ashamed of your body. You’re a beautiful woman.”
At this, whatever remained of Sam’s reserve of doubt flew out the proverbial window—she was lost in the thrill of a woman’s touch for the first time in so many years. It was magic…and scary as hell! Valerie would not let Sam rest until they had both come more than once. Sam lost track and forgot to worry about how she looked or what she did. Finally, sex without effort. And without disappointment.
In the middle of the night, Sam woke to the odd feeling of not being sure where she was. As she made her way to the bathroom, she tripped on one of Valerie’s boots lying in the hallway. The memory of what had happened flooded back. Sam looked over at the bed and saw a tousled blonde head and a muscular arm flung outside the cover. She gasped aloud, then clapped her hand over her mouth. She needed time to process this experience while the other woman slept.
By the time Sam returned from the bathroom, she had decided to enjoy the moment and let tomorrow take care of itself. She slid into bed next to Valerie’s tall, lean body and snuggled up as much as she dared.
When Sam woke up the following morning, Valerie was already awake, sitting up in bed and smoking. She grinned at Sam.
“Good morning, beautiful.” Sam grinned back and searched all around the bed for the underwear and pants she had flung aside so carelessly the night before. She discovered she was only slightly hung over from last night’s drinking—thank goodness—she had to pick up Emily and Dax from her mom’s house later in the afternoon. The thought of her kids and her mother made Sam blush and hastily pull on the shirt she found crumpled behind the nightstand.
Sam didn’t quite know what to say to the stranger in her bed. She attempted to make small talk as she started getting her things together to head home. Valerie took the hint and pulled on her jeans and shirt, draped neatly over the bedside chair the night before. She fumbled with a pack of cigarettes, lighting the last one and crumpling the pack. Sam watched as Valerie sat down on the bed and wrote something on the pad by the telephone.
“Well, it’s been real, baby girl. Thanks for rescuing me from ‘Devil Woman’…she can get really jealous when she’s fucked up like that. Sally was already pretty wasted by the time we got to Mo’s.”
Sam hesitated. “What will happen…I mean…with Sally. When you get home.” She hated thinking about Valerie living with Sally, making love to her, sleeping in the same bed…“I feel like it’s my fault you fought.” Her words echoed hollowly in the morning quiet of the hotel room.
Now Valerie was all macho bravado. “Shit, nothing will happen. She’ll cry, I’ll apologize…no big fuckin’ deal, ya know?”
Sam must have still looked worried. Valerie motioned her over to where she still sat on the bed. She pulled Sam down beside her and kissed her.
“We had a good time, didn’t we? That’s what life’s all about. I work hard and I play hard…Sally knows that. No harm done.” And she grinned again, that captivating, vaguely wicked grin that made Sam weak at the knees. “I wrote down my name and number, just in case you come up this way again sometime. I mean, shit, I wouldn’t want you to have to spend the evening sitting all alone at the bar or anything.” She stood and took Sam by the hand. “So, can you drive me home, baby? It’s not far.”
Sam sprung up from the bed, grateful to have some definitive action to occupy her racing mind. “No problem. Just let me find my keys.” Sam discovered to her relief her wallet and her keys were still in the pockets of last night’s pants. “Okay, let’s go.”
Valerie took a few moments to pull on her boots and run a hand through her short blonde hair.
“After you, beautiful.”
In the car, Valerie asked if Sam could stop at the Jiffy Store and give her money for a pack of cigarettes. Sam felt a twinge of discomfort about this but pushed it aside. After all, what did it matter what sort of person Valerie was, since Sam was certain she would never see her again.
It was a short drive to the house Valerie shared with Sally. As Sam’s car pulled up, Sally came out onto the front porch, wearing the same clothes she had worn at Mo’s. She had obviously been crying.
Valerie turned to Sam and grimaced. “See what I mean? First the crying, then the yelling…just an ordinary weekend in the life of Valerie Leach.” She let out a harsh laugh, then turned to kiss Sam one final time. “See ya, baby girl.”
Sam smiled and waved tentatively, saying nothing. She watched her “one-night-stand” walk away, turned the radio way up, and headed back to the hotel.
Chapter 8: Plans
It had been two weeks since Sam’s last date with Valerie, and no phone call. Of course, she couldn’t call when Sally was around, but still—Sam couldn’t help but think there must have been some moment at work or when Sally was out that Valerie could have called. The idea that Sam and this woman were starting some kind of “relationship” began to seem more and more absurd each day. Sam had to admit to herself there was a strong possibility she was fooling herself. That the few dates they had had were just a game to Valerie.
Last Saturday night had been a rough one for Sam and Barry. Barry held fast to his principles and berated Sam for what she was doing, while Sam grew more desperate and irrational. She didn’t care about Sally, or about how the whole thing would end up. And Barry couldn’t accept that someone he loved and respected didn’t care. They were at an impasse.
Now it was a Monday night, a little over two weeks later, and Sam was about to make her usual weekly call to Alex, a woman she had met online. Alex was married, but in a similar arrangement to Sam and Barry—open to outside partners. Sam had a weird feeling sometimes that Alex’s husband was a bit too interested in what was said in their rather intimate emails. She had discussed it with Barry to get his feel for it. Before she actually met the lady, she wanted to be sure this wasn’t some kind of set up for a threesome. She had absolutely no interest in being with Alex and Alex’s husband.
The situation seemed okay, though, and calling Alex did at least take Sam’s mind away from obsessing about Valerie—at least for a time. Tonight was the night Sam and her online friend had planned to settle on a time and place to finally get together. Alex had never been with a woman before, and that was exciting to Sam—although she knew it was pretty much a case of the “blind leading the blind”—or, at best, the severely myopic. Well, if Alex was willing to trust Sam, Sam was willing to give it a chance. She definitely enjoyed talking to Alex on the phone, and Alex was most appreciative of the “lesbian erotica” scenes Sam wrote and sent to her prospective lover via email. And the connection with Valerie was dubious at best.
Alex picked up after the first ring. “Sam? Hey!”
“Hi, pretty lady. How’s your week been?”
“Not bad. Lots of studying.” Alex was in nursing school at her local community college.
“Did you get my email?”
Sam could almost hear the other woman’s smile over the phone. “Yeah—I did.”
“When am I going to meet you for real?”
Sam hesitated. She didn’t want to plan a weekend and then hear from Valerie…
“How about two weeks from now. On a Friday night. We can meet halfway, stay in a hotel, go to dinner…”
“And?”
Sam laughed. “And…get to know each other.”
Alex hesitated for just a moment. “Just let me check with my husband. As far as watching the kids and everything.”
“Of course. Can you let me know by the end of the week? So I can make a hotel reservation and everything.”
“Sure. I’ll email you. And, Sam?
“Yeah?”
“I’m really looking forward to meeting you in person.” Alex sounded young and a lit
tle bit shy.
“Me, too, pretty lady. Talk to you soon.” Sam hung up the phone, wishing she were more excited about seeing Alex and less anxious about not seeing Valerie. Well, she had certainly been dumped before—it just hurt more this time because she had wanted a lesbian lover so badly, and for so long. But Valerie apparently didn’t care about seeing Sam again, and Alex was willing, available, interested, and very attractive (at least, judging by her picture). Sam resolved to make the best of the situation.
Chapter 9: Barriers
All of this lesbian drama in Sam’s life took place against the backdrop of her “regular” life: work, kids, and Barry. They were starting to make some wedding plans, and Sam was genuinely excited about the prospect of making a commitment to Barry and to each other’s children. Chelsea, in the same grade as Emily, and Ryan, a high school senior, were great kids—and Dax was absolutely beside himself about having a cool older stepbrother. It would all work out. At least, that’s what Sam told herself in her more rational moments. She could and would keep her life together, and keep her lesbian self a secret until she could get the kids grown and herself out of this southern redneck town.
Then Valerie called. Sam had just finalized plans with Alex, and everything was set for them to meet next Friday night. But, at the sound of Valerie’s voice on the phone, everything else was forgotten.
“Hey, baby girl!”
“Valerie?”
“Who else? Of course, Valerie! How’ve you been?”
Sam’s mind was racing. What to say? “Okay,” was all that came out.
“I’ve missed you, baby. When could we get together again?”
Sam felt all the anxiety she had felt in the past three weeks melt away like ice cream on a sunny day. She felt the tension drain out of her, and a light laugh take its place.
“Oh, Valerie. Anytime…I mean…when were you thinking?”
“Next weekend would be cool. We could meet halfway…so you don’t have to drive all the way to the beach. You find a place and let me know. You can show me around your territory.”
A wisp of a thought ran through Sam’s mind: next weekend was supposed to be her time to meet Alex. Alex? Who?
“Absolutely,” she said into the phone. “About thirty miles from where I am. I lived there for a while, so I know where to go out and everything. Okay?”
“Sure, baby. Just call me back with the rest of the info. I’ll be there. Shit, wherever you want me to be.”
Sam felt the now familiar jolt in her stomach—and wetness between her legs—that seemed to come along with hearing Valerie’s voice. “Yeah, cool. Next weekend. I’ll call you sometime during the week.” Then a pause while Sam attempted to gather her wits about her. “Bye, Valerie…um…I’m glad you called.”
And Sam hung up the phone. It took several minutes for the reality of the conversation she had just had to sink in. First of all, she would have to cancel with Alex. Bummer! She hated to do it, but basically now had no choice. Then, she would have to tell Barry about her plans. Ouch! That would not be easy. Barry supported Sam getting together with Alex, and thought Sam was crazy to even want to see Valerie again. And Sam knew he would try to make her feel guilty for taking away Alex’s weekend and giving it to Valerie. The change wouldn’t make any difference to Emily and Dax; they already had plans to stay at their dad’s next weekend. Sam sighed, dreading the conversation she would have with Barry.
She knew Barry well. The conversation that night followed the anticipated course: Barry was incredulous Sam could “do this to Alex,” and Sam was desperate to make Barry understand her desire…no, her need…to see Valerie. The argument ended with Barry storming out and slamming the door, and Sam collapsing on her bed in tears. After she calmed down, she went into the kids’ rooms to check on them. This led to more tears, as she thought about their planned future as a family with Barry and his kids. By pursuing the affair with Valerie, was she risking taking that away from Emily and Dax? She wanted so much to give them a stepdad who really cared about them, and a home with a complete family. But Sam still felt powerless to give up the chance to see Valerie, even for one more night. Sam finally fell asleep on the family room couch, exhausted by the futile effort to make sense of her decisions.
The next day, Sam made the requisite call to Alex, and told her their weekend would have to be postponed. “Family problems” was the reason she gave; Alex sounded disappointed on the phone but didn’t question Sam’s story. Sam felt guilty, but only for a moment, then she felt a rush of freedom—nothing now stood in the way of meeting Valerie. She made a hotel reservation from her computer at work, then called her lover as soon as she got home. When she talked to Barry on the phone, he seemed pretty much like his usual joking self, and didn’t mention the controversy from the night before. It seemed to Sam everything was shaping up nicely.
* * * *
The Friday of her date with Valerie, Sam drove Emily and Dax to school as usual. This was the one year they were both in middle school, which made the morning easier for Sam time-wise. The sun was just a pink glimmer in the sky as Sam and the kids turned onto the main street of the town, which led to the middle school.
Dax poked her in the shoulder. “Mom, look. What’s going on over there? You think it’s an accident?”
Sam followed the direction of her son’s attention and saw what looked like a car accident on the far side of the road. Her best guess was a truck had crashed and dumped some furniture in the road, which in turn caused something of a pile up. She determined to drive straight through and avoid any trouble.
Then Dax screamed, and Sam saw a blur of movement coming toward the car. For a split second, she thought it must be someone involved in the accident making a dash for safety on the other side of the busy road. Sam slammed on the brakes, just as Emily gripped Sam’s arm. “Mom, shit! Watch out!”
Before Sam could scold her daughter for the expletive, the man headed straight for the front of her car. In that fraction of a second, there was no way to avoid hitting him. Sam screamed along with Dax. Then she realized the man was actually lunging toward the hood of her car, making faces and yelling something she couldn’t make out. He jumped onto the hood and rolled heavily into the front windshield, shattering the glass right in front of Sam’s face. Dax shrieked and dove onto the floor of the back seat. Sam stopped the car in shock, unable to think of any sensible next move. Suddenly, the man appeared again at the side window of the back seat, apparently not injured, but angry and distraught. He mouthed something and shook his fist right in Dax’s face.
Sam looked at Emily, who said with commendable control, “Drive, Mom. Just go.”
At that, Sam came back to her senses and drove forward. She knew she would have to report the incident once she got to work. But right now she just wanted to get out of there!
She started driving toward the school, then realized Dax was crying hysterically in the back seat. Like Sam, he was easily upset and very sensitive to anger and violence. Emily, on the other hand, remained cool.
“I can’t go to school now,” Dax said, curled up in the back seat. “I can’t!”
Emily responded, “Chill, Bro. We’re okay. Let’s just get to school.”
But Dax was still in tears, and Sam herself felt a bit shaky. “What should we do? Call Barry, maybe?”
Dax jumped on this idea. “Yes, Mom! Call Barry. We could go by there and tell him about it, couldn’t we?”
“If we call right now before he leaves for work. But I forgot my phone…”
Again, Emily came through. “Mom, just stop at the first Jiffy Store we come to. I’ll call Barry and see if we can catch him before he leaves.”
Sam followed Emily’s suggestion, and pulled carefully into the parking lot of a nearby convenience store, making sure not to touch the shattered indentation in the windshield. She handed Emily some coins for the phone. Dax seemed to be calming down, but still looked white as a sheet. Sam heard Emily talking, and realized with relief she ha
d reached Barry.
“Barry, this is Emily.” There was a pause while he digested this. “Long story short: this crazy guy jumped on our car and shattered the windshield. We’re okay, but Dax is freaking out, and Mom’s not doing that great either. We’re coming over.”
Sam had to admire her daughter’s cool head and take-charge attitude. Emily jumped back in, and they headed toward Barry’s apartment.
When they pulled up in the driveway, Barry was waiting outside. As soon as Sam stopped the car, Dax leapt from the backseat and hugged Barry. Barry looked just a bit surprised but rose to the occasion and hugged Dax tightly. Emily and Sam both started to tell the story at once, their words tumbling over each other. Barry took charge and led them all inside.
After their wild story had been told, Barry offered to take the kids to school so Sam could get herself together. He was well aware she was freaking out more from the disturbance of her plans than the incident itself. Both kids seemed willing to go on to school once Barry had let them tell the story in detail and given them both a glass of lemonade.
As soon as he walked back in the door after driving Emily and Dax to school, Sam launched into the topic that was most on her mind: what to do about tonight? The windshield?
Barry responded by fixing her a quick drink (okay, it was eight in the morning) and sitting on the couch with his arm around her shoulders. She relaxed in his presence, as she usually did. Thank God for Barry.
In All the Wrong Places Page 4
