Dax added, “And we’re going to my dad’s. It’s just Mom here by herself.”
Barry shot Sam a look, as if to say, ‘Will you be okay?’
Sam answered before he could say anything out loud.
“I’m fine here. But I’ll go with if you want me to.”
“No, that’s silly. It’s a long drive, I’m okay, really…my brother will be there. Stay here, Sam. Someone should be here in case Ryan has car trouble or something.”
Sam was relieved. She had no desire to go to a funeral out of state, but she would have gone readily if Barry wanted her there.
* * * *
And that’s how it came about that Sam found herself alone in a silent house on December 30 with a nagging headache and no plans for New Year’s Eve. Michelle called, making sure Sam knew she was invited to the poly group New Year’s party, but Sam put her off with a “maybe.”
I’ll probably have a good time if I go, but it’s a long drive, and it might be sort of uncomfortable without Barry. Sam debated with herself while Michelle waited on the line. Michelle had heard about Barry’s mom, and assured Sam she would be a welcome addition to the gathering.
“Or, you can bring a friend, if you have somebody you’d like to ask…someone who’s open to our group’s outlook on things, of course,” Michelle added.
By 10:00 P.M., Sam was still sitting on the fence about going to the party at Michelle’s. She was sitting in bed reading with Lily the cat at her feet when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey, lady. You doing okay without me there?”
“Barry!” Sam was relieved to hear his familiar voice.
“I miss you. And the kids. Everybody okay?”
“Oh, sure. Ryan’s the only one I’ve even seen today; he’s been in and out getting stuff together for a party at a friend’s house.”
“Well, feel free to give him a lecture on drinking and driving in my absence. I trust him pretty well, but New Year’s Eve can sometimes get out of control.”
“I will. He’s a good kid, though. Don’t worry. You have enough going on there.”
“We’re getting through it. My brother and I have to go through Mom’s stuff…I think that’s the worst part.”
Sam didn’t answer.
“Anyway, are you going to the party at Michelle’s tomorrow? If so, the “drinking and driving” lecture applies to you, too, you know.”
“Of course I know…but I might just stay here…I’m not sure if I’m up for a party without you there.”
“Sam, you should go. Don’t just hang around an empty house on New Year’s Eve. I won’t be home until late in the afternoon the next day. Spend the night at Michelle’s and relax.”
And then he added, “Unless you can put together some other plans…like at the beach or something.”
Sam didn’t know what to make of this. The only person she knew she would want to go to the beach for was Valerie. It seemed bizarre Barry would suggest that, but…
She decided to let it slide. “Well, I’ll see. I’m really okay here, though. I’ll let you know either way.”
“Okay, Ms. Samantha. Know I love you.” And he was gone before Sam could say I love you, too.
Sam went downstairs and poured herself a glass of wine, contemplating her options. Of course, there was a flicker of a thought in the back of her mind that what she really wanted was to spend New Year’s Eve with Valerie. Maybe she could call her…there was really no reason why not. Michelle had said to bring someone. And even Barry had said unless you have plans at the beach. What else could that mean but he knew she might see Valerie?
The more wine Sam drank, the more this convoluted logic seemed to make sense. Within an hour of Barry’s call, she sat on the floor next to the nightstand and dialed Valerie’s number.
“Sam?” the other woman answered. “Hey!”
“Hey, yourself,” replied Sam with a smile. “You doing okay?”
“Sure…you know me…I always land on my feet.” Valerie sounded upbeat, even a touch manic, and very drunk.
Sam decided to get right to the point of her call. Now that she had decided to do it, she felt any hesitation would throw her off track.
“Well, what are you doing tomorrow night? For New Year’s Eve, I mean?”
Sam held her breath.
“Whatever you want me to do, baby girl. Are you coming here?”
“No, but I’m invited to this party at my friend Michelle’s…it’s about halfway between us…we’d have to spend the night there…do you want to?” Once again, Sam felt flutters in her stomach like a teenager in love.
“Are you shittin’ me? Of course, I want to. Just give me the directions and I’ll be there!”
“Well, I’m not totally sure myself,” Sam answered. “I’ve only been there when Barry was driving. I have it written down, but…why don’t you meet me here?” A pause. “Not at the house. I’ll meet you at the McDonald’s out by I-75. Then we can take my car to the party.”
Sam finished the conversation and hung up, wondering what she would tell Barry…or if she would have to tell Barry anything. She pushed the thought that she had promised Barry to always tell the truth to the back of her mind. If she had stopped to think, Sam would have realized she was taking the first tiny step down a slippery slope of deceit. But she didn’t think about anything but seeing Valerie.
Chapter 17: Party Time
When Sam got to the designated meeting place, the first change of plans she encountered was Valerie insisted on driving her own car. Sam felt uneasy about leaving her car there overnight, where anyone she knew might see it and wonder, but she kept her discomfort to herself.
Driving south on the interstate highway, Valerie reached over and took Sam’s hand. As usual, an electric charge seemed to jump from her hand to Sam’s.
Sam smiled and said, “I’m so glad you’re with me. This will be the best New Year’s Eve.” And she leaned her head back on the headrest and let Valerie take charge. Exhausted by the events and decisions of the past few days, Sam soon found her eyes fluttering shut as she drifted into a restless slumber.
* * * *
Sam woke up just as Valerie took the exit she hoped was the closest to their destination. Sam looked over at her, remembering where she was and smiling at the thought. She quickly sat up and found the note on which she had written the directions to Michelle and Charlie’s place.
“Are we on the right track, baby?”
“I’m pretty sure,” answered Sam, shaking herself awake. It was dark now, and, according to the directions, they were only about a mile or so from their destination.
Pink sang on the car radio, “Get this party started!” and the two women grinned at each other. Sam had no way of knowing what was going on in Valerie’s mind, but Sam herself felt like she had shivers of electric current running through her body. She felt young and reckless…and happy. She couldn’t wait to “get this party started!”
Although Sam and Barry had gotten together with Michelle and Charlie a few times, she had never actually been to their house. When Valerie’s car pulled up, Sam could see her friends lived in “manufactured housing”—what Mrs. Thomas would call a trailer. But it looked clean and well-kept, and permanently set on a landscaped lot in a development complete with pool and clubhouse. Michelle and another woman were out on the porch steps, drinks in hand.
Sam and Valerie approached the house, carrying their party supplies of vodka and orange juice, beer, and brownies Sam had made that morning. Michelle hugged Sam and shook hands with Valerie, then laughed and hugged her, too.
“Sam, hey! I’m so glad you came and brought your charming friend.”
“Thanks,” Sam replied. “Thanks for inviting me.”
Just then Charlie appeared at the screen door. “Sam! And guest! Happy New Year!” Charlie had obviously started the party himself earlier in the afternoon. “Come on in.”
Valerie seemed comfortable right away in this crowd of strangers. Sam admired
that, as she herself took quite a while to settle in with new people. A drink would definitely help. Valerie had already started finding glasses and ice, and soon handed Sam her first drink of the night.
It was a small party gathered in Michelle and Charlie’s tiny living room: Claude and Joanna, a single older man Sam had never seen, and a young African-American couple she had met once at a poly meeting. The young woman was definitely “plus sized,” but pretty and stylishly dressed. Her partner was tall and handsome, reminding Sam of a boy she dated briefly back in college. They both smiled their hellos, as Joanna hugged both Sam and Valerie.
Valerie took a seat on the couch and pulled Sam down beside her. “They certainly seem friendly enough,” she whispered to Sam. “This should be okay, baby girl.”
For answer, Sam kissed her lightly.
“Where’s Barry?” Joanna asked. Apparently she had not heard the story about Barry’s mom.
“Oh, Joanna…his mom passed away just a few days ago. He went to Virginia for the funeral and all.”
“Bummer,” said Claude. “I’m sorry to hear that. And right at the holidays, too.”
“Yeah, he would be here otherwise, I know.”
Now the young girl, Lillian, looked confused. “I don’t mean to be rude, but who’s Barry? Are you two (indicating Sam and her date) a couple? Is he a third? Fill me in…I’m just a nosy bitch, as you can tell!”
Sam didn’t mind. She loved the opportunity to say she and Valerie were together.
“Barry and I are married…but open, you know? Valerie and I just got together.”
“Cool,” Lillian replied. And that was that. Nobody seemed to question Sam and Valerie were a couple, and nobody seemed to mind in the least. Sam was in heaven! She finished her drink, and Valerie went into the kitchen to make her another.
Chapter 18: Out of Control
As the clock edged toward midnight, the small party gained momentum, fueled by various varieties of alcohol in large amounts. Sam stuck with her vodka and orange, except for one sip of something Joanna made called a “Buttery Nipple.” Of course, the name was a major part of the attraction; the drink itself Sam pronounced “gross.”
It seemed to Sam Valerie could drink forever without getting drunk, at least not drunk enough to slow down at all. She was proving to be the life of the party, and Sam was definitely glad she had invited her. Glad, thrilled even…except for the nagging thought of what she would say to Barry. She knew she would need to call and wish him Happy New Year, but her stomach flipped over in anticipation of that call.
If she had not been so drunk, and so caught up in the spirit of the party, she would have thought to ask Michelle if she could use the phone in the bedroom. As it was, she found her cell phone on the kitchen counter and called right from there, in the midst of the party. Valerie looked less than pleased her date had to call her husband, but Sam knew she had no choice.
“Hey, Sam! You went to Michelle’s party.” He sounded tired, but happy to hear from her.
At least that part of it is okay with him, Sam thought. “Yeah, I did. Claude and Joanna are here…they say hi.”
“Cool. Tell them both I said hi, too, and sorry I’m not there.”
“I will.”
“So, did you drive down there by yourself? You had directions?” Just then, Valerie, ignoring the wisdom of keeping quiet while Sam talked, called out, “Sam, baby girl, you gotta see these awesome pictures D.J. and Lillian took in the Bahamas!”
Sam was quiet, hoping Barry didn’t hear. But he did.
“Please, Samantha, don’t tell me you called that woman and invited her to a party with our friends.”
“Barry, don’t be mad. You said I should go, unless I had plans at the beach. Well, I sort of did, but she just came here with me instead.” Even as she said this, Sam knew she was digging herself deeper into the pit of deception.
“You know, Sam, I had planned to leave first thing in the morning so I could get home and see you. But I guess there’s no point in doing that, is there.” And then, “So is she the life of the party? Are you telling everyone she’s your girlfriend? Or, no, maybe you’re telling them all three of us are together. Is that it?”
“Hey, wait. I didn’t say anything like that. Michelle and Charlie and everybody think she’s cool. What, now you’re gonna be jealous? You were the one who got us into this ‘poly thing’!”
Sam realized she was raising her voice, and also starting to cry. It didn’t help at all she was drunk and having to talk over the noise of the party.
“Sam, that makes no fuckin’ sense, and you know it. If you told me you were having sex with Michelle tonight, I’d say, ‘Cool. You go, girl!’ Jealousy is not what this is about at all.”
Now he was shouting, too.
Sam’s crying escalated, and she held the phone away from her to try to think of what else to say. Suddenly, Valerie grabbed the phone.
Before Sam could do anything to stop her, Valerie said to Barry, “Hey, man, just leave her alone, you stupid asshole. She’s fine! I’m taking care of your little wifey now.”
Sam had no idea what Barry answered, but she knew the entire episode was now totally out of control. She flopped down on the armchair, crying, with Michelle beside her on the arm of the chair.
Joanna took charge of the situation. She motioned for Charlie to get Valerie away from the phone, and for Claude to speak to Barry.
“Hey, dude,” Claude said calmly. There was a long silence while Claude listened to Barry. Valerie came over and wrapped her arms around Sam.
“Yeah, okay,” Claude said. Sam wondered what was happening as she clung to Valerie, with Michelle rubbing her back. “Why don’t you just let it rest for tonight. She’ll call you in the morning. Hey, and sorry to hear about your mom, Barry.”
Another brief silence, and then Claude hung up.
Sam was relieved to have Barry’s presence, even on the phone, out of the room and out of her evening. She was drunk enough to switch moods pretty easily, and put the phone call out of her mind. She would deal with it tomorrow. Tonight, she was with her lover, at this great party, and it was New Year’s Eve.
“I’m sorry, you guys,” she offered. “Sorry you had to get involved…”
Michelle immediately came back with, “Don’t worry about it, Sam. You and Barry are our friends. And Valerie, too. That’s what we’re here for. He’ll come around. Eventually he’ll realize Valerie can be a positive part of your life without hurting what you have with him.”
This sounded far too easy to Sam, but she didn’t want to talk about it right then. In fact, she didn’t want to talk at all. What she wanted to do was have another drink, dance, and celebrate with Valerie.
“Come on,” she said cheerfully, “Let’s dance!”
And she pulled Valerie into the middle of the tiny living room. The music was loud, the room was warm and dim, and the night was young. At least, that’s all Sam was aware of at the time.
Someone had put on a DVD of Shrek, programmed to play in French. It was an odd accompaniment to the sensual music of Tracy Chapman filling the room. Midnight had come and gone, and the small party had gotten less festive and more sexual. Charlie and Michelle were together in one corner of the couch, while Joanna and the single guy (whose name Sam never found out) were kissing in the armchair, Joanna all but naked. Claude, D.J., and Lillian were not in the room, having moved into the spare bedroom some time ago. Sam and Valerie were on the floor in front of the TV, with the green visage of Shrek watching over their lovemaking.
Some small spark of awareness in the back of Sam’s mind whispered she shouldn’t have her clothes off and Valerie’s fingers inside her in someone’s living room, with people she had barely met in the same space. But she allowed the alcohol and the seductive power of the moment to overcome her inhibitions. She relaxed and thought of nothing but the sensations her lover’s touch evoked.
Chapter 19: Consequences
Sam woke up on the first day of
the new year with a splitting headache, and the overwhelming realization of the trouble she had gotten herself into. She stretched, achy from sleeping on the floor, and looked for Valerie. The person next to her was not Valerie, but Michelle, who smiled at her sleepily when she felt Sam move.
Valerie was making her way through the maze of sleeping bodies to where Sam sat trying to gather her wits about her.
“Happy New Year, baby girl,” Valerie whispered. Sam didn’t know what to say. Michelle rolled over and put an arm around the sleeping Charlie.
“I guess I need to get back,” Sam ventured. “Barry was really upset. Am I remembering right that you talked to him, too?”
“Yeah, I talked to the bastard. He was making you cry.”
“I just…don’t know what to do,” Sam agonized. “I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to stop seeing you either.”
“It’s okay, baby. We’ll work it out. Come on, let’s get ready to head out.” And she went to the bathroom down the hall.
Michelle woke up and turned to Sam, who was still sitting unmoving and distressed.
“Look, Sam, why don’t you call him and ask him to meet you both and talk about it?”
“Meet us both?”
“Sure, you have to figure out some way to resolve the situation. The poly lifestyle isn’t easy; it takes a lot of negotiation.”
“I don’t know…he was pretty mad.”
“Just call and see,” Michelle insisted. So Sam called. Barry was almost home by the time she reached him. He didn’t sound at all pleased about the prospect of meeting Valerie in person but agreed grudgingly to the plan. He would meet them at the McDonald’s where Sam had left her car.
All the way back, Sam had the feeling she was about to do something that would change the rest of her life. Somehow, she had made some kind of weird shift in her thinking, and Barry, who had always been her best friend, now seemed to be the enemy. And Valerie, who Sam barely even knew and didn’t totally trust, looked like the answer to all of Sam’s searching through the years of pretending to be straight. She held Valerie’s hand like a lifeline.
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