Assumptions

by Melanie Codina

  “Jesus Leeann, I’ve been trying to get ahold of you since yesterday,” I said, taking another step toward her, but for the second time, she stepped out of reach. “What the fuck is going on?”

  Her eyes widened as I watched her take a deep breath. A voice in my head told me I was not going to like what she had to say.

  “I said, don’t touch me.” I forced the words past gritted teeth. They weren’t the words I wanted or needed to say, but it was all that I could muster. I knew I couldn’t let him touch me again. Just that brief bit of contact had my body reacting, relieved and comforted, if only for a second. If he touched me, I’d cave, and I refused to cave.

  The confusion and pain on his face added to my weakening resolve. Stepping back again, I turned and walked toward my door. Pulling my keys out, I managed to make it to my door before his hand landed on my shoulder, halting me. “Dammit, Leeann. I feel like I’m losing my damn mind. Will you please tell me what the hell is going on? I’ve been so worried.”

  I pushed the door open and threw my bag inside before whirling around on him. Hands on hips, I glared at him, hard. “How big of you to worry about me. I find it hard to believe you had any free time to manage that.”

  He matched my stance, his own fists resting on his hips. With a continued look of confusion on his face, he said, “What the hell does that mean? I always make time for you!”

  “But not just for me, huh?” The nasty, bitter sound of my voice was foreign to me. I wasn’t this person. I didn’t do drama, and I didn’t like this kind of behavior, but the emotional pain coursing through my body drove me to lash out. I was so angry that I’d taken a risk on him, and he took everything I gave, then stomped all over it.

  “I’m gonna have to ask again, what the hell does that mean?”

  I was about to answer when the elevator chimed its arrival, reminding me we were in the hall, sharing our drama with everyone who came along. But dammit, he wasn’t coming in. I didn’t want him in my space anymore. Looking to the elevator, I caught sight of Mari, whose eyes widened before swiftly moving toward us.

  Feeling stronger just from her presence, I turned back to Jonathan and answered, “It means, that I was at your apartment yesterday.”

  “You were at my apartment yesterday? Why didn’t you come in?” he asked sincerely.

  The act was annoying, and irritating, and it pissed me the hell off. “I didn’t come in, because I saw her … and you. Together!”

  Next to us, Mari tried interrupting, “Hey you two, let’s go inside. You know, talk this out. Before someone says something they can’t take back.”

  Jonathan gave Mari a contemplating look. Then I watched as his demeanor changed. His eyes widened, and his nostrils flared as he turned back to me. Cocking his head to the side, he leaned toward me and in a low, firm voice said, “So, you were at my apartment yesterday, and you didn’t come in because you saw me with another girl.”

  The tone of his voice only amped my anger. “Yes,” I snapped, trying to give as good as I got. It didn’t faze him.

  “Tell me, Leeann, was she a tall blonde?” he asked, his tone nasty.

  “Spare me the physical description, you asshole. Yes, I saw the two of you! You invited her in, and I could tell exactly how happy you were to see her. I didn’t want to bother you when you seemed so happy.”

  I could see the muscles of his jaw clench and unclench as he absorbed my words. The mask of anger on his face was nothing I’d ever seen before. It was obvious he was mad that he’d been caught, but oh-fucking-well. He did this, not me. He hadn’t even bothered to attempt an apology yet. What the hell was that about? Pondering that very thought left me unprepared for what he said next.

  “You’re right, I was very happy to see her—”

  “Get the hell out of here, asshole. We’re done!” I yelled, cutting him off.

  Shocked, he recoiled from my words like I’d slapped him. I tried not to like the thought of actually slapping him. Did he really think I’d allow him to get away with this? Especially after he knew my concerns about dating guys like him.

  Hurt, anger, frustration, and then resolve were all present on his face as he said, “So we’re done? You see something, and just like that you can end it?”

  My response caught in my throat, and for a split second I wanted to retract what I’d said. I wanted to demand answers. But my pride held them down. Any answers he gave me wouldn’t change the outcome.

  Nodding my answer, I let the tears flow unchecked down my face as we stood in the open doorway of my apartment. It was a silent standoff of wills. Why isn’t he begging for forgiveness, I thought idly as the silence persisted. But I shook it off and found my voice, “Get out of here, Jonathan.”

  He clenched his jaw again as he took a slow, deep breath. “All right, Lee … if that’s what you want. I’ll leave.”

  And just like that, he turned around and walked away from me. From us. I stood there staring at the wall ahead of me, fighting the need to look, to watch until he was no longer visible. I heard the ding of the elevator resonate through the hall, followed by the doors whooshing open. There was a pause before I heard them close, and only then did I allow myself to look. He was gone.

  Pain like I’d never felt before crushed my chest. I was vaguely aware of the loud sobbing noises that escaped my body, but I couldn’t focus on them. Jonathan was gone. He’d left … just like I told him to.

  Two weeks and two days. That was how long it’d been since I told him to leave. Since he walked away. Since I told him we were done. The pain from that day had become my constant companion lately. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, seeing anyone, or being with anyone. Even when I was at work, I had trouble being myself and that just made me angry. I loved my job, and I did it well, but I knew my patients could see I wasn’t feeling at the top of my game.

  I’ll get over it, I thought to myself as I flipped through the channels. I didn’t know when, but it would happen eventually. I hoped. My internal drama made me sigh.

  “Would you knock it off already,” Mari demanded from her end of the couch.

  Glaring at her, I replied, “Hey, you can do what you want on your end of the couch, and I can do what I want on my end.” I finished my perfectly rational statement by shoving a saltine cracker in my mouth and letting the crumbs fall to my lap. Mari just rolled her eyes and directed her attention back to painting her toenails. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

  “Oh, you sure told me,” she said with a laugh while admiring her now finished toes. Setting the polish down, she stretched her feet out on to the ottoman next to me and sighed.

  “What?” I croaked through dry lips. I may have eaten one too many of these damn crackers. After taking a sip of my water, I asked her again.

  For a few moments she just stared at me in that silent, know-it-all way Mari pulled off so well. I was about to turn back to the television when she said, “You could call him, you know.”

  It was my turn to roll my eyes. I’d decided it was a defense mechanism to prevent me from crying. Even though it made me a bitch for doing it all the time. “Why would I call him, Mari?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe because you never let him explain. Or how about the fact that you two clearly have another, very permanent matter to discuss.” She rounded her words out with a glance at my abdomen.

  Sighing dramatically, again, I looked to the television. “I know,” I whispered. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to hear his voice. I’m finally feeling less pathetic, you know? I just need a little more time.”

  Mari smiled. “I know, sweetie. Just testing the waters to see if you were paying attention or if you were still ignoring everything.”

  With a half-hearted smile, I nodded. I appreciated her being there for me, and not forcing me to do something I wasn’t ready to do. I knew it was only a matter of time before she did, but I’d just enjoy the peace for now.

  Another few minutes passed before Mari declared
, “I’m hungry, and I think I want some carne asada fries. Your stomach up for that?”

  Said stomach growled before she’d even finished asking. Suddenly I was ravenous for them. Stepping past me, and carefully slipping on her flip-flops, she said, “Call in the order and I’ll go pick it up. I don’t feel like arguing with you about your current wardrobe choices for us to go together.”

  Looking down at my sweats, I shrugged. “Fine with me.” Two minutes later, Mari was on her way out the door and I settled back into the couch. Why would I want to go out, when someone is willing to get the food and bring it here, I thought with a laugh as my stomach growled again.

  Crossing my arms, I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes, and let the warmth of the sun penetrate the coldness I’d been feeling for weeks. Even if Robby and Madison had forced me to get out of the house, I had to admit, it felt good. The sounds of the busy street next to us, the conversation and laughter between my sister and my best friend, it was almost easy to forget how empty I felt. Almost.

  Opening my eyes, I smiled when Madison threw a chip at Robby. “Hey, get your own damn hot sauce!”

  I watched Robby’s expression harden as something over my shoulder caught his attention. “Hey man, we’ve got a bogie on your six.”

  Madison perked up. “Oh, she’s cute, who is she?”

  Robby snorted. “Cute? That girl has claws.”

  Turning, I locked eyes with Mari. I knew I should’ve stayed home. Tossing my keys to Robby, I stood up. “Hey man, why don’t you go get the car started? Take Maddie with you.” I didn’t want her exposed to this. I’d kept it to myself this long and I wanted to keep it that way.

  “Gladly,” Robby answered, taking the trash from their table and dumping it.

  Maddie protested, “Wait, what’s going on? Who is that?”

  “I’ll tell you in the car, Maddie,” Robby said while putting his arm around her shoulder, ushering her away as Mari approached. Stopping directly in front of me, her eyes followed Robby’s retreat with interest. And if I was seeing correctly, there was a bit of longing. Strange.

  When she finally dragged her eyes from Robby, she gave me a strange grin. “Hey there, soccer player.”

  Her use of my nickname, that only Leeann used, hurt. It was like a swift punch to the throat, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she did that on purpose. Knowing, Mari, it was a calculated delivery.

  “Mari,” I said as numbly as I could, not wanting to provoke her or incite any conversation. What the hell did we have in common other than Leeann? Nothing.

  Mari asked with unveiled interest, “Do you always let your friends manhandle the chicks you invite into your apartment?”

  She was fishing for information that I wasn’t going to be giving. If Leeann wanted to know, she would’ve let me speak. “It’s Robby’s apartment, too, you know.”

  Mari smirked, knowing I could tell what she was doing. But she pressed on, “It’s kind of funny because you come across as the possessive type. At least with Lee, you were.”

  “You’re right, I am. I was … A lot of good it did me,” I answered dryly.

  Mari’s smirk faded and she almost looked confused—pleading me to confess something to her. No. I didn’t owe her an explanation any more than Leeann deserved one. She wrote me off faster than should’ve been possible with how we felt about each other. The familiar pain of her rejection stabbed me in the gut. I fought against it with a deep, steadying breath. It was so hard not to beg her to tell me exactly how Leeann was doing. If she needed anything. How work was going. If she missed me liked I missed her. I needed to get away from Mari before I said or did something stupid. “Well, see you ‘round Mari.”

  I turned to walk away when Mari said, “I don’t get it, Jonathan.”

  Turning back, my voice devoid of emotion, I asked, “What’s there to get? My girlfriend saw me with another woman and came to a conclusion. Then she dumped me without question, and I walked away, just like she told me to. Plain and simple.”

  “You’re barely holding it together, and I know it’s because you still love her. I can see it in your eyes.” I hated that she could see it so clearly, even though I’d thought I masked it so well.

  I shrugged. “What does it matter? In the long run, I’m just the man she thought was capable of cheating on her.”

  Realization dawned in Mari’s eyes. I saw the moment she accepted it and understood. Her lips pursed and she gave her head a determined shake. “But you didn’t cheat on her, did you, Jonathan?”

  I wasn’t answering that. “Take care, Mari.” And with that, I walked away, swallowing everything I wanted to say—everything I wanted to ask, to know. I stalked to my car and climbed in. Gripping the steering wheel, I fought to calm the warring emotions rolling through me. Quietly, I sat there for a few moments before climbing back out and rounding the car. Robby did the same thing, knowing what I was doing. Switching seats with me, Robby started the car and we drove off. It took me about two blocks before I exploded. “Fuck!” I roared before slamming my fist into the dashboard. Why does it have to hurt so fucking bad?

  Mari was strangely quiet after she got back from the taco shop. Quiet Mari made me nervous. On top of that, she was doing something on her phone and shaking her head a lot. “Okay, what’s going on with you? I can tell it’s something so don’t even bother saying it’s nothing.”

  Mari gave me an innocent look and shrugged. “It’s nothing.”

  And why don’t I believe her? I gave her a look that told her just that. She only rolled her eyes again before looking at her phone some more. Whatever.

  I got up and was heading to my room when there was a knock on the door. Looking to Mari in question, she gave me a head shake telling me she didn’t know who it was. Being the closest, I went to answer it. I gasped at who stood before me. Speechless, I took in the blond hair, the long legs, and that damn CSOC sweatshirt. Does this bitch have any other sweatshirts? Mari stepped up next to and snorted a laugh. “Well, I didn’t see that one coming.”

  Looking at Mari in confusion, the girl interrupted me. “Good, I got the right place. Robby gave me the shittiest directions. He actually told me it was the door with the flowered doormat on either the second or third floor. I swear I don’t know how that guy passes classes.” She was smiling and doing what I could only assume was an impression of Robby’s voice. I couldn’t believe what the hell was going on, and why was she talking to Mari like she knew her?

  Mari responded, “He told you that because that’s what I told him. I didn’t know why he was asking me, so I was being deliberately annoying.”

  The girl nodded with an appreciative look. “Nice. I like you.”

  My shock finally faded as my anger began to rise. “Why the hell are you here?”

  The smile disappeared, and she squared her shoulders. “Hi, you must be Leeann. I’ve heard so much about you.” Her voice was too syrupy and sweet, making me want to reach out and slap her. Then I realized it wasn’t her voice that made want to slap her. I was contemplating doing just that when she added, “I’m Madison, by the way.” She extended her hand. “Madison Baxter.”

  Next to me Mari muttered, “Well fuck me.”

  I barely heard it over the roar that filled my ears, which was quickly followed by the overwhelming urge to discard my lunch. Breaking out in a sweat, I slapped my hand over my mouth and turned to escape.

  “Uh oh, watch out, she’s gonna blow!” Mari exclaimed as she shoved me in the direction of the hallway. Minutes later, there I was, sitting on the bathroom floor, trying to ignore the realization of what I just found out. Shame mixed with the loneliness I’d been overwhelmed with these past weeks. Closing my eyes, I pictured Jonathan’s face. What had I done?

  After my small pity party with the toilet, I wet a washcloth and cleaned myself up. Walking back into the living room-slash-kitchen area I found Mari and Madison, Jonathan’s sister, chatting.

  “Was it a slam dunk or a rim shot?” Mari aske
d.

  “Don’t be gross, Mari,” I chastised.

  “Hey, rim shots are what’s gross. I’m not cleaning those up for nine months, just so you know.”

  “Mari! Shut up.” I couldn’t believe she just basically told Madison I was pregnant.

  “What?” I closed my eyes and prayed for whatever strength I could to prevent me from wringing her neck. Somewhere to my right, Madison huffed a laugh.

  “Believe me, if the green tint you were sporting right before you bolted wasn’t enough to tell me you’re pregnant … that box of saltines and can of ginger ale would’ve confirmed it,” Madison said smugly, with a smile that looked an awful lot like Jonathan’s. Great, just what I needed to help my pain.

  “Shit…” I ran my hands down my face. This seriously cannot be happening, I thought as I paced around the small living room.

  “So, I take it from your frantic pacing, you figured out it was Madison that day at his apartment, right?” Mari asked, making me that much more agitated with her.

  “Yeah, Mari, I’m gathering that,” I said sarcastically.

  I needed to sit down. My head was ready to spin right off my shoulders. This was unfuckingbelievable. Parking myself on the couch, I sat in shocked silence as I thought about what this meant. The cushions dipped next to me, drawing my attention. It was Madison, sitting strangely close for someone I’d just met. “So, can I get you to tell me what exactly happened between you and my brother? Jonathan’s been a real moody bastard about it and won’t tell any of us.”

  I snorted. “That doesn’t sound like the Jonathan I know.”

  “Well, you’ve never been around him after his favorite toy was taken away.” She shrugged again.

  Mari chimed in with her opinion, “Or in this case, told him to get lost.”

  I glared at her from the couch. She smiled, daring me to deny it. Of course I couldn’t. I also didn’t know how to answer Madison. If Jonathan wasn’t telling them, I didn’t know if it was my place to. Yeah, it was a good enough excuse to hide my shame behind.