A Hawk's Way Christmas

by Joan Johnston

  “And you’re worried he won’t be able to love it as much as a father ought to,” Hester speculated.

  Rolleen nodded.

  “I can see where you might think that, seeing how that fool boy has been acting toward his own child.”

  “His own child?” Rolleen questioned.

  “Same as,” Hester said. “Might not be his blood running in that child’s veins, but Beth’s his all right. Take one look at the two of them together—I watched you do it—and a body can’t doubt they’re closer than a man and his shadow.”

  Gavin doesn’t think he can love Beth anymore. That’s why he brought me along. Rolleen thought it, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She owed that much to Gavin. “Gavin doesn’t seem very comfortable around Beth,” she said instead.

  Hester made a snorting sound. “That woman he was married to left him twisted up a bit inside. You trust that boy. He’ll work it out.” Hester rose and said, “You feel like joining us again?”

  Rolleen swung her feet onto the floor and said, “Of course. I feel fine now.”

  Rolleen found Gavin sitting with Beth in his lap on the living room couch, reading her Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol from a worn, leather-covered book.

  “Tradition,” Hester whispered in her ear.

  The little girl was leaning back against Gavin’s chest, twirling a strand of black hair and listening intently as Gavin read the story of Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim, of Ebenezer Scrooge and the ghosts of Christmases past, present and future. Beth held an oblong wrapped Christmas package curled in her arm as though it were a baby, and Rolleen realized it must be the doll that Gavin had sent to her for Christmas, still unopened.

  Rolleen settled on the couch beside Gavin, while Hester sat down once more in the rocker beside the fire. They listened, with only an occasional snap and pop from the wood on the fire as Gavin read about the power of the Christmas spirit to turn selfishness to generosity.

  “A Merry Christmas, uncle! God save you!” Gavin read. And then Scrooge’s reply, “Bah! Humbug!”

  Gavin made the chains rattle when the ghosts appeared to teach Scrooge a lesson and used a falsetto every time he became Tiny Tim.

  “A Merry Christmas, Bob!” Gavin said at last, as a reformed Scrooge greeted Bob Cratchit. He finished the story, all except the last line, then stopped and waited while Beth chirped happily, “And God bless Us, Every One!”

  Rolleen and Hester clapped. Rolleen smiled but her throat tightened with emotion as she watched Gavin brush Beth’s bangs out of her eyes.

  Beth looked up at her father and said, “Can I open my present now, Daddy?”

  “Sure, pumpkin,” he said.

  “I’m not a—”

  “Pumpkin,” they said together with a laugh as he hugged her tight.

  Rolleen met Gavin’s eyes with tears in her own, and his face sobered. He hadn’t needed her here, after all. It hadn’t taken much more than the Christmas spirit to reunite Gavin with his daughter. He had never really stopped loving her.

  The ribbon on Beth’s present went flying, and she ripped the paper with both hands, exposing the colorful cardboard box beneath. There, staring through a cellophane covering, was a Baby Walks and Talks. Reverently Beth removed the doll from the box. It had blond hair and blue eyes and looked nothing at all like Beth. Yet Beth treated the doll as though she had borne it herself. There was a lesson there, Rolleen thought with an inward smile.

  Beth pulled the ring that made the doll talk, and it said, “I love you, Mommy.”

  Beth beamed. She pulled the string again, and the doll said, “I’m hungry.” Beth frowned and said, “Where’s her bottle, Daddy? Mary’s hungry.”

  “Bottle?” he asked, confused.

  “Look in the box,” Beth commanded.

  Gavin searched the box and found the empty baby bottle and gave it to Beth.

  “She needs some milk, Daddy.”

  “Let’s go see what we can find in the kitchen,” Hester said, rising and reaching out to take Beth’s hand. “You two keep on opening presents. We’ll be back in a minute.”

  “I have something for you, too,” Gavin said to Rolleen, once his grandmother was gone.

  “What is it?” Rolleen asked.

  “Close your eyes.”

  Rolleen closed them, grinned and said, “I love surprises.”

  “I know,” Gavin replied. His hands moved her hair aside, and she could feel his breath on her temple. “Be still, you’re wiggling.”

  It was the shiver down her spine. What did he expect when he was touching her like that? “What are you doing?”

  “Be still so I can finish. You can open them now.”

  Rolleen opened her eyes and felt around her neck. She lifted the slight gold chain and followed it to the end where a diamond lay in the center of a gold heart. “Oh, Gavin…”

  “Do you like it?”

  He looked so uncertain, she threw herself into his arms and hugged him hard around the neck. “It’s beautiful. And so romantic!” she said with a laugh.

  “I wanted to say thanks,” he whispered in her ear. “I wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed the past two weeks. How much your help has meant to me. I…”

  He pulled her hands free and held them in his, rubbing her knuckles as he said, “I don’t know what’s happened to me since I came home this morning, but I can hold Beth and…and it’s almost like it was before.”

  “Almost?” Rolleen whispered.

  Gavin let out a soughing sigh and met Rolleen’s gaze. “I love her, I think. But she isn’t…something’s missing.”

  Rolleen pulled her hands free. Gavin had given a part of himself back to his child. But he wasn’t willing to risk everything. Until he was, there was no hope for the two of them.

  “You have to love Beth with your whole heart, Gavin.”

  “But Beth is not—”

  “Daddy?”

  Rolleen turned to find Beth standing by the couch, a baby bottle in one hand and the doll in the crook of her arm.

  “Daddy?” she repeated, her tiny brow furrowed.

  She watched as Gavin met his daughter’s confused, wide-eyed stare and then turned to look at her. His agonized expression asked What should I do?

  She only wants to be loved, Rolleen said with her eyes. Blood isn’t the only thing that makes you her father. She needs you, Gavin. Love her. Just love her.

  Gavin turned back to Beth and held his arms open wide. “Come to Daddy, Beth,” he said. “And let me give you a Christmas hug.”

  Beth shot a hesitant look at Rolleen, whose eyes had brimmed with tears of joy. She nodded to the little girl, who leaped into her father’s arms and held him tight, crying, “Daddy, Daddy!”

  Rolleen was happy for Gavin, but more than ever aware that she didn’t belong in this picture. She had risen to leave them alone, when Gavin said, “I love you, Rolleen. Stay with us.”

  The love in Gavin’s eyes was unmistakable. Rolleen’s knees were threatening to buckle and it would have been easier to drop back onto the couch than it was to leave. But there was too much at stake to take the easy way out.

  “It isn’t just me you have to love, Gavin,” she reminded him. “There’s someone else who needs to be considered.” She put her hand on her belly and felt a fluttery kick inside. She looked down and stared. “Oh.”

  “What’s wrong?” Gavin asked.

  “I felt something. The baby,” she said. She lifted her eyes and met his gaze. “My baby needs a father as much as Beth does. Are you willing to take on that kind of responsibility?”

  “I think I can.”

  Rolleen felt like she was going to throw up—and not because of the baby. I think I can just wasn’t good enough. I think I can didn’t come close to a lifetime commitment to love her and the child she carried inside her.

  “It’s not enough,” she said. “Not nearly enough.”

  She turned and headed for Gavin’s bedroom. She was running before she’d
taken too many steps.

  “Rolleen!” he called after her. She heard him tell Beth, “You play with Mary, and I’ll see you in a little while.” Then she heard his boots on the hardwood floor chasing after her.

  She ran down the hall searching for the room where he’d taken her before. But she lost her way and found herself in a feminine bedroom with a lace canopy over the bed and a white lace bedspread. She turned to slam the door and found Gavin blocking the doorway.

  “Wait, Rolleen,” he said. “Don’t run away.”

  She couldn’t keep him out, but she couldn’t face him, either. Rolleen clambered onto the bed, grabbed a pillow and curled herself into a protective ball around it. “Go away!” she said. “As soon as I’m feeling better I want you to take me home.”

  She heard the door shut and Gavin’s footsteps crossing slowly to the bed. She knew he was close when the steps became muffled by the rag rug beside it. She felt the bed sag as he lay down beside her, felt the heat of him as he scooted closer.

  “I was wrong,” he said, laying a soothing hand on her shoulder.

  “What?”

  He pulled her gently toward him, laying her flat so he was above her, looking down at her. “I said I was wrong. About myself. About my feelings.”

  “You don’t have to say what you think I want to hear,” Rolleen said.

  “I’m not saying it because you want to hear it. I’m saying it because it’s true. I love you, Rolleen. Which means I love everything that’s a part of you. And this baby—” He laid his hand caressingly on her belly. “Is a part of you I’ll always cherish—because it brought us together.”

  “Oh, Gavin.” Rolleen couldn’t see him clearly for the tears blurring her eyes. “I want to believe you.”

  He leaned down and kissed her belly. “Listen to me, you in there. This is your father speaking. I want you to stop making your mother sick, do you hear me? I want you to concentrate on growing so we can welcome you as part of the family.” He met her gaze and said, “There. I’m already giving the kid ‘what for.’ Is that proof enough I’m ready to be his father?”

  Rolleen gave a choked laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “I’m in love,” Gavin said. “With you.”

  Rolleen met Gavin’s gaze and saw nothing there but tenderness and yearning and desire. “I love you, too, Gavin.”

  “Will you marry me and have my baby?” he asked, his hand caressing her belly.

  “Oh, Gavin,” she said. “Oh, Gavin…”

  “Will you be my wife, Rolleen? Will you be the mother of my children?”

  Rolleen swallowed down the thickness in her throat and said. “Oh, yes, Gavin. Yes.”

  The door clicked open and Rolleen turned and saw a small face peeking in.

  “What are you two doing?” Beth asked.

  “Come here,” Gavin said, extending a hand to her.

  Moments later Beth and her doll were snuggled up between the two of them. “I like this,” Beth said dreamily.

  “Me, too,” Gavin said. “How about if we ask Rolleen to hang around so we can do this all the time.”

  Beth eyed Rolleen and said, “Okay.”

  “I guess it’s settled then,” Gavin said as he gathered the two of them—the three of them, Rolleen mentally corrected—into his arms. “We’re a family.”

  Rolleen met Gavin’s eyes and smiled. “Merry Christmas, Gavin.”

  “Merry Christmas, Rolleen.”

  Beth snuggled close, gave a satisfied sigh and said, “And God bless Us, Every One!”

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  ISBN: 9781488026331

  A Hawk’s Way Christmas

  Copyright © 1997 by Joan Mertens Johnston, Inc.

  All rights reserved. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

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