Light the Fire

by Mary Manners

  ****

  An hour later, the four were settled around the dining room table at Kyle and Kelsie’s, finishing off a steak and salad dinner.

  Kyle buttered a crescent roll. “You mean the band is going to play pro-bono, and Erin’s mother will pay for all the advertising? There’ll be essentially no overhead to speak of?”

  “That’s right. The offer is out of this world.” Rena set her fork down. She couldn’t eat another bite. How would she ever find room for the apple pie Kelsie had baked?

  “This is wonderful news.” Cody reached for her hand beneath the table and squeezed. His touch made her tingle and brought a smile to her lips.

  “Yes...amazing news.” Kyle rocked back on two chair legs. “We should be able to start building by the end of next month.”

  “That’s perfect timing. The Shelter the Homeless house should be completed by then, with the family all moved in. That should free up some time for overseeing this project.”

  “Erin’s mom is really impressed with the center,” Rena added. “So you’re definitely doing something right, Kyle. Believe me, she’s not an easy person to please.”

  Speaking of mothers, I need to check on Mama. She’s been alone all week, puttering around that huge house. Maybe Dad decided to come home.

  Cody polished off the last roll. “So, where’s the furniture you want to show off?”

  “Upstairs.” Kelsie’s look was mysterious. “Come on down the hall, both of you.”

  They followed her up carpeted stairs to the second floor. She opened a bedroom door and the last rays of evening sunlight spilled over pale yellow walls and into the hallway. Rena pressed forward to peek over Kelsie’s shoulder. Her breath caught when her gaze fell on a spindle-railed crib and matching changing table.

  “Oh, Kelsie, are you...?”

  “Yes,” she squealed. She turned and wrapped her arms around Rena.

  Rena gasped as the hallway closed in on her, and muted sunlight faded to shades of gray and black. Voices spoke through a tunnel, as if from miles away.

  “Way to go.” She heard Cody slap Kyle soundly on the back. “That didn’t take long. Efficient as always, my friend.”

  Laughter wove in and out as Kyle responded. “Yeah, and since you’re somewhat experienced in the diaper changing department, with your nephews and all, I figured you can give me a few pointers.”

  Their voices faded as Rena crept into the bedroom to smooth a hand over painted wood and stroke a crib spindle. Memories washed over her. She saw Allie waking from a nap, arms and legs pumping the air as she cooed for attention. The scent of baby powder wafted around her.

  Kelsie sidled up beside her and squeezed her hand. “Rena, are you OK?”

  The memory faded, and sunlight bathed her through the window. Outside, a neighbor’s dog barked. The room came back into focus. “I’m fine. I’m just...so happy.”

  “Rena, my most treasured friend,” Kelsie hugged her. “We’d like you to be the baby’s godmother.”

  “And you the godfather, Cody,” Kyle added, beaming. “Will you do that for us?”

  “I, um...” Rena was stunned into speechlessness. “I...”

  Godmother...they’d trust me...with their baby?

  “Of course we will,” Cody answered for both of them. “Rena’s so good with children. You should see her at the library during story hour. The kids go crazy over her costumes. She even wears—oops, I’m not supposed to mention it.” He mimed locking his lips, and tossed the key behind him. “Top secret. Anyway, Seth thinks she hung the moon.”

  “Will you, Rena? Will you be our baby’s godmother?” Kelsie stared at her with such a look of expectation in her hazel eyes that Rena’s eyes filled with tears.

  “I... I will...if you’re sure that’s what you want.” The rock in her throat nearly forced the words back. “I’d be honored, Kelsie. I love you guys.”

  “Of course it’s what we want.” Kelsie squeezed her hand. “I can’t imagine things any other way.”

  Rena tugged her hand from Kelsie’s and pressed it to her mouth to stifle a sob. She rushed out before they saw her tears.

  “Rena?” Cody started after her. “Rena, come back.”

  Kelsie laid a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. “Give her a minute.”

  “But she’s crying. I have to go to her.”

  “They’re good tears, Cody. Trust me on this one. She just needs a few minutes alone.”

  ****

  “Penny for your thoughts.” Cody prompted as he drove Rena back to the rec center for her car.

  “Sorry, this one will cost at least a nickel.”

  “Inflation, huh?” His tone was light but his mood serious. He sensed something on her mind, and he meant to get to the bottom of it. Moonlight streamed through the windshield spotlighting a deep crease of worry across her forehead. Her hands fidgeted in her lap and he covered them with his own. “How’s your mom?”

  She sighed. “She seemed better when I called. She said my dad has agreed to go to marriage counseling with her.”

  “Well, that’s a step in the right direction. So your dad will be coming back this way from Atlanta?”

  “Yes. He’s going to stay at a hotel near his office for a while until they figure things out. I’m going to meet him for dinner this weekend.”

  “That’s great, Rena.”

  She nodded, but the worry crease deepened. “And my mother and I are going shopping tomorrow after work.”

  “Shopping? The two of you? Together?” Cody raised his eyebrows. “Has the earth stopped spinning?”

  “I’ve noticed a change in her, Cody. She hasn’t been so meddling since my dad left. I think it’s been a kind of wake-up call for her.”

  “I’ll say. God does work in mysterious ways, you know.”

  “I know. I’m actually looking forward to spending some time with her. Imagine that.”

  Cody pulled into the empty space beside Rena’s car. The parking lot was deserted except for the rec center van that was occasionally used for outings with the kids. Fluorescent light from an overhead streetlamp spilled through the windshield as Cody switched off the ignition. The sound of traffic filled the air, punctuated by the distant wail of an ambulance siren.

  “Thanks, Cody. I had a good time tonight.” When she reached for the door handle, he gently closed his hand over hers.

  “Wait, Rena.”

  She turned back. “What is it?”

  He ran his fingers through her silky hair. “I had a wonderful time tonight too, and you look beautiful.”

  “Hmm...thank you.”

  His hand settled on hers. “I know you’re worried about your parents. Is that all?”

  “Umm…yes. I mean, no.” She lowered her gaze and sighed.

  “What?”

  She settled back against the seat. “It was just a shock…hearing that Kelsie’s pregnant. And she and Kyle want me…”

  “To be the godmother?” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “Is there something wrong with that—them wanting you to help nurture their child, to love and help protect him or her?”

  She hesitated. “I don’t know…maybe.” She shifted in the seat and gazed out the window. “I’ve made mistakes, Cody. I’ve made bad choices.”

  “I have, too.” He brushed a wisp of hair from her forehead and smoothed his knuckles across her cheek. Her skin was so soft…so warm. “Who hasn’t made mistakes—or a few bad choices? It’s part of life, Rena. Part of learning.”

  She turned back and leaned into him. Her eyes closed as his lips brushed hers tentatively, tenderly. His hand slid from her honeysuckle-scented hair to the nape of her neck as the kiss deepened. “Oh, Cody…this has been a good day.”

  “Yes, it has. And tomorrow will be even better.” He felt her tremble against him, and fought the urge to kiss her again, to flat-out devour her with kisses. “I don’t want to let you go.”

  “I have to go. We can’t stay...” She motioned to
the deserted lot. “…here.”

  “I know.” He kissed her once more, and knew he had to let her go…for now. “Will you be OK to drive?”

  “Yes, Cody. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “If I have anything to say about it.” He felt the night chill rush in as she pulled away from him to open the door. “G‘night, Rena.”

  She smiled, and then leaned in for one last kiss. “Goodnight.”

  Light the Fire

  15

  Rena pounded on her parents’ front door for the second time. A stab of panic pierced her heart. Her mother was always punctual, never less than thoroughly prepared for any shopping trip, big or small.

  She stepped carefully around a pot of wilting ivy perched beside the door and peered in a window. Through sheer draperies, she noticed movement and turned just in time to see the front door swing open.

  “Mother!” Rena gaped in disbelief. Her mother, always so perfectly coiffed, was a wreck of tangled hair and smudged make-up in a less-than-sophisticated fuzzy pink bathrobe and battered terrycloth slippers. “What in the world happened to you?”

  “Do...do you mind if we just stay here and have some tea? I’m not up to shopping today.”

  Not up to shopping! Rena pinched herself. Her mother never missed an opportunity to shop. There was always an outfit in her wardrobe that could use an accessory, or something around the house that needed to be upgraded or redecorated.

  “Sure, that’s fine.”

  “Good.” Her mother shuffled backwards, allowing Rena to enter the expansive foyer. A teakettle began to whistle and Rena scurried to the kitchen. She rescued it from the burner while her mother settled into a chair at the table with a heavy sigh.

  “Honey lemon or red raspberry?” Rena retrieved two delicate china teacups from a glass-faced cabinet above the sink.

  “Either. You choose.”

  “Honey lemon it is.” Rena plopped a bag into each of the teacups and poured water over them. While they steeped, the scent of ripe lemons filled the room, calming her. She carried the cups to the table then brought over the cream and sugar before dropping into the chair across from her mother.

  She leveled a gaze. “What’s going on, Mama?”

  Her mother averted weary, smoke-gray eyes smudged with sleep deprivation. Without a heavy layer of foundation, wrinkles crossed her face like deep ravines. Rena studied the crows-feet that framed her mother’s eyes. When had her mother aged so? When had she become so...broken and fragile?

  “Nothing’s going on.” She took a delicate sip of tea. “I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking, that’s all.”

  “About what?”

  “I don’t know. A lot of things. Thirty-two years shared with a man provides an infinite number of experiences…and memories.”

  Rena could hardly imagine.

  Her mother placed her elbows on the table, startling Rena, and leaned forward. “Do you think I’m a bad mother, Rena?”

  “A what? Umm...” Rena stumbled over a response, her mind racing as she recalled the many times her heart had been wounded by Mama’s callous words and actions. But those days were in the past. Today was…well, today. It was time to let the hurt go. Maybe it would help to just let it out—to say what was on her mind. But would that simply cause more damage? “I...you’ve...”

  Her mother slapped the table. “Oh, just spit it out.”

  Shock forced the words to come. “You’ve...been a bit overbearing at times, Mother.”

  “Just a bit?” Her laugh was weak and shaky. Her wedding band glittered as she ran a mottled hand through disheveled hair. Arthritis had caused the knuckles to swell. “What else?”

  Rena hesitated. She gazed at her mother above the rim of her cup as she sipped tea. “And sometimes you’re way less than emotionally available. You can be harsh and demanding.”

  “And?”

  “And what, Mother?”

  “There’s got to be more.”

  “No. I think I’ve pretty well summed it up.” She stared into her teacup then set it down and leaned forward, locking gazes with her mother. “I needed you when I was in New York, before Allie came and... after. You weren’t there for me. You haven’t been there for me...for a long time.”

  “I’m sorry, Rena.”

  The words shocked her. Mama was never sorry.

  Ever.

  Rena sat back and folded her arms tight over her chest as she studied her mother’s tired eyes. “What do you mean, Mama?”

  “I should have been there for you...when...” Despite her mother’s best effort, it was painfully obvious that she just couldn’t bring herself to say the words that needed to be said.

  So Rena filled in the blanks. “You should have been there when Carl assaulted me? When I learned I was pregnant?” She jumped to her feet and paced the tile floor. “You should have been there when I was all alone in that rundown apartment with no one to turn to? Or when my baby—Allie—died and I wanted nothing more than to die myself.”

  “Yes, Rena.” Mama stood to face her “I should have been with you through all of that. God forgive me for the selfish way I’ve behaved. It’s my fault you went to New York in the first place.” Her voice caught, and tears filled her eyes. “I ran you off after college. I know that. I should have let you follow your dreams, shouldn’t have manipulated you into living mine. I was wrong. I know that now.”

  Rena turned her back to her mother and hugged her arms to her chest. “Well, it’s too—”

  She caught herself before the words spewed like molten lava to demolish a bridge that barely hung by a thread. Pastor Marcus’s words echoed in her head, drowning all other thought.

  The Lord never denies one who comes to Him. He doesn’t pick or choose which mistakes to forgive. None is too big or too small.

  Could she really offer less mercy to her own mother than what the Lord had shown her?

  She paced the length of the kitchen once more, and then paused to press flattened palms against the tabletop. “You hurt me, Mama. I needed you!”

  Her mother shook her head wearily as tears spilled over to run down her cheeks. “I know. But there’s something you must also know, even if you despise me for telling you.” She held Rena’s gaze with what Rena sensed was great difficulty. “Your father wanted to come to you. We argued bitterly over it. I forced him to deny his own child...and grandchild.”

  Rena gasped. The room swirled and darkened and went eerily silent for what seemed like an eternity. Her father had wanted to come…

  Her mother’s sobs broke the silence.

  “Mama…” Rena went and wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck. She pressed her forehead to her mother’s tear-streaked cheek and smoothed her tangled hair. “Oh, Mama, you hurt me. I only wanted to please you, and nothing ever seemed to be good enough.”

  “I know.” Mama turned to her and pulled her close. Rena pressed her cheek to the soft cotton robe. “But the past is gone. We can’t change it.”

  Rena sniffled. “I know that, Mama.” She drew a deep, cleansing breath. Lemon scented the air. “But telling me you’re sorry—hearing the words—means a lot to me. I’m sorry, too. I should have listened to you when you warned me not to get mixed up with Carl...and the others. I should have trusted you, Mama.”

  “It’s OK. You didn’t know, and I didn’t give you much reason to trust me.”

  “You were right, though, Mama. Going to New York only led to heartache.”

  “But you’re home now, to stay. Are you happy, Rena?”

  “Very. Things are...good.”

  “That man you brought to dinner...Cody...he seems like a nice fellow.”

  “He is, Mama. He’s wonderful.”

  “Then don’t let the past bind you, Rena. You’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you. I just want you to learn from my mistakes.” She brushed tears from her eyes and twisted the wedding band on her finger. Diamonds glittered beneath sunlight that streamed through the windows, making a
rainbow of colors dance along the walls. “Believe me, I’ve made plenty.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m paying close attention.” She squeezed her mother’s hand. “I don’t always agree with the way you handle things, but I’ll always love you, Mama.”

  ****

  “How’s that?” Rena asked as she secured Erin’s fine strawberry-blonde hair into a neat, twisted topknot. “Does it feel like it’s going to stay in place?”

  “Yeah. It looks awesome, Miss Rena.” Erin turned her head from side to side and studied her reflection.

  “Let’s have a go with the curling iron. Some strategically placed spirals will frame your pretty face.”

  “Do you really think I’m pretty?”

  “Honey, you’re beautiful.”

  Erin admired her new, polished look in the mirror over the dressing-room sinks while Rena wound her hair around the barrel of a hot iron. Steam rose, and the fruity scent of hair gel filled the air.

  “How did you learn to do this?” Erin asked as Rena transformed her hair into a sleek up do.

  “I’ve had my time on the stage, believe it or not.” Rena released the curling iron and a perfect spiral fell into place. Erin’s gasp of pleasure made Rena smile. “You learn a few tricks when you spend enough time there.”

  “What did you do on stage?”

  “I sang in a nightclub.” Rena regretted the words immediately. Was it wise to share this piece of her past with Erin?

  “You did?” Erin smoothed a curl around her index finger. She tugged at the strand and watched it spring back into place. “My brother, Sebastian, sings. He’s in a Christian rock band. He’s in Chicago now, doing some concerts.”

  “I know. Your mom told me.”

  “She did?”

  “Yes. Your brother’s going to help us raise money for the addition to the rec center. Your mom is working it out.”

  “Cool. She didn’t say anything to me.”

  “Maybe she wanted to wait until we finalized the date. We did that just this morning during our board meeting. Ask her about it.”