The Adventurer's Guide to Successful Escapes

by Wade Albert White

  “Stop them!”

  They raced along the side of the building, but just as they reached the corner Penelope grabbed hold of Anne’s collar and yanked her back. An axe blade swished through the air in front of them and embedded itself in the ground. The suits of armor inside the library weren’t the only ones under the Matron’s control. Penelope shoulder-charged the armor, knocking it off balance and toppling it over. When it hit the ground, it fell to pieces.

  “This way!” yelled Anne.

  They headed along the main path, but when a suit of armor appeared up ahead, they were forced to duck into a small alley between buildings. They tried another route, but they encountered another suit of armor. For ten minutes they dodged attackers and tried different paths, until finally they ducked into a small alcove so everyone could catch their breath.

  “Where… are… we?” asked Penelope between wheezes.

  Anne looked around. They had zigzagged completely at random. Anne had seen only a small part of the academy grounds, and she didn’t recognize any of the buildings. “I have no idea. I was just trying to avoid another fight.”

  Penelope nodded. “I approve of that plan.”

  “This is the indoor archery range,” said Hiro, tapping the wall of the building. “The next one over is the medical hut. The one past that is storage shed twenty-two. It stores mostly spare arrows and bandages.”

  Penelope frowned. “What did you do, memorize the entire layout or something?”

  “Of course,” said Hiro. “Didn’t you read the ‘Tips and Tricks’ section of Rules for Quests?”

  “I only received my copy this morning,” said Anne.

  “Well, it says to take every opportunity to study your surroundings, because you never know when you might need to make use of that knowledge.”

  “That’s… actually a pretty good tip,” admitted Penelope.

  “Hiro,” said Anne, “do you know the layout well enough to guide us down to the lowest part of the academy without using the main pathway?”

  “I suppose so,” said Hiro. “But maybe we should wait until things have settled down and one of the instructors can tell us what to do.”

  “I hate to agree, Anne, but I don’t think we’re going to get past those suits of armor,” said Penelope. “They seemed to be getting thicker the farther down we go.”

  Anne shook her head. “We only have three days left to complete the quest, and now the Matron is officially trying to stop us. If we stick around, we’re going to get captured, and then we’ll fail our quest. That means the academy gets closed down, I miss my chance of finding home, and we all spend the rest of our lives in a dungeon. So we need to find Nana and get moving.”

  Jeffery appeared in a flash of light, causing everyone to jump. “Why not bring Nana to you?” he said.

  “What do you mean?” asked Anne.

  “I come equipped with one emergency signal per quest. I can use it and have her meet us at the fireball landing zone.”

  “Why not have her meet us right here?” asked Penelope.

  Jeffery shook his head. “It works better in the zones, especially if she has to do it quickly. Something to do with dragon math.”

  “Are you sure?” asked Anne.

  “Sure I’m sure. I wouldn’t be much of a GPS if I couldn’t find you transportation.”

  Anne nodded. “Okay, do it.”

  “Sure thing. I’ll include the map information in the signal, too. That way she can work on her calculations before she gets here.”

  Jeffery’s eyes glowed momentarily, and then two small orbs of light shot out from them. The orbs rose high into the sky toward the place where the tiny tethered tier floated. A second later, a giant dragon made of light appeared overhead.

  “As long as we keep it subtle,” Penelope said dryly.

  “Nana should be there shortly,” said Jeffery, and he disappeared into the medallion.

  Anne looked over at Hiro. He nodded and took the lead. Anne and Penelope followed him through the back alleys of the academy, over stone walls, and up behind the warehouse near the top of the mountain. From there they had a good view of the rope bridge. Anne’s heart was pounding, but she couldn’t tell if it was from all the physical exertion or the prospect of leading a group on a quest with little preparation and almost no idea what she was doing.

  “Look,” said Hiro as they peeked around the corner of the warehouse.

  A suit of armor stood between the two support pillars that held up the bridge.

  “I guess they saw the signal, too,” said Penelope. “Now what do we do?”

  “These can’t be the only two ways off the mountain,” said Hiro. “Maybe there’s a third path that isn’t marked on the map. Something that leads around to the other side.”

  Anne shook her head. “You might be right, but who knows how long that could take. You two wait here. I’ll deal with the armor.”

  Every fiber of Anne’s being screamed at her to stay hidden, but she stepped out from behind the warehouse and headed straight for the suit of armor. She could handle one, she told herself. One was no problem. The suit soon spotted her, but before it could take even a single step, she raised her gauntlet and froze it in place. Holding it there, she motioned for Penelope and Hiro. They dashed from their hiding place and joined her.

  Anne looked across the suspension bridge. The way was clear. All they needed was Nana, and they could make their escape.

  “Heads up,” said Penelope.

  Two more suits of armor clanked up the pathway. Anne, Penelope, and Hiro all crouched behind one of the stone pillars, with Anne keeping the gauntlet aimed at the frozen suit of armor.

  “This isn’t going to work if we don’t have a dragon,” said Penelope.

  “Don’t remind me,” said Anne.

  The two suits of armor stopped well back, in front of the warehouse. They hadn’t noticed their frozen companion. Yet. Anne knew that once they did, there was no way she could control all three.

  Penelope pointed to the tethered tier. “So how are we going to make it up there without getting noticed?”

  “I don’t think we can,” said Anne. She looked at Hiro. “Do you have the magick catalog?”

  Hiro nodded.

  “Sneak out onto the bridge and see if you can hit them with that Minor Exploding Spell Sassafras mentioned.”

  “Y-you want me to stop them?” said Hiro, sounding strangely hesitant. This only confirmed further Anne’s observation that talk of magick seemed to unnerve him.

  “I won’t be able to control all three,” said Anne. “Besides, you’re the wizard, right? You’re our best chance.”

  Hiro nodded reluctantly.

  Anne checked to make sure the suits weren’t looking in their direction, and then she signaled for him to go. He crept out onto the bridge.

  “Do you think he can pull it off?” asked Penelope, watching him go.

  “We better hope so,” said Anne, “because here they come.”

  The two suits of armor had started moving again and were walking directly toward them. Perhaps they had finally noticed their immobile companion and were coming to investigate. There wasn’t much time before they would see what was really going on.

  Hiro started chanting behind them.

  The two suits drew closer.

  The chanting grew louder.

  The suits finally spotted them and began to run.

  Hiro yelled out a final word and then fell silent.

  A boom like thunder reverberated through the air, and the two suits exploded midstep. Or, more accurately, were obliterated. As in, where once there had been two suits of armor, now there was nothing but a giant hole in the ground. Penelope pulled Anne back behind the stone pillar as the shockwave blasted the first suit of armor—the one Anne had been holding in place—over the side of the mountain. The shockwave also punched into the warehouse, setting off a massive secondary explosion. The backup fireballs! The warehouse roof disappeared in a pillar of gre
en fire that rocketed up the side of the mountain. Flaming debris rained down all across the academy, setting some of the other roofs aflame.

  Anne’s jaw dropped.

  “Whoa,” said Penelope. “Do you think we lose points for blowing up the academy?”

  Before Anne could respond, a tremendous, heart-stopping cracking sound came from the mountaintop. The great shelf of rock at the peak split off and hurtled down the mountainside. It broke apart as it fell, sending gigantic boulders cascading in every direction. The largest section crashed into the center of the academy, flattening buildings and smashing staircases to pieces. Another large chunk struck the headmistress’s tower dead center. The tower crumbled, sending a shower of white stones and brown roof tiles down into the valley.

  Anne was stunned. “W-what happened?”

  She became vaguely aware that Penelope was pulling her along the bridge. They reached Hiro, who had also been knocked over by the shockwave but had managed not to fall off.

  Penelope grabbed Anne by the shoulders and shook her. “Anne, the ropes!”

  Anne glanced at the guide ropes. They seemed fine to her. A little frayed maybe. Then she looked to where Penelope was pointing: The ropes at the far end, holding up the suspension bridge at the landing zone, were burning.

  “R-run!” yelled Anne.

  The three of them made a dash for the tethered tier, holding tight to the guide lines, but they weren’t fast enough. The main support ropes snapped. The bridge fell. Anne hung on briefly, but the well-worn guide lines slipped through her fingers. She reached out desperately for Penelope and Hiro, but they, too, lost their hold and tumbled away into the night.

  Two thoughts popped into Anne’s head as she fell:

  First, exactly what spell had Hiro cast?

  Second, and perhaps most important, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

  Anne’s last sight was of an enormous black shape hurtling down at them from the mountainside and a brilliant flash of green.

  MODERN ACADEMIES OF THE HIERARCHY: FIVE CENTURIES OF DESTRUCTION AND UTTER MAYHEM CONTAINS THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE:

  The Death Mountain Quest Academy has suffered catastrophic destruction no less than seventeen times (each time under a different name, of course). The third-worst incident occurred when all the students in the first-ever Magick 101 class practiced their Minor Exploding Spell in unison. Thereafter all beginner-level magick classes were conducted only in underground bunkers at a minimum distance of one mile from any other academy structures.

  The second-worst incident occurred when a supply ship delivering five thousand barrels of lantern oil unexpectedly lost altitude, crashed into a papier-mâché tower, and toppled it into the adjacent Candle Gardens. Following this incident, further use of papier-mâché for major construction projects was heavily frowned upon.

  The absolute worst incident occurred when the academy ran out of pudding one day at lunch and the students and faculty mutinied (an event known thereafter as the Great Pudding Riot of Shame).

  Mr. Shard

  Upon emerging from the fireball, the first thing Anne noticed was the heat—it was absolutely sweltering. She quickly removed her cloak as she took in her surroundings. Anne, Penelope, and Hiro were standing on a large stretch of light brown sand. A cluster of white-domed buildings was nearby, and beyond that the edge of the tier was visible. In the other direction, the lighter sand quickly gave way to a darker, coarser wasteland of rolling dunes. The sun blazed above without so much as a cloud or even another tier in the sky for shade.

  Anne held up the gauntlet. “Jeffery?”

  Jeffery popped into view. “Is it just me, or did we go from winter to summer in all of about three seconds?”

  “What is this place?” asked Anne.

  “Allow me to welcome you to the Black Desert tier,” said Jeffery. “Over here you have your standard generic village of no particular consequence,” he said, pointing a wing toward the white-domed buildings, “and over here your standard unnecessarily ominous-sounding desert.” He pointed toward the rolling hills of dark sand.

  “How did we get here?”

  “Nana,” said Jeffery. “She arrived just in time and managed to fireball each of you as you fell.”

  Anne recalled a green flash of light, but everything had happened so fast, it was still a bit of a blur: the shockwave from Hiro’s spell, the destruction of the Death Mountain Quest Academy, nearly falling to her death.…

  “So where’s the tower?” asked Penelope as she removed her cloak.

  “Well, the good news is we’re on the right tier,” said Jeffery.

  “And the bad news?” asked Anne.

  “Who said there was bad news?”

  Anne scanned the horizon. “Jeffery, just tell us where the tower is, please.”

  Jeffery pointed toward the dunes again. “About fifty miles in that direction.”

  “You don’t count that as bad news?” asked Penelope.

  “Not considering I had to recalculate your trajectory on the fly,” rumbled a voice behind them.

  Anne and Penelope spun around. Nana lay stretched out lazily on the sand.

  “Why do you keep sneaking up on us like that?” asked Anne.

  Nana yawned. “It amuses me.”

  Anne noted the sun’s position in the sky. “How long did it take for us to travel this time?”

  “The standard eight hours again,” said Nana. “It’s now midmorning.”

  Anne’s shoulders slumped. “That only leaves us a little over two and a half days to finish.” She scanned the horizon. “Now that we’re not falling anymore, can you send us directly to the tower?”

  “Can you pay?” asked Nana.

  “Pay?”

  “Yes. Pay. As in gold. I receive a flat rate for my work at Death Mountain, and all fireballs to and from the academy for both students and instructors are free. But any other quest-related fireballs are covered by my contract with Fireball Travel Incorporated. Then I only get paid per fireball. And do you know what the commission on zero gold is? Zero.”

  Anne searched her pack, but other than the rations Jocelyn had given them, it was empty.

  “Okay,” said Penelope, “how about this: First send us back to the academy, and then send us to the tower from there. Problem solved.”

  Nana grunted. “You mean send you back to the academy that no longer exists because you blew it up?”

  “Us?” said Penelope. “It was your fireballs in the warehouse that destroyed everything.”

  “Yes, but only after they were set off by your wizard,” said Nana.

  Speaking of their wizard, Anne noticed that Hiro hadn’t said anything yet, and although they hadn’t known each other long, that struck her as unusual. He was facing away from the group and still had his cloak on. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and he jumped slightly at her touch. When he faced her, his cheeks were moist.

  “Hiro, are you okay?” she asked.

  He sniffed and hastily wiped his eyes. “I—I’m fine. It’s just, I thought I could control it this time.”

  Anne imagined how their conversation must have sounded, considering all that had happened, and felt a pang of guilt. “Hiro, no one is blaming you.”

  “Technically, I am,” said Nana.

  “They should blame me.” He let out a deep, shuddering breath. “You know how Sassafras said there’s always a cost for magick? Well, what you saw… that’s my cost. Every time I cast a spell, it has unintended consequences. Sometimes they go out of control, like that Minor Exploding Spell I used. It came out way too powerful. Other times they fizzle out completely. I can never predict what will happen.”

  “I thought you had only taken the theory classes,” said Penelope.

  He shook his head. “I got further than theory, but everyone wished I hadn’t. Jocelyn knew, but she told me not to worry about it. She said she believed in me and that I would figure out a way to make it work.” He bowed his head. “I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier. I’m not
fit to be the group wizard. I’m just a disaster waiting to happen.” He dug out his wizard token and held it out to Anne. “Please, take it.”

  Anne took his hand in hers, but she didn’t take the token. Instead, she folded his fingers back over the top of it. “Maybe the spell did have unintended consequences, but that doesn’t change the fact that we wouldn’t have escaped without your help. It also means you’re a really powerful wizard, right, to be able to do so much? Either way, you know a lot more than either Penelope or I do about quests. We need you.”

  Hiro looked up. “Thanks.” He sniffed again. “Do you—do you think the instructors got away?”

  Anne was worried about that, too. “I honestly don’t know,” she said gently.

  “They’re fine,” said Nana. “A little banged up, but none the worse for wear. They tend to be a resourceful group—sort of. In fact, the reason I’m here is that Jocelyn asked me to check up on you and make sure you arrived safely.”

  Hiro sighed with relief at hearing this news.

  “Maybe we should go back and help them,” said Penelope.

  Anne shook her head. “Jocelyn told us to focus on the quest. There’s nothing we can do about the academy right now, but there are serious consequences for each of us if we fail. Not to mention that the Matron will still be after us. I think the best thing we can do is to keep moving forward. And for that, we’re going to need our wizard. Okay?” She smiled at Hiro.

  He smiled back.

  Anne turned to Nana. “We haven’t said it yet, but thank you so much for saving us. We wouldn’t have gotten this far without your help, either. I know it’s asking a lot, but I expect you know more about quests than even Hiro does. If there’s any way at all you might be able to assist us, we would be grateful.”

  “Now you’re just appealing to my ego,” said Nana. “Of which I wholeheartedly approve, by the way.” She looked into the sky and sighed. “My mother always said I had too much of a soft spot for humans.”

  “So is that a yes?” asked Anne hopefully.