The Adventurer's Guide to Successful Escapes

by Wade Albert White

  Hiro gasped. “What is that?”

  “It’s like a half-man, half-ogre, half-dragonfly,” said Penelope.

  “Technically, that’s three halves,” Hiro pointed out.

  “Well, that tells you how scary big it is.”

  “It appears to be constructed out of the smaller creatures,” said Rokk. “They have joined together in order to concentrate their attack.”

  The massive dragonfly-ogre creature lumbered toward them, knocking aside trees as if they were blades of grass.

  Penelope looked at Anne. “Can you stop it?”

  Anne shook her head. She could barely maintain her hold on the ones she had already frozen. But if she couldn’t stop the dragonfly-ogre, perhaps she could use the ones she did have control over to her advantage. If these creatures were able to join together to form something larger…

  Anne thought of a shape, and the previously frozen dragonflies moved in response. They linked with one another in the air until they formed a giant circle several layers thick.

  “A shield?” said Penelope.

  “Well done,” said Jocelyn. “Simply brilliant. Everyone gather underneath and deal with any incoming strays so Anne can concentrate.”

  The others formed a ring around Anne, and Jeffery swooped above them in circles, while she held the shield in place.

  The dragonfly-ogre burst free of the forest and started up the slope. It reached them in three long strides, surrounded by a small cloud of dragonflies that broke off and attacked. Penelope, Hiro, Jocelyn, Rokk, and Jeffery fought them off while Anne positioned the shield to block the giant. The dragonfly-ogre raised its club high into the air and gave a mighty swing. The club thundered against the shield, crushing hundreds of the dragonflies. But the shield held, and so did Anne. She even managed to take control of some of the stray dragonflies and use them to repair the shield. The dragonfly-ogre drew back its massive club to strike again.

  “How… much… longer… Rokk?” she panted.

  “Sixty seconds,” said Rokk.

  The club hit the shield with a deafening crash.

  This time, Anne’s knees buckled. The ground around her was littered with smashed dragonflies. She tried to repair the shield again, but it had become difficult to concentrate. As though sensing her need for help, Penelope came alongside her and held one of her arms, and Hiro held the other.

  The club crashed into the shield a third time, scattering it completely. If it hadn’t been for her companions, Anne would have been driven to the ground.

  “Why… can’t you… metal bugs… just DIE!” Anne screamed through gritted teeth.

  As soon as the words left her mouth, the gauntlet pulsed blue.

  Penelope stepped back. “What’s happening?”

  Anne stared at the gauntlet in surprise. “I don’t know.”

  The light pulsed quicker and quicker until it was a steady glow. The dragonfly-ogre raised its club above them, preparing to smash the group into oblivion, but before it could strike its final blow, a ball of blue energy exploded from the gauntlet. It washed over Anne and her friends with no effect, but it was devastating to the dragonfly robots. The dragonfly-ogre was shredded to pieces, exploding into tens of thousands of individual creatures that then disintegrated. The blue energy wave rippled across the top of the hill and down the slope, destroying all the remaining dragonflies as it went.

  Anne sank down onto her hands and knees. She took in air in great, heaving gulps, as though she’d been holding her breath underwater. A shower of burning dragonfly parts fell from the sky, raining across the hillside.

  “Well, that was certainly unpleasant,” said Jocelyn, sheathing her rapier.

  Hiro crouched beside Anne. “That was amazing,” he said.

  Anne nodded. “You… weren’t so bad… yourself.”

  “I’m telling you, we’re going to have that castle before we know it,” said Penelope.

  “Yes,” said Jocelyn. “I would say bonus points all around.”

  “Even for sparrows?” asked Jeffery as he alighted on the gauntlet.

  Anne laughed. “Yes, especially sparrows.”

  She surveyed the hillside. Her heart was still racing, and she found that she was excited and bone tired all at the same time. She had faced the Matron and escaped once again, and even more important, they had acquired the key. They might just finish this quest after all.

  “The portal will arrive momentarily,” Rokk announced. “Where do you wish to go?”

  Anne recalled something the Construct had said. “Jeffery, do you have the coordinates for the final destination from the medallion?”

  Jeffery tapped his head. “Right here. They’re encrypted, though. Only a dragon can actually understand them.”

  It figured. Just when she thought they might catch a break.

  “Return us to the Black Desert tier,” she told Rokk. “We’re going to need Nana.”

  As before, clouds gathered overhead and a funnel cloud extended down to a spot just above them. Anne felt herself stretch. Then the funnel snapped down and back and whisked them away. One nausea-inducing portal ride later, Anne found herself deposited back onto a wide stretch of familiar black sand.

  And straight into a pair of hand shackles.

  THE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF THE TOP FIVE OFFENSES FOR WHICH PEOPLE ARE LIKELY TO GET ARRESTED:

  1) High treason (to be distinguished from “high tree son”—that is, making your son live at the top of a high tree—which isn’t illegal, but also isn’t recommended)

  2) Forgery (not to be confused with a letter “for Jerry,” unless of course it, too, is a forgery)

  3) Any utterance whatsoever of the phrase “petrified hippopotamus beak”

  4) Unauthorized use of a squirrel in combat

  5) Kidnapping your mythology professor (this happens alarmingly often)

  Prisoners of the Council

  Anne stared at the shackles, which had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. The one for her left hand was wide enough to fit over the gauntlet. A woman in armor—the person who had applied the shackles—stood in front of Anne. Penelope, Hiro, and Jocelyn were also shackled and facing their own armor-clad people. They were all standing on the platform at the bottom of the Infinite Tower, and at first Anne couldn’t figure out why they were there. Then she realized her mistake. She had meant to return to the Black Desert village, to the spot where Nana was waiting, but Rokk had never been there and so had assumed she meant the tower, the exact spot from which they’d left.

  Since their departure, things had changed. Now three sailing ships hung in the air with their anchors lying in the sand, and a cluster of guards were waiting by the remains of the destroyed campsite along with a small purple dragon who kept trying to kiss everyone.

  “Whoa, some help over here,” shouted a man in armor. He had been trying to place shackles on Rokk, but Rokk had shattered them to pieces. Two dozen additional guards rushed over with heavy chains and, after a considerable struggle, finally managed to pin Rokk’s three arms to his sides.

  “Don’t you hurt him!” yelled Penelope.

  “Those ships belong to the Wizards’ Council. I recognize the emblem,” Hiro whispered to Anne, nodding up at the seven-pointed black star on the mainsail of the nearest ship. “These must be council guards.”

  “What’s going on?” Anne asked the guard in front of her.

  “Isn’t it obvious?” said the guard. “You’re under arrest. Your reign of terror is over.”

  “Reign of terror?” said Anne.

  The guard unrolled a piece of parchment and read aloud from it. “Theft of a magickal gauntlet, theft of a prophecy medallion, activation of the aforementioned prophecy medallion without a proper permit, escaping from an orphanage without a letter of permission, falsifying an academy admission form, lying to an official of the Wizards’ Council, choosing the role of blacksmith but not doing any actual blacksmithing, destruction of a quest academy, entering a tower with no door by being a
smarty-pants, unauthorized consultations with a mythological mechanical entity whose existence the council refuses to acknowledge despite solid evidence to the contrary, setting up a campsite in a designated fireball landing zone, wanton destruction of the aforementioned campsite, unauthorized use of a portal, and abuse of an undead marine animal.” She leaned in close. “Just wait until the animal activists hear about that last one.”

  “Unhand me,” said Jocelyn, struggling with her own guard. “I am not a member of this adventuring party. I am a professor of mythology at the Death Mountain Quest Academy. My credentials are in my coat pocket.”

  The brawny guard who had shackled Jocelyn reached into her pocket and pulled out a card. He read it over and nodded. “All right, then. If you’re not part of the group, why were you with them? It’s serious business to interfere with a quest, you know. Even for professors of mythology.”

  “Of course I know that,” said Jocelyn. She met Anne’s eyes briefly and then turned back to the guard. “If you must know, these students kidnapped me. They went rogue and destroyed our beautiful academy, and when I confronted them about it, they forced me to go with them. They nearly killed me, truth be told.”

  Anne’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t believe Jocelyn would sell them out just to save her own skin. Especially after Anne had just saved her life.

  The guard gave Jocelyn a doubting look. “You’re asking me to believe that three raw recruits overpowered and kidnapped a full professor?”

  Jocelyn pointed over to where the guards had wrestled Rokk into a wooden crate. “Did you see the size of that monster they have with them? Did it not just take two dozen of your well-trained guards to subdue it? I am only one person, you know.”

  “What is that thing, anyway?” asked the guard.

  Jocelyn leaned in close. “I suspect dark magick. If I were you, I’d have one of the council wizards check it over. They tried to pass it off as an ancient robot, if you can believe that nonsense.”

  The guard shook his head sympathetically. “Probably wanted the Old World treasure reward. It’s pathetic what some people will try to pull. Believe me, I’ve heard it all.” He consulted his parchment again. “Still, it mentions your name specifically under the wanton destruction charge.”

  Jocelyn sighed. “Very well. Check my other pocket.”

  The guard pulled out a second card and read it aloud. “Official Betrayer?”

  “What?” exclaimed Anne.

  “Traitor!” yelled Penelope.

  “Will this go on our permanent records?” asked Hiro, but his guard shushed him.

  “Yes,” admitted Jocelyn. “You see, I’ve been working against this group from the beginning, in league with my sister, the Matron of Saint Lupin’s. She’s the Official Antagonist for their quest. The truth is, I allowed myself to be kidnapped in order to foil their plans. We would have preferred keeping it a secret until the end, of course, to achieve the highest betrayal score possible, but I don’t suppose it matters now that their group is safely in your custody.”

  The guard nodded. “I understand. Fake kidnapping is a good move, too. Fools them every time. Also, the sister angle is a nice touch. All too often you get siblings working against each other on these types of quests.” He slid the two cards back into Jocelyn’s pocket. “Very well, then. This all seems to be in order. You’re free to go. And sorry about the mix-up,” he added, removing her shackles.

  Jocelyn rubbed her wrists. “Not at all. You were just doing your job. I’m glad to see the council has finally decided to hire some guards with a bit of common sense.”

  “Always glad to help, Professor.” The guard nodded in Anne’s direction. “And we’ll be sure to add those kidnapping charges you mentioned to the list.”

  “They deserve everything that’s coming to them,” said Jocelyn. “I would also appreciate access to your dragon so that I might return to my colleagues and inform them that the young rascals have been apprehended.”

  “Certainly. Right this way,” said the guard, and he led Jocelyn toward the fireball landing zone.

  “But she’s lying,” said Anne. “She’s the one who destroyed the campsite. And we didn’t kidnap anybody. She came with us on her own.”

  “That is just what someone who kidnapped her would say,” said her guard.

  Anne took a step in Jocelyn’s direction, but the guard held her back. “Oh, no,” she said. “You’re going this way.”

  The guards marched Anne, Penelope, and Hiro over to a rope ladder. They were forced to climb up to one of the waiting ships with their hands still shackled. Once aboard, other guards escorted them into the belly of the ship, tossed their possessions into a cabinet, and locked the three of them in a small cabin. The room was cramped, with only two beds and barely enough space in the middle for one person to stand. Penelope sat on one bed and Hiro on the other. Anne remained standing. She was too agitated to sit.

  Anne stared out between the bars of the porthole. Jocelyn’s betrayal had her fuming. She didn’t have to give Anne the gauntlet in the first place, so what was her motivation for doing so? And there had been many times when Jocelyn could have stopped Anne, Penelope, and Hiro before this, so why now? Why not back on the dead tier, when her sister was present? Maybe Jocelyn wanted the credit for saving the world all to herself. Maybe she was simply so desperate to save her academy that she would do anything, even stooping to the betrayal of three young adventurers on their first quest.

  Anne shook her head to clear it. She couldn’t allow herself to get distracted by any of that now. She had the key. All she needed to do was “claim the throne without a crown” and finish the quest, and then she would have a place to live free from anyone’s meddling schemes.

  Anne held up the gauntlet. “Jeffery, how much time is left on the quest?”

  “Fifteen hours,” he chirped as he flashed into view.

  Anne’s eyes widened. “What? But that’s an entire day gone. There’s no way we were on that dead tier for that long.”

  “That was a weird place,” Jeffery said. “I think time must work differently there or something. I checked my internal clock as soon as we arrived back, and it’s definitely correct. We were there for roughly one hour, which means every hour spent on the dead tier must equal twenty-four regular hours.” He disappeared again.

  Anne paced back and forth, which was difficult to do in the confined space. “We have to get out of here.”

  “Too bad they confiscated Hiro’s catalog,” said Penelope. “He could have blasted the door away, no problem. Well, probably more like he’d blast away half the ship. Right, Hiro?”

  “Hmmm?” said Hiro, who had been distracted by his own thoughts and not listening. “Oh, yes, probably.”

  “What’s up with you?” asked Penelope.

  Hiro stood in an unexpectedly decisive manner. “I’ll create a distraction so the two of you can get away.”

  “We’re not going to leave you behind, Hiro,” said Anne.

  Penelope laughed. “And besides, what distraction could you possibly cause?”

  “Just this,” he said, and before Anne or Penelope could react, Hiro took a deep breath and yelled out, “Guard! Guard! Open this door at once!” Penelope tackled him, and Anne tried to clamp a hand over his mouth, but this was hard to do with shackles on. Hiro kept yelling, “Guard! Guard!”

  The door opened and a beefy guard crammed into the room, proving once and for all that it wasn’t a four-person cabin. Anne and Penelope both fell back onto the bunks. Hiro, however, stayed on his feet.

  The guard surveyed the three of them. “Here now, what’s all the racket? Who called for the guard?”

  “I did,” said Hiro, and he stepped forward confidently—or rather, he stomped his foot confidently while standing in one place, since there was no longer space to take an actual step. “Do you have any idea who I am?”

  The guard looked him over. “You’re a juvenile delinquent, that’s who you are. And from what I hear, you’re
in big trouble. The lot of you. So if you know what’s good for you, you’ll sit here and keep your traps shut.”

  “Before you get too blustery, my good man, you might want to have a good look at this.” Hiro turned, held up his hair, and showed the guard the back of his neck.

  The guard started to laugh, but then he did a double take and paled visibly. “B-but… th-that’s…”

  “Exactly,” said Hiro, turning back. “I want to speak with the sergeant of the guard at once, as is my right.”

  “I don’t… I mean, it’s not generally permitted for prisoners to—”

  Hiro puffed out his chest. “I am not some common prisoner simply to be tossed into a cell with the rest of the riffraff.”

  “Hey,” said Anne. “Easy on the feelings.”

  Hiro ignored her and continued. “When my parents hear about this, and rest assured they most certainly will hear about it, I can make you look cooperative or I can paint a very different picture, if you take my meaning.”

  The guard apparently took his meaning. “Yes. I mean, yes, sir! Right away, sir!” He saluted, backed out of the room, and closed and locked the door once more. The guard’s footsteps quickly retreated down the corridor.

  Penelope rounded on Hiro. “What in the world was that all about? ‘Yes, sir’? ‘Right away, sir’? What exactly did you show him?”

  “There’s no time to explain. When the sergeant of the guard arrives—”

  Penelope pulled Hiro into a headlock and peered at the back of his neck. “No time to explain? Listen, buster, you’re going to make time, is what you’re going to do. Or I’m going to wedgie it out of you. Understand?”

  Hiro put up a decent struggle, making a valiant attempt to hold Penelope off, but there was no way he would ever win a wrestling match against her.

  “Let him go, Pen,” said Anne.

  “But you saw what happened,” Penelope protested.

  Anne raised an eyebrow.

  “Oh, fine,” said Penelope, and she released him.

  Hiro stood and straightened his collar. “Thank you.”