Into Each Life

by Shelia E. Bell

  ♦

  “Mrs. Runsome, please come in.” The oncologist said and then gestured for Faith to sit down. To Faith, the woman doctor sounded almost too polite. “Please, have a seat and we’ll go over your test results.”

  “Can you wait for just a few minutes? My husband went to call the sitter and check on our boys and I would prefer that he be here with me.”

  “Certainly. That’s no problem.”

  Prodigal suddenly burst through the door. “I’m sorry,” he said, out of breathe. “Baby, the boys are fine. Did I miss anything?”

  “No,” the doctor answered. “As a matter of fact, we just came in here. Have a seat,” the doctor pointed to a corner chair where Prodigal sat down. “Mrs. Runsome, the mammogram and ultrasound revealed two lumps in the left breast area. One at the three o’clock spot and the other one is located in the nine o’clock area of your breast. What I’d like to do next is arrange for you to have a biopsy to determine if the lumps are malignant or not.

  “I must tell you that I would like to go on and make arrangements before you leave this afternoon to have the biopsy done this week. Is that agreeable with you?”

  Faith stared straight ahead. She couldn’t bear to look at the hurt and bewilderment that she knew must be on her husband’s face. She nodded yes to the doctor.

  “Do what you have to do. I want to get this over and done with as quickly as possible,” she said.

  “Faith, are you sure?” Prodigal asked, and reached over to squeeze her hand.

  She replied, “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “Mrs. Runsome, have you undergone a breast biopsy before?” the doctor asked.

  “No.”

  “Let me tell you some of the things you should expect. First, I will perform what is called an open surgical biopsy which is done in an operating room. The biopsy will not require general anesthesia. Instead, you will be given a local anesthetic to the breast only. In some cases it might be necessary to use a combination of intravenous sedation along with a local anesthetic, but that will be determined the day of your biopsy. I’ll make a one half to two-inch incision in the breast. Once the incision is made, I will completely remove both lumps, along with a surrounding margin of normal breast tissue. Are you with me so far?”

  “Yes, I understand,” Teary nodded.

  “You’ll require a few stitches. After the procedure is complete, most patients require at least a full day of recovery. Any questions?”

  Faith spoke up right away. “Yes, how accurate is this biopsy, doctor?”

  “Close to one hundred percent. I can also tell you that sixty-five to eighty percent of breast biopsies turn out to be non-cancerous. However, if the biopsy results do indicate a malignancy, I must ask you to please think seriously about whether you want me to proceed with removing the malignancy which often times includes the removal of the entire breast, or if we go in and see a malignancy and it is localized, we may be able to perform a lumpectomy.”

  Confused and dazed, Prodigal asked, “What exactly is a lumpectomy?”

  “Instead of removing the entire breast, we surgically remove the malignant lump in the breast, along with a small margin of the surrounding normal breast tissue. If this procedure has to be done, it will allow your wife to maintain most of her breast after surgery. If the biopsy reveals a malignancy, I want to assure you that the earlier breast cancer is diagnosed, the greater the chances for survival. I know this sounds frightening, Mr. and Mrs. Runsome, but I want to be as candid with you as possible. I also encourage you to seek a second opinion.”

  “Sure, thanks doctor,” Prodigal said. They both sat stunned.

  “I tell you what I’m going to do,” the doctor said as she stood up. I’m going to leave you two alone for a few minutes while I go and get everything scheduled and get back with you. Feel free to sit here in my office, and as hard as it might be, try to relax. Here are some brochures you can take with you when you leave that will give you a more in-depth explanation of the biopsy procedure. Do you have other questions before I leave?” Neither of them replied. The doctor took this as a no and quickly exited through the oak door.

  ♦

  “Mrs. Runsome, please try to calm down. I know this is hard for you, but I must reemphasize that when breast cancer is detected early, such as the case with you, there is a greater chance that you can overcome this disease. Please, take a little time to calm down so you can think rationally about what you want to do from here, not what other people want.” The doctor’s words were sincere, but Faith could only hear her initial words ringing throughout her mind—the biopsy showed cancerous cells in the breast area and also in the lymph nodes.

  Prodigal vaguely heard the specialist himself. He thought he heard her say something to the effect, “think about what you want to do, what you’re willing to do, and what you are able to do.”

  Able to do? Prodigal thought What is the doctor saying? Prodigal’s anger raged within. He tried to calm his wife as best he could by holding her tight against his chest, caressing her hair and sharing in her sorrow.

  “Faith, we’re going to make it through this,” he assured her. “We’re going to fight against this thing tooth and nail. You hear me? Do you hear me?” she repeated.

  “Yes, I hear you and you’re right,” she said in between deep sobs. “I’m going to keep my trust in God because he doesn’t put anymore on us than we can bear. I’ll beat this disease. We will beat it, right?” she looked into Prodigal’s eyes for confirmation.

  “Right, sweetheart.” They clung to each other in silence.

  The specialist continued talking. “This is the beginning of a difficult journey, a critical juncture in your life. I must tell you that some women give up without even trying. Instead they become hopeless even though they may end up going through treatment steps; they refuse to fight against it. That’s what it’s going to take Mrs. Runsome. Breast cancer is a war, a war that is trying to steal away your dreams, your hopes, your life. You have to fight the war by taking on one battle at a time. You and your husband seem to have faith in a higher power, so redirect your anger and hurt to tuning in to that higher power. You have to be strong for the battle ahead, Mrs. Runsome. And Mr. Runsome, she’s going to need your total support.”

  “You don’t have to tell me that, doctor,” Prodigal said. “I’m going to stick by my wife no matter what. I’m going to help her to win this battle. And as far as a higher power goes, we don’t believe in a higher power, doctor. We believe in God, our savior. He’ll see us through this, won’t he, Faith?”

  “Yes, Prodigal. God will see us through this,” she whispered softly.

  Soon after the devastating news, Faith’s health took a sudden turn for the worse. A mastectomy was performed on her breast, but chemotherapy and radiation proved to be of no real value because the cancer had spread not only to her lymph nodes but it had rapidly spread basically all over her body. The doctor gave her less than six months to live.

  Faith and Prodigal tried to make life as seamless as possible when it came to the boys. There was just no use in telling them the seriousness of their mother’s illness. As a source of comfort more for herself, Faith began making tapes of different events that she believed the boys would experience throughout their lives. She gave them a mother’s point of view. One thing she knew that she would be able to rely on even after she was dead and gone was the fact that Prodigal would take good care of their sons. She wasn’t worried about that at all. All children needed a mother’s love and guidance and she was saddened by the fact that she would not be a part of their everyday lives for much longer.

  She hung on to God, clinging to him in prayer, asking him to watch over her man and her sons throughout their lives. If it was her time to die, she was ready because she had come to know the Lord when she about the same age as Kevin and Kaleb were now.

  Immediately upon learning of Faith’s grave illness, their church family went into action and provided the Runsome family with plenty of l
oving support. They held a prayer vigil on their behalf as well, and claimed total healing and deliverance for her. Church members and neighbors provided home cooked meals for the Runsome family around the clock. The men saw to it that the lawn was maintained and the church helped pitch in on paying some of the family’s mounting medical bills. Their neighbors and friends often volunteered to help with the twins. The women and young people took turns coming to clean the house and taking Kevin and Kaleb on outings. They didn’t have to worry about a thing except her getting well. She insisted that Prodigal take her to church whenever she felt like she could put up with the pain long enough to sit through a sermon. The closer she came to death, the more she wanted to be at church.

  Just as the doctor had warned, each day the pain became more unbearable as cancer savagely attacked her body, yet Faith refused to remain in the hospital. She wanted to be with her family. Though her speech had become inaudible, she continued to try to make a tape of all the things she wanted to share with her sons. She talked to them about girls, about treating them with love and respect just like Prodigal treated her. She talked to them about the dangers of sex outside of marriage; about drugs and wild living. She told them about standing tall and being the head of the household when they entered marriage. Most of all, she told them about accepting Christ and being at peace even during her time of death. She loved her family and was so grateful to God for blessing her with such a divine love.

  Prodigal, on the other hand, became quite bitter about the fact that he was losing his wife, the precious mother of his children, right before his very eyes. He reflected on the early death of his father and believed somehow that a curse of some kind must be on him. Why are you doing this? What’s going on? First my father and now Faith. Anger consumed him each day he pushed the morphine pump into her tender skin.

  Faith noticed the change in him and confronted him about it.

  “Prodigal, you can’t go on like this,” she said to him. “You have to know that God does love us. He blessed us with each other. Though we won’t grow old together, know that I will always be with you in spirit. Maybe you won’t be able to see me physically any more, but baby don’t you know that nothing can separate our love?”

  “Stop it, Faith. Don’t talk like that,” Prodigal said.

  “No! I won’t stop it. You have to listen to me,” she said sitting up in her bed. “Nothing can tear us apart, not even this. You have to believe in God no matter what. You have to believe in him for Kevin and Kaleb’s sake baby, and for your own sanity and survival. Please, when it’s time for me to go I want to go in peace. I’m going to heaven and I’m not afraid anymore.” She continued in a weak voice.

  Warm tears streamed quietly down Prodigal’s tear stained face. He looked into the eyes of the girl he had loved since high school. And he couldn’t bear the thought of living the rest of his life without her.

  “Prodigal, listen to me,” Faith demanded. “I know heaven will be grand and beautiful. I’ll be there waiting on you.” Tears flowed heavily from his eyes. He held on to her as best he could. Her body was thin and fragile. He wanted to lie inside her but he couldn’t. Instead he looked deep into her brown eyes. She reached up with her pain-streaked fingers and brushed the tears from his eyes.

  “Prod, I love you,” she whispered. “I love you, boy. I’ve loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you. But I love God too, and he loves me. He loves us with a love we can’t even begin to conceive. You know that, don’t you?” Prodigal nodded his head slowly up and down. “Now, listen. You let this anger in your heart go. Let the bitterness leave you now. I have to know that you’re going to be alright. You hear me?”

  “Yes, I hear you, Faith. I love you. I love you so much.” He wept uncontrollably. Faith screamed out, her body was wracked with pain. He took hold of the morphine pump and squeezed the handle hard. Within a matter of seconds she had drifted off into a deep sleep.

  He pulled the covers up underneath her chin, leaving her to rest. Looking back over his shoulder, she looked so peaceful to him. He went into the living room and stood before the triple wide living room window and watched with intensity the huge snowflakes as they fell silently to the ground. He thought of how quiet and serene the snow appeared. He watched their neighbors, the Richards, pulling into their driveway across the street. They were in their late seventies and had been married for over fifty years! What’s so different about them? He thought to himself. What have they done that’s so right? Why do they deserve to be together all of these years and me and Faith’s time together is swiftly coming to an end after only ten years of marriage? What do they have that we don’t? God, I don’t understand any of this. He slammed his fist hard against the wall. He hated them for having the chance to spend their entire lives together while his family was being ripped apart.

  Chapter 29

  A Faith so Strong

  Christmas was a few weeks away, but Prodigal didn’t know if Faith would make it until then. He hoped that she would be able to spend one more Christmas with him and the boys. Surely God would allow them that much. He was too distraught, too angry, and too hurt to pray. His spirit was being sapped away with each shallow breath she took.

  He tried to be strong for the boys, waiting until they were asleep before he allowed himself to break down and cry. He certainly couldn’t let Faith or the boys know he was hurting so badly. After all, she told him that he had to be strong for Kevin and Kaleb, but who would be strong for him? He thought of Teary. She had been his confidante, the one he could always count on. They could talk about anything. How he wished he could call on her now, but on the other hand he didn‘t want to tell her what was going on just yet. There was no one he could really confide in at the fire station. Just like when he was a young boy, he still had a difficult time forming any deep friendships. Of course there was always his church family, but he didn’t want to keep loading them down with his problems on top of all that they were helping them with already. He was basically the same person he was back thena loner, except when it came to him and Teary.

  He looked in on Faith and saw that she was sleeping soundly, then he peeped in the boys’ bedroom. They were asleep too. He went in the kitchen and poured himself a glass of plum wine, something he rarely did. He swished a little around in his mouth, then went into the family room and lay back on the cold leather couch. Everything was cold to him. He knew it was only a matter of time, a matter of days, the doctor said, before his world would completely crumble. His dear beloved wife would be gone. He didn’t know how he would live without her. He didn’t know how he would breathe without her. How would he and the boys survive without their strong tower of strength and love?

  Piercing moans coming from the bedroom jarred him from his sleep. He didn’t know how long he had been asleep, but he clumsily leaped up from the sofa, stumbled over the floor pillows, and barely missed the gifts scattered around the base of the Christmas tree.

  “Baby, I’m here. Shhh. Everything is going to be fine.” He pushed the button to release another injection of morphine into her weak body. Placing her head on his chest, he cradled her like a newborn baby while she drifted back into unconsciousness. He lay down beside her for a few minutes, studying her, remembering her, locking her into his memory. Afraid that he might roll over and hurt her, he’d been sleeping on the sofa in the family room. Facing another night of tossing and turning he went into the study. Aimlessly, he shuffled around the papers on his desk.

  Rubbing both hands back and forth through his hair, Prodigal felt totally alone and helpless. He needed someone to talk to. But not just anyone, he wanted to talk to Teary. It had been months since they last talked when she told him she had received another promotion. After that, their phone conversations had become few and far between. Either she was off on some new assignment, while he was at the fire station or spending time with his own family. Their schedules never could quite get into sync. Maybe it was for the best. But now, he needed her.

&
nbsp; He shuffled through the mahogany and oak desk in his study. “Where’s my blue address book?” he spoke out loud. I don’t remember the last time I saw it. Darn it, I don’t remember a lot of things since Faith’s illness.

  Everything and everyday seemed to be running together. Prodigal had been on family medical leave every since Faith was first diagnosed, and he had no intentions of returning to the fire station until she was back to her normal self. He refused to believe that her life was over.

  “God you’ve got to heal her,” he prayed. You’ve got to do it, God. I’ve just need to be patient and trust you, that’s all.”

  Ah, hah. Here it is. He pulled out the book from beneath the pile of papers stuffed in the back of the drawer. He flipped through the worn pages until he ran across her number. He eagerly dialed the number. The phone rang. One time. Two times. Three times. Teary’s familiar voice began to speak, “Hi, you’ve called at a time when I’m unable to answer your call, but your call is important to me, so please leave a message and I’ll call you back. Bye now.” Beep. For the first time in a long time he allowed himself to smile.

  He left a message, “Hi, bet you’ll never guess who this is. I know. We haven’t talked in a while. I really miss you, so I thought I’d give you a call. Wait, part of what I just said is a lie. I do miss you. That part is true, but I need you, too. Faith is sick, I mean real sick. I don’t know what to do. I’m losing it. We said we’d be there for each other no matter what. Well, this is one of those no matter what times, so call me,” Prodigal said before hanging up the phone. He stood up and shuffled into the kitchen, poured himself another glass of wine then went back into the family room and laid on the couch.