Hidden Love

by Carole Mortimer

  ‘I—You—’

  He pulled her up against his nakedness. ‘You shouldn’t have let me fall asleep,’ he chided gently.

  Rachel flushed. ‘As I remember it I didn’t let you do anything. And I don’t think you were sleeping, you’d passed out.’

  Nick shook his head. ‘If I had passed out I’d still be that way. This afternoon’s match and the whisky made me fall asleep. But I’m awake now,’ he added softly. ‘Maybe I have something to thank Suzy for after all.’

  ‘You do?’

  ‘Mm,’ he nodded. ‘You were just about to sneak out of here, weren’t you?’

  Rachel wished he wouldn’t hold her quite so close, wished she couldn’t feel every hard contour of his body. ‘I was about to leave, yes.’ She held herself away from him as much as she could with her hands on his chest, his skin firm and warm beneath her touch.

  ‘And if Suzy’s telephone call hadn’t woken me I would have woken up alone.’

  She flushed. ‘You’ll be doing that anyway.’ She began to push against him in earnest, finding his arms had suddenly tightened about her waist, feeling like steel bands.

  ‘Hey, look, I’m sorry about the way I’ve behaved tonight,’ his voice was huskily persuasive. ‘But I’m over it now, both the anger and the booze.’

  And strangely he was. Those few minutes’ sleep seemed to have restored him to his usual charming self, the slurredness was gone from his voice, the bitterness from his manner.

  ‘I have to go, Nick—’

  ‘Of course you don’t,’ he soothed. ‘I just told you, I’m all right now.’

  ‘Yes, but—’

  ‘I’m all right, Rachel.’ His hands moved to cup either side of her face as he bent his head to kiss her lingeringly on the mouth. ‘You have such lovely lips, Rachel,’ he murmured throatily. ‘Soft and inviting, with a taste of—’

  ‘They taste of wine,’ she mocked to hide her embarrassment.

  Nick gave a throaty chuckle. ‘I was going to say honey, but as you must consider me something of an alcoholic after tonight I don’t think I’d better liken wine to honey. I need a shower, Rachel, and then I’ll be fine. Okay?’

  ‘Maybe I should just go—’

  ‘No,’ he insisted forcibly. ‘I still need you. I don’t want to be alone tonight.’

  ‘All right,’ she sighed. She could hardly leave him when he said he needed her!

  ‘Five minutes,’ he promised, kissing her lightly on the nose.

  Rachel wandered aimlessly into the lounge once he had gone. She would have to leave soon, it was almost eleven o’clock, and her parents had no idea where she was, although they might have guessed she was with Nick.

  ‘Rachel…’

  She turned at the husky sound of his voice, finding him freshly showered, his hair still damp, a towel wrapped about his waist.

  He came slowly towards her. ‘I should have asked you if you would like a shower too,’ he said softly.

  ‘Er—no, I don’t think so.’

  ‘Rachel!’ His mouth moved sensually against her throat, the hardness of his thighs erotic against hers. ‘God, Rachel, I want you!’ he groaned, his mouth taking possession of hers.

  The heated passion of his words and mouth caused her to melt against him, returning the kiss as her body arched against his, each muscle and sinew moulded against her, the drugging movement of his mouth on hers causing a liquid fire in her veins.

  As he lifted her in his arms and carried her through to the bedrooms she knew only pleasure, helping him with the buttons of her blouse as he laid her gently on the bed, arching her breasts up to meet the warm possession of his mouth, shuddering as she felt the heated lick of his tongue against her taut nipple, one of his hands coming up to clasp the other breast as his mouth moved to claim it.

  There was a slow warmth spreading through her limbs, a burning ache in her body that she had never known before. But no man had ever touched her in this way before, her nipples aching from his touch, her skin seeming to burn as Nick caressed her waist and thighs with his hands.

  She felt the warm air on her naked skin as Nick released the fastening on her trousers, raised her body as he smoothed the material down her thighs, her protest as he also discarded her bikini briefs swallowed up in his kiss, his lips exploring her mouth introducing further intimacy. And all the time he was caressing her breasts, teasing and tormenting the nipples until she groaned her dissatisfaction, sighing her pleasure as his mouth once again possessed a throbbing peak.

  She was lost in such a world of sensual pleasure, of shuddering ecstasy, that when Nick’s body possessed hers completely, she felt only a brief stabbing pain before she was engulfed in such wild sensations she never wanted the moment to end, wanted to remain one with Nick in this way for ever.

  Nick lost control after her initial groan of pain, was taking her with a fierceness that carried them both to the highest peak, bearing Rachel over the edge with him as pleasure filled every particle of her body, her flesh completely in accord with Nick’s as the ecstasy went on and on into oblivion.

  It did seem almost as if she had passed out for a moment, but she knew she must only have slept, the complete satiation of her body causing her to fall into an exhausted sleep.

  She opened her eyes to find Nick dressed and sitting in the bedroom chair, the smile fading from her lips and eyes as he looked down at her broodingly. His expression frightened her, there was none of the warmth of a lover in his icy blue eyes.

  ‘Just what did you hope to achieve?’ he rasped suddenly.

  Rachel was suddenly conscious of how she must look spreadeagled on the bed, and hastily pulled on her blouse, warm colour in her cheeks as Nick clinically watched her pull on her briefs and trousers. She felt awful with him looking at her so coldly, almost as if he hated her. Perhaps he did, she thought hysterically. What must he think of her, allowing him to make love to her when she had only known him three days!

  What did she think of herself! She hardly knew Nick St Clare, except to know he was a brilliant tennis player who hated to lose, and that he liked and appreciated women. And that he had a lot of experience at making love! He had known exactly what to do to reduce her to a pliant, lovesick—lovesick? Where did love come into this? Surely she didn’t love Nick St Clare?

  Her parents had the sort of love she had always wanted, the sort of love you grew into, and which grew with you. You couldn’t love a person you didn’t know, not really love them. Maybe physical attraction—

  ‘I asked you a question, damn you!’ Nick harshly interrupted her wandering thoughts.

  Rachel licked her lips nervously, sitting on the bed, her legs feeling as if they were made of cotton-wool. ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she told him raggedly, wondering if this angry stranger could really have whispered those erotic things in her ear as their bodies joined together.

  ‘You know,’ he sighed, standing up to agitatedly pace the room, the last signs of the alcohol he had consumed completely gone now, ‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. God, I thought you were like the other women I’ve met, that you knew the score, and instead you’re a virgin! Just tell me one thing,’ his mouth twisted. ‘Was your meeting with Kay as accidental as it seemed to be, or did you engineer it to meet me?’

  ‘I could hardly arrange your sister’s pregnancy,’ she flashed.

  ‘Only your own, it would seem,’ Nick muttered, his mouth white with anger.

  Rachel paled, her hands suddenly feeling clammy. ‘I—What do you mean?’

  ‘Don’t try to act as if you just came out of a convent,’ he scorned. ‘You know what I mean as well as I do!’

  ‘I—I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you want me to leave then just say so, there’s no need to be unpleasant—’

  ‘Unpleasant! How bloody English!’ he taunted. ‘Let me tell you, I haven’t even started to get unpleasant yet!’

  She stood up, her legs still feeling shaky. ‘I’m going—’
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  His hand was painful on her wrist, deliberately so, she felt. ‘You aren’t going anywhere, not until this thing is settled.’

  ‘It is settled as far as I’m concerned—’

  ‘Until you want to claim paternity,’ he said bitterly.

  Rachel felt as if someone had knocked the breath from her body. ‘I—You—We have no reason to suppose—’

  ‘We have no reason not to suppose either,’ he snarled. ‘Do we?’

  ‘I don’t—I—You…?’

  ‘I didn’t do anything to prevent it. And by the very fact that you were a virgin neither did you. Unless of course you planned ahead,’ his mouth twisted. ‘Did you? Did you plan to lose your virginity to a famous tennis star?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Then you’ll marry me! No child of mine is going to grow up thinking I don’t want it—I had enough of that in my own childhood. But I’ll make you pay for your damned stupidity. God, I made enough comments about spending the night with you!’ he added disgustedly.

  She had paled at the vehemence in his voice, the glitter of anger in his eyes, swallowing hard. ‘You won’t see me again to make me pay for anything—’

  ‘I hope you don’t think I intend dealing with this through a lawyer as my father did—’

  ‘Dealing with what?’ she said angrily, not concerned with his own family. ‘There’s nothing to deal with. We made a mistake, let that be the end of it.’

  ‘But it isn’t, is it?’ he muttered, his mouth a thin angry line. ‘There could be a baby, you know that—my baby.’

  A baby, a child made between herself and Nick. Strangely the thought didn’t frighten her as it would a lot of girls in the same predicament. Her parents loved her, and although they might be shocked in the beginning, she had no doubt they would stand by her. But what of the baby’s father? Nick didn’t act the sort of man who would simply ignore the existence of his own child, hadn’t he assured her that he wouldn’t?

  But the possibility of there being a child was extremely remote! Nick was jumping to conclusions.

  ‘We’ve only done it once—’

  His hard laugh interrupted her. ‘I. wonder how many times a doctor has heard that after confirming a girl’s pregnancy,’ he scorned. ‘Don’t be naïve, Rachel. It only takes the once.’

  She blushed in spite of herself. ‘I wouldn’t make any claims on you—’

  ‘I’m sure my mother told my father the same thing—before slapping him with a lawsuit,’ he scorned once again.

  ‘I wouldn’t do that!’ she gasped, wondering just what sort of parents he had.

  ‘You won’t get the chance,’ he snapped. ‘Once we’re married—’

  ‘Married?’ she echoed sharply. ‘I’m not marrying you!’

  Nick came to stand in front of her, looking down at her pityingly. ‘Any child of mine that you bring into this world will have me as its legal father.’

  ‘No!’ Rachel cried her agitation, pushing past Nick as he would have stopped her. ‘I’m not marrying you for any reason!’

  ‘You’ll marry me,’ he told her grimly. ‘I’ll see to it.’

  ‘Never!’ she turned on him vehemently. ‘You can’t make me marry you, and I would never do it voluntarily.’

  ‘I’ve said you’ll marry me, Rachel, and you will.’

  ‘Why can’t you wait?’ two bright spots of colour heightened her cheeks. ‘We would know in a few weeks.’

  ‘And so would everyone else, including the child when it was old enough to realise we were married only six or seven months before it was born. Being illegitimate myself I know exactly how it feels to have that stigma attached to you. And no child of mine is going to go through what I did.’

  ‘Always supposing there was a child.’

  ‘I’m not prepared to take the risk that there isn’t,’ he snapped.

  ‘Well, I am!’ Rachel marched through to the lounge to pick up her handbag. ‘I don’t even want to see you again, let alone marry you. Goodbye!’ She slammed out of the apartment, all the time she was running down the stairs expecting to hear Nick’s pounding footsteps behind her. As she stepped out on to the pavement she knew he had followed her, and breathed a sigh of relief as she hailed a taxi, giving her address as she climbed inside.

  She leant her head back against the seat, staring sightlessly up at the roof. Minutes ago Nick St Clare had made love to her! He had offered to make her his wife, had insisted on it because of some hurt in his own childhood, but what sort of marriage would that have been?

  She daren’t even begin to probe the way she had offered no resistance to his lovemaking, daren’t begin to guess her feelings towards him. She only knew that tonight had been a mistake, a mistake Nick seemed intent on making her pay for the rest of her life.

  Could one really get pregnant as easily as that? A few brief minutes of forgetfulness, of years of inborn restraint ignored for a short time, and she could suffer the consequences for a lifetime. Nick was right, she was being naïve thinking she couldn’t become pregnant from tonight. Once was all it took, just once…

  Her parents were still up when she got in, and somehow she managed to act normally enough with them to escape to her bedroom without alerting their suspicions as to how upset she was. Her explanation that she had met Nick and spent the evening with him was readily accepted, and she left to go to bed on the excuse that she was tired.

  Once in her room she lay in the darkness, fully clothed, starring into space. She could be carrying Nick’s child, a child he wanted, could even now be forging a new life inside her, a life from her and Nick’s brief lovemaking. No child should be made from such a union, any baby deserved better than that, and Nick obviously thought so too; the bitterness connected with his own childhood was obvious. If it were true that he was illegitimate himself then his determination was easily understood.

  Rachel turned her face into the pillow, sobs finally racking her body. What had she done—God, what had she done!

  He had assumed she knew what she was doing, had thought she realised he wanted to sleep with her. As he said, he had made enough remarks about her spending the night with him!

  ***

  She was deathly white as she went to college the next morning, knowing she had to go or arouse her mother’s concern.

  She hadn’t slept at all, the threat of Nick St Clare hovering on the borders of her mind even when she wasn’t consciously thinking about him, his presence looming like a black shadow in her life, and there was another even more worrying shadow that she wouldn’t even let begin take shape in her mind.

  ‘You look awful,’ came Hilary’s cheerful greeting as they met in the corridor on their way to their first class.

  ‘Thanks!’ Rachel accepted dully.

  ‘You look as if you spent a night on the tiles.’

  She ignored her friend’s questioning tone, continuing on their way to the classroom.

  ‘Rachel?’

  ‘Yes?’ Her voice was lifeless.

  ‘Is there anything wrong?’ Hilary’s teasing had gone now.

  ‘No, nothing,’ she answered stiltedly.

  Her friend frowned. ‘You don’t look well.’

  ‘I don’t feel well.’

  ‘Headache?’

  ‘I—Yes.’ After all, she did have a throb at her temples, mainly through lack of sleep, but it was still a headache.

  Hilary began searching through her handbag. ‘I think I have some aspirin—’

  ‘I’ve already taken some,’ Rachel refused the medication, knowing that she daren’t risk taking anything like that until she was sure she wasn’t pregnant.

  Hilary sat down at the desk next to her. ‘Are you upset because Nick St Clare lost yesterday?’ She seemed puzzled and disturbed by Rachel’s distant manner.

  The tennis match, the playing of it, Nick’s losing, his disappointment, seemed to have happened years ago. She certainly hadn’t given it a thought after what had happened later. ‘Someone has to lose,’ she sa
id woodenly.

  ‘Yes, but—’

  ‘Mr Adams wants to start the class,’ she warned as the tutor looked at them both pointedly.

  As far as she was concerned Mr Adams might have been talking in Russian for all that she understood or took in any of what he said. She couldn’t concentrate on anything; she was starting to feel numb, both her mind and her emotions. Admittedly the world didn’t look quite so black this morning. After all, there might not be a baby, and Nick certainly couldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. And she didn’t want to be his wife! She felt sure that once he had calmed down, thought about this rationally, he wouldn’t want that either.

  ‘Where’s your big-shot tennis player now?’ taunted a familiar voice as she stared down into her cooling coffee.

  Rachel looked up at Danny with dull eyes. She and Hilary had been seated in the canteen for the last ten minutes, and so far she hadn’t spoken a word, and to Hilary’s credit she hadn’t spoken either, respecting her wish for silence.

  Danny pulled a chair over from another table, turning it towards him, resting his arms along the back as he straddled it. ‘Lost, didn’t he?’ he mocked, a smile of satisfaction to his lips.

  Rachel looked at him coldly, wondering, and far from the first time, what she had ever seen in him. Maybe she had felt flattered that such a popular boy should be interested in her; it certainly hadn’t been his pleasant nature that had attracted her.

  ‘I suppose that was his girl-friend sitting next to you,’ he taunted.

  Rachel’s eyes chilled even more. Danny really was a bad loser, vindictively so.

  ‘She was really beautiful,’ he added with relish. ‘Sophisticated too.’

  She was aware of that. Probably Suzy Freeman had enough sense not to make the mistake she had last night too. Just to think of it made her pale.

  ‘Put you in the shade, didn’t she?’ Danny continued nastily.

  Hilary took one look at Rachel’s pale face and turned on Danny. ‘Why don’t you go away?’ she snapped. ‘Go and amuse your little friends,’ she looked over at the waiting Billy and Malcolm. ‘Because we certainly aren’t amused!’

  His face darkened with anger. ‘Who rang your bell?’ he snarled.