The Color of a Dream

by Julianne MacLean

  “I’m all right,” I replied. “You’re probably wondering why I’m calling.”

  “Yes. Should I get your mother on the phone?”

  “That would be great,” I said.

  “Just a second. I’ll get her.” He must have set the phone down and walked away because I heard nothing for a moment or two. Then a click told me that someone else had joined the call.

  “Jesse?” The sound of my mother’s voice compared to my father’s had quite the opposite effect on me. Joy poured through me and I wanted desperately to see her in person.

  “Yes, Mom, it’s me,” I said. “It’s good to hear your voice.”

  “It’s good to hear yours, too,” she replied. Her warmth and affection reached me through the phone line. I knew, without a doubt, that the emotion was genuine. “Where are you?” she asked. “Still working in Boston?”

  So they had been keeping tabs on me.

  “Yes,” I replied. “I’m piloting for a private medevac company.”

  “Planes or helicopters?” she asked.

  “Helicopters.”

  “I see.” She paused. “You’re always careful, I hope. I know how dangerous that job can be.”

  “I’m careful, Mom,” I assured her.

  “I’m glad to hear it. Are you seeing anyone? Do you have a girlfriend? You’re not married yet, are you?”

  “No,” I replied with a smile and wondered why I had waited so long to call her. This wasn’t what I had expected…until my father spoke up.

  His voice was like a sledgehammer, demolishing our conversation, reminding me why I left. “Why are you calling us, Jesse? Why now?”

  The message that he had not forgotten or forgiven any of the angry words I had spoken years ago was received loud and clear. My mother grew quiet.

  “I’m calling about Rick,” I said, point blank. “I’d like to get in touch with him but his number isn’t listed.”

  “That’s because he recently moved,” my father explained.

  “I figured as much,” I replied. “Do you have his new number?”

  Neither of them answered my question, which made me wonder what the big secret was. “Are you afraid I’ll call him up, stir up the past and threaten his life or something?” I asked.

  “Of course not,” Mom said. “But can you tell us what you want to talk to him about before we put you in touch?”

  “Why?” I asked. “Do you feel you need to protect him from me?”

  It was a ridiculous suggestion because Rick, of all people, enjoyed fighting his own battles. Though he’d always had our parents’ support, they never knew what was really going on. He was one person with them, and quite another with me.

  “Why do you want to call him, Jesse?” I was surprised by her accusing tone and by the fact that it was coming from her and not Dad. “Have you heard something?”

  My eyebrows pulled together with confusion. Obviously there was something going on—but was it the custody suit or another matter?

  “I did hear something,” I replied. “I heard he’s suing a woman for custody of their child.”

  There was a pause. “That’s right.”

  “So you know about it?” I asked.

  “Of course we know,” my father scoffed. “We’re the ones who encouraged him to seek custody.”

  I shut my eyes and cupped my forehead in a hand. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

  “I don’t know what you’re implying,” Dad said, “but I don’t like your tone.”

  I opened my eyes and dropped my hand to the armrest. “I don’t like yours either, Dad, so I guess we’re even on that score.”

  “Jesse, please…” Mom whispered. “I don’t want this to turn into another argument.”

  “Then maybe Dad should hang up and I should just talk to you.”

  “I’m not hanging up,” he announced. “If you want to know what’s going on with your brother, I’ll tell you. Not that you deserve to know, but since you made the effort to call…”

  I sat forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “Yes I did make the effort. So tell me,” I said. “Please.”

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  When my mother explained the situation, her words vibrated through me. It took a few seconds for my brain to catch up. “My God,” I said. “When did this happen?”

  “It began about a year ago,” Mom said. “He started having symptoms so he went to see his doctor. Before we knew it, he was having surgery. Then came the chemotherapy. That’s what caused the sterility.”

  I couldn’t believe it. My picture-perfect brother had been diagnosed with testicular cancer and now he was sterile.

  Which explained why he suddenly wanted Ellen.

  Or perhaps why my parents wanted her.

  “So he’ll never be able to have children of his own?” I asked. Despite everything, my heart felt heavy.

  “Not unless he adopts,” my father answered, “which he and Christine may decide to do in the future.”

  I felt a jolt. “Who’s Christine?”

  “His fiancée,” Mom said. “They’re getting married next month. That’s why his phone was disconnected. They moved in together and he left his job, left everything behind. He truly wanted a fresh start. They’re not in LA anymore.”

  My head drew back in surprise. “Rick is getting married? And he left LA?”

  “Yes, isn’t it wonderful? The doctor says he’s completely cured. He beat the cancer and met the most wonderful girl. She’s a physicist.”

  “How did they meet?” I asked, still reeling with shock, because Rick didn’t usually go for the brainy types unless they were also gorgeous. Maybe Christine was a model on the side.

  “At the hospital,” she explained. “Christine’s mother was being treated at the clinic at the same time as Rick. I’m sorry to say she has breast cancer, but she’s a fighter. Anyway, you know Rick. He can’t resist any opportunity to flirt with a pretty girl.”

  I massaged my temples. “No, I guess not. But are you sure he’s going to go through with the wedding? You know how he has a tendency to…” I stopped myself. I didn’t want to rain on my mother’s happy parade when she had obviously been through so much.

  “Yes, we’re sure,” she insisted. “I know you might find this difficult to believe, Jesse, but he’s changed. This cancer scare—and meeting Christine—have made him see life differently. He was always very ambitious, professionally, but now he wants to be the best man he can be, to never take anything for granted. He wants to enjoy the simpler things and we’re so proud of him.”

  “You always were,” I reminded her.

  She let out a sigh of defeat, as if she was disappointed that I had failed to understand how marvelous Rick was with his new lease on life. “Yes,” she said, “but we’re even more proud of him now.” She paused. “He’s had time to think about what he’s accomplished—and hasn’t accomplished—and I won’t lie. He has some regrets about certain things. Things that caused the rift between the two of you.”

  “You mean Angela,” I said.

  Another pause. “Yes. Rick agonized over that when he was having his treatments. That’s when he told Christine about Ellen, and then she told us.”

  I wasn’t about to say it out loud to my mother, but despite everything she’d just described, I still had a hard time believing that Rick truly regretted what happened to Angela or that he felt any genuine love for the infant daughter he’d never met. It wasn’t that long ago that he cast Nadia out and paid her a generous sum of money to stay away and never ask him for anything more. To never force him to face up to his responsibilities, or to commit to one woman. To be a father.

  Now that he had a clean bill of health, I wondered how long it would take for him to return to his old ways. Poor Christine would become dull and boring and he would suddenly wake up one morning and realize he wanted to live life to the fullest.

  ‘So many women, so little time.’ Wasn’t that his favorite catch phrase in college?r />
  What would happen to Ellen? What about Nadia?

  I decided to probe a little further and ask my parents what they knew about Nadia. “Did Rick say much about his relationship with the mother?”

  “Yes, he told us everything and we met her sister Diana when she was living with him. She seemed like a very nice woman at the time, but then Nadia came along—her identical twin—and…” Mom paused. “Oh, it’s all very disturbing.”

  “How so?” I asked, growing more curious by the second.

  “I’d rather not talk about it,” Mom replied. “All I can say is that when Diana couldn’t convince Rick to marry her—she was very pushy—the other one tried and she tricked him into getting her pregnant. She hoped to trap him. Obviously they were working together and were both after his money.”

  “What do you mean, tricked?” I asked. “Are you sure that’s what happened?”

  I still wasn’t ready to believe whatever Rick said to our parents because I knew better than anyone how he could spin a tale to place himself in the most favorable light. He had a talent for shifting the blame.

  “I’m quite sure,” she replied. “He was very generous and gave her a financial settlement, and thank God the contract was iron clad. It prohibited her from asking for more and she signed it.”

  “But now Rick wants the baby,” I said.

  “Yes, and it makes perfect sense that he and Christine should be the ones to raise her. Everything has fallen into place so beautifully.”

  “Beautifully? Are you forgetting that the mother of that child doesn’t want to lose her daughter?”

  “I’m sure she doesn’t,” my father put in, “but any court with a sensible judge will rule for the benefit of the child—and Ellen would be far better off with Rick and Christine.”

  “How can you say that?” I asked. “You don’t know Nadia at all. Is it because Rick has more money? Or is it because he’s sterile now and suddenly he wants what he can’t have? And whatever Rick wants, he should get?”

  “No, Jesse,” my father replied in a calm, patronizing tone. “It’s because that woman is in very poor health and the child deserves to have a stable home with both a mother and a father.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked. “What do you know about her?”

  He was quiet for a moment. “We’ve looked into things and we know her life expectancy.”

  My gut began to churn. I frowned and sat forward. “I still don’t understand.”

  “Nadia Carmichael had a heart transplant just after Ellen was born,” my father explained, “so she’ll always be at risk for infections. She’ll be lucky to live fifteen years.”

  Unable to move, I stared at the wall, then I heard my mother saying, “Jesse? Jesse, are you still there?”

  “Yes, I’m here.” I slowly rose to my feet. “Thanks for telling me this. Can you give me Rick’s number now? I’d like to call him.”

  “Of course,” Mom said.

  She read me his new number, and I wrote it down on a scrap of paper.

  “I have to go,” I said. “I’ll call you again. I promise.”

  I hung up and strode to the kitchen to grab my keys.

  Chapter Forty

  “Jesse, this is a surprise.” Diana stepped back and invited me inside. “Come on in.”

  “I should have called,” I said as I entered her home. “I sent a text to Nadia but she didn’t reply.

  “She just got out of the shower,” Diana said.

  Just then, my phone vibrated. I pulled it out and checked the messages. “There’s her reply,” I mentioned.

  Diana smiled. “I’ll run up and tell her you’re here.” She started up the stairs. “Have a seat.”

  I moved into the living room where Ellen was bouncing in a colorful activity center.

  “Hey there, what’s up?” I knelt down in front of her. “This is quite the gizmo. They didn’t make toys like this when I was your age.” I couldn’t help myself. I pushed each of the big, lighted buttons that played musical notes. Ellen giggled at me. Then I played around with the frog spinner. “What’s this doohickey here?” I fiddled with the bead chaser next. “This is cool.” I sat back on my heels. “It’s kind of like your own little space ship.”

  “That’s exactly what I thought when it was given to us.” Nadia’s voice startled me. I rose to my feet and turned around.

  There she stood wearing a pair of denim shorts and a loose-fitting black T-shirt. Her long dark hair hung wet and wavy about her shoulders. She was drying the ends off with a towel. Her feet were bare.

  Her beauty rendered me speechless and spellbound. At the same time, I was distracted by fact that she had recently undergone a heart transplant and survived it.

  What else didn’t I know about her?

  I massaged the back of my neck with my hand.

  “Sorry to barge in,” I said, “but I didn’t think it could wait.”

  Her eyebrows lifted. “Why? Did something happen?”

  “Yeah. Do you have a minute?” I asked.

  “Of course.” She moved fully into the room and sat down on the sofa where she continued to squeeze the wet ends of her hair with the towel.

  Nearby, Ellen bounced happily in her ExerSaucer.

  “Maybe Diana should be here,” I mentioned, “because this is about Rick.”

  “Oh.” The color drained from Nadia’s face. “Did you talk to your parents today?”

  When I told her I had, Nadia called Diana into the room. Soon we were all seated around the coffee table. Nadia set the towel aside.

  I wasted no time in explaining how Rick had been diagnosed with cancer a year ago and had surgery and chemotherapy.

  Diana covered her mouth with a hand. “That’s awful. I can’t believe it. Is he okay?”

  “He’s fine now,” I replied. “He made it through all the treatments and my parents say he’s completely cured.”

  “What a relief.” Diana was still in shock, while Nadia stared at Ellen with concern.

  “I’m sorry to hear about it, too,” she said. “What a year it’s been…for all of us.” She paused and met my gaze. “Is this why he wants to be a part of Ellen’s life now? A brush with death can make you think about things.”

  Obviously she was speaking from experience. I looked down at my lap. “Yeah, but it’s not just that. Unfortunately, the chemotherapy caused some trouble. He can’t have children now.”

  Diana sat forward. “He’s sterile?”

  “Yes,” I replied, “and he’s engaged. Apparently he met someone when he was having his treatments—a woman whose mother was in for breast cancer treatments.”

  Nadia winced and covered her face with her hands. “Oh, God, I knew it. He has all his ducks in a row. What court is ever going to refuse him custody of his own child after all he’s been through? And now he’s going to be a perfect husband with a happy home and all the money in the universe.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” Diana said. “And it’s not a lost cause yet. You’re still Ellen’s mother and you’ve been taking great care of her on your own. She’s a happy, healthy little girl.”

  “Only because of you,” I argued. “If not for you I’d be out on the street, or maybe even dead. I haven’t been able to work for more than a year, and even if I could, how would I pay for childcare?”

  Diana held up a hand. “That’s not even an issue. You’re my sister and this is your house, too. I’ve already named you as my sole beneficiary in my will, so all my assets go to you if I should die.”

  “But you support me completely, in every way,” I said. “I’m not reliable on my own.”

  “Who is?” Diana argued. “Either way I’m here for you and I’m Ellen’s guardian if anything should happen, so she’s safe and she has everything she needs.”

  Nadia stood up and began to pace. I felt as if I was intruding on their conversation. I was a stranger in their home and they were discussing things I supposedly knew nothing about—although I
did know something about it. I was going to have to say something soon.

  Ellen began to cry, sensing the tension, no doubt. How could anyone miss it?

  Nadia lifted Ellen out of the ExerSaucer. “There, there,” she gently said. Holding her close in her arms, she stroked her baby’s back and kissed her on the cheek. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  Diana pinched the bridge of her nose. I could see she was concerned about the case. She was a lawyer. She knew the facts and the odds. And she knew Rick.

  Nadia looked down at me. “I’m sorry, Jesse. I’m sure you didn’t expect the whole world to explode like this when you came here.”

  “Don’t apologize,” I said. “I get it.”

  Nadia paced around the room, whispering soothing words to Ellen. Quietly, she asked me, “Have you spoken to him at all?”

  I shook my head. “Not yet, but I will if you want me to.”

  “What would you say?”

  “I could try and talk some sense into him,” I said. “I’ll tell him how much you love Ellen and make him see that it would be wrong to take her away from you.”

  I didn’t admit this to Nadia, but deep down I wasn’t sure how much good it would do. Rick and I had never seen eye to eye on anything. He had never listened to me before, not when it came to the pain of others.

  Diana looked up. “Jesse’s right. We have to try and make Rick see that he’s asking too much and it would be very cruel to Ellen.” She took a moment to think about everything, then continued. “I’m sorry to say this, Nadia, but the truth is…after hearing this…there’s very little chance we can prevent him from gaining custody, but it doesn’t have to be full custody. If he, or his new fiancée, could only see you with Ellen, we might be able to convince them to consider a shared custody arrangement. Let’s hope his fiancée is reasonable and that she has a kind heart.”

  Nadia scoffed. “What are the chances of that? I can just see her now. She wants a perfect life in a ritzy penthouse with a shiny black Jag. She can even have an instant baby without the problem of stretch marks. She’ll crush me like a bug.”