by Robin Roseau
"Ready, fight," she said.
They advanced on me together, fanning out and trying to flank me. I backed away, keeping distance. Bea was on my far left and Chalena on my far right, and if I let them surround me, it was all over. I backed more quickly until I stood next to the whipping post, blocking Chalena's route to me and interfering with Neela's. I feinted towards the center then rolled around, coming after Bea and exposing my back to Chalena. I knew she'd come around the whipping post, and I immediately reversed direction, landing two strokes on Chalena as I moved past her, breaking their line of advance.
She spun for me, but I continued to roll past her and got one more stroke on Neela. Chalena tried to pursue me, but it was just the two of them for a moment, and I got one more stroke on each of them, finishing Chalena. Then I backed away quickly as the rest came after me in a disorganized swarm.
I let them chase me around after that, moving left to right as much as I moved backwards, reaching out to score a strike when I could, but largely playing defense.
Bea got a strike on me, costing me another deerskin, but I responded with two on her sword arm and one against her leg. She went down, tangling Neela, and I used the confusion to lay two swords across Narsana, added to the one I'd gotten early. Neela was next, and Clara wasn't difficult after that.
I backed away, panting, watching them and wondering what Nori would demand next. I glanced over briefly and saw her and Malora standing together, watching, and Malora was grinning broadly. She said something to Nori, but I didn't hear it.
But then my opponents all stood up and were congratulating me. Bea pulled me into a hug, and then so did Chalena.
"I'm sorry," I whispered again.
"Don't worry about it," she said. "You were amazing, Beria. Thank you."
When they finally finished, I turned to Nori and Malora.
"Congratulations, Beria," Malora said. "I am very proud of you."
I felt too raw and used to appreciate her words. It hadn't felt like a win. I'd been trying to get enough skins to trade for a coat for Lia. I'd just been set back at least two months, and I didn't even understand why.
But I nodded to them. "Thank you," I said. What else was I supposed to say?
There was time remaining after that. Nori assigned exercises for all of us to do but then pulled me aside.
"Do you know why?" she asked quietly.
"No. I presume you're still mad from the other day and are punishing me for it."
"I'm trying to teach you to stay alive against difficult odds," she replied. "I'm trying to give you a chance to learn something when you come here. If they were well-trained bandits, you might have killed all of them, but you came away with significant wounds, wounds that can fester, wounds that can slow you down before your next fight. If winning five to four is enough, then you are willing to take risks that might win the fight, but when there is real steel involved, those risks can still kill you."
"I am never going to face more than one opponent who fights as good as my sister, Nori," I said.
"Are you sure? What if someone tries to stage a coup, and it's just you, Malora and Maya against an entire village? It's not enough to kill them. You need to live to see another day, as do Malora and Maya."
"Then we're probably in trouble, because I don't usually carry two swords, and the results would have been drastically different if I'd only had one."
"Maybe you should start carrying two."
I eyed her carefully. "Do you know something I don't?"
"Threats to Malora? No. But that doesn't mean there won't be one someday."
"Why are you and Malora pushing me so hard lately?" I asked. "What is going on?"
"Nothing, Beria."
"Yeah, right. And you both keep evading my questions. Come to think of it, so do Rora and Maya, which means they know, too. I don't need this right now, Nori."
"Today was training, Beria. I gave you something to think about. That's all."
"And cost me a third of my skins."
"You'll get more."
"You have no idea what plans I had for those," I said. "How many did you think I was going to lose?"
"All of them. For every one less than four, I owe a skin to Malora."
"She wagered on me?"
Nori nodded.
"Well. You had a choice in the matter. Apparently, when I come to Queen's Town, choices are shoved down my throat. I'll keep that in mind."
I stalked away from her and began the exercise the others were doing. I imagined Nori as my imaginary opponent.
* * * *
Maya caught up with me before I could pull Omie away. I intended to take her to the Lover's Tree. It was private and for once, I could have a conversation around here without everyone else listening. Instead, Maya put an arm around me and drew me to the side.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey."
"We all watched you. You're amazing, sister. I'm so proud of you."
"Yeah, thanks," I said.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Then why are you so angry?"
"Are Malora and Nori actively discouraging me from visiting Queen's Town?"
"No. Why would you think that?"
"They're going out of the way to give me reasons to stay away."
"What happened?"
I told her. I had assumed she had known, but it was news to her.
"You'll get more," she said. "I know it doesn't sound fair, but when has Nori ever done anything to you that, in the end, wasn't fair?"
"She took my sister from me."
"You have to go that far back?" she asked.
"First thing I thought of," I replied. "I had plans for those skins." I told her about wanting a coat for Lia. "I don't know how many skins I'm going to need to trade, but a lot more than the four I have now."
"If she hadn't made it so expensive for you, would you have avoided getting hit?"
I didn't answer that. Of course I wouldn't have.
"I came to talk to Omie," I said. "And it wasn't going to be an easy conversation. Now I'm too pissed off." I began swearing. "Tell your warrior to back off. If she wants my resignation from either of my current positions, she can have them. If she wants to banish me, she is free to do so. But she gave me an ultimatum, and when I came here to try to work through it, they pull this shit. Fuck this. I don't need it."
I shrugged away from her and stormed off, heading for the stable. Maya tried to stop me, but I told her to leave me alone.
* * * *
Omie caught up to me while I was saddling my horse.
"I thought you wanted to talk," she said.
"I changed my mind," I said. "I'm sorry."
She moved closer. "Do you want me to go with you?"
"No." I moved away from her to the other side of the horse, checking things that didn't need checking.
"What's wrong?" Omie asked. "Beria, come on, it's me. Talk to me."
"Nothing to talk about," I said sullenly.
"Come on. I know you're upset. I think you're probably upset about several things. But I don't have a clue why. It seems like you're angry with everyone. What's going on? If I did something wrong, will you at least tell me?"
"You didn't do anything wrong, and I'm not mad at everyone. Just half of everyone."
"I heard you were here while I was on patrol."
"Did you hear details?"
"Some. I heard you beat up half the warriors who were here."
"They gave as good as they got."
"That's not what I heard," she said. "And we were watching you fight today."
I shrugged. "Cost me a third of my deer hides anyway."
"But you won."
"Yeah, go figure. Apparently Nori felt the need to punish me for my attitude last time I was here."
"Is that what you believe?" Omie asked.
"I don't know what to believe," I said. "Malora and Nori keep pushing, pushing, pushing, but when I ask why, they refuse to te
ll me. Malora just says, 'I need you'."
"Then she does."
"Why won't she explain?"
"Maybe she's embarrassed to. Maybe she doesn't think you're ready to hear it. I don't know. Don't you trust her?"
"It's hard when they keep ambushing me. I'm supposed to be able to trust them."
"Is this what you came to talk to me about?"
I turned to her. "No."
"Come on," she said. "Let's go for a walk. We can talk. Tell me what's going on in your life. I miss you, you know."
"I miss you, too. I've never stopped missing you, Omie."
She looked at me with kind eyes. "That's why you're here, isn't it?"
I nodded slowly.
"Come on," she said. She pulled the saddle back off my horse, setting it aside, and sent her back into the paddock. Then she hooked my arm and pulled me from the stable.
"I thought... the lover's tree," I said.
"I have somewhere else in mind," she replied. "Come on."
For the next twenty minutes, we talked about inconsequential things. I didn't pay any attention to where we were going, but then we came out into the meadow where Maya had once taught me to pick flowers. It was just starting to bloom with the earliest spring flowers. I stopped and stared.
"Come on," Omie said. "There's a place we can sit together."
"I used to come here."
"I know."
"I picked flowers for you."
"I know. And you put them into your hair. I loved it when you did that. Maybe we'll both put a few in our hair today."
"I don't think so," I said.
"Maybe you'll do it for me," she said. "Come on." She pulled me through the meadow, leading me to a downed tree on the other side. Someone had taken the time to turn the tree into a bench. She pulled me down next to her. It was actually pretty comfortable. We sat side by side, and then she leaned against me.
"I want to tell you something," she said. Then she reached over and took my hand, clasping it for a moment before releasing it. "I wish we could hold hands longer."
"Yeah," I agreed.
"The day you became a warrior was the worst day of my life."
"Mine, too," I said.
"We had so many best days of my life," she went on. "I remember all of them. I remember the day we met. You were so nervous, thirteen and gangly, but so brave at the same time. You impressed the hell out of me."
I didn't have anything to say to that.
"Then, a few days later, you agreed to be my companion, and I couldn't have been happier."
"I was scared, but I trusted Maya, and I trusted you."
"Trust is a gift," she replied. "It's one I've never taken for granted. Even now I know if I need you, you would be here for me, and I hope you know the same is true."
I nodded. "I do."
"When we came together, we knew it wouldn't be forever."
"That doesn't make it any easier."
"I know. I love you, Beria. I will always love you. I love you now just as much as I always have. I always will. Even now, I ache for you."
"But you have Aren now."
"I do," she agreed. "And I love her. I love her a great deal. Not more than you. Not less. A little different. You are you. She is Aren. Where you are playful, she is serious. She's not ticklish, but she gets angry if I try. She has never played even the most harmless of pranks on me. But she has a way with words and a dry humor that makes me laugh. And she forgives me when I call her by your name."
"Oh Omie," I said. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Do you understand?"
"I guess."
"So. You came to tell me about Lia, didn't you?"
"I'm afraid, Omie."
"Afraid of what?"
"That if I admit I love her, it means I don't love you anymore."
"Oh honey, of course it doesn't. Do you love your mother?"
"Yes."
"I've heard you say you think of Malora as a second mother, and a few times, I've heard you call her that."
"I haven't!"
She grinned. "You have. Not often, just a few times. It makes her smile."
"Laughing at me."
"No. She bursts with pride when you do it. Beria, you have room in you heart for two mothers. Loving Malora didn't make you love Renee any less. Loving Nori didn't make you love Maya any less. Loving Chandor didn't change how you loved Dannick, and loving Lia isn't going to change how you feel about me."
"Won't you be jealous?"
"Are you jealous of Aren?"
"Of course I am! Insanely jealous," I admitted. "I should be the one holding you. I should be the one kissing you. But we can't, and it's not fair!"
"No, Beria, it's not. Do you wish I didn't have her?"
"Don't be silly. I want you to be happy. She helps you be happy."
"And you think I want less for you?"
We sat quietly for a minute.
"Do you love her?" Omie asked.
"I don't know."
"All right. What does your heart do if you imagine never holding her again?"
"Please don't do this."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm afraid if I love her she'll leave me like you did!" I began sobbing.
"Oh Beria," she said. "I never left you, and you never left me. I'm still right here. You're still right here. What's changed is how we express our love. That's all."
"I wasn't ready! I wasn't supposed to become a warrior that day. I wasn't ready!"
"You were ready to be a warrior," she said. "You kicked that demon's ass. But neither of us was ready to stop holding each other. Neither of us was ready to stop kissing each other. And even now, I wouldn't be ready, Beria."
I clutched her arm for a moment, then released it.
"We didn't get a goodbye kiss," I said. "We should at least have had a goodbye kiss."
"But honey, it's not goodbye."
I brushed my tears away.
"Look at Malora and Nori," she said. "That's us in another twenty years, still together."
"Who knows where I'll be then?" I said.
She smiled. "We'll be together. I know it."
I tried to smile. "I love you so much, Omie."
"I know you do. Tell me about Lia now."
I brushed at my eyes and moved off the bench, collecting a few nearby flowers. I asked Omie to untie her braid, and then I handed her flowers to weave back in as she rebraided it. I did my own. We smiled at each other.
"We had a prank war," I said. "Did you know?"
She laughed. "No. Who won?"
"We did." I told her about Glorana and Frida. We talked for a long time. Finally, she asked, "Do you love her?"
And, slowly, I nodded.
"Have you told her?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Why not?"
"I'm afraid."
"Of what?"
"That she won't love me back."
"You said she made the first move. She came to you. She kissed you." I nodded. "Maybe she's waiting for you to make the next move. Beria, it might be difficult, but you need to know. If she doesn't love you, then it's time to let her go and let Maya help you find someone else."
"No!"
"Do you intend to hold her to you if she doesn't love you? Is that what you want?"
"No," I said.
"So tell her. See what happens. And if it goes poorly, you have friends here."
I nodded.
"Feeling better?"
"Yeah."
"Still mad at Nori?"
"Yeah."
She laughed.
"Going to forgive her?"
"Probably. I told Maya to tell them to back off."
"You know if Malora needs you, she needs, you. She's not pressuring you because she is bored."
I sighed. I suppose. I looked away. "Omie. Do you think we could have one more kiss?"
She grew still. "Yes, but not here. We're both going to need a companion afterwards. Benala and I tried that. It wa
s bad."
"We don't have to."
"Yes, I think we do, but I want to be closer to a companion."
"Aren-"
"Will understand. Will Lia?"
"I think so."
"Come on." Omie stood up, pulling me to my feet. We hooked arms and made our way back to the village. "Here's what we're going to do. We're going to find Maya. She's going to still the voices for us, and then we'll kiss. I'll make sure I know where Aren is, and Maya will be there for you."
"We don't have to."
"Yes, we do," she said. We stepped into the village. Everyone else was gathering for dinner. They looked up as we approached, and I realized Maya, Nori and Malora were surprised to see me. Omie dropped my arm but whispered, "Wait here." She stepped away and spoke quietly in Aren's ear.
Aren glanced at me for a moment, then turned back to her warrior and caressed Omie's cheek. She nodded and headed for their hut.
Then Omie collected Maya, whispering in her ear. Maya looked sharply at Omie, then at me, then she nodded and let Omie pull her to her feet. Omie threw an arm over her shoulder and then led a line to me, walking past so Maya could reach out an arm and pull me into line with her. The three of us, walking side-by-side, headed for her hut.
I didn't say anything. Maya moved into Omie's arms, and I could see my old warrior relax as my sister calmed the voices. Maya ended by kissing Omie on the cheek.
"Thank you," I heard Omie say.
Then Maya turned to me and opened her arms. I immediately stepped into them. "Thank you," I told her.
"Oh honey, of course," she said. "Hold me until they're absolutely silent. Then I'll check with Omie."
It only took a few minutes. There was just something magical about Maya. She kissed my cheek, too, then turned to Omie. "Silent?"
Omie nodded. I nodded.
"I'll wait outside," she said. She didn't wait but stepped out of the hut, closing the door behind her.
Omie and I watched her then turned towards each other.
"Beria," she said, stepping closer, "I have loved you for a very, very long time, and I always well."
"And I have loved you just as long, and I will never stop," I said.
We came together, stopping inches apart, the diminutive warrior looking up into my eyes. She smiled. "I had forgotten how tall you were."
"You mean you needed a reminder of how short you are."
"The first time I held you was so amazing," she said. She reached up and caressed my cheek. Then her other hand came up and wrapped around my neck.
