by Robin Roseau
I turned to her, pulled her into my arms and onto my lap. She wrapped her legs and arms around me, and I pulled her tightly against me. I laid my head on her shoulder, breathing in her scent. We sat like that for a few minutes, her hands at the back of my neck, and then I realized she was unbraiding my hair. She let my hair loose and combed it out with her fingers.
"I love your hair," she said. "It's pretty as a braid, but I really like seeing it loose."
I didn't have anything to say. I simply held her.
"What's wrong, Beria?"
"I had a fight with, well, everyone," I said.
"Queen Malora?"
"And Maya, Nori. Rora got involved. Bea. Vorine. Clara. Lidi."
"Oh my. What was it about?"
I didn't answer her. She let me continue to hold her, but she didn't say anything else for a long time.
"I'm still waiting," she said eventually. "I expect an answer."
"Can't I just hold you, Lia?" I asked. "Can't you just comfort me?"
"You don't have a fight with everyone you care about over nothing," she replied.
"Not quite everyone. You weren't there."
"And I noticed you didn't mention Omie, either. Where was she?"
"On patrol. Lia, I've had enough people demanding I talk about things I didn't want to talk about."
"Well," she said. "I won't keep you from your thoughts then."
She pushed away from me and rose to her feet. "Good night, Chief Beria."
I let her get twenty steps before I jumped to my feet and ran after her. I stepped into her path, stopping her. She put a hand on her hip and stared at me.
"So that's how it is?" I asked. "I tell you I've had a huge fight, and I'm clearly deeply upset, but I won't go into details, so you blackmail me?"
"I'm not blackmailing you," she replied. "It's late, and it's cold out here. I am going to bed. Good night." She stepped around me.
I stood there for a moment then said, "About half the fight was about you."
Behind me, she stopped.
"I'm listening," she said finally.
I turned and stepped up behind her. "You can listen all you want. I've said as much about it tonight as I intend. I am going to my hut. I would really, really like you to come with me. I would really like to kiss you. I would really like to hold you. I intend to change into my nightshirt and climb into bed. I hope you would like to cuddle with me."
I didn't wait for an answer, but instead headed straight for my hut, stepping past her. A moment later, I heard her following behind me, then she took a few fast steps and caught up to me, capturing my arm and laying her head on my shoulder. We walked the rest of the distance together.
In my hut, she said, "I can stay for a while, but I can't stay all night."
"I know."
I turned my back on her, stepping out of my clothes. I set them aside; I would need to launder them tomorrow. I turned to my chest but then stopped. "If there are any pranks waiting for me, I'm not sure I'm in the mood."
"None from me," she said. "Promise. That would be far too easy."
I actually cracked a half smile at that. I knelt over the chest and found a nightshirt. Then I felt Lia kneeling next to me. She was as naked as I was. "Got one for me?"
She'd surprised me. I handed her the first one I had withdrawn and grabbed my other. By the time I pulled it on, she was in my bed waiting for me. She held the covers open, and I slipped in. The bed was cold, but I knew it would warm up soon enough.
Lia always controlled how we cuddled. She pulled me into a kiss. It was long and sweet. I was very careful with my hands. She broke the kiss and pushed me onto my back then lay down beside me, her head on my shoulder, one arm stretched across my stomach.
"This is nice," she said. "Are the voices bad?"
"Yes."
"Maya didn't help?"
"She did this afternoon. Not tonight. Rora did for a while."
She moved her hand then asked, "What do you really need, Beria?"
"I'm not sure what you're offering?"
"For the voices."
"I'll be fine," I said.
"You want more skin, don't you?" She shifted position, throwing a knee over my leg, her foot dropping between us. She shifted around some more, giving me as much of her as she ever had.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"I know you want more," she replied quietly. "Beria, is there anything going on that I need to know about?"
"Like what?"
"Am I going to be banished?"
"Of course not," I said.
"No royal edicts coming my way? A demand to foster my children elsewhere perhaps?"
"No, Lia."
"A demand to accept a warrior, maybe?"
"No, Lia. No demands for you that I know about. There's nothing for you to worry about."
"You know I'm going to worry anyway."
I pushed her away and crawled out from under her. I had told her I didn't want to talk about it, but she bribed me with her body and then started demanding answers again. I sat on the edge of the bed, my back to her.
I thought she'd get mad and leave. Instead she sat up and knelt behind me, leaning against me. "I'm sorry. You said you didn't want to talk about it, and I should have left it alone. If there was something I needed to know, I'm sure you would tell me."
I didn't say anything. She continued to press against me, the side of her face against the back of my neck.
"I liked the cuddling," she said. "Please, Beria. I'm sorry."
I let her lure me back into the bed, but this time she pulled me to her, my head on her shoulder. I stretched out against her, and we lay quietly for several minutes.
"I wasn't trying to pressure you," she said. "Well, maybe I was, but I'm not playing games about it. I've never seen you this upset. I've never heard of you fighting with anyone, much less that many people. We're a couple, and I want to help you."
"We're a couple?"
"Of course we are," she said. "Or I thought we were. That's how I see it. Isn't it how you see it?"
"It's what I want," I said.
"I know you want more," she said. "And we're moving in that direction, but we're not ready yet."
"We're not ready? You mean you're not ready."
"No, Beria, I don't. Please don't take this the wrong way, and it's not more pressure, but I don't want to talk about that."
I didn't respond. She gave me several seconds before she went on.
"All I'm trying to say is that I'm here, Beria. To talk, if that's what you want. You know you can tell me anything. You know that, don't you?"
That probably wasn't completely true. "Yes," I said.
"You're not sure though, are you? Well, listen very carefully. You can tell me anything. You can talk to me about anything. It is hard for me sometimes not to pressure you. You don't let me in very easily. You keep so much from me."
"No I don't."
"I don't want another fight, but yes, you do. You never tell me when the voices are bad, unless I ask, and the times I've asked what they're saying, you refuse to answer. I understand why, but it's an example. You have reasons for keeping these things from me. But you do keep them from me."
I thought about that. "I suppose."
"And you also suppose there are other things you keep from me, don't you?"
"I suppose."
"All right then. That's hard for me. I tell myself it has nothing to do with trust but perhaps a great deal about wanting to protect me, and perhaps also a little bit about not wanting to admit all of them to yourself. But it's still hard."
"I'm sorry," I said, but she covered my lips with her fingers.
"I'm not asking for an apology. I am only trying to tell you how I feel. You aren't doing anything wrong. But I do need you to know this. You call tell me anything. You can talk to me about anything. It may not always be pleasant. It may upset me. I may cry. You may cry. But we'll be closer for having shared it."
"You think I'm pus
hing you away?"
"No. Our bodies couldn't be a lot closer right now, could they?"
"You know what I meant."
"I'm trying to lighten the mood. Go with it or I'll be forced to start a tickle fight."
"You'll lose."
"And then I'll get angry and leave."
"You fight dirty."
"I didn't realize we were fighting." But it was said gently, and she pulled me more tightly against her to let me know she was teasing.
We lay quietly for a moment or two, then she asked lightly, "So. How was your trip?"
I paused a heartbeat then laughed. "It was fine. There's a new warrior at Knotty Oak. She's having a hard time of it. She's going to need a companion sooner rather than later. Maya is going to pop down and check the situation herself, maybe bring the woman back to Queen's Town for now. But she has friends in Knotty Oak, and I don't think she'll want to go."
"Remind me where that is."
"Far south and closer to the western plains than most of the villages. We're closer to the eastern plains than most."
"We're at greater risk of a demon wandering into our village?"
"That doesn't happen very often, but yes."
"And more reason to learn to run fast."
"Yes."
"All right, what else?"
"Several of the village chiefs are making retirement noises. I don't think any are quite ready this year, but next year or the year after will leave Malora with a huge mess."
"Won't their second in commands step up?"
"Sometime the second in command is a really good second in command. The responsibilities are different, even if it seems like just two degrees of leadership."
We talked for a long time. I didn't even notice it at first, but the voices drew entirely silent. When I realized it, I drew silent as well.
"Falling asleep?" Lia asked.
"Enjoying the quiet in my head," I said. "Thank you."
She kissed my forehead. "You're welcome." She paused. "Why do you keep flinching when I touch you here?" She had one hand on my ribs. "Ticklish?"
"Bruised. The fight with Bea, Vorine, Lidi and Clara wasn't with words."
"You fought with your friends?"
"Training ground," I said. "Trying to blow off steam."
"Three on two?"
"Four on one."
"They beat you? That's letting off steam?"
"They each have as many bruises as I have."
"Oh, my big strong warrior," she simpered, then giggled.
"That's right," I said. "All four of them have more experience than I have. Three of them were already warriors by the time I became a companion. So just remember that when you're considering tickle fights."
"If I start a tickle fight, Beria, you can bet I'll have planned ahead."
"What does that mean?"
"Well, aren't you the one who tied Omie's hair to the bed in preparation of a tickle fight?"
I laughed. "Yes, that was I."
"And you were just a young companion. Just think what I might plan, with all these extra years of experience."
I chuckled and cuddled more tightly to her. We lay quietly after that, and I felt my thoughts drifting. I think I dozed, but then I woke when she kissed my head.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'd stay if I could."
"I know."
"I am stealing your nightshirt. I'll return it tomorrow."
I thought it would be nice having it come back smelling like her. She slipped from the bed, but then she returned, climbing on top of me, pinning me to the bed and looming over me. She smiled above me. "I like it when you're in this position." She bent down and kissed me very, very thoroughly.
"Thank you, Lia," I said.
"You're welcome. Thank you for inviting me."
And then she was gone. I rolled over and fell asleep.
Old Love
I stayed at Lake Juna for two days but then was scheduled for patrol. Lia came to me each night, later than usual, and climbed into bed with me. She stayed for a long time each night, and the demon voices grew still each night. But eventually she left. She didn't press me about events in Queen's Town.
The morning I left on patrol, I told Lia, "I need to visit Queen's Town before coming home. I might be gone a day or two extra."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
I was surprised she offered.
"I have to do this trip without you," I said. "Will you be here for me when I get home?"
"Yes. You have to ask?"
* * * *
Patrol went without incident. I stayed with the team until they entered the woods on the way back to Lake Juna, then I continued to the trail that would lead to Queen's Town. I arrived just as lunch was beginning, riding into town to surprised, warm greetings. I attended to my horse then roamed through the tables, greeting people. I intentionally took a path that led past Malora before reaching Omie.
I leaned over Malora, my head between both of theirs. "Are you angry with me?" I asked quietly.
Malora turned to me and caressed my cheek. She shook her head once. "Are you here to see me?"
"I don't know. I came to talk to someone else." I glanced at Omie.
"I see."
"I may ask for a short extension on my deadline."
"I might grant it."
"Maya, I believe I am going to need you very, very badly before dinner. And if possible, am I welcome to spend a night or two?"
"Of course," Malora said.
"I'll be around," Maya said.
"Thank you."
I stopped between Rora and Nori next. "Thank you for your help the last time I was here."
"You're welcome," Rora said.
"Am I welcome at training this afternoon?"
"Are you going to beat up half my warriors?" Nori asked.
"Four is hardly half."
She chuckled.
Finally I made my way to Omie. She smiled and we clasped hands.
"I would like some of your time this afternoon. Alone. Very alone." I turned to Aren, sitting next to her. "She's going to need you desperately when we're done."
"Of course," Omie said. "After training?"
I nodded. "Thank you."
I collected food for myself and found a place to sit, eating lightly and listening to the conversations around me. When the meal was over, it was Bea's companion who took my plate for me. I wasn't expecting it, but I thanked her.
At training, after we ran, Nori sent the companions off for their training. "I had exercises in mind for today," she said. "But we're going to do something different. Beria, how many of my warriors did you beat up the last time you were here?"
"I believe there was mutual beating," I said. "I still have bruises."
"She earned each and every bruise," Bea said.
"Well, we're going to have a little tournament," Nori said. "Beria, pick your first opponent."
"You."
She laughed. "Malora and I are judging."
I sighed. "Fine. Neela."
"Oh sure, pick on me," Neela complained. We both moved into the training circle. I had two practice swords; Neela had one.
We faced off, but then Nori said, "Neela, do you think you can beat her?"
"You're funny, Nori."
"Do you think you'll score any points?"
"We're playing to a hundred, right?"
That earned her some chuckles.
"Beria, how many deer hides do you have?"
"I don't know. Maybe six."
"You owe a deer hide to anyone who scores a point," Nori said.
"I do, do I?" I asked. "And what do I have the chance of winning?"
"You get to live and remain unwounded."
I sighed. "Fine." I wondered if I were being punished again.
"Ready, fight," said Nori.
Neela didn't stand a chance, but I had to fight carefully. It wasn't enough to win. I didn't want to give up any of my hides. I moved around Neela quickly, and it only took
a minute or two before I had three points.
"Hold," Nori said. "Back away."
We stepped apart, and then I turned to Nori.
"Pick your next opponent."
"We're only playing to three?" I asked.
"Pick your next opponent."
"Fine. My old companion."
"Narsana, come up and join Neela."
"What?" I said. "I'm fighting both of them?"
Nori grinned at me.
"To three points?"
She nodded. "On each."
Narsana joined Neela. She smiled, but she was probably still intimidated by me, even all these years later. I lifted my swords, and Nori called, "fight".
This was harder, of course it was, and I knew Nori had been teaching the warriors here to fight together. But they weren't that well coordinated together. Glorana and Frida were a much greater challenge. I got a strike on Neela, two more on Narsana, then in a flurry, the last three I needed.
"Hold," Nori called. "Next, Beria?"
"May I speak privately with you?"
"No."
I looked amongst my choices, wondering who I wanted to end up gifting my hides. "Bea," I said. Lidi, Gaylie and Vorine were gone; Omie was teaching the companions, and there were only warriors with us this time.
"You're not offering skins to the companions? They need them more than the warriors do."
"They would just get in the way," Nori said. "Ready, fight."
Bea almost got me twice, and one of the times Neela almost scored a point as well.
"Next opponent?" Nori asked.
I lost my first skin when it was five opponents. I'd managed to knock Bea out of that fight early, getting three strikes on her fairly early, but then Chalena scored across my back. I never paused and finished the rest of them very quickly including a cruel strike across Chalena's neck I should have pulled more than I did.
"I'm sorry," I said, panting.
"I'll consider it a cheap deer skin," she said, "and a lesson to guard my neck better."
But then I was facing all six available warriors.
"Seriously, Nori?" I asked.
"You won't lose more than three more skins," she said with a grin. "Maybe you should try harder."
"Maybe you should show me how, training leader."
