Thad nodded. Hans wasn't sure, but he thought he saw him blush. "That is nice. Thank you."
"Not at all. I wanted to."
"That's good. Again, I thank you for the heart. But it doesn't mean you can take from me what you want. It doesn't mean I owe you anything. I didn't ask for this."
"I know. No one does ask for death as much as they ask for life. Even those who aren't machine operated now."
"And I'm a free agent," Thad said. "You don't have power over me."
"Yes, you are free. As much as we all can be." Hans grasped the bar's edge to keep himself standing, his conviction returning. "I didn't do what I did to be rewarded. But I hope that one day, if you're so inclined to love someone, that you will be able to."
"Love you?"
"Not always. But with half a heart, you can still do a lot. I can still do a lot. Neither one of us can live forever, but we can live a lot longer than most."
"I feel as if I've already lived too long." Thad looked down at the table, at his food and the wood grains. His sullen countenance returned. Hans was reminded of the woman with her chest split open, heart gone. Rebeckah Lacko. He sat down next to Thad again.
"Because of your family? Your sister?"
Thad nodded.
"What happened to her?"
"She died. Not of the infection, though. Of a simple cold that got worse and worse from living outside. We were so worried about the zombies that we didn't even think about anything else."
"And so you wanted to join her?"
"I missed her. I missed my family. But I ended up being bit by a zombie when I tried to drown. I didn't get sick like her—I got sick like my father, who made everything so, so much worse." Thad took in a deep breath. His chest seemed to rattle the same way Hans had moments ago. "I just wanted to be with my family. Even for a minute."
Hans wanted to ask if, when Thad had been dead, if he did see his family, but he knew better. He inched a little closer to him at the table, hoping that his presence would help. Thad had already lived far, far too long on his own. He imagined Thad alone the shoreline, longing for reunion, only to be bitten and run to one of the London hospitals when the true reality of death sunk into him.
"I should be infected now," Thad said. "I should be like the undead outside. But I'm not."
"Yes. We got you before the thirteen hours had passed, so now you won't ever be like them. Like your father."
"Thirteen hours?"
"When someone is infected, and they die, there is a thirteen hour window before they become zombies. If I catch them at the right time, and they are not too wounded, I can bring them back to life. Like us."
"You were a zombie, too?"
Hans wanted to answer no, but he stopped. "I wasn't a zombie. But I wasn't happy. Doing this work makes me happy."
"Giving me your heart made you happy? Even if I turned around and went back to the ocean? Even if I died again?"
"Yes," Hans said, though the option hurt again and again, each time like a pulse. "It would still make me happy because, then, that is your choice."
Thad nodded. He was quiet a long, long time. Hans thought the conversation was over. Exhaustion seeped into his bones and he longed to rest. But when he went to leave once more, Thad called out.
"You can sit longer, if you want," he said. "Are you hungry?"
"Very, actually. That sandwich looks good. I should ask Xavier to make me one."
"Sit first," Thad insisted. He tapped the chair Hans had just left and pushed his plate towards him. "You can have the rest of mine for now."
Hans noted it was exactly half of the sandwich left. When he sat next to Thad again, their knees brushed. A thrill of electricity went through him, more than his heart flipping at the touch. From the sudden light in Thad's eyes, Hans knew he felt it, too.
As Hans finished the sandwich, Thad told him about the ocean. When their hands connected, the same trill happened. It wasn't much, not yet. And it would take a lot of time to work together, to get to know one another, and truly fall in love.
But time now was all Hans had. So he would make good use of it.
"So, tell me," Thad asked. "I've talked about the ocean. What do you like?"
Hans smiled. "Have you ever heard this song? They played it for me before I went under. I'm afraid I don't know where Xavier keeps the gramophone, but perhaps—"
Thad's humming caught Hans off-guard. Thad closed his eyes as he mimicked the music, and for a brief moment, he looked like the body Mickey had pulled into his office room. Except that now, when his eyes opened and he turned towards Hans, everything was real. Alive.
"Was that the song?" Thad asked.
"Yes. That's exactly it."
Epilogue
Four Months Later
"They're here!" Joan cried. She burst through Hans's door, shocking him and Thad awake and out of bed. She folded her arms across her chest, cinching her bust inside her grey vest and men's shirt. "Come on, you two! Don't be lazy. They're here. They're here!"
Thad groaned and rubbed his eyes. "What's here? The Calvary? Are we done for good now?"
"No, the flowers, silly! The flowers have bloomed."
Joan ran out of the bedroom and down the hallway, presumably to wake up Xavier and Lucinda. Hans went from lethargic to springing out of bed in two seconds flat. He barely had time to slip on his pants before he thundered down the stairs, following Joan out the door and into the garden around their house. Therese and Thad, in proper clothing hastily fastened, followed them at a slower pace. They yawned and greeted one another, but didn't speak much until everyone was outside.
The first spring morning still held a chill in the air. The sun cascaded over the hills that were getting greener and greener by the passing week. Zombies still lingered, but the watch tower people at their posts had been growing listless with how little there was to do. Now, as black flowers bloomed in front of them, Hans hoped that everything else would go back to normal in even less time.
"Oh, wow. Would you look at that?" Thad said. "They do look more blue than they do black. Like the ocean at night."
"See?" Joan said. "They are blue tulips. Dark blue. Midnight blue..." She went on listing synonyms as she huddled around her prized flowers.
"Yes, but did it work?" Therese asked. "How can we tell if it worked?"
Joan pressed the bud to her nose. She sniffed and sniffed, getting so light headed it was almost as if she'd topple over.
"Where is Xavier?" Thad asked. "If he reacts to the flower, then we know it keeps zombies away."
"He's not a zombie, though," Therese said.
"He's infected. What will show up as a rash for him should launch the rest of the population away from our door. Right?" Thad gestured to Hans. "That's how it works? I haven't read all of your papers, yet, but I think I have it right."
"You do. More or less."
"I'll wake him, then," Therese said. "Surely if he's not already stirred by Joan's yelling, he'll need another call. Hopefully he and Lucinda won't be too put out."
Ever since the operation that had split Hans's heart in two, all six of them had moved into Hans and Therese's house. Lucinda and Xavier were only casual guests, but as the infection rate plummeted in the city, they stayed with Hans and everyone else a lot more. Xavier doubled as much needed protection when the chancellor from the university came knocking to ask about Doctor Stevenson's disappearance but dropped all line of questioning when the body that they claimed to be dead suddenly served the coffee.
Thad's miracle had yet to be documented officially. Everyone, including Thad himself, wanted to be sure that there were no loose ends before debuting Hans's new volume of research. Hans still taught in the moral philosophy wing with Therese as his grading assistant, but his dissertation had earned him respect in other areas. He was a regular in Lucinda's clinic, fixing the patients she could not save. As the winter wore on, months passed, and the zombie population nearly disappeared, it was only a matter of time before people t
alked and started to believe what "dirty hands" and "lady luck" could do.
As Xavier and Lucinda came outside to the garden with bags under their eyes, it was looking as if they were regretting their decision to stay with the group overnight.
"At least at the bar I could sleep in," Xavier grumbled.
"And not witness this miracle?" Therese said. "Come on."
Joan rose with a black petal from the tulip in her hand. She rubbed it against the outer edge of Xavier's injured thumb. He yelped out in pain and a rash bloomed on his skin.
"Jesus Christ," Lucinda said. "What the fuck is in those flowers?"
"They are the notorious black tulip—but now synthesized to keep the undead away. We developed them in the fall, planted them, and now it all works," Joan said, affecting her most educated manner of speaking. "Can you believe it?"
Hans stared in amazement, his grin from ear to ear. "It worked. It really worked."
"I see that," Lucinda muttered. "But now I have a job to do this early in the morning."
Lucinda did her best to remove the effects of the flower, but Xavier's skin still reacted. An angry red ring would most likely stay there for another hour before his skin cleared up. The tulip was a natural repellant, and now, Hans could plant them everywhere. And they could come out of hiding. Hans had grown to love his double life, working in the back labs with Lucinda and Xavier all winter and coming home to Thad at dawn, falling into bed with him and falling in love. Their relationship began slowly as they assessed one another and what the other person was like, and what they liked. After six weeks of casual dinners where only mere sentences were exchanged between them, Thad bloomed before Hans's eyes. He smiled more, laughed more, and after each meal dragged Hans to the gramophone for more music and ample discussion of that music, and the kind he'd played himself down by the water. Between the clinic's long days and Thad's discussions at night, Hans wondered if he'd ever get time for himself. He soon realized that time he spent alone, brainstorming solutions for the zombie crisis and on his dissertation, were done to stave off a deeper well of loneliness within him. That loneliness—like the disease that infected the zombies—was no longer present. And so, Hans glowed before Thad as he told him stories of growing up in India with his grandfather, learning science and mathematics, and then coming to London to start his dream.
Months had passed in a blur of science and music and memory. Now, in front of the house he shared with Thad and many others, Hans's heart swelled with the possibilities of their future.
"So what do we do now?" Thad asked, linking his hand with Hans.
"We make sure Xavier doesn't lose a hand, first," Lucinda said.
"He won't," Joan said. "It'll be fine. And now, Hans can publish his findings. We can plant these all around London. It will go back to normal."
"Not normal," Hans said. "It will be cured, but people will still be affected and remember everything."
"That's good, though," Therese said. "Forgetting something like this is the enemy. We should write it all down. Keep it in the archives. I still have all your notes, Hans. And I have the lab reports we've been keeping. Everything could be released at once."
Hans had been waiting for this day for years now. For his research to mean something and amount to something. But when he looked at Thad, and felt his hand inside his own, he knew his research had already amounted to something much larger. He lived the proof of it day in and day out, and bared the scars and memories of it all.
"Will you go back to the university, do you think?" Lucinda asked. "Teach what you found?"
"I don't know. I think I'm happy here," Hans said. His eye remained on Thad as they talked. "And I think Therese has a knack for publication far greater than I ever did."
"And me?" Joan asked. "What about my work?"
"You're a better gardener than I gave you credit for."
Joan beamed under praise. More chatter was passed around, plans for mornings, afternoons, and many evenings into the future. But the sun had only just come up, and Hans had many other plans for himself today.
Without another word, Hans tugged Thad back into the house. He kissed him all the way up the stairs until they were in the bedroom. Thad stood in front of the large window, the sun around him like a halo and making him seem otherworldly. Hans was struck for a moment. All he did was stare.
Thad grinned. He'd grown used to Hans's wandering eyes over the months of their cohabitation and casual courting. Before they finally undressed one another, Thad had joked that Hans knew every last inch of him. Not because he'd found his body and restored it to its working order, but because Hans's gaze could pierce through metal. You're also already inside of me, Thad had added, usually with a coy smile on his face. So I should be inside of you.
All of this joking was perhaps why, when they did make love for the first time, Hans insisted on having no light whatsoever. When plunged into darkness, their hands sought one another by sense-memory alone. It had been awkward as they fumbled for the lubrication and each other's mouths, but it was also beautiful. Like Cupid and Psyche, except better, because though this was the first time they made love, Hans and Thad knew it would not be the last.
"Do you want the light now, love?" Thad asked. "Or shall I close the drapes?"
Hans dragged his tongue across his lips, longing to taste Thad. When Hans didn't respond, Thad took his silence as the consent to lead in their lovemaking. Thad's grin grew as he unbuttoned his nightshirt in front of the window. The sun cascaded off his brown skin and made him seem statuesque. Brilliant. Pliant. Wonderful. The deep scar that had twisted into a white mass between his two dark nipples drew Hans attention and made Thad more than just a statue or something so beautiful he was mythic. Thad was real, and Hans longed to hold him in his hands.
"Come here," Hans said.
Thad smiled and shook his head playfully. "Not until you show me all of you, too."
Hans started to undress in front of Thad like a mirror. His pale skin became even paler at the moment of surgical incision. His scar, now healed, was framed by the curls of his chest hair that ran down to his navel and grew thicker by his pubic region. Hans grew hard as he undressed to Thad's command, straining against his sleeping pants before he took them off. Thad stood and took all of Hans in with hungry eyes. The light from the dawn made a shadow against the apex of Thad's thighs. He placed a hand over his cock, stroking himself.
"I think..." Thad said, his voice a whisper, "I want you in the light."
"Then take me in the light."
Thad stepped forward and closed the distance between their bodies with a kiss. Hans opened his mouth to the touch, allowing Thad inside. Thad licked into his mouth, tasting all of him while Hans held into the curls at the back of Thad's neck. His hair was like silk in his hands, his skin warm like butter. Hans melted into him. As Thad's passion became far more evident against Hans's thigh, he moaned and tried to keep up with Thad's hip thrusts.
"On the bed, please," Hans begged. "I want to feel you inside of me."
Thad groaned and kissed him harder, teeth gnashing. Hans ran his hands over the curve of Thad's spine and over the dimples before his butt. Hans pressed into him, rocking harder and harder until precome coated both of their cocks.
"Do I have to ask twice?" Hans said, voice breathy. "I want you inside me."
"I do admit I like to hear it."
"Then I want you. All of you. The future is here and now and I want to hold you, because you are my future, and I need so much more..."
Hans wanted to go on and give a veritable lecture about the hope that tangled inside of him, along with his desire, but Thad silenced him with another press of his lips. Thad coaxed out more moans than theories, and soon, Thad angled Hans towards the bed.
The sheets were still a mess and slightly cold from the chill of the morning air. Thad warmed Hans instantly with kisses from his collarbone down to his nipples, navel, and hipbones. Thad parted Hans's thighs, then breathed on the skin before peppering
kisses there as well. Thad's mouth on him made Hans's forget all forms of logical thinking and words. He focused on the wet sensation of his cheeks and lips, following by the firm pressure of Thad's throat.
"Oh. Oh. Thad."
Thad worked harder each time he heard his name. Hans kept speaking it until he realised that Thad's enthusiasm might cause one of them to come too soon. Hans gave a quick tug on Thad's curls to let him know. Thad replaced his mouth with his hand and gazed into Han's eyes.
"I... I might..."
Thad kissed him, silencing Hans's desire, then went in search of the lubrication. In what felt like seconds, Thad was between Hans's thighs again, parting them further. Thad inserted two fingers and scissored them.
"Yes?"
"Yes," Hans confirmed. Thad kissed Hans's hipbone and added another. When Hans was mute and wanting on the bed, his hips bucking into the motion, Thad finally removed his fingers and positioned himself outside of Hans.
"Are you ready, love?"
"I..." Hans quivered. His heart hammered and the gears ground so close to his skin. He clutched the scar over his chest, as if to steady himself. Hans was about to answer with an exalting 'yes' when Thad's hand came over Hans's on his chest. Thad listened and felt for Hans's heart, so similar to his own.
"I'm in love with you more and more each day," Thad said. "And moments like this remind me why."
Thad curled his thumb around the scars. Hans brought his legs around Thad's waist, encouraging him forward. There was no need to reply to his sentiment; there would be more than enough time. As Thad brought their bodies together, sliding inside of Hans with practiced ease, their scars touched. It was all the answer that Thad or Hans would ever need. Their bodies were in perfect synchronicity and their desires matched their clockwork hearts. Each grunt and groan turned into moans that came faster and faster. They panted between their frantic kissing as their hips rocked together. When Thad brought his hand over Hans's cock, only a few strokes were needed before he came onto his chest.
Thirteen Hours Page 6
