Taming_Damian_-_Jessica_Wood_-_BN

by Jessica Wood

  I looked at him and gave a half smile. “Thanks.”

  We ate in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again.

  “So…” He shifted in his seat as he looked down at his food.

  “What?”

  “So are you sure you’ve made up your mind about what you’re planning on doing?” He finally looked up at me, his eyes full of worry.

  “Yes!” I exclaimed with more confidence than I felt. “I’m definitely keeping the baby.” I looked down toward my hands as they automatically circled my stomach.

  “Are you sure?” There was fear in his voice as his gaze moved to my hands.

  “Didn’t I just say yes?” I was starting to feel annoyed by his obvious disapproval.

  “Even though…” His voice trailed off, unable to finish the rest of his words.

  “Yes. You don’t have to worry… I’ll be okay.”

  There was an awkward pause between us, and for a moment, I wondered if seeing Chris again was a good idea.

  “Have you been eating well?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

  I shook my head and looked down at my picked-over food. “Not really.”

  “Alex, I’m worried about you. If you want to keep this baby, you need to take better care of yourself.”

  “I know that in my head, but…but my body won’t keep any food down.”

  “Morning sickness?”

  “No, that hasn’t been too bad yet. No, I’m sick to my stomach with worry.”

  He reached for my hands from across the table and squeezed them. “I’m here for you. Just tell me what you need. It can be anything and I’ll do it.”

  I looked at his hands on mine and tears started to fall down my face. I looked up at him. “Can you tell Damian?”

  Chris looked at me sympathetically. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  I pulled my hands from under his grasp and dropped them to my side. “You’re right. I know.” I felt my body slump deeper into my seat.

  “When are you planning on telling him?”

  The thought of Damian caused panic to spread through me, leaving me gasping for air. “I don’t know… I know I have to soon. I thought maybe after this weekend. I still need some time to get mentally ready.”

  “Okay.” He sounded unconvinced.

  I buried my face in my hands and began to sob quietly. “Chris, what do you think I should do?” I sounded as desperate as I felt as I looked up at Chris, irrationally hoping he had an idea that I was blind to.

  “Tell him—”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me.

  “—sooner rather than later. He’s going to find out eventually, so why not tell him now? That way he’ll have time to digest what this all means.”

  “I’m not ready yet,” I shot back stubbornly as I wiped a tear from my cheek.

  “Alex, Damian deserves to know. If you’re keeping this baby, then he’s going to be a father soon. He needs to know that.”

  The weight of his words felt like a splash of cold water on my face. This was the first time I’d heard the words “Damian” and “father” together. And somehow hearing it now out loud made it more real, and I felt the full urgency of the situation hit me all at once. I knew Chris was right—I needed to tell Damian soon. As much as I hopelessly wanted to hold on to our fairytale relationship and carefree love, I knew it was time for me to face reality.

  “You’re right,” I said solemnly. “Tomorrow’s Friday and we have dinner plans, so I’ll tell him everything then. That will give us the whole weekend to process the news.”

  Chris nodded in agreement. “Good. That’s a good plan.”

  I closed my eyes and drew in a sharp breath as I thought about the dreaded moment when I had to tell Damian.

  Just then, my phone rang, causing me to jump in my seat.

  I saw Damian’s face and name flash across the screen and felt my body tense up.

  “Are you going to get that?” Chris asked as he eyed my phone.

  “I…” I reached for the phone nervously. “Hello?”

  “Hey, baby. Where are you?”

  “I’m, uh, I’m having dinner with a friend.”

  “Oh.” There was a second of silence before he continued. “Anyone I know?”

  I looked over at Chris, who gave me an encouraging nod. “No. Just a friend from Iowa who’s in town on a business trip.”

  “Oh. Okay. You didn’t mention a friend being in town when we hung out yesterday.”

  “I didn’t? I thought I did. It must have slipped my mind then.” I felt a lump in my throat as I cringed at my own lie. It broke my heart each time I had to lie to him, but I knew nothing good would come out of him knowing that I was spending time with my ex-boyfriend.

  “Why don’t you bring her over to the bar afterwards? Drinks on me.” There was something in his voice that made me uncomfortable.

  That’s just your guilt playing tricks on you, I convinced myself.

  “My friend has to get up early in the morning for work, so maybe next time?” I knew he thought I was with a female friend, and I knew the right thing to do was to correct him and be upfront about things. But at this very moment, I wasn’t ready to get into that conversation and cause him to be jealous for no reason.

  Chris looked over at me with a raised eyebrow and mouthed the words “I do?”

  “No problem,” Damian responded quickly. “Why don’t you come on over tonight after dinner? I can have Sam take over the bar for the rest of the night. I want to see you, and”—he lowered his voice—“my cock wants to see you.”

  “Um. I really want to, babe, but I’m really tired tonight. I think I’m going to call it a night when I get in. I hope you don’t mind.” He was silent. “I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner?” I added quickly. I felt horrible about lying to him, but after the conversation I just had with Chris, sex was the last thing I wanted to do tonight.

  For a few seconds, Damian didn’t say a word, and the pang of guilt grew inside me.

  “Are you still there?” I asked tentatively.

  “Yeah.” His voice was flat, and I knew he wasn’t happy.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Of course,” he shot back quickly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “No reason. I…I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “Sure. Have a fun night with your friend.”

  Before I could respond, I heard him hang up.

  I looked at my phone and replayed our conversation in my mind. Is he mad at me?

  “What’s wrong?” Chris’s voice cut through the silence.

  “I think he hung up on me.” I looked up at Chris and frowned. “Do you think he knows something’s wrong?”

  “Maybe. Possibly. Talk to him tomorrow and tell him everything. Secrets have a way of coming out if you keep them locked away for too long.”

  “You’re right.” I let out a heavy sigh and wished I weren’t in this position.

  “Alex, it’ll be okay. Whatever happens, it’ll be okay.”

  But even through his reassuring words, I could hear the same doubt I felt inside.

  “Yeah. I hope so.” I flashed him a weak smile.

  For the rest of the night, I felt like my body was numb with worry as I tried to figure out how I was going to break this news to Damian.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Damian

  I slammed the phone down on the bar counter and felt my insides fuming with rage.

  She’s with him.

  She hadn’t told me that she was, but I knew. Every fiber of my body knew that she was having dinner and spending the night with Chris. She had sounded evasive and nervous on the phone, and from the way she’d spoken, I knew she was lying to me. I had tried to give her an out—to tell me who she was with, to bring him over to introduce him to me—but she hadn’t taken it. She hadn’t even wanted me to know that the person she was with was another man.

  My stomach twisted in jealousy and anguish at the thought of
her with another man right now—of her smiling at him, of her laughing with him, and of her fucking him.

  “Hi, sexy.” A woman’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

  I looked up and saw a hot blonde smiling seductively at me. She leaned over the bar, purposely displaying her voluptuous breasts that were popping out of her tight one-size-too-small top. She was definitely a seven on my fuckability scale.

  “Hi, gorgeous. What can I get you?” I flashed her my signature fuck-me smile as I winked at her.

  Ever since Alexis and I had gotten back together, I hadn’t flirted with women patrons at the bar like this. But after our call, I felt myself reverting back to my old before-Alexis self as I tried to suppress the anger and pain that were building up inside.

  “I heard a lot about your Damian Style shots.” She bit her lower lip as her eyes slowly gave me a once-over.

  “Sure thing. Where’d you like your shot?” I leaned towards her, leaving only a few inches between us. Her eyes darted down to my mouth as she licked her lips.

  “Here,” she purred as she reached for my chin and brushed her thumb across my lower lip.

  “I like women who are honest and go for what they want.” I gave her a smoldering look as I grabbed a shot glass. My chest tightened as a stab of guilt hit me. I had no desire to do anything with this woman, but I knew I needed something—someone—to distract me from the pain that was building up inside.

  A voice pushed through the numbing pain. You’re going to regret this if you take this too far.

  “Regret is for the weak,” I said aloud.

  The blonde tilted her head and looked at me curiously. “I’ll say.” Her red lips curled into a devious smile as she pushed her breasts farther toward me.

  “So what kind of shot do you want?” I smirked as I leaned toward her and whispered in her ear. “Let’s do something tonight we won’t regret.”

  I heard her draw in a breath at my words. “I’ll do anything with you,” she said when she recovered. She trailed her fingers down the elaborate tattoo on my arm and held my gaze. “I won’t regret anything with these arms around me.”

  “Good. So what’s your poison?” I looked at her and tried to focus on her sex appeal. But my cock didn’t respond.

  “Sex on the Beach.” Her voice alluded to promises of what she wanted to do with me. “Can you make that into a shot?”

  My body stiffened at her drink request, and my thoughts immediately went to Alexis. Sex on the Beach was her favorite drink.

  “What’s wrong with you?” the blonde asked as I froze in silence.

  I blinked and looked at her. “What are you talking about?”

  She motioned to my hands, which were both curled in white-knuckled fists.

  “Oh. Nothing.” I quickly relaxed my hands. I swallowed hard as I felt my stomach churn uneasily.

  “Okay.” The blonde shrugged. “So how about that drink?”

  I looked at the empty shot glass on the counter between us. “I gotta go.” I backed away from the blonde.

  “What the fuck? Why?”

  “I…I just do.” I looked over at Sam, one of the other bartenders. “Hey, Sam!” I yelled over at him.

  “Yeah, boss?” He looked over at me as he was making two drinks for a couple in front of him.

  “Come make a Sex on the Beach Damian Style shot for this pretty lady.” I gestured at the blonde.

  “My pleasure.” Sam’s eyes landed on the blonde’s breasts, and he walked over with a crooked smile on his face.

  “Hey! But I ordered it from you!” The blonde looked at me longingly.

  “Sorry. I gotta go.”

  “Shit! Well at least take my number,” she demanded as she pulled out a business card from her purse.

  Before I could say no, she grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer to her. “No regrets,” she whispered in my ear and kissed my face as she slipped the card in my jeans pocket.

  “Right.” I gave her an empty smile and walked past Sam.

  “You all right, man? You look a little pale.”

  “Yeah, it’s nothing. I gotta go though. You okay to close out the bar tonight with Beth?”

  “Of course. We got this.”

  “Thanks.”

  Without another word, I walked out of Damian’s. By the time I got upstairs to my apartment, the mixture of fury and discomfort in my chest had intensified to an unbearable point.

  “I’m having dinner with a friend.” Her words rang in my ears and images of her naked body intertwined with another guy’s flashed through my mind.

  “Why?!” I shouted as I kicked the end table beside my bed, causing a few items to fall onto the floor. I grunted in frustration as I bent down to pick up the items.

  My eyes landed on the black shoebox under my bed. I pulled the box out and opened it for the first time since I’d met Alexis. It was my “little black book” I’d collected over the past eight years. Inside the box were hundreds of various items I’d received over the years from forgettable women. Each item had a name, a phone number, and my fuckability rank written on it.

  As I scrawled a “7” on the blonde’s business card I’d received tonight and dropped it in the box, I realized something: Alexis was the only woman I’d fucked who wasn’t in that box.

  “I gave you all up for her…” I said to the box of numbers. “And for what?” I snorted. “For her to be exactly like my bitch of a mother?”

  I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass and a bottle of Bulleit Bourbon whiskey from the bar cart. I poured a generous amount into the glass and sat on my bed with the box. My hand sifted through the box of numbers and I thought about how easy and uncomplicated things had been before I’d allowed myself to care for Alexis.

  I gulped down the whiskey and pulled out my phone from my pocket. I wanted to be stupid and reckless. I wanted the life I’d had before I’d met Alexis back. I wanted to fuck women—lots of women—without a care in the world. Above all, I wanted this empty pain inside my chest to go away.

  ***

  I woke up lying on top of my still-made bed with half the items from the black box scattered beside me. On the nightstand was a half-finished bottle of Bulleit Bourbon and an empty glass.

  “Fuck. How much did I drink last night?” My head throbbed with pain as the room spun around me. I rubbed my temples with my hand and slowly got up from the bed.

  I saw my phone on the floor a foot from the bed and picked it up.

  Six text messages and four voicemails.

  “Shit. Who’s blowing up my phone?” My first thought was Alexis and a wave of concern washed over me. Did something happen?

  But when I checked the missed calls and texts, none of them were from Alexis. All of them were from women I had fucked in the past. I scrolled through my phone and realized that in my drunken stupor, I had texted and called these women.

  Fuck, I must have been in a bad place last night. I groaned and deleted the texts. I looked over at my alarm clock. It was 10:14 a.m.

  I looked around my place to check for signs that someone else had been over last night. Nothing.

  I walked slowly to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face.

  “God, what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel guilty?” I stared at my reflection in the mirror. “Get it together. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

  As I jumped into the shower, I knew I couldn’t bear being in the dark any longer. I knew there was something wrong with Alexis, and I needed to know what that was. As much as I wanted to run away from this problem and go on a women-fucking binge, something about Alexis stopped me. There was still a part of me that couldn’t accept the idea that she was anything like my mother. And that part of me knew she’d be hurt if I did anything with another woman. That part of me gripped to the fading hope that Alexis wasn’t cheating on me.

  I’m going to confront her about Chris tonight. I’m going to make her tell me once and for all what is going on.

  ***

  �
��Hey, Beth? I looked over at Beth, who was cutting up some limes for the bar.

  “What’s up, Damian?”

  “You got any aspirin?” I grabbed my head and winced. “Fucking hangover.”

  Beth looked over at me and laughed. “Looks like someone had too much fun last night.”

  “Right.”

  “Here you are.” Beth handed me a bottle from her purse.

  “Thanks.”

  “What did you do last night anyway? Sam said you left suddenly.” She tilted her head to one side and studied me.

  “Absolutely nothing.”

  “Oh, come on. You look like shit. Seems like you definitely hit it hard last night.”

  I laughed at the irony. “Actually, I had a horrible night.” I looked over at her and saw the confusion in her eyes. “Long story.”

  “Everything okay?”

  Just then, a text came through on my phone. When I saw Alexis’s name pop up, I instantly forgot about my headache.

  Hey babe. See you at 7 tonight? Love you!

  I smiled. “Yeah. I think so.” I texted her back:

  Sure. I’ll pick you up at your place.

  “It will be after tonight,” I continued. Maybe this is all in my head. I do love Alex and I know she must love me. I shook my head at how obsessed I had been with something that probably wasn’t true. I looked down at my watch. 5:30 p.m. She might be home from work already.

  “Hey, Beth? You think you can manage the bar by yourself for the next couple of hours before Sam gets in?”

  “Yeah, no problem. Is something wrong?”

  “No. I’m having dinner with Alex tonight and want to leave a little earlier than I initially planned.”

  “Aww. Nice. You guys are such a cute couple. Have a great time.”

  “Thanks, Beth.”

  I walked out of the bar feeling better and more hopeful than I had this morning. I thought about how paranoid I’d been lately and laughed at myself. My gut told me that even though Alexis was withholding something from me, she wouldn’t had betrayed me and slept with another guy.