by Jessica Wood
“All right. You get your rest. If there’s anything you want me to get you, just ask, okay?”
“Thanks,” I said flatly.
A tinge of guilt prickled down my body at my rudeness. I knew Damian was trying. I knew deep down this wasn’t just hard on me—this was hard on him as well. But I felt selfish and angry at the world. I wanted to just wallow in my own self-pity without having to consider someone else’s feelings. After everything I had gone through, I was going to allow myself at least that.
After a few minutes, my mind was racing with worry and I couldn’t fall asleep. I finally gave up and opened my eyes. Damian was sitting in the chair at the side of my bed, reading a book. I squinted at the front cover to read the title and my heart broke when I read it. After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment.
“Damian?” I asked softly.
He looked up from the book and quickly put it away. “Yeah, baby?”
“Why are you reading that?” I motioned at the book with my hand.
He gave me a sheepish smile. “I…I know it’s going to be hard for you. I just thought I could read this to try to understand what you’re feeling and will be feeling. I know it can’t be easy, especially when you’re carrying our child. So I want to make sure I don’t do anything stupid to piss you off.”
I fought back my tears as I looked into his eyes. Has this man really changed so much since I first met him? Will he really be around for me until the very end?
“I’m scared for us, Damian.” My voice was barely audible.
He frowned, and I saw the insecurity in his eyes. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“I’m worried that when things get harder—and things will get harder—you will get scared and leave me like before.”
He closed his eyes and his face twisted with regret. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you in the past where it’s hard for you to trust me. I want to be completely honest with you though. I’m terrified too and don’t want to lie to you and say that I’ll be the perfect boyfriend. Because the truth is… I don’t know. But I do promise you that I will try my very best.”
His words stung, but I knew he hadn’t meant to hurt me with them. I’d always appreciated his honestly, even when it wasn’t always what I wanted to hear.
“Damian, I love you. Very much so.”
He reached for my hand and squeezed it. “I love you too, Alex. And each day you’re in my life, I love you a little more than the day before.”
I smiled up at him, and I knew in my heart of hearts that he was indeed going to try his very best.
***
For the next two days, Damian spent most of the visiting hours in the hospital room with me. I was exhausted during the majority of the day and slept. But during my waking hours, he helped me with my post-op muscle exercises, watched romantic comedies on the small television in the corner toward the ceiling of the room, and entertained my daydreams about the future our Isabella was going to have.
On Wednesday morning, three days after my surgery, I woke up early and anxious to go home finally. The doctors had warned me that during my first few weeks of recovery I’d be fatigued and emotionally exhausted. I hadn’t realized how much that would be the case until this morning. After two hours of being awake, the excitement and anxiety of leaving the hospital and seeing my own apartment had worn me down and I quickly fell back asleep.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” The warm, familiar voice woke me up. “Today’s the day I get to take you home.”
Damian. My insides melted at the thought of him by my side. My eyes fluttered opened and I was greeted with his mesmerizing deep blue eyes and warm, comforting smile.
“Hey, you,” he whispered softly. “You ready to leave this hellhole?”
I gave him a small smile. “Born ready.”
“Naturally,” he teased. “Here are the clothes you asked me to get from your place. Do you want me to help you put them on?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I can manage.” The thought of him seeing me naked—even if only partially—made me nervous.
“Okay. No problem. Oh yeah, here’s something to brighten your day.”
I saw him reach over to pick up something on a chair by the door, and that was when I saw him clearly. Tears immediately welled up in my eyes at what I saw. He handed me a gorgeous bouquet of pink peonies and kissed me sweetly on the cheek.
But that wasn’t what caused the tears. It was his t-shirt.
Along with his usual dark-washed jeans, he was wearing a t-shirt with the following words on the front: “Don’t Mess With My Girlfriend. She Kicked Cancer’s Ass!”
“Thank you,” I choked through my tears.
“Oh, baby, don’t cry.” He gently brushed away the tears on my face. “What are you thanking me for?”
“This.” I motioned at his t-shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. “You’re seriously too good to me.”
“Oh, this old thing?” He casually looked at his shirt and shrugged. Then he paused and grinned at me. “Just kidding. I’m glad you like it. You know I’d do anything to see that smile on your face.”
Despite everything that had happened to me in the past few months, at that moment, my heart felt full and happy.
“Take me home, Damian. I’m ready to go home.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Damian
Two Month Later
Her lips were wet as they moved slowly down my body. Her eyes were crazed with need as she looked up at me when she reached my erection. I groaned as my cock pushed up toward her mouth, desperate for those lips to slide down on it.
“Fuck, baby. I’ve missed those lips of yours. The things I’d do with you if we had more time.”
“Like what?” Alexis gave me a devious smile as her fingers dug into my chest and she positioned her mouth at the tip of my cock. She slowly moved down lower and licked up the back side my shaft.
I groaned as my pelvis spasmed against the tease of her tongue. “Shit! I can’t think when you’re doing that.”
“Was this what you had in mind?”
My pelvis clenched and I panted in pleasure as I felt her tongue circle the opening of my asshole.
“And this?” she purred deviously.
I groaned and threw my head back against the bed when I felt the tip of her tongue enter my hole, causing my rock-hard cock to throb in agony, desperate for an immediate release.
“Fuck! Don’t play with me like that! You have no idea how hard I’m going to fuck you now!”
She giggled. “Why don’t you show me?”
I watched her move her body seductively over me, her hips moving slowly in a figure-eight movement. She bit her bottom lip as she gave me a sinful smile and hovered her pussy inches above my cock.
I took my cue, not missing a beat, and grabbed her hips with my hands, pulling her pussy down onto my cock.
She cried out as she raked her fingers through her hair. Her hips obeyed my hands as they bounced up and down my shaft.
In a swift, controlled movement, I lifted my upper body up toward her and pushed her back down against the other end of the bed. Now I was on top of her, pinning her in place as I pounded freely inside her, pushing gasps and screams out of her as I reached the apex of my climax.
“Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!” I grunted in time with her yelps. “I’m almost there, baby.” I closed my eyes as the intensity of my orgasm took over.
“Damian!” I heard her scream. I felt hot liquid run down my cock and knew she had just come on me.
“Alex! Baby, you feel so gooood!” My head jerked back, and within seconds, I exploded inside her.
“Damian! What’s wrong with you?!” I felt someone shake my arm.
“Wha—” My eyes flew open, and I saw Alexis staring down at me in concern.
I gasped for air as sweat rolled down my face.
“Were you having a nightmare?”
“No,” I panted. “Not at all.” I looked under the comforter and saw that I had come
on myself.
“Are you all right?”
I met Alexis’s eyes and laughed. “Yes. I just came in my sleep, so it was anything but a nightmare.”
“Oh.” She gave me a curious look. “What were you dreaming about?”
“Making love to you.” I smirked and licked my lips as I pulled her down on top of my lap. “I can certainly go for a round two with the body and pussy of the real Alex.”
She giggled and pushed me away. “All you think about is sex?”
“Of course. I’m a man,” I said matter-of-factly.
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not in the mood.”
“You’re never in the mood,” I retorted, feeling slightly rejected.
“Of course. I’m a woman,” she threw back at me as she got up and walked toward the bathroom door. She paused at the frame of the door and turned back to me. She sighed and looked down at the floor. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s fine. I know.” I did know. I knew she was going through a lot, and sex was the last thing on her mind. But the selfish part of me, the part that constantly craved sex—especially with Alexis—wasn’t okay with the pent-up energy that had been brewing inside me for the past two months.
“Come on. Get dressed. We have another doctor’s appointment today.”
I nodded solemnly as I watched the bathroom door close between us. I looked back down at the mess dripping down my leg and shook my head.
“Would have been nice if that hadn’t been a dream,” I muttered.
***
“I’m so glad Izzy is healthy.” Alexis grinned at the new sonogram photo that was taken at this morning’s ultrasound exam.
“Me too.” I smiled over at Alexis.
“We’re already at the halfway mark!” She reached over and grabbed my hand.
“I know. Twenty-two weeks!” I took her hand and intertwined her fingers with mine.
As I drove us from the hospital to our Lamaze class, I thought about how surprised I had been when I saw the baby show up on the monitor. So much had changed in the baby since the first sonogram photo we’d received a few months ago. The reality of her coming into our lives was becoming more real and tangible by the day. And as this reality began to set in inside of me, I felt my body tighten as I pictured myself as a father. Damian Castillo—the man who made women’s panties drop to the ground from just a glance—is going to be a father. And a father to a girl at that! I inhaled sharply as I felt panic snake through my body.
“You can put this photo on your fridge since I have the other one on mine.”
I heard the excitement in her voice, and I tried to feel the same way.
“Okay. I will.” How could I tell Alexis that I felt completely freaked out? How could I tell her that I wasn’t sure if I would be a good father? I’m not ready! a voice inside me screamed out, demanding attention.
Then Alexis started to giggle.
I looked over at her. She was still staring at the sonogram photo.
“What’s so funny?”
“I was a thumb sucker too,” she laughed as she looked down at the photo showing the baby sucking on her thumb.
“How am I not surprised by that?” I teased.
“Hey! I resent that.”
“What?” I looked at her and kept a straight face. “I know very well how well you can suck. And now I know it’s from all those years of experience.” I burst out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter, gasping for oxygen.
True to form, her free hand smacked my shoulder playfully. She rolled her eyes at me and laughed along.
When the laughter died down, I smiled and looked over at Alexis. My smile disappeared as I felt a pang of sadness. Her normal sun-kissed skin, rosy cheeks, and shiny brown hair were gone. In their place were her sunken-in cheeks, a pale complexion, and a scarf wrapped around her head. She was halfway through her chemotherapy, and I could see the toll it was taking on her body and spirit. I’d known early on that every day would have its struggles, but I hadn’t realized how much strain everything would be to our relationship.
I parallel-parked in front of the Lamaze class and looked over at her.
“Ready?” She smiled at me encouragingly.
I groaned. “Not really.”
She laughed. “Thanks for coming with me. You’ve been wonderful.”
I chuckled. “I know. I dare you to call me Mr. Wonderful when we’re inside. That’d be a nice repayment.”
She snorted and shook her head. “Don’t you mean Damian ‘Wonderful’ Castillo? The man with the many middle names?”
“Nah. No need to be so formal with your boyfriend. Mr. Wonderful will do.” He flashed a crooked grin and winked at me.
“If you don’t embarrass me, I may consider it,” she teased back.
“Hmm. That, I can’t promise.”
An hour later, we had finished the breathing and stretching exercises and we were going into the hour-long discussion portion of the class. We were sitting on mats in a large, open room with nine other couples. I looked around and saw the same sense of dread I felt painted on most of the men in the room. God, let’s get this over with.
I smiled at Alexis as we faced each other when the Lamaze teacher addressed the class. The teacher was showing us a slideshow that was playing against the back wall of the room and talking about what to expect during childbirth and all the feelings we would go through. She reminded me of all the hippie women in long, flowing dresses who used to lay out on the open lawn area in from of the Main Library at U.C. Berkeley during my college years. They would get high on home-grown weed and talk about their new-age ideas about the world and their existence in it. As I listened to her talk, I found it increasingly hard to take her seriously.
I wanted to be anywhere but here. But I was here for Alexis, and I knew she would be disappointed if I hadn’t gone with her. Plus, I didn’t want her to find someone else to go with her, especially since Chris had admitted to me during his fit of anger that he still wanted Alexis for himself. Fucker!
“What’s wrong?” Alexis leaned toward me and whispered.
“Huh?” I blinked and refocused my gaze on her. “What do you mean?”
She pointed to my clenched fists and whispered, “Are you upset?”
I quickly relaxed my hands and smiled at her. “No, not at all.”
“Okay. I’m glad.” She grinned and leaned in again. “Isn’t this so interesting?”
“Yeah, very.” I faked a smile.
“These photos really make me want to consider a natural holistic birth.”
A what? I instantly pictures Alexis in one of those hippie, flowing dresses and cringed.
“But doesn’t that mean you wouldn’t be able to get an epidural? Wouldn’t it be painful?” I looked at her like she was a crazy woman.
“Yeah, but it seems so much more natural. Plus, woman have been giving birth like that since the beginning of time.”
“Right.” I wasn’t sure what to say. Alexis had endured enough pain already. I couldn’t understand why she wanted to go through more voluntarily.
She squeezed my hand and giggled at the expression on my face. “I’m just throwing out an idea. Relax. It’s just a thought.”
“Okay. I just don’t want to see you in any more pain than necessary.”
Before she could respond, a slideshow image on the back wall stole my attention.
“Ugh! That’s gnarly. What the fuck is that?” I exclaimed.
The entire room turned and looked at me. Every female in the room looked at me in disgust while several men snickered under their breath.
The hippie teacher gave me a look of disapproval before she explained, “Like I just explained, this is the placenta, which is the organ that connects the growing fetus to the mother. It serves as the conduit for oxygen, nutrients, and waste removal between the mother and fetus.”
“Oh. Right.”
I heard Alexis groan. From the corner of my eyes, I saw her shift a few inches away fro
m me as she lowered her face to avoid the stares from the neighboring women.
“I don’t know about you, but that was still gross,” I whispered to Alexis.
She turned to me and glared.
After the slideshow ended, Alexis got up and asked me to help her to the restroom.
The thought, Ohh, bathroom sex part deux! popped into my head.
When we got inside the restroom, I pulled her toward me and felt the baby bump rub against the growth in my jeans.
“Damian!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing?”
“I just want to kiss you, baby.” I leaned down and tasted her mouth on my mine. A gasp escaped her lips and I smiled. My tongue explored hers as I deepened the kiss. “God, you’re so sexy pregnant,” I groaned between our mouth.
“Hey, cut it out. I need to use the restroom,” she hissed.
I snickered and backed her up against the wall, anchoring her wrists together against the wall. I felt my cock throb in anticipation of this moment. It’s been too fucking long.
“Don’t play coy with me, baby. I know you’ve been wanting this too. I saw it in your eyes when we were doing those deep-breathing exercises. They totally ripped that out from the pages of the Kama Sutra.” I ran my hand down her arm and pulled her hand toward the bulge that was pushing out against my jeans.
“Damian, stop it.”
“Baby, can’t you feel how much I want you right now?”
“We need to get back to the class soon.” She struggled against my strong grasp.
“What we need is a reenactment of the hot bathroom sex we had in Italy.” My hand reached for her left breast. It’d been so long since I’d sucked on it.
“Don’t! Stop it!” She pulled her wrists out of my hand and pushed me off her. Before I could react, I felt her palm smack me hard across the face. “Will you lay the fuck off me?!”
I froze in utter shock as my face tingled at the spot where her hand had made contact.
“I thought you wanted this?” I asked softly. Confusion and frustration whirled around me as I saw the sheer look of repugnance on her face.
“You thought wrong,” she said flatly. “Can you please let me use the restroom in peace? We can talk about this later.”
