Taming_Damian_-_Jessica_Wood_-_BN

by Jessica Wood

  “That’s not the real reason I’m here,” he said quickly.

  “It’s not?”

  “Alex, I know I hurt you when I cheated on you last year. I really fucked up. We had been together for four years and I knew it was time for us to take the relationship to the next level. I even went to look at rings. But then I freaked out and slept with that girl. I was stupid. I—”

  “Chris, it’s all in the past now,” I said, cutting him off. “Let’s not dwell on the past. I meant it when I said that I forgave you for all that.”

  “There’s more, Alexis.” He took my hands into his and pulled them closer to his chest. I stared at him, stunned by his behavior. “I still love you, Alexis. After you moved away from Iowa, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. And when I saw you with Damian during my last visit, I realized how fucking stupid I was to have let you go.”

  An audible gasp left my lips at his words.

  Before I could think about how I was going to respond, he continued. “Look, I know you probably still love Damian. Those feelings don’t disappear overnight. But we loved each other for four years, and I want to believe that those four years meant something. I’ve seen firsthand the things that guy’s done to hurt you. I’ve seen him lie to you and intentionally cause you pain to make himself feel better. So when I heard from Deb that he hurt you again, I just couldn’t stand it any longer. It hit me right then that I still cared and loved you. So I booked the first flight out here to see you and tell you that I love you. I needed you to know that I won’t be the one to hurt you again.”

  “Chris, I…” I looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity in his words. But I also knew that my feelings for him had changed. I did still love him, but it was a different kind of love. It was the same love I had for Deb. “I care about you, Chris. It really touches my heart that you dropped everything in your life to fly out here to see me when you knew I was in a bad place, but—”

  He put his hand to my mouth. “Don’t,” he insisted. “Just hear me out. Please.”

  “I—”

  “Please, Alexis. I flew all the way here to talk to you. Please just give me another fifteen minutes to say what I wanted to say.”

  I looked away from him and tried to figure out what to do.

  “Alexis, I know the one big problem you have with Damian is that he’s not ready to give up his bachelorhood life, let alone be a father.”

  I looked up at Chris, surprised by how accurate his words were.

  “How did you know that?”

  He chuckled lightly. “Alexis, I’ve known you for such a long time that I know how your mind works. And based on our conversations when you waiting for those text results and Damian’s behavior when I last visited you, it’s not hard to figure out what the problem is between the you two.”

  “It’s not that big of a problem,” I argued.

  He shook his head and gave me a sympathetic nod. “Come on, hun. Let’s not kid ourselves here. It’s a huge problem. Instead of asking you what was going on with you, he thought the worst and then orchestrated a scene in front of all those strangers so that you could catch him getting a blowjob from another woman. He did all that so he could watch you run off in tears.”

  “But it didn’t actually happen,” I reasoned.

  He shook his head in disagreement. “It doesn’t matter whether it happened or not. It matters that he intentionally did that to hurt you. It matters that he didn’t try to handle this privately between the two of you. It matters that he intentionally wanted to embarrass and hurt you in front of a bar full of people.”

  Tears streamed down my face as Chris forced me to relive that low moment in my relationship with Damian. I didn’t want to think about the way Damian had treated me back then. I didn’t want to think about Damian as someone who could have ever chosen to hurt me like that.

  “Why are you saying this, Chris?”

  “I’m not trying to hurt you, Alexis. Quite the opposite! I want you to see the truth! I don’t want him to pull the wool over your eyes. You’re too smart for that.”

  “Chris, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Damian has changed! I’ve seen it. No, he’s not perfect, and there are definitely things I’m worried about, but I still love him.”

  “Alexis, I want you to think about your unborn child. I don’t think Damian is ready to be a father. He’s not reliable.”

  “How do you know that?” As angry as I was at Chris’s words, I knew there was some truth to them.

  “Open your eyes, Alexis! From what I can tell, he’s a player, and those types of guys don’t change. I mean, just look at his fucking bar! I see how all those women eye the bartenders and I’ve seen how that Damian Style shot works. He’s practically running a strip club down there! Do you honestly want your child to grow up with that kind of father?”

  “Shut up, Chris! Just shut up!” I was in hysterics and wanted Chris to leave. I didn’t want to hear any of this.

  “Why don’t you want to hear this, Alexis? Is it because you think I’m lying to you? Or is it because everything I’m saying makes sense to you and you don’t want to face reality?”

  I shook my head frantically and buried my face in my hands.

  “Alexis, I’m sorry. I really am.” Chris’s voice suddenly changed, and the forcefulness was gone. The warm, soothing voice that always comforted me had taken its place.

  “I don’t think you should be here, Chris.” I looked away from him, wishing he would just leave.

  “I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t mean to make you so upset. I didn’t come here to talk about Damian. I came here to talk about us, Alexis. I know I’m not the father of your child. But I love you, and I can give you everything that you want and everything that Damian can’t. I have a stable, respectable job, and I can take care of you and your baby. I want to take care of your child like she’s my own.”

  I looked up at Chris and something in the way he was looking at me took me back to the years we were so happy and in love. For a moment, I wondered if he was right. I wondered if he was a better option for me.

  Can I love him again? Would he make a better father to Izzy?

  I pictured Damian and felt my heart ache for him. I wondered if he really loved me. If he had loved me, why hadn’t he come by to see me? Why hadn’t he come by to take care of me when I was still battling cancer and six months pregnant with his daughter? Things were going to get increasingly harder in the coming months. After I gave birth to Isabella, I’d have to go through extensive radiation therapy. I’d need someone I could rely on. I’d need someone who would think about only my needs. I’d need someone responsible enough to take care of Isabella if something were to happen to me.

  I looked over at Chris and smiled at him gratefully. “Thank you being here for us, Chris.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Damian

  “Why am I here?” I sat on a bench facing the Palace of Fine Arts, a picturesque domed rotunda that sat in the middle of a lagoon lined with Eucalyptus trees.

  Because this place reminds you of Alex, a voice answered me.

  I let out a heavy sigh as I looked around. She had always wanted me to take her here. This was a special place for her. She had told me once that her father had proposed to her mother here at sunset in front of a pair of swans and half a dozen geese.

  The morning rain had stopped and the sun began to peek through the departing clouds. I looked around and saw several couples walking around together. A dull ache radiated from my chest as I watched how happy and in love they were. My stomach twisted with jealousy and I wished Alexis were here with me.

  Why did we have that fight?

  It’d been three days since that mess of a day and I hadn’t heard from her since. I had wanted to call her and go see her at her apartment, but with how we had left things, I knew she wanted her space. And in all honestly, I had needed my own space. I’d realized that, in the last few months, I hadn’t had much time to myself. Every free momen
t of my life had revolved around Alexis and doing things for her and our baby. Life had been moving so fast that I felt as if I had forgotten who I was. I had forgotten what I wanted out of life.

  But what do you want out of life?

  During these past three days, that was the one question I couldn’t seem to figure out. I loved Alexis and I wanted her in my life. But her words had echoed in my head since our fight. Maybe all I thought about was sex? Maybe I wasn’t ready to take things seriously? Maybe I wasn’t ready to be a father? When I had seen the anger and frustration in her face, I knew I had failed her. I had tried to be there for her and take care of her, but I’d failed to always put her needs in front of mine. She was right—I was always thinking about sex and how I was going to get inside her.

  I bowed my head in shame and regret at my selfishness.

  Someone else’s words had echoed in my head during the past few days. Chris’s.

  “You don’t fucking deserve her.”

  As much as I hated the man for who he was to Alexis, the truth of his words cut me like a sharp dagger to the chest. I didn’t think I deserved Alexis. She was strong, brave, and unafraid to love—she was everything I wasn’t. She had repeatedly forgiven me for my fuck-ups and overlooked my shortcomings. And now, when she’d probably needed me the most, all I had been thinking about was myself and my cock.

  “I don’t fucking deserve her,” I muttered in self-loathing.

  “Stop it, darling. Someone might see you!” an aged woman’s voice said in mirth.

  Something about the sheer delight in her voice pulled me out of my internal misery and caused me to look over toward the direction of her voice.

  On the bench directly to the left of mine was an elderly couple in their seventies. The elderly man had his arms around the elderly woman. I noticed one of his hands was inside the woman’s blouse and massaging her breast.

  “Who cares if anyone sees us,” the man said in a crackly low voice. “I’ll take that risk when it comes to you.”

  The woman laughed and they gazed at each other lovingly. She sighed and kissed the man. “Even at our age, with our children and grandchildren, you’re still as much of a horndog as the day I met you.”

  “Wasn’t that the boyish charm you fell in love with?”

  “Oh, sweetie, didn’t I tell you? I fell in love with you because of the money,” the woman teased back.

  “And I’d give up every single penny of that money for a lifetime with you.”

  The woman laughed. “Luckily we have both, so we’re both happy.”

  The man threw his head back in laughter. “I will never get tired of that spunk of yours.”

  “Well, sugar, take me home then, because there’s plenty more of where that came from.”

  Then to my surprise, the elderly man stood up faster than I’d ever see a geezer move. “Let’s do it on the couch tonight!” he said excitedly as he helped his wife up. “Maybe we can watch some porn this time?”

  I chuckled to myself at the hopeful excitement in his voice.

  “Only if you take your Viagra this time. I don’t want any early surprises.”

  I watched as the elderly couple laughed together as they walked away from me, hand in hand, heading home for a night of fun.

  As they disappeared down the street, I was filled with a sense of longing.

  Immediately, something clicked inside me—almost like the last piece of a puzzle was being snapped into its rightful place.

  That’s what I want! That’s what I want with Alexis!

  My mother had ripped out my heart years ago and I thought I’d never want to love another person again. But somehow, Alexis had seeped through the cracks in the walls I’d put up, and somehow she had found my heart and given it back to me.

  I jumped up off the bench and began to run as fast as I could to my car. I wasn’t sure why, but I knew I had to see Alexis now. I needed to tell her everything I felt for her and everything she’d done for me.

  Twenty minutes later, I was racing up the staircase toward her apartment.

  I knocked.

  Nothing.

  Is she really not home?

  A wave of panic washed over me. She was six months pregnant and still weak from all the chemo. It wasn’t safe for her to get around by herself.

  I’ll never forgive myself if anything happens to her.

  I pulled out my phone and tried to call her.

  Voicemail.

  I sent her a text:

  Hi baby. I’m really sorry we fought. I love you and want to be here for you and Izzy. Please forgive me.

  I paced up and down the hallway in front of her apartment as I waited for her to text back.

  But after fifteen minutes, there was still no text.

  I tried the door again and knocked on it a little harder.

  Nothing.

  Feeling a sense of dread wash over me, I slowly walked up the four flights of stairs to my apartment.

  Where could she be?

  When I got in my apartment, I crashed onto my bed, feeling emotionally spent. As my hand swung over the side of the bed, I felt something.

  My black box. My “little black book.”

  I took the box out from under the bed and opened it. As I riffled through the hundreds of items inside, I noticed that something had changed. It didn’t feel the same. Instead of feeling satisfied and proud of my collection of numbers from hot women I’d fucked, it felt empty. Staring at the items now, I felt empty.

  The one person I care about, the one person I love, the one person I want most in this lifetime isn’t in this box.

  I grabbed the box and walked it over to the sink in the kitchen. I knew something now that I hadn’t known before. It was something I hadn’t felt before. As I looked at the box and all of its contents, I realized this was all just scraps of trash. None of these things meant anything to me.

  Before I could change my mind, I took a lighter from kitchen drawer and placed the tip of the flame to the center of the box. As I watched the various items begin to incinerate into black pieces of ash, I realized that I didn’t want to fuck another girl again besides Alexis, and that was enough for me. She was more than enough for me.

  After a few minutes, the black box of items was an unrecognizable pile of soot and dust inside the sink. I’d thought I’d feel some sense of loss or regret when everything was burned down.

  But I didn’t.

  Instead, I felt an unusual sense of liberation, as if a burden I’d been carrying with me for the past eight years had been lifted from my shoulders.

  As I cleaned out what was left of the black box into the trash can, my eyes landed on it.

  The sonogram photo of Isabella from a few days ago. I had put it on the fridge like Alexis had asked. I went over to it and took it off the fridge.

  I smiled at the image of the baby sucking her thumb. Just like her mother.

  My thoughts went to Alexis and I immediately pictured her in front of me.

  A lump developed in my throat as I thought of her. “Where are you, baby?”

  I imagined her smiling back at me.

  “I miss you so much.”

  Thirty minutes and still no text or call back from Alexis. I looked out my window and noticed that the sun was about to set.

  “Where is she?”

  Then, out of desperation, I sent a text to Beth. I knew she’d been working at the bar all day. Maybe she knew something.

  Hey Beth. Have you seen Alex today?

  She responded back:

  Hey boss. Yeah I did. Maybe an hour or so ago.

  I immediately texted back:

  Any idea where she went? She’s not answering her phone.

  After a few minutes, Beth still hadn’t texted back. Getting impatient, I walked down to the bar to see her. She was making a round of drinks for a group of guys.

  She looked up and saw me.

  “Sorry. Just had to take care of them before I responded.”

  I gave
her a quick smile. “No problem. I figured you might have your hands full so I thought I’d come down to just talk to you. Any idea where Alex went?”

  I held my breath, hoping she could give me some answers.

  “Yeah, I saw them leave about an hour ago when I was taking my smoke break outside. I overheard her say something about going to see the Palace of Fine Arts because the sun’s out. Something about a sunset.”

  My chest stiffened at her words. “Them?”

  “Yeah. Some guy.”

  “Have you seen him before?” A surge of panic washed over me as I watched Beth scrunch up her face as she thought back. What guy?

  Then her eyes lit up. “Yes! I remember now. I knew I’d seen him before.”

  “Who is it?” I asked impatiently. I could hear the rapid pounding of my heart against my chest as I waited for her answer.

  “Uhh, well I don’t know his name. But it was that guy who was here a few months ago. He was the one that punched you and we had to kick him out of the bar.”

  Chris!

  No!

  “Fuck!”

  My heart sank as I realized what this meant. Chris and Alexis were at the Palace of Fine Arts and it was sunset. That was when and where Alexis’s father had proposed to her mother years ago.

  I turned toward the door and ran as fast as I could to my car.

  I need to get to her before it’s too late!

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Alexis

  I felt at peace here.

  The soft breeze blew through the lagoon from the wharf. I sighed and sunk into the bench as I watched the sky change into a watercolor blend of warm crimson and gentle pinks as the sun made its decent down the Pacific horizon. One of the swans stood up from the surface of the water, outstretched its wings, and glided across the the length of the lagoon.

  I pictured my parents standing before me. I imagine my father going down on one knee and proposing to my mother at this exact moment of the day many years ago. I smiled at how romantic my father was to have picked this spot.