Soul Reckoning

by Nancy E. Polin

“Maybe.” The old man blinked, unease flickering before sadness coated his face like a pasty film. “Your uncle …he stubborn.”

  “It seems to run in the family,” Luke remarked, and Rowan shot him an unimpressed look over her shoulder. He lowered his voice. “He didn’t talk to me about any of this.”

  “Did he happen to tell you where he went for help?”

  “Little. Said he was … going down around … Second Street. Laughed, kind of … nervous though. Not a good … area. Told me … to … wish him luck…”

  Luke growled and Rowan turned to look at him. His jaw pulsed and steel glinted in his eyes. Compassion reared up inside her. Luke didn’t trust easily and Jimmy had betrayed him by simple omission.

  “Stopped … talking to … me about … things. I bring it up … when he seemed to hurt … less. Said he … found … something that works.” Henry shook his head. It seemed too heavy for him and he stopped. “Drug or spell, I don’t … know but he was happy, or at least he wasn’t in pain. Then things … went bad…”

  “Spell?”

  “Don’t know … hard to say. I don’t have … much … exper-i-ence with that stuff.” The way his eyes darted, Rowan figured he knew more about that world than what he cared to admit.

  “Son of a bitch. If he’d only—” Luke stopped, rested his hands atop his head, and stared toward the window. Full clouds pushed against a brilliant slash of blue sky.

  Henry looked at both of them, his brows pulling together. “Why is this … coming up … now? Jimmy’s long gone. Is there some-thing else … going … on?”

  “No.” Rowan shook her head, the lie burning her throat. “I’ve been trying to piece that last year together. From all the bits I’ve heard, everything just seems so pretty unbelievable.” Leaning forward, she met his eyes. “If you knew who he went to see, you would tell us, wouldn’t you, Henry? You wouldn’t be afraid?”

  He went quiet, gazing down at the hand in his. With a small sigh, he nodded. “If he got in-to what … I think he did … yes, I would be a-fraid. My mama didn’t … raise idiots, but yes, I also would tell … you.”

  ****

  “I feel like complete crap.” Rowan pressed the down button on the elevator with more ferocity than necessary. “Poor old guy stared down the tunnel at death, came back, and here I am pumping him for information.”

  “You have a right to know, Rowan. Henry understands that.”

  “Does he? As far as he’s concerned, I’m beating a dead horse.”

  The doors slid open and they stepped inside. “I’ll let Dave know about the Second Street thing. I doubt anything will come of it, but you never know.”

  Rowan leaned against the wall of the elevator, hands hooked on the railing behind her. “The not knowing is going to drive me off my nut. If he comes for me, well, that scares the crap out of me, but at least that should end it. Otherwise, I just continue to live my life with this shadow over me. He might pop up. He might crawl off and die and I’d never know. How long do I have to live like this?”

  She raised her big gray eyes to him, angry but beseeching. When he tried to wrap an arm around her, she sidestepped away. “I’m not sure you should even do that anymore.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  A grim smile sliced across her features. “Marked woman here. May not live to see her twenty-ninth birthday. Probably not worth the investment.”

  Dark and insidious anger coursed through his veins, and before he realized what he was doing, he smacked the stop button and cornered her with his body. Ignoring the shock on her face, he leaned in, a low growl rumbling from within. “Don’t even think that, let alone say it. I’ve already determined you’re worth the investment. Whether or not that stays true is between you and me only, not some second-rate freak masquerading as a nightmare. Got it?”

  Rowan stared up at him, misty eyes sparking, then thawing. Her sweet breath reached him and on an inward groan, he took her mouth with his, aggressive enough to make his point. When he pulled away, he ran a gentle hand over her hair and repeated himself. “Got it?”

  She continued to gaze at him, eyes darkened to charcoal, lips slightly swollen. “Fair enough. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though.”

  “Duly noted.” He released the stop button. “Now for tonight I had a suggestion.”

  “I bet.”

  Luke tilted his head, sending her a side look. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I was thinking pizza and some videos.”

  “I guess I could be down with that.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “That was evil.” Rowan huffed from her corner of the couch.

  “C’mon, it was fun.”

  “You’re idea of fun is seriously warped.” She folded her arms across her breasts. “I’ll have you know it almost got me disowned.”

  “Any parent who would disown their kid for something like that has a serious stick up their ass.”

  She shook her head, keeping her face still for as long as possible. But after a few moments, she couldn’t help herself. There was no more holding back. All her current darkness fell aside and giggles erupted into laughter that had tears squirting from her eyes. “You … you should have seen my mother’s face! I mean, I did warn her, but once she’s determined to do something, there’s no getting in her way.”

  “What? She didn’t think Night of the Bloody Hand was Oscar bait? Man, how narrow-minded.”

  Rowan snorted, wiping her eyes. Leaning forward, she snagged her can of cola off the coffee table and took a swig. “When I decided to leave school to pursue the Hollywood dream, she didn’t speak to me for three weeks. My father was a little better about it, but he tended to side with my mom. Just easier for him since he lived under the same roof. Didn’t keep him from calling me from his office, though. When I actually landed a small guest part in a pretty well-received television series, she came around a little, started bragging to her friends. And then that was it. The next part was in Terror Island and then there was this one.” She shrugged, thinking back with bittersweet amusement. “I guess I wasn’t destined beyond C-grade.”

  “And your mom never forgave you.”

  “Not really, but she softened a bit after—” Stopping, she took a breath. Oddly enough, it didn’t hurt any longer. It just irritated her.

  “What?”

  “After I caught my fiancée boffing my former best friend.” She shrugged and took another sip of her drink.

  Luke frowned and took a pull of his beer. “Sounds like a real fuckwad.”

  “Yeah, he was. At least I found out before I married him.” She rubbed a thumb through the condensation on the soda can. “Afterward, my mom dropped by, gave me a hug and told me I should have expected it from that type of person.”

  “What type was that?”

  “Actor.”

  “Oh.”

  “Like me.” She allowed a closed-mouth smile. “She always knows the right thing to say.”

  Luke smirked and shifted toward her to run one finger down her thigh. “I’m sure your mother would love me. I mean, I may not be an actor, but I do ride a motorcycle.”

  Rowan chuckled. “You have no idea. Anyway, not long after that, we got news of my uncle’s passing and the even weirder news that he’d left me this place. I suppose I took it as a sign it was time to move on.”

  “Done with acting?”

  “Yeah. It was fun, crazy, annoying, hard, occasionally interesting, but it’s not for me.”

  “I’m sure your mother’s delighted.”

  Giggles threatened to return and she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. “Um, yeah. Owning a bar is so much better.”

  He gazed at her, eyes shining, soft and amused. After several beats of silence, she squirmed, uncomfortable. “What?”

  Reaching over, he brushed her hair behind one ear, seemed to contemplate saying something, but pulled her to him instead. He pressed his lips to her brow, cheek, and mouth.

  Opening herself up, ph
ysically and emotionally, she welcomed him.

  ****

  Rowan curled into him, one leg looped over his and head resting in the crook of his shoulder. She caressed his chest with one hand, exploring the sculpted planes of muscle from his smooth side to his damaged side. She ignored his sudden intake of breath, knowing it was instinctive, and continued the movement. Keeping her voice at a whisper, she forced herself to ask the questions she’d wanted to ask since the first time she’d seen him shirtless. “Will you tell me about yourself, Luke? Your past? Will you tell me what happened?”

  He let out a long sigh. “You want to know my life story?”

  “It would be nice. For the most part, you know about me.”

  His body tensed for a long moment, then relaxed, resigned. “It’s been quite a few years, but it’s still hard to talk about it.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He brushed a kiss to the crown of her head. “I hate feeling vulnerable.”

  “Says the naked guy.”

  A chuckle vibrated through his chest, but when she glanced up at him, the strain weathered his face into that of an older man. Sorrow for him stole any attempt to lighten the moment. “Never mind, Luke. You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready, or you just don’t want to.”

  Saying nothing, he ran one hand lightly up and down her back, but the tension in his body didn’t waver. She listened to his breathing and the beat of his heart, startling when he finally began to speak.

  “You want to know everything? Every little detail that resulted in the fucked-up man you’re cozying up with? Are you sure?” Bitterness sifted through his voice.

  “Yes, but I’ll settle for whatever you’re willing to share.” She nestled closer, holding on in an attempt to let him know she didn’t plan on going anywhere.

  Luke sighed and brushed a kiss to her hair. “All right. I guess it’s only fair.”

  ****

  He pulled in a deep breath and decided to let her in. It was time.

  “My father died when I was two and my mother couldn’t be what a little kid needed. High strung, nervous, kind of sickly. My older sister flew under the radar, but I got caught in the crossfire most of the time. My stepfather spent a lot of time placating my mom, keeping things quiet, so a rambunctious young boy was a thorn in his side. During the school year, I was shuttled off to daycare until they closed, then brought home, fed and sent to bed. That’s how my grandmother wound up raising me for the most part. Every summer, every school vacation, hell, every teacher-in-service day, I was sent off to stay with her.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “Nah, it was actually okay.” He shook his head in memory. “My parents couldn’t handle me, but grand-mere, she was tough. Tough, fair, kind, loving. What I needed. Growing up, I wanted to make her proud of me even when she threatened to box my ears.” He managed a low laugh. “She reined me in, helped me to focus, helped me over my anger at being, in my perspective, abandoned by my parents. As I grew older, I began to realize my mother was heavily flawed, even mentally ill. I don’t think she ever got over losing my father, and George, my step, was, is, a low-level replacement. They couldn’t have helped me. But, my grand-mere, she set me down the right path, enough that I went to college, even spent the summer after graduation working at a pub in Ireland. Hell, maybe that was a little life foreshadowing for me.

  “When I got home, I lost direction again. I’d majored in sociology in college and didn’t have a clue what to do with it. Nothing sounded intriguing enough to pursue, plus I would have had to go back to school for additional degrees to even make it worth my while. So that was that. I bummed around for a while, taking odd jobs … worked at a beverage manufacturer cleaning tanks, did some paint mixing at this auto place, um, worked at a sawmill, I built fences, did some carpentry, in general, did lots of crap work. Then I was having a beer with some guys after my shift when a couple firefighters came in. That moment I had that little-kid epiphany.” Luke smiled down at her, but it looked strained. “I decided to be a fireman when I grew up.

  “I applied, went through all the interviewing, physicals, passed the test, and actually got in as a recruit. Grand-mere was so excited for me. Hell, even my mother and stepdad crawled out from their hole to wish me well.

  “Went through all the training in Baton Rouge, came back here. The night before I was to report to my house, I went back to that same bar for a quiet drink on my own … and that’s when I met Catherine. She was working there, here, a few nights a week to pay her way through college.”

  “Your wife worked for Jimmy?”

  Luke closed his eyes and took a breath. Discomfort ached inside. “Yeah, she did.”

  Her eyes remained fastened to him, soft and compassionate. “You okay?”

  “I think now that I’ve started, I should go ahead and get it all out. Maybe I’ll just fast forward a bit though.” His tried to smile. “Like pulling off a Band-Aid.”

  “All right.”

  “We hit it off. I mean, she was beautiful inside and out. She balanced me and was everything I ever wanted. We slipped off and got married six months later. Probably on the fast side, but we were so sure. A year after that, McKenzie was born.” He paused, but shook his head. “I haven’t spoken of it for years. I guess it’s time.

  “I’d just gotten off shift and was heading home. We’d had a couple of calls during the night, so I was ready to drop over. The plan was a good night’s sleep, then take my girls to the zoo… McKenzie wanted to see the white alligator … she was at that age where all animals were fascinating.” Luke huffed another smile in memory, but his eyes stung. He cleared his throat. “Bosco, um, Cate’s cat, would run whenever he saw the baby coming. She was pretty gentle most of the time, but once in a while … well, that was all it took for the cat to avoid her.”

  Tears slid down Rowan’s cheeks in silence, their wetness spilling against his chest.

  “A couple of blocks from the house, my own company blew right past me. I’m not sure how I knew … or maybe I didn’t … I don’t know. I just hit it, had this wild urge to get home. It happens after a particularly difficult shift. That’s what I told myself. But when I got there, my house, our house, was … engulfed. I stood there like an idiot and then proceeded to forget every bit of training I’d ever had. Completely blanked. All I knew was I had to get to Cate and Kenzie. A couple of the guys tried to stop me, but I broke a nose … I’m not even sure whose anymore … and got past them. It was suffocating in there. I could feel the hair on my arms burning. It’s hard to remember much after that. Most of it’s just what I was told. The roof collapsed when a couple of the guys were pulling me out. Someone said I was on fire … when I woke up later, I found out they hadn’t been bullshitting me.”

  The late hour socked in around them, broken only by the distant sound of traffic.

  Rowan held on, pressing her face to his chest, and his arms tightened around her.

  “Cause of the fire was faulty wiring. We’d just bought the house seven or eight months before, too. Cate said it was perfect. Small enough to be cozy, big enough to grow. We were even trying for another baby.”

  “I’m so very sorry, Luke. It’s not enough though. I’m not really sure what to say.” Her voice shook, but warmth flowed through him at her struggle. Her compassion settled over him, giving, comfortable.

  “It’s okay. No one else knew either. I was in the hospital for too damned long, had nowhere to go when I got out. Grand-mere had died the year before. I couldn’t go to my mother. My sister was, is, in fucking Ohio and there was no way I’d land on her doorstep anyway. She has enough on her plate.”

  “Jimmy gave you a place to stay.”

  Luke nodded, squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Even if I wanted to go back to work … from a psychological perspective, I couldn’t. That part of my life is over. Since then, it’s fair to say I’ve been using this place to hide. Just getting to the point that I can admit that.”

  He tilted
his head to catch her eye. “At least to you, Rowan.”

  Eyes still wet, she touched his cheek and then inched up to brush his lips with hers.

  He shifted to wrap his arms more tightly around her and kiss her tears away. Awareness thrummed deep inside, emotions surging, sharpening. Despite all his pain, all his admissions, he wanted to comfort this beautiful, compassionate woman nestled within his arms. He couldn’t stand to see her cry, even if was over his own personal hell.

  Maybe, just maybe, it was a sign he was finally healing.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Rowan unconsciously twisted the gris-gris between the fingers of one pocketed hand as more of a comfort thing than anything else. She watched the crowds, an amused smile resting against her face. Folks really went above and beyond for the holiday and as an avid people watcher, it was a treat for her.

  She and Luke had left Christy in charge at the tavern to head out for a little Halloween fun. After weeks of looking over her shoulder, she finally started to relax. Nothing had come of Henry’s tip about Second Street, but there’d been no hallucinations or nightmares since Ruth had cast her protection spells either. Rowan couldn’t help but wonder if the man was now dead or at least too weak to pursue her. As dark and disturbing as the thought was, she hoped for the former, unsure what that said about her. Luke would point out that it was a normal reaction. Whether it was or not, she chose not to analyze it. At least not tonight.

  They’d hiked down to Decatur Street to check out the annual Halloween parade. Riding on imaginatively demented floats and in dune buggies, costumed people high on life and alcohol threw treats and small gifts out to the crowds. Rowan came away with handfuls of candy and one strand of glimmering beads, courtesy of an impressive dive catch of Luke’s and not an inappropriate flash from her. Afterward, they’d been sucked into the energy of the city and wandered the streets to land at an autumn carnival.

  Luke stood in line for drinks a few short feet away and her insides took a quick dip and warmed. Her heart ached whenever she thought of his loss, but she was thrilled he trusted her enough to open up. The man he’d pretended to be versus the man he revealed little by little was very different. His gradual revelation was not unlike peeling away layers of paint to find original beauty underneath. It made her head spin when she contemplated it.