Lose Control (Firebacks Book 3)

by Linda Verji

  “I won’t leave.” Chryssa felt the ghostly glance of a hand on hair as she drifted off into sleep and a hushed, “Mama’s gonna take good care of you.”

  When she woke up again, the lights in the room were still blazing. The rays of dawn had started to peek through the blinds, but Chryssa barely noticed. All she saw was that Betty wasn’t on the bed. She sat up the panic already setting in. When she saw Betty seated at the vanity table watching her she took a deep gulp of air in relief, “I thought you’d left.”

  “I won’t leave without you.” Betty’s voice was hushed. She looked towards the windows, at the sun already beginning to peek into the room to displace the darkness. Her eyes turned back to Chryssa, “Honey, it’s getting late. We have to go.”

  “Go where?” Chryssa screwed her face in confusion. Betty’s moved her eyes from Chryssa to stare at the ceiling. Somehow Chryssa knew what she was talking about. She shook her head. “No.”

  “It’s the only way.” Betty smiled sadly. “There we aren’t sick.”

  “I can’t,” Chrysa protested. She couldn’t go. Eli wouldn’t want her to go. What about her baby?

  As if she could hear her daughter’s thoughts, Betty said, “If you stay he’ll always be worried about you. Then one day he’ll leave because you’ll get sick again. Who’ll take care of our baby then? This way me, you and our baby will go to our happy place and no one will ever have to worry about us again.”

  “No.” Chryssa shook her head in denial. But in her heart she knew that what her mother was saying made sense. If she went with her, no one would ever have to worry about her. She would be doing them all a favor.

  “It’s the only way,” Betty repeated. Her eyes moved from Chryssa to the vanity table. At its edge sat the kitchen knife. Chryssa didn’t even remember when she’d put it on the table but there it was, sharp steel blinking against the black handle.

  Mother and daughter both stared at it in silence.

  Chryssa was the first to break the silence. “I have to say goodbye.”

  Wood nosily squeaked as she pulled open the top bedside drawer and removed a notepad and pen. Her mother had moved while she was searching the drawer and was now standing beside the bed. Chryssa could feel her hovering her as she began to scratch out words on the white paper. The pen felt heavy in her fingers as she wrote;

  Dear Eli,

  We love you.

  She tried to think of something more to say, but there was only blank air where words should’ve been. Eli’s face flashed in her mind. He’ll never have to worry again. Her mother’s voice whispered in her head. She tore the note for the notepad and folded it into four. She held the note in her left hand as she clambered off the bed.

  In an almost dreamlike state she walked towards the vanity, her eyes trained on the knife. The closer she got to it the more at peace she felt. She picked the knife. Its heavy weight felt strangely right in her hand as she slowly slid to the floor with her back to the wall. There was moment a momentary twinge of doubt as she touched the steel tip to her left wrist right where her vein pumped alive. But it was snuffed out by the voice.

  It’s okay honey, we’re going home.

  CHAPTER 34

  Ring. Ring. Ring.

  The relentless ringing and the irritating sound of his phone vibrating on the wooden bedside table shattered Eli’s sleep. Irritated he cracked one eye open only to be met by the harsh rays of first light. He closed his eyes in pain and turned sticking his face into the pillow.

  Who was calling this early?

  He needed to sleep. After an unexpected accident involving a bus carrying a tour group, all available doctors had been asked to help out. He’d only taken a minute out to call Chryssa. She’d sounded half asleep already mumbling that she wanted to go to bed. Satisfied she was okay, he’d gone back to work and only exited the hospital at around five in the morning.

  Ring. Ring. Ring.

  The phone persisted. Grunting Eli snatched up the phone from the table. Turning his face away from the pillow, but keeping his eyes closed, he growled into the phone, “What?”

  There was complete silence on the other end of the line.

  “Hello,” he grumbled. Silence. Eli was seriously tempted to cut off the phone call, but instead he cracked open an eye open to check the caller I.D. “Chrys?”

  Silence.

  “Chryssa?” Eli’s brow furrowed in concern as once again only silence met his question. Had she pocket dialed him? He checked his phone’s screen again for the time. It was seven a.m. which meant she was probably prepping to go to work. Was she in the shower? He tried again, “Chryssa?”

  This time she answered, “Eli, I couldn’t do it.”

  Her voice sounded lethargic even over the phone as if she’d just woken up. The bed rustled as he sat up on it in confusion. He tried to figure out what she was talking about as he asked, “You couldn’t do what?”

  Chryssa didn’t respond to his question. Instead saying, “She said I was a coward.”

  With every second this conversation was getting more bizarre. He asked, “Who?”

  “Mama,” she answered. The moment she said the word, Eli’s heart almost jumped out of his ribcage. Maybe she meant something else. Her next words however sent him into full on dread, “She said I was coward because I couldn’t leave with her. But I tried so hard. I tried so hard.”

  He’d never gotten out of bed as fast as he did. He kept the phone to his ear as he hurriedly dragged a pair of sweats over his boxers. Like his movements, his voice was panicked as he asked, “Baby, are you at home?”

  “I wanted to save you, but I’m selfish, just like Zain said,” Chryssa answered. He didn’t know what she was talking about. But if her mother was involved it was bad and he needed to get to her.

  “I’m coming for you.” Eli grabbed a t-shirt from the closet but didn’t even bother to put it on. Instead with it in hand along with his car keys, he rushed out of the room. As he pounded down the stairs, he said into the phone, “Stay on the phone with me, baby.”

  “Did she leave because she’s disappointed in me?” Her voice was no more than a mumble, but Eli could hear it loud and clear, each word sounding more ominous than the last. It set his nerves on edge. “No baby. She’s not disappointed in you. No one’s disappointed in you.”

  Only common sense made him put on a pair of loafers before he jerked open his front door. The sun was up so were some of his neighbors. The Engineer next door waved as he walked by to his car, briefcase in hand. Eli didn’t wave back, hurrying to his own car as he continued to speak to Chryssa.

  Eli tore off, almost burning the rubber off his tires as Chryssa continued to speak, “I begged her to stay, but she wouldn’t. She left me again.”

  “No one’s gonna leave you.” Even though he didn’t understand where her mind was at, he continued to answer to her inanities as he sped towards her and running several red-lights – especially when Chryssa stopped speaking.

  “Chryssa? Chryssa? Baby?” he called her name continuously, but she didn’t answer.

  When she was speaking to him he had felt a bit of relief. But now that she was silent all sorts of scenarios filled his mind. Was she unconscious? Had something happened? Full panic set in. The more he thought about it, the worse each scenario got till he was practically flying on the roads.

  It felt like he was running.

  The thin film of sweat that had started to develop on his forehead the faster he drove agreed. He didn’t even bother going to underground parking when he got to her place. He cut his car off at the front of their building and bounded up the stairs.

  It was only when he got to the ground floor lobby and the porter looked at him askance that he realized that he had forgotten to put on his t-shirt. He must have looked like a mad man from the bare chest, to the phone still held to his ear as he kept calling Chryssa name.

  Eli didn’t bother explaining himself as he punched the elevator’s up-button. The moment the steel doors op
ened he darted in. An elevator ride had never seemed this long. Each second as it groaned upwards felt like a lifetime. It felt like he had grown a few white hairs as he waited for it to reach her floor. The ping as it finally did was bread to a starving man.

  There was no answer when he pressed on her buzzer the first time, the second time or the third time. All those scenarios of what could have happened to Chryssa came tumbling in. Eli didn’t know how he got from her door and back to the lobby, “Who keeps the spare keys?”

  “What keys?” the porter asked confused.

  “To the doors,” Eli insisted panting from both rushing and anxiety. “I need to get into Chryssa’s apartment.”

  The porter went to the back office and came back with a bunch of keys. After showing Eli which one was the front door key, he handed them to him with no questions, as if he too understood that something was terribly wrong. Eli’s hands were trembling as he stuck the keys in the lock.

  There was a snapping sound as it opened. However when he tried to push the door open it didn’t budge. There was something heavy blocking it. With his shoulder he pushed hard. There was a dull thud on the other side followed by a hushed whimper and some shuffling. The door swung open.

  Seated behind the door with her legs straight out was Chryssa, naked as the day she was born. She was staring at him with hooded eyes, her look somewhere between irritation and drowsiness.

  “Chryssa?” Relief and alarm warred in Eli’s voice as he stood at the door. Relief because she was staring at him which meant she was awake. Alarm because she was seated on the cold floor completely naked and looked like she was drunk. But there was no smell of alcohol on her. What the hell happened between yesterday and today?

  “Eli.” She tried to smile, but it seemed she couldn’t hold it because it fell. Slurring slightly she asked, “What you doing here?”

  “I’m here for you.” He knelt in front of her and pressed the back of his hand to her forehead – no fever. He checked her pulse – it was a little bit slow.

  “Did she tell you to come for me?” she asked as he used his thumb to widen her eyes. From their oscillating size it was obvious she hadn’t slept well which only meant one thing. Why the hell would she not take her meds? Chryssa’s voice took on a note of anxiousness, her eyes widening as she asked, “Has she forgiven me? Did you tell her that I tried?”

  It was only when she pointed to her left hand that he noticed the white paper clasped in her palm and the drop of blood on her wrist. For a moment he stared at the blood unmoving. It was just a small blob, but it was enough. From it, Eli immediately knew what she’d tried to do. He didn’t even need to see the razor, knife or whatever she’d used.

  It took all the air out of him. Something cracked beneath his ass as he sat down next to her heavily. It felt like a phone but he was too distraught to care. She came willingly to his lap when he pulled her there, resting his shoulder. He didn’t say a word, running the hand that wasn’t wrapped around her waist over his head as he tried to sort through his emotions.

  First came shock because he’d never thought that Chryssa would ever do this. There is no way she would do this. Chryssa is too strong. She knows how much she has to lose by not living. Just thinking about it clogged his throat. Then anger because she’d tried. Why the hell would she do this? Did she even think of me, our baby, everyone who loves her. This was the most selfish thing anyone could ever do.

  But still he continued to hold her.

  The self recrimination started. Did I do this? Everything he knew about people in depressive states and how their reasons seldom made sense to ‘normal’ people flew away. Dr. Stone was replaced by just the man Eli.

  It’s my fault. I never should have walked out on her. I’m the one who stressed her out enough to try this.

  He’d almost lost her trying to prove a point. The lump in his throat grew as she shifted in his lap, her breathing growing heavier and whispering over his naked skin. Her palm opened up over his chest and the paper she was holding fluttered to her lap. Distractedly Eli picked it up and unfolded it.

  Dear Eli,

  We love you

  It was those five words that undid him.

  The pain came in then. His heart broke for her. What if she hadn’t had the strength to resist her own mind? I could have lost her. I could’ve walked in here and found her with those beautiful eyes closed, never to open again.

  Eli couldn’t remember ever crying. His father had drummed it into him that men did not cry, they looked for solutions. But nonetheless there was nothing he could do about the tears that came.

  Leaning his forehead against hers, he cried.

  For her. For them. For their unborn baby.

  For everything he’d almost lost.

  He didn’t know for how long he sat there with his arms around her and crying. She slept on, undisturbed by the splashes of his tears against her skin. Finally when he could talk again, Eli took his phone from his pocket and called Dr. Stiles.

  ***

  “Did you guys hear what happened?” Maryse, Bradshaw’s assistant asked as she came to stand behind Nancy, Tess Harrington’s assistant in the line leading up to the food truck’s window. Her words temporarily drew everyone’s attention from the sweets smells of Mexican food that were emanating from Thiago’s to her.

  Aaron turned along with everyone else.

  “What happened?” Sloan, Canon’s assistant asked, but his tone was mildly bored like he was just asking to be polite. No one liked Maryse except Aaron. She was a serial gossiper and couldn’t keep a secret if her lottery winnings depended on it; which was exactly why Aaron liked her.

  Maryse’s eye’s swung to her, “Aaron, haven’t you told them?”

  “Told them what?” he asked, surprised to be drawn into the conversation.

  “About your boss,” Maryse eyes glinted in amusement as she opened her mouth in fake surprise, “Oooh, you didn’t know that she was in the loony bin?”

  “You’re just lying because you don’t like her,” Nancy scoffed as she moved a step in the line.

  “I’m not lying. Tess and Hanna, that new lawyer who’s supposed to become the new senior partner, came to Brad’s office today,” Maryse said instantly gaining everyone’s attention with the mention of their bosses. Enjoying the attention, she added, “It’s all very hush hush, but Hanna came with pictures of Williams being taken into the loony bin.”

  “She was crazy?” Sloan asked, his voice rose in surprise as he took a step forward. Aaron had reached the window, but he kept his ear on the conversation as he ordered a chicken burrito and fresh mango juice.

  “Raving.” Beth nodded. “Hanna even had confirmation from some sources in the hospital that this isn’t that first time Chryssa had been confined. Can you imagine that nobody at the office knew?”

  “Not even Tess?” Nancy asked. Once served, Aaron stepped to the side of the line still listening to the conversation as Sloan gave his order.

  “She was just as surprised as Brad,” Beth confirmed.

  Tess knew about Chryssa’s condition but Aaron wasn’t shocked that she’d denied knowing anything. Her first priority was always the firm and if that meant throwing someone under the bus, then so be it.

  Beth added, “So Hanna asks if that is the type of person they want working for Harrington Shultz and what the clients will think of it. Then she says that she’ll not share her info with anyone as long as they give her her original partnership deal and get rid of Williams.”

  Nancy gasped, “That bitch.”

  “She’s not the one who’s crazy.” Beth shrugged blatantly ignoring the fact that Hanna was blackmailing the partners into firing Chryssa. Her mouth burst into a wide grin as she crowed, “Can you imagine? Williams gone. God answers prayers.”

  “I kind of like her. She’s the only one junior partner who ever says hi to me,” Sloan protested. “And she’s a really good lawyer. Didn’t she just get us the Harper account?”

  “But
she’s crazy…”

  Aaron barely listened to them argue the pros and cons of hiring or firing Chryssa. Instead his mind whirred. Chryssa needed to know what was going on.

  Instead of going back to the office, Aaron dumped his food in one of the bins and went in search of a cab to take him to the institution. He was just about to give the cabbie the address to August House when it hit him.

  Chryssa might not be that safe in the hospital either.

  Otherwise how would Hanna have gotten the pictures or confirmation on her information? What he needed to do was find out who Hanna’s contact at the hospital was so she could warn Chryssa about that too.

  “Take me to…” He gave out her parent’s address. His father had helped him out with some of the research on Hanna’s background. He might know something that might help.

  “Just give me a couple of minutes,” Aaron said to the cab driver as dropped him in front of his parent’s quaint brownstone.

  “Okay,” the cabbie agreed. “But I’m keeping the meter running.”

  There were no cars in the driveway but that was only because Randall didn’t keep a regular car. He preferred to use rentals when tracking people. Assuming that he was probably in the house, Aaron used his key to get into the house.

  “Dad. Dad,” Aaron yelled as he walked into the house. No answer. But there was a possibility that Randall could be in the study. The house was eerily quiet as he made his way there. He rapped on the door, “Dad.”

  No answer. He pushed the door open to peek in. Her father’s study smelt like him, safe and clean. A large wooden desk dominated the room behind it a brown leather chair. Rows and rows of books lined one wall while the other wall her father’s filing cabinet. But there was no Dad.

  Aaron considered coming back later. But then what about Chryssa? It was important for her to find out. The cabinet was there with the files. His father wouldn’t mind if he looked.

  He pulled the cabinet open

  His started to sift through the files. A. B. C. D. Wait. C. Chryssa Williams?