Maresi

by Maria Turtschaninoff

  “We all eat the same thing,” I said, approaching the Hearth House door. “From the youngest novice to the sisters and Mother herself. Only the sisters in the Solitary Temple eat differently. Novices eat first, then the sisters. The same goes with washing, as you will see in the morning.”

  I opened the Hearth House door, which, as always, smelled like bread. When I first came here I could not resist the temptation to lick the hazel-brown wood to see if it tasted like bread too. Sister O scolded me all moon for my stupidity. Now I am older and I know better. But the door still smells like bread.

  Jai was completely silent again. I was definitely talking too much. Sister Loeni would say so anyway. But Jai did not seem so tense and flighty anymore. She sat next to me and let Joem serve her a portion of white fish and cooked egg with stewed korr-root from the southern slopes of the island. I was glad to have korr-root and not cabbage. There is often a great deal of cabbage in our diet.

  When we had finished eating I leaned back on the bench and patted my round belly.

  “No one back home would believe me if I told them how well we eat here.”

  It is painful to think about my family having less to eat than we do at the Abbey. Maybe they go hungry sometimes. My home is so far away that I do not know what their winter was like this year, how the harvest went, or whether they have food on the table. I can only hope that with one less mouth to feed they have more left for the others. I could write them a letter but no one back home can read, and I do not even know how I would get a letter to our little farm, all the way up in the northernmost part of the great valley of Rovas.

  I shook away my sorrow and smiled encouragingly at Jai.

  “Do not think about the past. You are with us now, and it is not nearly as strict as you might have heard rumored. After supper our time is our own.”

  Around us, novices moved under the watchful eyes of Sister Ers, carrying their cups and plates to the scullery. Sister Ers’s novices wiped the long table clean so it would be presentable for the sisters when it was their turn to eat. I took my plate and cup, Jai did the same and we stood in the line to the scullery.

  “Lots of novices like to go down to the beach in the evening to swim or collect shells,” I said. “Others wander up into the mountains to pick flowers and enjoy the view. Many do their reading assignments from Sister O or Sister Nummel, others chat or play games.”

  We put our plates in a tub of cold water. We were the last to leave the scullery and come back out into the evening sun. Bleats were coming from the goat house. It was nearly milking time. Several sisters were on their way up Dawn Steps to supper, deep in conversation. I would have to hurry to get to Sister O’s room before she left.

  “You can find your way back to Novice House, can’t you? You can do whatever you like until it is time for evening thanks in the Temple of the Rose.”

  “Can I come with you?”

  Jai’s husky voice surprised me again. She stood with her hands clasped in front of her and eyes cast down at the ground. My heart sank. I did not want to take Jai with me. My evening activity was my own. I had never shared it with anybody.

  “You’d only be bored,” I said hesitantly. “You see, I . . .”

  She stood completely still. Her hands gripped each other so hard her knuckles went white. She did not look me in the eye. I could not bring myself to deny a little company to a lonely girl on her first night in a new place.

  “Of course you can join me if you want.” She looked up at once and I smiled at her. “Come, we had better hurry!”

  I ran down Dawn Steps, bumping into several sisters and mumbling apologies to them as I went. Sister Loeni got such a shove that her headscarf half fell off. She screwed up her face in that way that makes even her prominent chin wrinkle.

  “Maresi! Look where you are going! If Mother ever . . .” Her chiding words faded into the distance as I ran across the central courtyard’s uneven paving stones and rushed up Eve Steps with Jai close behind.

  The Temple Yard has buildings on three of its sides and below the fourth side is the roof of Novice House. To the west, toward the wall, is Sister House. To the east, toward the mountainside, is the beautiful Temple of the Rose, and to the north is the Abbey’s oldest building, Knowledge House. Behind Knowledge House is the Knowledge Yard, with its solitary lemon tree, and along one side of the courtyard is Knowledge Garden, protected from the sea winds by a low wall.

  I ran up to Sister House, opened the door, and ran down the corridor to Sister O’s room. I could hear Jai’s steps behind me.

  You have to knock on Sister O’s door using a little brass knocker designed for the purpose. It is in the shape of a snake biting its own tail. When I asked Sister O about the snake she smiled her crooked little smile and said it was her guardian. I have learned not to ask her too many questions at once. But I resolved that one day I would find out exactly what she meant by that.

  I knocked and Sister O called “Come in,” sternly, as always. I opened the heavy oak door. Sister O was sitting at a large desk under the western window, bent over piles of parchments and books. Her fingers were flecked with black ink and she wore linen cloth on her arms so as not to get it on her shirt.

  Usually when she sees that it is me she just raises her eyebrows and points at the key hanging on its hook under the wall-mounted candleholder. But when she saw Jai standing behind me she put down her quill and sat up straight.

  “Who is this?” she asked with her characteristic abruptness, and I sensed Jai flinch. I stepped out of the way so they could see each other.

  “This is Jai, she arrived today. I am going to show her the treasure chamber.”

  I blushed. I try not to use that term around anyone else. It is only a childish name I gave the room when I first saw what was in there. I know that the key does not open the way to some kind of treasure trove. But for me it is the best place on the whole island.

  Sister O had already gone back to work. She motioned toward the key and turned a page of the book in front of her. I think more often than not she forgets to go to supper.

  I lifted down the key. It is as long as my hand and ornately decorated. I always hold it in the same way, with a firm grip on its elegant handle. I waved Jai out and shut the door quietly behind me. Then I grinned. I could not help it. I get the same feeling of jittery excitement every time.

  The treasure chamber is in Knowledge House, past our classrooms, at the far end of the long, echoing stone corridor. In the evenings the house is empty and the doors to the classrooms are closed. Ennike asked me once how I dare go there alone after sundown when the house is empty and still. It had never occurred to me to be scared. I did not know what there would be to fear.

  This was the first time I had been there in the evening with somebody else, and it bothered me. We rarely get to be alone at the Abbey. My time in the treasure chamber was the only time all day that was totally and utterly my own. But I was trying to be kind to Jai. She probably will not even want to stay once she has seen it, I thought, maybe she will find an Abbey cat to play with or another novice to talk to. Though she did not exactly seem talkative.

  Like all the rooms in Knowledge House, the treasure chamber has double doors that are tall and narrow. They are made of a reddish-brown wood sanded and polished to a shine. Sister O takes care of them herself. She is there several times per moon with a ladder, a jar of beeswax, and a big, soft rag, rubbing and polishing. It certainly is not one of her official duties, as I understood when I heard Sister Loeni tut in that disapproving way of hers. But I understand why Sister O does it. Some doors shut you out, some keep secrets, and others keep something dangerous locked in. These doors form a comforting, protective barrier around the treasure chamber. I would happily help Sister O polish their beautiful grain. One day I will ask her.

  I put the key in the lock and the honey-scented doors swung open without a sound.

  Jai gasped.

  The treasure chamber is a long, narrow room. Both
the long walls are covered with shelves from floor to ceiling. On the short wall at the far end there is a high, narrow window that lets the evening sun stream in. It is the highest window I have ever seen, and it has twenty-one panes of glass. The sunlight falls softly over the spines of all the thousands of books on the shelves, and I usually simply stand there a moment, breathing in the scent of dust and parchments and bliss. It is the best part of the day. It makes everything worth it: living here, away from my family, far from our lush valley between the towering hills. Lying in bed night after night with a pining in my heart. Eating porridge all those gray winter mornings. Being scolded by the sisters and told off by the older novices before I knew how things were done, what to do and what not to do. Barely understanding people speaking around me for a whole year. All of that and much more is worth it just to stand there filled with anticipation and a sort of yearning, but a good one. A yearning that makes my cheeks flush and my heartbeat quicken.

  Jai walked up to one of the shelves. She stroked the spines of the books reverently with the tips of her fingers and then turned to me.

  “I did not know so many books existed in the whole world!”

  “Neither did I before I came here. Can you read?”

  Jai nodded. “My mother taught me.” She tilted her head back and ran her eyes all the way up to the top of the shelves. “So many . . .” she repeated in awe.

  “You can read any book you want. Although those scrolls at the top are old and fragile so you can only touch them under Sister O’s supervision.”

  I could not contain myself any longer. Jai could take care of herself. I went to pick out the book I had been reading the night before, and another, and another. I carried them to one of the desks by the window where I can read in the light that falls over my shoulder. There are oil lamps around the room but I am not allowed to light them. It does not matter, though, because the window catches the dusky sunlight long into the evening, and, besides, I have sharp young eyes. I can read even when it grows dark. Once I got so lost in my reading that I did not know evening thanks had started and only realized how late it was when I saw Sister O looking at me from the doorway. I did not know how long she had been standing there and I jumped up, gushing apologies like a fountain, and ran around putting all the books back, my heart fluttering like a startled bird. Sister O watched me in silence, which frightened me more than her usual curt words. But when I came closer I saw that her thin lips were drawn up in a little smile and her eyes were warm. She stroked my hair. It was the first time anyone had done that since I had left my own mother. A lump in my throat prevented me from speaking. She tucked a stray lock of my brown hair back behind my ear and gave me a soft pat on the cheek. Then we left together, I locked the doors behind us and handed her the key. She led me out of Knowledge House to the Temple of the Rose, where she helped me sneak in unnoticed and I managed to avoid a scolding. That time at least.

  After that Sister O was just as strict with me as before, but I was not so afraid of her. One time when I came to her chamber she was so deeply absorbed in her reading that she did not even notice I was there. Her headscarf was completely crooked and she scratched her gray hair absentmindedly with one hand while slowly turning the pages of her book with the other. And then I knew. She was just like me.

  I opened the book ravenously and began reading. The room was completely silent. Outside I could hear the sea’s eternal whisper and the calls of a seabird. I read for a long time. Only when I had finished the first book and picked up a second did I remember about Jai. I looked up.

  She was sitting in a patch of sun on the floor with a book open on her lap. The book was so big that her legs were hidden beneath it. The evening sun drifted slowly across the floor, and when eventually it fell away from the pages of the book she shuffled laboriously back into the light without getting up. Her neck remained softly tilted downward. When it was time to put the books away and go to evening thanks, I had to tell her several times before she heard me.

  After that I was never alone in the treasure chamber in the evenings. I soon got used to Jai’s presence because she was as quiet as a mouse and always did as I asked. It was not long before it felt as though we had always been there together.

  Jai’s first morning at the Abbey was a sunny one. We usually have beautiful weather in spring. In autumn the First Mother combs her hair and storms lash at the island. At those times we hardly dare go outside for fear of being dashed against the mountainsides. But that morning the warmth was returning. Our island, Menos, had not yet put on its cloak of spring flowers but the pastures were lush and green, much to the delight of the goats.

  When we had all risen, made our beds, and lined up, I opened the dormitory door. Sister Nummel made sure we were all present before leading us out to the central courtyard. It was still so early and chilly that the stones were dark with dew. Sister Nummel led us through the sun greeting. We always do the sun greeting as the sun rises up over the sea in the East, granting us her warmth and life. Before I came here I did not know that the sun was so important and that no life could exist without her. I am glad I know now, and I was always glad to greet her together with the other novices. I longed for the day when I could welcome the sun with the other sisters up in the Temple Yard. You can see the sunrise and sunset better from up there than down in the central courtyard.

  I showed Jai how to do the movements and whispered to her what they meant. We are not usually allowed to talk during the sun greeting but Sister Nummel made an exception because Jai was new. I looked around to see whether anybody noticed that this time I was the one who was allowed to break the rule, instead of the one everyone else could correct. Joem gave me a look and turned up her nose. She never lets on that she is impressed with anyone.

  When we were done Sister Nummel led us through the central courtyard and up to Body’s Spring, where Sister Kotke was waiting for us. She is in charge of Body’s Spring. The vapor rising from the water means her skin is always slightly puckered and makes her clothes damp so they cling to her round body like eel skin. The stone door is too heavy for one woman, so the sisters opened it together.

  I helped Jai get undressed. She hesitated until she saw all the other novices doing the same. When I got her shirt off I understood why. She had ugly scars all over her back, as if she had been beaten with a whip or a cane. She is not the only one.

  There are many reasons why a girl might come to this island. Sometimes poor families from the coast lands send a daughter here because they cannot provide for her. Sometimes a family notices that their daughter has a sharp and inquiring mind and want to give her the best education a woman can get. Sometimes sick or disabled girls come here because they know the sisters can give them the best possible care. Like Ydda, who was born shorter than most and whose family could not look after her. When she was sent here, her twin sister Ranna refused to be separated from her and so followed along.

  Sometimes a rich man invests in his daughter by sending her to the Abbey and paying for her education. Maybe he does not think she can get a husband because she is ugly or for some other reason. A woman who has spent her childhood at the Abbey can always find a place in the world.

  Take Joem, for example. Her father sent her here because he wanted her to become an expert cook so that it would be easier for him to marry her off. Joem has four sisters who are more beautiful than her and married long ago. I wonder if this was why she seemed so bitter at times.

  Sometimes girls come here as runaways, mainly from Urundien and the surrounding states, or one of the numerous Western lands. Girls who show a thirst for knowledge in cultures where women are not allowed to know or say anything. In these lands rumor of the Abbey’s existence lives in women’s songs and forbidden folk tales told only in whispers, away from enemy ears. Nobody talks openly about our island, but most people have heard of it anyway. Ennike is one of those runaway girls, as is Heo, the little black-haired Akkade girl from Namar, the walled city on the border between Ur
undien and the Akkades’ land. They have marks on their bodies like Jai’s. I had suspected that Jai had gone through something similar in her past, but now I knew for sure.

  Jai followed me down the smooth marble steps into the warm bathing pool. The water comes from a hot underground spring. We walked hand in hand through the pool and to the steps at the other end. Lots of the novices can swim, but not I. Jai did not seem scared of the water but she moved through it anxiously. Almost as though she were trying to shield herself from it as it swirled around her.

  From the hot bath we went down to the cold one, and my word is it cold! Sometimes I wish we did it the other way around and warmed up in the hot bath last, but on a hot summer day it does feel wonderful to cool off before getting dressed again.

  After we had washed, Sister Nummel led us out through the stone doors to let the sisters have their turn. They bathe after us because they have morning rituals to perform first. Then it was time for breakfast in Hearth House. When Jai sat next to me I understood that she had decided to become my shadow. That is what we usually say when a new novice latches onto someone who has been around longer. She follows her like a shadow until she finds her place. It was the first time I had had one and it was not without a certain pride. I stretched and smiled at Ennike, who was sitting opposite us. I used to be her shadow. She reminds me of my sister Náraes because she has the same curly hair and warm brown eyes. It took several weeks before I was brave enough to let her out of my sight. She did not get annoyed with me even once. I made up my mind to be just as patient and generous toward Jai.