The Voyage: A Historical Novel set during the Holocaust, inspired by real events

by Roberta Kagan

  “I’m all right…” she said, but she wasn’t. The doctor set her nose with bandages, blood filled the whites of her eyes and the skin surrounding them had begun to turn black and purple. Her hand gripped her belly where she felt terrible cramping. “The baby?” Anna squeezed Alex’s hand hard. “Is the baby..?”

  “I’m sorry… Dear God, I’m sorry,” he said.

  “I lost the baby?”

  He nodded.

  She sighed and her shoulders slumped.

  “I told you it was dangerous to go out by yourself. Now just look at you. Your pretty face will be ruined.” Edith shook her head. “Such a stubborn girl you are…”

  “Is my nose broken?” Anna asked.

  “Yes,” Alex answered.

  She just nodded. She’d lost the baby. It was all her fault. Edith was right; she should never have ventured out alone.

  “Can Alex and I be alone please?” Anna asked.

  Uncle Max took his wife’s arm “Come on Edith, let’s get a cup of coffee…”

  “Oy vey, I should never have taken that nap. She would never have gotten out of my sight....”

  “Come...” Max’s voice was firm as he pulled Edith a little harder.

  After Max and Edith left the room, Anna began to cry. “I am so sorry, Alex. It’s all my fault. I could see that you were troubled. I thought that maybe you were worried about earning enough money to have a child. I wanted to help… And now…look what I’ve done.”

  “Anna, it’s all right…”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t blame you. You wanted to help me.”

  “Yes, I wanted to contribute. To make things easier for you, so you wouldn’t feel that you had to carry the burden of supporting us all on your own,” Anna said.

  Her face was drained of color. She’d lost a lot of blood, and she was tired, but she wanted to talk to him, to ease his mind. Lately he’d been so tense. So even though she fought to stay awake, she felt she had to at least try to make all of this right.

  “Anna, you don’t have to do these things... I am a man. I should be taking care of you. For some reason I seem to be too weak to help the people I love.”

  “You are not weak, Alex. You are doing your best. I just wish I knew why you have been so tense ever since we came to America. Is it living with my uncle? Is it me? Please, Alex, I need to know. “

  “Maybe then this is a good time to tell you.”

  “Tell me, yes. Please tell me.” She was afraid of what he might say. Could he possibly have met someone else? Perhaps he’d fallen out of love with her. She felt a cramp in her lower belly, but she bit her lip so that she did not make a sound. She wanted him to speak, so she waited in silence to hear what he had to say.

  Alex sighed. He hated to burden her with all of this, but perhaps if she knew what it was, then she wouldn’t feel that it was something she had done.

  “I can’t keep working at the butcher shop, Anna. It’s horrifying to me. I am afraid I am going to have a nervous breakdown.” He began to weep, his shoulders trembling. “I’m sorry, Anna. I’ve failed you. The truth is that this is all my fault and now here you are in this hospital. I wasn’t there to protect you when you needed me, and worse, I can’t even keep this job. It’s a good opportunity, one most fellows would be happy to have. I owe you at least this… Why, why can’t I just do it?”

  “Shhh, is that what has been bothering you? Is this why you don’t eat or sleep well? Why I find you awake in the middle of the night, sitting in the living room looking out the window?”

  “Yes, I am so sorry. I tried, Anna. I’ve tried.”

  She nodded. “It’s all right...shhh… It’s all right.”

  “Yes. I can’t bear it. I can’t stand to see the animals die, and the blood, Anna, the blood. I can’t eat meat any more. ”

  “It’s all right,” she said. “Listen to me.” She took his hand, and with all the strength that she had she squeezed it to let him know that she understood. “We will work together. We will find a way. First, you’ll look for another job, and then you’ll have to help me to find work in a safe place. Next, we must move out of my uncle’s house so that you don’t feel obligated to work with him. He means well, but you are a gentle man, an artist, a poet. It is not meant for you to be a butcher.”

  “Can you forgive me?”

  “Of course, I can, and I do. There is nothing to forgive. I love you. I knew who you were when I married you, and I have never regretted my decision. We will have more children. But first let’s find a way to live on our own again. We were doing just fine together when we were in Cuba.”

  He nodded.

  “Don’t mention anything to my aunt and uncle just yet. Let me get my strength back; then we will explain together.”

  He nodded again. Then he bent to kiss her and watched as she drifted off to sleep.

  When Max and Edith returned, Alex was still sitting on the edge of the bed holding Anna’s hand as she slept.

  “I think we are going to go home for a while. Are you going to join us Alex?” Max said.

  “No, I am going to stay here with Anna.”

  “All right, Edith and I will come back to the hospital when I get home from work tomorrow,” Max said.

  Alex nodded.

  After they left, Alex watched Anna. How could he be so blessed to have the love of such a strong and wonderful woman? He bent to gently kiss her forehead. She stirred. He did not want to wake her. She needed to rest.

  Chapter 49

  Three days passed without any sign of Edith or Max.

  “I wonder why they haven’t returned,” Anna said. “It’s not like Uncle Max, or Aunt Edith not to come back to the hospital.”

  “I’m sure Max is working. They’ll probably come on Sunday when Max is off. It will be easiest for them. I mean, after all, when Max gets home it’s late and he’s tired. It’s hard to start traveling all over the city on streetcars at that time of day.”

  “You’re right. They will probably wait until Sunday.”

  But Sunday came and went. Alex had not been home even to change his clothes in over a week. He’d grabbed food in the hospital cafeteria and stayed at his wife’s side. Finally, at her insistence, Alex agreed to go home, bathe, change, and return. It would also give him the opportunity to check on Max and Edith while he was there. Perhaps one of them had fallen ill. Hospitals were known to be hotbeds of germs; they might have caught something while they were there with Anna.

  Uncle Max had taken up smoking cigars ever since his first visit to Cuba. He loved the way the rich smoke filled his lungs, relaxing him. In the evening after work, he’d allowed himself the indulgence of a cigar and a glass of brandy. These were his only vices, and he enjoyed them to the fullest.

  After they returned from the hospital, Edith had prepared a light dinner and gone off to bed. She was emotionally drained from the whole incident, she told him. No matter, Max was glad for the time alone. It was peaceful to enjoy his nightly smoke and drink without her constant nagging. Max loved Edith. He’d spent his entire life with her. In fact, he could not even remember life before her, but she could be annoying there was certainly no doubt about that. Perhaps she would have been better if they’d had children. It would have given her something else to focus on rather than just him. But although they tried, she’d never conceived, and so he’d been the center of her universe for as long as he’d known her. When Alex and Anna arrived, she’d taken to mothering Anna so strongly that he could see how Anna found it unbearable. Edith was full of love, but in many ways her love was as vast as the ocean, and once you were a part of her world she could easily drown you.

  Max inhaled another puff of his cigar. It was one of the thick brown hand rolled cigars that Alex had brought with him for Max from Cuba. There was certainly no doubt that Cuban cigars were superior. Everyone said it and it was true. Max stretched his back in the easy chair in front of the window and put his feet up. He was tired, but enjoying this time alon
e far too much to go to bed. It was a starless night and the moon was barely a sliver. He thought about Anna. What had happened horrified him. It was bad enough that she lost the baby, but could have been killed. It took a while for immigrants to know the ropes in the city. He’d seen plenty of them fall victim to their ignorance, by going to the wrong neighborhood, or trusting the wrong people. Well, at least this time Anna would be all right. Before Max had left the hospital, he’d spoken with the doctor who’d treated Anna. He said that Anna had come through all of this quite well, and that she would be all right. And most important she would be able to have more children. Max could not go home and relax until he heard these words. The night was so dark and peaceful. He decided that since Edith was asleep he would have another glass of brandy. It was such a luxury and he enjoyed it so much. His back hurt when he got up to pour the second cup. Lifting half cows was hard work, and although he’d not told anyone because he didn’t want to complain, Alex wasn’t much help. His stomach was too weak to handle the butchering, and his muscles weren’t strong enough to carry the butchered carcasses. Max wondered if Alex would be able to make a living as a butcher. His efforts so far did not look promising. Max smacked his lips as he took another sip of brandy and felt the warm drink caress his insides. This brandy is so good, he thought. Then he leaned his head back on the cushion in the chair. Exhaustion took over and his eyes closed slowly.

  Neither Max nor Edith ever awakened. The cigar, still lit, fell to the ground and rolled over to the drapes that hung over the picture window, igniting the carpet on the way. The fire began slowly, then, as it grew, the scorching orange fingers of the blaze consumed the drapes and the furniture, filling the entire apartment with smoke. Next, the raging flames spread quickly through the wooden tenement structure, devouring everything in its wake. The flames rose like an erupting volcano into the night sky, and the fire department battled until the sun rose in an effort to contain the destructive force before it consumed the neighboring buildings. Most of the dwellers in these shoddy tenements did not awaken until it was too late to get out, and the massive clouds of grey and black smoke filled their lungs, smothering them and forever silencing their dreams of a Golden America filled with opportunity. A few escaped. But none of those who’d gotten out of the building alive knew Alex or Anna well enough to know about Anna’s hospital stay. When they didn’t see Alex or Anna, they just assumed that they had fallen victim to the fire like so many others. However, unbeknownst to Alex or Anna, several of the neighbors who’d been severely burned were brought to the hospital and put in room’s right down the hall from where Alex sat beside his wife. Later that morning the nurse arrived to check Anna’s vital signs.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Mittleman, how are you feeling today?”

  “Better, thank you.”

  “Let me take your pulse.”

  Anna gave the nurse her hand.

  When she’d finished, the nurse popped a thermometer in Anna’s mouth.

  “I’m sorry if I’m dragging a bit today,” the nurse said. “There was a terrible fire last night, and we got several burn victims on this ward, so I’ve been here all night.”

  “You must be exhausted,” Alex said.

  “Oh I am. I’m leaving right after I am done in here. And I’ll be glad to get home and get some sleep.” She took the thermometer out of Anna’s mouth and held it up to the light. “Perfectly normal,” she said and smiled. Then she left the room.

  Anna and Alex had no idea that the building that had burned was the one where they’d been living.

  When Alex arrived at the apartment, he saw the burned-out building. His mouth fell open and he let out a gasp. He remembered that there had been talk of a fire amongst the nurses in the hospital. They said that many of the victims had been brought there. Alex had never even considered the possibility that this had happened in his own home, in his own building. Perhaps Edith and Max were in the hospital, and that was why they had not come. He could not bear to think that they might have died. But he knew there was a very good possibility. One of the ladies who lived across saw Alex standing in front of the ashes and burnt wood beams. She was one of the older women who gathered on the steps outside each evening.

  “Alex!” she called out, squinting as she looked across the street. “Is that you?”

  Alex turned around quickly to see the old woman calling him.

  He was surprised she’d remembered his name. He didn’t remember hers.

  “You are looking for your in-laws, yes?”

  “Yes. My wife is in the hospital. This is the first time I have been home in a week. What happened here?”

  “There was a fire. Nobody knows what caused it. But there was a lot of damage.”

  “I can see that. Do you know where Max and Edith are?”

  “Yes,” she said, and then touching his arm. “I am sorry. I saw their bodies, when the fire department pulled them out. They are both dead.”

  Alex suddenly felt as if he might vomit. He had wanted to leave Max and Edith, but not in this way. It was as if his wish were granted by some macabre force. The bile rose in his throat, and he ran away and vomited on the street. Had his wish really caused this? That was crazy thinking, but he couldn’t help but consider the possibility. He had not meant for such a terrible thing to happen. How would he ever tell Anna? She would be distraught, and in her present condition…”

  His mind was racing. Edith and Max dead? Dear God, how would he tell Anna? He kept walking, just walking, unsure of where to go or what to do. Then he realized that all of their money, everything that he and Anna had in the world was in that building. They had nothing: no place to go, no money, no food…nothing. When Anna was discharged from the hospital, they would be homeless, destitute.

  Alex walked the streets. Like most people, he’d heard of the tent city in Battery Park. If he were alone, he would not have cared, but Anna? How could he do this to Anna? Alex could not bring his beautiful young wife to live in a tent city, with its criminal elements. She would be in danger. A dull, pounding pain began above his right eyebrow. He should never have taken the money from Manny. If he’d been any kind of a man, he would have tried to convince Anna to go with Manny. Manny had money, and connections, he could have taken care of her, at least done a better job than Alex had. Alex had no marketable skills; he was nothing but a writer, a man of words, a poet, a romantic, and a goddamned fool. Who needed another journalist in New York? They needed strong construction workers to erect tall buildings. They needed factory workers to manufacture the planes, bombs, and equipment that America was sending to England to help her fight against Hitler. But they certainly did not need a writer or a poet, a weak man with a nervous condition. And he was nothing but a plague to Anna. She deserved so much better. If it weren’t for Anna, he would have taken his own worthless life… However, if he did, Anna would be alone, and penniless. And the least he could do was to be there for her.

  It took Alex almost an hour to get to Battery Park on foot. When he looked around, he saw that it was worse than he’d anticipated. Mostly all men, but a few ragged women too, and even a few waif-like, dirty children, lying on the ground, or on benches, in old tattered clothes. Trash was scattered about and burned-out garbage cans lay on their sides, abandoned for now, from the fires that the bums had made in them the previous winter. What would become of these poor souls in a few months when once again the freezing winter set in? What would become of him and Anna? Especially Anna.

  As Alex walked along the bridge by the water, he noticed a group of hard looking young men in their early twenties eyeing him. They were leaning against a bench just a few feet away. One of the boys licked his lips, and smiled a crooked smile. Alex felt his heart begin to beat faster, his palms begin to sweat. He assessed the situation. If there is a fight, he thought, I will surely lose. After all, there must be at least ten of them.

  So this was life in America. Alex tried not to let them see him watching them.

  “Hey, Jew boy
!” one of them yelled.

  Alex took off running.

  Chapter 50

  Anna shared her hospital room with an Italian girl who had broken her leg when she’d slipped on oil while she was at work in a factory that made sewing machines. Her name was Gabriella.

  “But everyone calls me Gabby,” she said.

  “I’m Anna.”

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you too.”

  “So, why are you here?”

  “I’m kind of embarrassed to say. But I was out looking for a job and I’m not so familiar with this city…”

  “I can hear your accent. Where are you from?”

  “Germany.”

  “Oh, so everybody thinks you are best friends with Hitler, the same way they think I am with Mussolini. If I was so crazy for Mussolini, I’d be in Italy. But just try and explain that to the Americans. They hate us for where we came from,” Gabby said, shrugging her shoulders.

  “Well, I’m no friend of Hitler’s. That’s for sure. I’m a Jew. He’s torturing Jews in Germany. I am not sure how badly now, because I’ve been gone for a year. But before I left, Jews couldn’t go to school anymore or own businesses. The Nazis were beating us up on the streets.”

  “A Jew? You have it worse than I do,” Gabby laughed. “Everyone has problems with Jews.”

  Anna grew quiet. She was offended.

  “Listen, hey, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. In fact, I know a few Jews; they live down the street from me, nice people. I’m just saying that you folks have as many problems as we do, maybe more.”

  “Well, you did sort of hurt my feelings.”

  “Will you accept an apology?”

  “Yes, sure. Why not?” Anna said, “It’s hard being an immigrant. We are all from different places, all learning about each other. I can’t hold that against you.”