Lost in Scotland

by Hilaria Alexander

  I understood it wasn’t his fault that they were asking him to keep up pretenses to please the fandom, but I was disappointed he and Melissa hadn’t tried to oppose the network’s request and that he hadn’t suggested we see each other in secret, at least for the time being. It was clear—at least to me—that our attraction was a spark that was bound to grow into a wildfire. If we could have stopped working together, maybe I could have extinguished the flame, but that wasn’t a possibility.

  I looked up to him, and he was smiling playfully at me. I didn’t understand what could be the reason for his good mood, other than him wanting to mess with me.

  “What are you listening to?” he asked in a low and seductive tone.

  I exhaled, frustrated with myself and with him.

  “I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time with this,” I muttered, but I knew why I was doing it—because I wanted him. Part of me wanted to let go of any thoughts of him, and another part was anchored to the idea of the two of us together.

  I pulled up my earbuds and placed them in his ears. His eyes were dark blue pools ready to suck me in. I let out a deep breath and looked away, unable to hold his gaze, but I could feel his eyes on me, everywhere.

  He placed one of his hands on my waist and used the other to put one of the earbuds in my ear. What is he doing? A second later, he started swaying us together. We were dancing…in the middle of an empty gym? It was surreal. Still, I played along, and I started moving with him. Someone could have seen us, although probably everyone was at the pub. We swayed together, along with the music, and it felt so good to have him close again, his hard chest under my fingertips, his arms enveloping me. His hold on me was firm, strong—the hold of someone who wasn’t ready to let go.

  As I looked up to him, I noticed his eyes were brightened by that certain determination he would display on set. This was more like the Hugh I knew. It wasn’t the guy who’d walked out on us a few days ago without as much as a sorry or an apology.

  “I know I’m probably confusing ye,” he said, his mouth just a breath away from mine.

  “You can say that again.”

  “I don’t want to stay away from you, Sam.” His voice was comforting, his eyes reassuring. I knew he was telling the truth, but I didn’t know how to handle this thing between us. “I like you. A lot. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind all week, but I don’t want to jeopardize my job…or yours. I can’t be with you, not the way I’d like to…not right now, at least. Give me some time to figure things out, that’s all I ask of ye.”

  My brows furrowed. I was confused. What was I supposed to do? Wait for him while he and Melissa paraded around together for the press?

  Wait for him….for how long? I had waited for Eric to commit to me for seven years and look how that turned out. The old Sam would have nodded her head and said yes. I wanted Hugh, but something about what he said sat wrong with me. All of a sudden, my mind was made up.

  I didn’t want to walk away from him, but I could not accept those conditions.

  “Will you do it, Sam? Will you wait for me to figure things out?”

  I pressed my lips together and then looked up to him. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” The words left my lips and…it felt right. He stared at me in confusion, his eyes filled with worry, eyebrows pressed together.

  “I can’t wait for you. If you want me, you need to figure things out first.” I took my things and left the place without ever looking back at Hugh MacLeod, who was frozen in place by my rejection.

  The phone buzzed in my pocket, and I took it out to see who was writing to me.

  Come to the pub, you slag.

  Cece. I was mad, but she still managed to make me smile. I had told Cecilia I wasn’t in the mood for karaoke night, but that was before my workout was so rudely interrupted. I didn’t want to torture myself by staying at home, so I took a quick shower and then joined her, Jake, and Oliver. Maybe karaoke was going to take me out of my funk.

  “Let’s try something different,” Cecilia announced.

  “What do you mean?” I asked her.

  “Since some of us have supernatural powers when it comes to karaoke—”

  “Oh, bug off!” I told her, but she narrowed her eyes at me. “What about you, then? You don’t seem to have any trouble whatsoever.”

  “Someone is learning the slang. Well played, Sam.” She gave me a sly smile, deliberately ignoring my question. I rolled my eyes. “Like I was saying, since some of us are naturals at it, myself included, let’s make it more fun. Each one of you write down a song on a piece of napkin—one that might be an unusual karaoke choice for another person, fold the napkin, and put it in this cup.”

  I let out a breath and scratched my head, regretting coming out at all. Jake elbowed me.

  “Come on, it’ll be fun. I don’t think there’s anything you can’t sing, anyway.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Uhhh, you’d be surprised.” I wrote down the song I wanted to sing that night. There was a chance I’d pick my own entry, and I was still going to try to get my way, despite what Cecilia was planning. I loved her, but sometimes she was even more of a pain in the ass than my little sister. I made a mental note to never have them together in the same room—they would definitely end up ganging up on me.

  Bitches.

  “Why don’t we make this a little more interesting?” Oliver said.

  “How?” Cecilia asked.

  “If you refuse to sing the song you end up with, you have to pay everyone’s tab tonight.”

  “Ooohhh, yes!” Cecilia cheered.

  “Oh, fuck that. It’s on, assholes.” Now I was determined to sing whatever they threw at me. I was going to show them. I was going to channel all my frustration and give a glorious performance. He wasn’t at the pub, but somehow I could still smell him, still feel him. I stared into space, thinking about his words. Should I have waited for him? What was his plan, anyway? How long would I have to wait for us to be together? Why couldn’t we screw behind doors? It sounded a lot simpler.

  We all put our song choices in the cup, Cecilia mixed it around, and then each one of us took a piece of napkin.

  I opened mine and read it, laughing. Oh, fucking great.

  “Cecilia!” I put the piece of napkin in her face. “This was you, wasn’t it? You whore!” She laughed in my face, but kept shaking her head.

  “Ohmygod! That’s such a good song. No, I swear it wasn’t me!” She laughed as I tickled her side, thirsty for revenge.

  “Then who was it? Who wrote this?” I asked Jake and Oliver, showing them the napkin.

  “It was me,” Jake confessed, leaning closer to me. His voice tickled my ear, and when I turned around to give him a snide look, his face was just inches away from mine. I was a little bit intoxicated, and I seriously felt like growling at him, but the smile that stretched across his face distracted me.

  Damn his perfect smile.

  “Of course you did. Pelvic thruster showoff!” I said, and everybody laughed.

  Jake’s song choice was Ginuwine’s “Pony.” Fuckin’ A.

  “What did everyone else pick?” I asked, and they all showed me their songs. Oliver got “Like A Virgin,” Cecilia’s entry, and Jake got Oliver’s, which was “Angels” by Robbie Williams. Cecilia got my pick, “Whenever, Wherever” by Shakira. The song was a tongue twister. I remembered trying to learn the lyrics when I was a teen, and I didn’t know how many times I’d stumbled through the words. Served her right. Plus, I couldn’t wait to see her shake it.

  “Okay, who’s going first?”

  Everyone pointed at me.

  “Fine! Let’s get this over with…but I’m going to need some more whisky first.”

  “More whisky!” the guys yelled as Cecilia got up to go put in our names. When she came back, the bartender poured us some Laphroaig, a briny, smoky whisky that burned my entire mouth. I took a small sip at first, but then I made a mistake, taking too big of a drink. I coughed, and it took me a while
to recover, making everyone around me laugh, bartender included. When they called my name, I grabbed a handful of Jake’s shirt, twisting it in my fist. The smile of amusement that illuminated his face would have made any girl weak in the knees—well, any girl who didn’t know what kind of a sly fox he was. He and the redhead had been over for weeks, and I hadn’t seen him with anyone new. Still, I wasn’t interested—there was too much Eric in him—but he was fun to be around and nice to look at.

  “This is partly your fault, so you’re coming with me.”

  He stifled a laugh, a twinkle of excitement in his eyes. He didn’t protest. He had no idea what I was up to, but he just went along and smiled. If I didn’t know how Jake operated, I could have easily fallen for his charm, especially that night. Just use him to get over Hugh, a voice inside me said, but I knew all too well that it would only come back to haunt me. As I walked to the karaoke area with Jake in tow, I cursed Channing Tatum under my breath. Who would have guessed that “Pony” was even a choice available in a pub in the middle of Scotland? Damn you, Channing Tatum and Magic Mike for making the song popular all over again. I pulled up a chair in the karaoke area and told Jake to sit on it.

  He looked as excited as a puppy dog getting a treat. I sighed, thinking how much I’d rather have someone else around, someone who made my blood boil with just a word, with just a touch. No matter how sexy or charming Jake was, my body would never react to him the same way it did to just one of Hugh’s dark looks. His eyes alone set my skin on fire. The song started, and some people in the back whistled.

  Rupert was standing nearby, wearing just what I needed. I walked over and stole his ball cap, surprising him.

  “I’m going to give it back, I promise!” I told him.

  He gave me a wave of his hand and a smile, and I put on the cap on backward. As I started singing the first verse, everyone cheered again, and they did so over and over every time I moved my hips in sync with the music.

  Everyone lost their collective minds when I straddled Jake. It was easier to get in the zone and focus on him rather than look at everyone’s faces while I sang a song about getting it on. It was his fault I even had to sing this, so I figured we might as well be sharing the spotlight. After a while, I got lost in the music. I only had to glance at the screen a couple times to read the lyrics; I knew the song well. I must have watched that dance routine from Magic Mike a million times…because of the dance routine, obviously.

  Channeling my own Channing Tatum, I danced the hell out of “Pony,” all while being a dirty flirt. Jake got a little too carried away and grabbed my hips, sitting me across his lap, but I removed his hands and got up. I kept singing and swinging my hips, still occasionally flirting with him, and then I made him get up and sing the last verse with me. I got off stage and gave Rupert his hat back.

  “That was something else, Sam,” he said, handing me a pint.

  “Glad you enjoyed it. Cecilia, you’re next!” I yelled when I walked back to our table, pointing my finger at her. “Le do, lo le, lo le,” I started singing, twisting my hands up in the air and shaking my hips like the blond Colombian singer. She flipped me off with a sour smile and walked toward the karaoke machine. What a brat.

  Sam

  “My goodness, Jake was all over you last night after that little lap dance you gave him!” Cecilia said as we got our things ready. I grunted; I was slightly hungover from the night before. We ended up drinking too much, and then we had to come to work the next morning. Maybe having Jake on stage hadn’t been the best idea. He’d followed me like a shadow for the rest of the night, occasionally thrusting his hips on me to give me hints about his arousal. I cringed every time he did that, but I didn’t know how to tell him to stop—I had initiated the flirting, after all. Of course, he took any chance he could to whisper in my ear, asking me if I wanted to get out of there.

  The expression on his face when I refused him was priceless. I knew it was hard for him to understand why I wouldn’t just fuck him. Having recently come out of a relationship with a dirty sleaze ball, I wasn’t looking to acquaint myself with another one. Plus, Jake liked to brag about his conquests a little too much.

  After his fling with the redhead, I had seen the girl in tears, complaining to another coworker about how the dirty bastard had told everyone intimate details of their time together. I needed to steer clear of gossip at all costs, especially the type a big-mouthed guy like Jake would put out.

  “He was so sad to see you go!” She laughed, and I rolled my eyes, shrugging it off. I had disappeared when he went to the restroom. Cecilia knew why I didn’t want to mess with him, but she still liked to tease me about him.

  It was another early morning in beautiful, chilly Scotland—and by beautiful, I meant rainy, cold, and muggy. The heater in the trailer hadn’t kicked in yet, and I was rubbing my hands against each other, warming them with my breath.

  “That was hardly a lap dance,” I said with a shrug.

  “Come on, Sam, no need to be shy. That was a very hot lap dance. I’m sure his dick was hard for the rest of the night!” she yelled just as Hugh opened the door of the trailer and stepped in.

  Wonderful.

  What is he doing here? Am I not supposed to go to his trailer anymore?

  “Mornin’,” he said with a nod of his head and a stern look on his face. I wondered how much he’d heard. Damn Cecilia and her big mouth—not that it mattered, because there was nothing going on between us. I held my head up high and gave him a slight nod, but he didn’t pay any attention to me. Instead, he looked over to Cece, who said hi. His lips curled at the corners, and his eyes had a twinkle, a light that almost made them look a different shade of blue. His eyes were even more beautiful when he smiled, and I loved the way his mouth curved. It made my heart sink, because I immediately thought about not being able to kiss him anymore. My head hurt from overindulging in whisky and my stomach was queasy. I felt like I was going to get sick, but I still managed to greet him.

  “Good morning. How are you today?” I asked him, but he barely acknowledged me, a deep breath flaring through his nostrils. Great. He was in a bad mood. Had he heard our entire conversation? He needed to get over it. There was nothing going on, and on top of that, it was none of his business. Sure, I had rejected him the night before, but we needed to keep it professional. We didn’t have to be hateful to each other.

  “I was just about to come to your trailer,” I said in a low voice. “You… Do you want me to come over there?” A thought seemed to flash through his eyes, and he brightened up for a moment. Then, they grew dark again.

  “Yes. I came here to tell you I have been waiting for you. It’s Saturday, and I don’t want to hold anyone up here longer than we need. We better get started,” he said in a bitter tone. He said good-bye to Cecilia, turned around, and shut the door. Cecilia and I looked at each other, eyes wide and blank, shocked expressions on our faces. He had never been this rude, and we weren’t running late. There was no chance he had been waiting on me. As I went over his words in my head, I started fuming. He was being rude on purpose.

  Cecilia blabbered something as I gathered my things.

  “Did he come out to the pub last night?” she asked herself, tapping a finger on her chin.

  My head shot up. It was possible he had a reason to be pissed.

  “Did he?” I asked her.

  “Hmmm, no. I don’t think so. Maybe I dreamed about him?” she asked herself, lost in thought. I exhaled and shook my head. “Does he have some difficult scene to shoot today? I’ve noticed he’s always more serious and gruff when he has a day filled with a tougher scene. He’s cheerful on the days when he has fight scenes, and he’s always a little nervous before a big love scene, which is the cutest thing,” she said with an excited sigh. She was right about his nervousness—I had noticed the same pattern, too—but cute was the last thing I would call Hugh MacLeod right then.

  Rude asshole fit the bill much better.

  I flipped throu
gh the scenes we had scheduled for the day. Maybe he did have a love scene he was nervous about—not that that would excuse his behavior, but Amira complained quite often about how much she hated shooting love scenes, how hard it was to deliver your lines, your moans when you were butt naked in a room with thirty people capturing the moment, all their eyes on you.

  I couldn’t find anything notable, so I packed my shit and headed out for his trailer.

  Things didn’t get better as the day progressed. He was quiet all day, and every time I tried to make small talk with him, asking him about the media tour, he’d reply to each question in a rude tone. I didn’t know how to handle his mood, so I stopped trying to engage him. It was hard to believe it was the same person who had always been so kind and fun. He’d told me he liked me, but he’d also said, plain and simple, that we couldn’t be together right now. I understood, but he should have also respected the fact that I couldn’t just wait around for him as he’d asked. This behavior wasn’t like him.

  Why is he being such an asshole now?

  I didn’t deserve it, and it only made me madder. I was fuming, counting down the hours so I could just get out of there and go get a drink.

  He was giving me the cold shoulder, and it wasn’t fair. It was difficult being around him like that with so many conflicting feelings bubbling up inside of me. Being close to him again reminded me of all the things I loved about him, even the good manners that seemed nowhere to be found right then. He was still the gorgeous actor I’d fallen for, the one who’d always been kind to me, who’d listened to me ramble on multiple occasions. He was still the same guy I had kissed in front of Edinburgh Castle, but now every time he looked at me, his eyes were so cold they could have reversed the melting of the glaciers in the Arctic. After making the same mistake a few times, I avoided his gaze the rest of the day.