by Fuyumi Ono
"Kochou!"
The screams reverberated, a wave of humanity rushed toward Goryou. Youko and Rakushun took off at a sprint, but it was obvious that the kochou would get there ahead of them.
With total disregard to the flood of people, the huge gates began to close.
Those idiots. They certainly had the right to defend themselves against the kochou, but even if there were nobody else but those inside the gates, what good would closing the gates do against these flying monsters?
"Wait … !"
"Wait, please!"
The cries echoed out around them. Youko suddenly pushed Rakushun away from the crowds. They were fortunately still a good distance from the gates. Had they been alone at the gates, they would have been trampled and crushed by the onslaught of people pushing and clawing their way through. It looked like some inner circle of hell.
Putting distance between her and the human tidal wave, Youko ran toward the city. She permitted herself a hollow laugh.
This is a country that asks nothing of God.
Even being attacked by youma, they expected nothing from their Gods. So they thought nothing of tearing down the people in front of them to get there faster. Yet the gates closed on the travelers as if they weren't there. Whether or not they were being attacked by youma, wasn't it up to them to keep on their toes? And wasn't being rescued or not all up to them, solely the product of their own efforts?
"The fools," she said aloud. This bunch couldn't be more powerless.
That sound grew nearer, like the wails of a crying baby. Youko stopped on the spot. Running along next to her, Rakushun looked back over his shoulder and shouted, "No, Youko, it's pointless! We won't make it!"
"You keep heading toward the city!"
The circling kochou was now close enough that she could see the spots on his breast. Glaring at it, she again motioned Rakushun toward the gate. She undid the shroud wrapped around the sword. That familiar sensation crawled along her skin. She was used to Jouyuu's touch by now and did not find it unpleasant at all. A smile came to her lips.
It's not pointless.
The kochou were taking their time. There were only eight of them and her sword would easily pierce their fat flesh. All a bigger foe meant was a bigger target. At the intervals they were gliding in, it would be easy enough to pick them off.
It'd been a while since she'd gone toe-to-toe with her enemies. Her gleeful self was looking forward to it. Her wounds had healed, she had energy to spare, and no doubts about defeating them. Hearing the cries of the people who could do nothing but run--many of whom would otherwise be hunting her--sent a strange thrill up her spine.
A rancid smell was in the wind. She prepared herself as the flock of kochou dove toward her. The blood boiled in her veins, the sound of raging seas roared in her ears.
I am an animal, a beast. No doubt about it, I am a youma.
That's why meeting her enemies on the field of battle was such a great joy.
The slaughter began. The slaughter of kochou, the slaughter of humans.
She felled the first one that came at her, and the second. By the time she had four down and four to go, the road was a river of blood. The fifth dropped on her like a crashing plane. She cut off its head, dodged the sixth. The sixth grazed her with its talons, tore through a bunch of travelers behind her and rose back into the sky.
Youko stood her ground and did her job. She'd long ago become used to the scent of blood, to the sensation of severing flesh and bone. The sight of dead bodies no longer aroused within her any sensitive feelings. To parry and kill, to draw blood and retreat, when it came down to it, that was all she cared about
She struck down the seventh and looked up at the sky. The eighth kochou was maintaining altitude, turning circles high in the air, as if confused about what to do next. The falling dusk turned the sky the color of rust. The dark shadow of the youma bird passed by overhead. No matter what powers Jouyuu gave her, she could not chase a kochou into the sky.
"Come on down," Youko muttered to herself. Come into the reach of my claws.
As she stared up at the wheeling shadow, she also searched the landscape out of the corners of her eyes. Her foes had appeared in the light of day. And that meant that the woman, the golden-haired woman, had to be around somewhere.
If she was anywhere nearby, Youko would grab her. She could do that now. She'd grab her and find out what she was up to. And if the woman didn't have anything to say, Youko was pretty sure lopping off an arm would get her into a talking mood.
As she turned over the possibilities in her mind, she found herself aghast. Where did such ferocity come from? As if the nature of the beast was revealing itself to her. Or perhaps she was simply intoxicated from so much blood.
The shadow overhead suddenly changed the angle of its movements. Here it comes. Youko regripped the sword and strengthened her hold on the hilt. But in the moment she raised the sword, the bird corrected its course and once again climbed vigorously into the sky.
"C'mon!" she yelled. "Bring it on!"
Did a youma hold its own life as precious? They'd had no problem attacking people up till today! Youko flipped the sword around and sank it into the corpse of the kochou at her feet. "You don't come at me!" she shouted, fully intending her words to be understood, "I'll cut your buddy here to pieces! How's them apples, huh?"
The wheeling kochou suddenly plunged earthward, streaking toward her like an arrow. In a flash, Youko yanked the sword out of the corpse, flicked the flowering blood off the steel, parried the sharp, hooked talons and ran the sword through the bird's legs.
The bird raised a strange cry, beat its wings. A great wind buffeted her as it tried to take itself back into the air, and her along with it. Youko stepped on its feet, freed the sword and sank the blade into its torso. She did not sense an immediate response to her thrust, but when she jumped back a moment later, pulling out the sword, blood gushed onto the ground.
It was easy work after that. Unable to hold itself aloft, the bird crashed to the earth. After a second strike and a third, she delivered the coup de grace and cut off its head. Nothing around her moved as she whipped the sword around in a great arc, flinging off the gore.
Not only the kochou but people as well lay in heaps on the road. She could hear moaning, so that meant that not all of them were dead. Dispassionately observing all of this, she wiped off the sword using the neck of the kochou. She reminded herself, I said I didn't want anybody coming with me.
"Rakushun … . ?"
When she looked back up the road toward Goryou, she could just make out that the gates had opened wide enough to allow a line of soldiers to stream out.
She again surveyed the ground between herself and the city gates. Some distance removed from her, she spotted a fallen creature. Its gray fur was soaked with blood that had turned its coat a dark red.
"Rakushun."
She started to run toward him, then looked again at the city gates. The soldiers pouring through the gates were calling out to each other, but she couldn't catch what they were saying. She estimated the distance to Rakushun and the distance from him to the gates. She couldn't judge the extent of his wounds from here, but doubted that all the blood muddying his fur had come from kochou crumpled up on the ground close by.
Youko grasped the jewel hanging around her neck. She didn't know if the jewel worked with everybody or if, like the sword, they only responded to her. But if the jewel was not particular about the patient, it would likely help Rakushun.
Thinking this, she held the jewel, unable to move. She should run to him, determine the state of his injuries and see whether the jewel had the power to help him. As far as Rakushun was concerned, that would undoubtedly be the best thing to do. But all the while she was treating him with the jewel the soldiers would be approaching. And the distance between them was simply not that great.
Standing there amidst the fallen bodies, Youko stood out like a sore thumb. Anybody observing from afar would h
ave seen the kochou going at her and would know it had been her taking them down. That would strike anybody as more than a little suspicious.
She had a sword without a scabbard. It would take another two seconds to figure out that her hair was dyed. That she was a kaikyaku was as plain as the nose on her face.
But if I take off now… . She looked at the prone, unmoving matt of fur. She didn't think Rakushun would inform on her if she ran away and abandoned him here.
The sword that was the slender bundle she was carrying--the color of her dyed hair--dressed like a man--traveling to En by way of Agan--if such things were revealed, the noose would quickly draw tightly around her neck. But she didn't have the physical strength to haul Rakushun along with her.
For Rakushun's own good, she ought to go back. And for her own good … .
The blood throbbed in her veins. Go over there and put him out of his misery.
Are you crazy? a voice asked inside her head. Who was exhorting her to do such things? She didn't have time to second-guess herself. If Rakushun said too much, Youko wouldn't last long. She couldn't go back. She'd be throwing her own life away. She couldn't cast Rakushun aside like this. That was just as dangerous.
If she went back, the best she could do was find Rakushun's purse and take it with her. At least then she'd have a chance to get herself out of this predicament. She had time to do that. And nothing else.
The gate opened wider. More and more people rushed out. She took one look at the approaching stampede and instinctively retreated.
Once she made her move, she wasn't going to stop. She spun around. The remaining travelers rushing in from the highway were on top of her. She slipped through the crowds and left the scene at a sprint.
5-10
The falling dark cast the road into shadows. It'll be okay, she told herself as she walked along with hurried steps. It will.
After the night turned black and the pedestrian traffic vanished, she ran on without caring how it looked. Some ways from Goryou she turned at an intersection, leaving behind both the road they had started their journey on that morning, and the road to Goryou.
She had come far enough, but she kept going. No longer in a headlong fashion, but with that pervasive sense of being pursued.
It'll be okay, she told herself again.
Even if Rakushun fessed up about her, they didn't have photographs in this place, so she didn't think they'd catch up with her. Besides, wouldn't Rakushun cover up his own involvement? He was unlikely to start talking about the kaikyaku who'd left him behind and taken off by herself, for fear of being thought guilty by association.
As she repeated this to herself, Youko stopped in her tracks. She felt a hole open up in her soul.
It was not the kind of thing she ought to be thinking about now.
Was Rakushun okay? Youko hadn't seen any severe wounds on him, but she couldn't know for certain that he wasn't badly injured.
Go back, a voice inside her said. She should go back and see how Rakushun was doing, and then make her escape.
Too dangerous, another voice said. Go back and you likely won't be able to do a thing.
You've got the jewel, a voice answered.
That didn't mean they'd do Rakushun any good. He could already be dead. Go back and she'd be captured. Get captured and it'd all be for naught. Get captured and she'd end up dead.
Is your life that precious to you?
There's no reason it shouldn't be.
You're stabbing your Good Samaritan in the back.
He didn't necessarily help me because he's good.
That doesn't change the reality of what he did. He gave you shelter and a place to hide.
He had his reasons. It wasn't out of the kindness of his heart. A person like that will betray you eventually.
So it's okay to abandon someone if their intentions aren't perfect? Do you really want to go down that road?
That place was filled with the dead and the dying, and amongst them was someone she knew, who knew her. And she was just going to cast him aside? Shouldn't she at least lend a helping hand? If she did, there were surely some people who might make it through alive.
Don't start glossing over reality with empty gestures, not in this country. When your number's up, that's it. Lights out.
It's not an empty gesture. No, it's what people naturally do of their own accord. How could she forget that?
"Even now, at this late hour, you're going on about your principles, little girl?"
Even now, little girl. Even now!
"Yes, yes. Do go back and finish him off."
Youko jumped at the piercing sound of that screeching voice. The blue monkey's head appeared in the brush along the shoulder of the road. "Isn't that what you have been considering all along? Isn't it?"
"I … . " Youko stared at the blue monkey. Her whole body trembled.
"Indeed, that's what you plan to do, no? And look at you, little girl, preaching yourself up a regular old sermon and all. You! Now!"
The monkey broke into gales of mad laughter.
"No … it isn't."
"Oh, yes, it is. That is exactly what you were thinking."
"I would never do something like that!"
"Yes, you would."
"I wouldn't have. I couldn't!"
The monkey cackled gaily. "Is that because the thought of murder frightens you, or because you wanted to murder him, but just couldn't screw up the courage?" The monkey screeched, looking at her cheerfully. "Don't you trust me? That's okay. You'll do it next time."
"No!"
The blue monkey laughed on, ignoring her, the shrill sound remorselessly stabbing at her ears.
"I'm going back."
"Even if you do, he's long dead."
"I don't know that."
"He's dead, I say. Go back and you'll be captured and killed. What's the point?"
"I'm going back anyway."
"Well. You think doing so will wash away your sins, no?"
Youko turned on her heels, and stopped.
"Oh, going back is good. So you go back, you look down at his dead body, you have yourself a good cry. It'd cancel out all those murderous thoughts just like that!"
Youko stared dumbfounded at the monkey's cackling countenance. She was taking to herself. This was the sound of her own wretched voice. This was nothing other than the substance of her soul.
"He will surely betray you. Best you take care of it before then, no?"
"Be quiet."
"Soldiers may be headed this way right now! That rat ratted you out for sure!"
"Shut up!" She took hold of the hilt of the sword and swung. The leafy tips of the bushes rained to the ground.
"Dying's good, but snuffing out his candle would be perfect. You're still so naive, little girl."
"Enough, already!".
"Next time, then. Next time something like this happens, you'll be sure to get the deed done."
"Quit messing with me!" A whusk of air and more leaves dropped to the ground.
And if she did get the deed done, then what? If only abandoning him left such a weight on her heart, how could she go on living with murder on her conscience? Did her existence by itself trump all? Did it matter what miserable depths she sank to as long as she could stay alive?
"I'm glad I didn't kill him." She was glad she hadn't acted rashly, hadn't succumbed to temptation, and hadn't put her thoughts into action.
The monkey laughed her to scorn. "So you're just going to leave him alive to squeal on you?"
"Fine if he does!" She felt a tightness in her chest as the tears welled up. "He's got the right. Let him complain about me all he wants!"
"Oh, so naive, so naive."
Why couldn't she trust people anymore? It wasn't because she was afraid of being taken in. Even if she was, she should have been able to trust him.
"It's because you think credulous things like that. It's because you're such an easy mark, so easy to take advantage of."
&nbs
p; "It'd be fine with me if he did."
"How gullible you are!" The monkey's laughter rent the night. "Really? Truly? Being played for the fool is just peachy with you?"
"If that's what it comes down to, yes. The betrayer only betrays his cowardice. It does me no harm. But better betrayed than be the betrayer."
"Of course the betrayer is a coward, but in this demon-haunted world, he's the one who comes out on top. No one will show you the slightest speck of kindness, little girl. Such souls do not exist here."
"That has nothing to do with me."
Because they tracked her down and drove her into a corner, was that reason enough to reject her own humanity? Was it reason enough to spurn anybody who approached her with good intentions? And then if their motives were not as pure as the driven snow, reason enough not to trust them in the least? If people showed her no more kindness than this, was that reason enough to show them no kindness as well?
"No, it is not."
Whether she trusted others had nothing to do with whether or not she was betrayed. Whether or not others were kind to her had nothing to do with whether she was kind to them in turn. Even if she were all alone in this big, wide world, if not a single person would help her or grieve for her, that gave her no cause to play the jaded coward, to abandon those in need, to bring harm upon perfect strangers.
The monkey laughed hysterically. His earsplitting shrieks went on and on.
"I want to be strong."
She firmly gripped the hilt of the sword. It had nothing to do with this world or these people. She wanted to live with her head held high. She wanted to be strong.
The monkey suddenly stopped laughing. "You are going to die. You will never go home. No one will see your face again. You'll be deceived and betrayed. You will die."
"I'm not going to die."
If she died here, she'd die a fool and a coward. Dying now would validate the worst part of herself. It'd be easy to brand her life as one not worth living, but she couldn't permit herself such an easy way out.
"You will die. You will starve, you will tire, you will lose your head and you will die."
