by Fuyumi Ono
She swung the sword with all her might. The tip of the sword trimmed off the tops of the bushes and parted the air. She felt a strong reverberation in her arm. The monkey's head tumbled down amidst the falling leaves, falling to the earth, scattering clots of blood as it rolled along.
"I will never give up."
She could not stop crying.
She wiped away the tears with a stiff sleeve and started to leave. The color of gold glinted at her feet. For a long moment, Youko could not grasp what she was seeing. She stared, amazed. There it was, in the middle of a pool of dark blood where the monkey's head should be, what she had lost so long ago.
The scabbard of the sword.
Part VI
6-1
Youko said, "He's about this tall." She grabbed hold of a passerby and indicated the height of a human child. "You haven't seen someone who looks like a rat?"
The old woman regarded Youko suspiciously. "What's this about? A hanjuu?"
"Yes. I heard that he was injured last night at the city gates."
"Oh, you mean that kochou attack." As she spoke, the old woman looked back over her shoulder. Goryou was visible in the distance. "Well, if you're talking about them people injured yesterday, they'd be in one of those government buildings. The government is tending to their needs."
It was the answer Youko had been hearing all morning.
She'd waited until morning to return to Goryou, but with the guards at the gate going over everybody with a fine-toothed comb, getting into the city would be well-nigh impossible. Even if she thought checking out the municipal buildings was a good idea, there was no way she'd get anywhere near the place.
"Why not go to city hall and see for yourself?"
"Yes, well, um, he didn't seem to be there."
"In that case, you'd better check around the back."
With that, the old woman resumed her journey. Around the back of the city was where the corpses were piled up in rows. Youko could see them from a distance, but even there the guards had their eyes peeled. She couldn't get close enough to tell if Rakushun was among the dead.
The old lady had a big pack on her back. Youko helped her on her way and then approached the next group of travelers coming from Goryou.
"Excuse me," she said, flagging down a man and woman. The man's foot was wrapped in bandages and he was using a cane. Youko repeated the same questions she had asked the old lady. They looked back at her with dubious expressions.
"Yesterday, a friend of mine was injured … . "
"You!" The man abruptly pointed at Youko. "I don't believe it! From yesterday, you're that kid … . "
Youko spun around. She didn't need to hear the rest.
"Hey, wait a minute!"
Youko ignored him and ran off, darting through the lines of travelers.
The man's injuries had no doubt been inflicted during the attack. And he'd remembered her. Since this morning, she'd had to flee like this a number of times. And every time she returned the number of guards at the gate increased. The city was getting that much harder to approach.
She left Goryou and went into the foothills and waited for things to calm down. If she kept at it like this, she was sure to be arrested. But even knowing this, she couldn't leave Goryou.
Even if I do find out, then what?
She had to find out how Rakushun had fared. It wasn't because she was trying to make up for abandoning him behind yesterday. That sin had been committed and there was no taking it back. Even if she got word that he was okay, she wouldn't go into the city just to apologize to him. The guards would be on her in a second. And her death wouldn't end up meaning anything more than that, after all.
I haven't the slightest idea what to do next.
On the one hand, she had the sense that she was thinking too highly of her miserable existence. On the other, she had no desire to recklessly throw her life away. Unable to come to a resolution either way, she couldn't bring herself to put Goryou behind her.
She wandered around, returning time and time again to the gates of Goryou. She approached traveler after traveler asking the same questions and getting the same answers. She found herself at a complete loss.
"Well, hello there."
Somebody called out behind her. Youko's initial impulse was to run. But as she glanced over her shoulder, among the faces in the crowd she saw a woman and child looking back at her.
"We met outside Bakurou, didn't we?"
Youko stopped in her tracks, momentarily overcome with surprise. It was the mother and child she had met some time ago on a mountain road. They were syrup peddlers and they traveled with their merchandise strapped to their backs. They were still carrying those big packs.
"This is wonderful. You're all right." The mother smiled a rather puzzled smile. Her daughter looked up at Youko with an even more perplexed look on her face.
"Your injuries healed up okay, I take it?"
After a moment of confusion, Youko nodded and then bowed her head more deeply. "Thank you very much for what you did."
She had brushed aside the helping hand they held out to her and ventured into the mountains. She had thanked them with words, but not from the bottom of her heart.
"It is good to see you again. We worried about you." The woman smiled, this time a less-labored smile. "You see, Gyokuyou, she's fine."
She looked down at the girl, who was staring up at Youko with that confused expression on her face. The girl snuggled closer to her mother. Youko tried to smile and realized that she hadn't smiled in a long time. The muscles in her face were stiff and unresponsive. It hardly felt like a smile at all.
Gyokuyou blinked and with a peevish expression tried to hide herself behind her mother Youko leaned over and forced a smile to her lips. If they hadn't given her water and the sweet syrup, she would not have survived the night. "I'll always be grateful for the water and candy you gave me."
The girl glanced back and forth between Youko and her mother. She started to laugh, and then, perhaps feeling self-conscious, grew serious again. But a moment later she giggled. The look on her face was so endearing and childlike, it almost brought Youko to tears.
"I really am grateful. I'm sorry I didn't have the opportunity to properly thank you."
A smile filled Gyokuyo's face. "Did it hurt?" she asked.
"Hurt?"
"Were you in a bad mood because it hurt so much?"
"Oh, yes. I'm sorry."
"It doesn't hurt any more?"
"No. It's healed up fine." She showed her the fading scar in her hand. She wondered if either of them would notice that the wound had healed much faster than normal.
Gyokuyou glanced up at her mother. "She says it's healed," she said.
Her mother's eyes brightened. "That's wonderful. After we got to Bakurou, we wanted to come back and find you. But by the time we arrived, the gates were already closing and none of the guards had the guts to go out after nightfall. Are you looking for someone?"
Youko nodded.
"We're headed for Goryou as well. Do you want to come with?"
Youko could only shake her head, no.
"Well, then," the mother said. She took her daughter by the hand. "Gyokuyou, let's go to the inn." Then she looked at Youko. "Who are you searching for? A hanjuu, isn't it?"
Youko stared at her.
"He'd probably be in one of the government buildings, or around in the back. What's his name?"
"His name is Rakushun."
She hitched up the big pack on her back and said, almost as if in passing, "You stay here and we'll go and see."
Youko bowed deeply. "Thank you."
It was toward sundown when the woman returned, alone. She reported that she hadn't found anybody called Rakushun among the living or the dead and then hurried back to the city. She gave no indication that she understood the details of Youko's actual circumstances.
6-2
Having confirmed this much, Youko gave up on the effort. Maybe Rakushun had left
the city without her knowledge. Maybe the woman had overlooked him. There was no way for her to know for sure.
Standing on the highway outside Goryou, Youko faced the city and bowed. She understood only that this was some sort of divine retribution. And that here, in this place, she had come at last to the line she could not cross.
She traveled during the night, slept during the day. Her old life resumed. Having traveled this way so often, Youko's experiences of this country were of nothing but night.
Because Rakushun had been carrying the purse, she had no money. The nights she spent fighting the youma, the days she spent sleeping hungry in the undergrowth. The days all ran together. She didn't have time to feel sorry for herself. This time around she had a goal, she had a destination. She was going to Agan and then sailing to the Kingdom of En. She couldn't be bothered to think about anything other than how she could come up with the money for the voyage.
After the old kaikyaku in Takkyuu ripped her off, Youko figured she'd wandered around for at least a month. With nothing to eat or drink, drawing on the powers of the jewel, that had proved her limit. With that understanding, this time around she was far more confident than on her previous adventures.
The blue monkey did not reappear. Since reclaiming the scabbard, the visions had gone dormant as well. The faint sounds of falling water would chime and light would shine out of the narrow gap where the scabbard rested against the hilt, but she didn't dare to draw the sword from the scabbard to see what the visions had in store for her. Instead, she forged on in silence, persistently pushing herself forward.
What a despicable thing to do. Do you really think your own life is so precious?
As she walked along, the blue monkey's words echoed in her heart. He was the substance of her own conscience to begin with, so she didn't need him around to hear his voice clearly.
"Yes, it is."
But still the kind of life that throws a Good Samaritan to the wolves, no?
"It may not be worth much, but right now it's the only life I've got. That's the way it is."
You should have turned yourself in. That would have made up for everything, no?
"I'll consider it once I get to En."
It seemed she could even hear the monkey's cackling laughter. In other words, your life is the only life that matters around here.
"You got it. As long as I'm being hunted down, staying alive is what counts. Once I don't have that to worry about anymore, once I'm back to living a real life, on my own terms, then I'll think about what sort of life I should be living. Then I'll have time to think things over and make amends."
Right now, all that mattered was staying alive.
And killing youma and putting people to the sword.
"For the time being, I don't have a choice. The only thing worth thinking about is getting to En as quickly as possible, no time for detours. If I can get to En, then at least I'll be able to face my enemies and settle things without using a sword."
So once you get to En, you think all your troubles will go away?
"Not likely, but I've got to find Keiki. I've got to find a way home. There will be plenty of other things to think about then."
You still think Keiki is your ally? Really?
"I'll decide when we meet. I'm not dwelling on it in the meantime."
Even if you do meet Keiki, you're not going home.
"Until I know that for certain, I'm not giving up."
You want to go home that badly? Nobody is waiting for you.
"I don't care. I'm going home."
Back in her old world, Youko had conducted her life based on what she saw in other people's faces. She lived to be liked by everyone, disliked by no one. Confrontation terrified her. The thought of being scolded scared her to death. After this, she didn't think that anything would be very frightening.
Or perhaps it had never been about cowardice at all. Perhaps she had simply been lazy. It was easier to do as other people said than think for herself. Rather than go to the wall for somebody or something, it was easier to go along and avoid confrontation. Being the good girl everybody wanted her to be was easier than following her own mind and taking things on as they came. She had lived a lazy, cowardly life. That's why she wanted to go back. If she could go home now, she could make a different life for herself. She wanted to at least have the chance to try.
She quietly pondered these thoughts as she walked along.
The rains increased. It may have been the rainy season. Camping outdoors was a pain when it rained so she often stopped at one of the secluded hamlets along the way and asked for shelter.
There were those who would let her stay in the corner of a barn and those who wanted money. There were those who called the constables on her, as well as those who looked in the mood to give her a good beating and throw her out in the street. On the other hand, there were those who, despite their meager circumstances, would give her a meal to eat.
Along the way she figured out she could work in exchange for a night's room and board. In exchange for lodging, she'd put herself in the employ of that family. She found herself all types of jobs. She worked in the fields, cleaned houses, did odd jobs, looked after livestock and mucked out the styes, dug graves, and anything else that came down the pike.
Thanks to these jobs, she got herself a bed for the night and put aside a bit of money as well.
She wandered from hamlet to hamlet, picking up work along the way. If trouble presented itself, she drew her sword and got out of there. If the constables were called out, everybody would get skittish for a while and it was back to roughing it until things cooled down. She was often attacked by youma, their numbers increasing bit by bit, but she was also getting used to fighting her enemies.
She'd been traveling for a month when she spotted what seemed to be a bunch of gendarmes coming up the road after her. If she sought lodging, she'd leave a trail that could be tracked. She couldn't go leaving her calling card behind while she was being pursued or they would catch up with her eventually. But she knew all this and didn't let it knock her off her game.
She headed up into the mountains and managed to shake them, but after that she saw soldiers on the road more and more often.
The only thing that concerned her was if Agan had been locked down in the meantime. When she got closer to Agan, she did without lodging. She separated herself from the main road and became more careful about attracting unwanted attention, forging through the mountains instead.
Rakushun had said that it was a month's walk to Agan, but by the time the harbor came into view, a full two months had passed.
6-3
Before the gates of Agan, Youko flagged down a fellow traveler. "Um, excuse me."
The city of Agan was situated on the slopes of a hilly terrain. Descending the road that wound down from the highlands, the Port of Agan came into view.
The so-called Blue Sea really was blue, the waves breaking on the shore white. Within the embrace of the peninsula that encircled the Agan coast, white sails floated on the blue, transparent sea. Beyond the peninsula she could see the unbroken horizon. How this world could be flat was a mystery to her.
A number of roads came together at the gates of Agan. The city was big, and a great many people were going in and coming out. She slipped in amongst the crowds and called out to what looked like a good-natured person.
"Excuse me, but could you tell me how to get a ship to En?"
The middle-aged man politely instructed her. She also inquired about the price of a ticket. She'd managed to scrape together enough money during her journey to get her to En.
"When does the next ship depart?"
"A passenger ship leaves every five days. The next one is three days from today."
Youko confirmed the ship's departure time. If she messed this up and the harbor got closed down, it'd all be for naught. She asked about everything she thought she might need to know, and then bowed. "Thank you very much. You've been a great help."
> She left Agan at once and spent the next two days in the mountains. The ship was scheduled to leave in the morning. The day before she again went to the gates of Agan.
The guards were on their toes. Because she would have to spend the night in the town, she couldn't do anything to attract any suspicion. Youko looked at her sword, wrapped up in its cloth shroud. Now at least she had the scabbard. Still, she didn't see many travelers wearing swords on their belts, so it wouldn't do to stand out in the crowd.
If not for the sword, the risk here would be less. She'd given much thought to discarding the sword here in Kou, but even if she could, she had no desire to. As long as she was being pursed by the youma, it was necessary for her survival. It just wasn't a sword the guards were on the lookout for, so she didn't think getting rid of it would by itself improve her situation.
She cut some long grass in the mountains and wrapped the sword up in a bundle that, at a glance, would not be taken for a sword. Toward evening, she crouched on the road holding the bundle and waited for the right opportunity.
Soon after she sat down, she heard a man's voice. "Hey, kid, what's the problem?"
"Oh, it's nothing. Just my foot acting up."
The man gave her a suspicious look and hurried on toward Agan. She watched him leave and continued to sit there. After the third such inquiry, she spotted the kind of companions she was looking for, a man and wife with two children. "What's the matter?" she was asked.
"I guess I'm not feeling very well."
Youko didn't look up as she spoke. The woman reached out and touched her. "Are you all right?"
Youko only shook her shoulders. If this didn't work, if she couldn't gin up some sympathy for her plight, she'd have to dump the sword and risk the consequences. The strain was enough to make her break out in a real sweat.
"Are you sick? You're almost to Agan. Can you walk that far?"
