Chapter 13
He wanted to kick himself as he watched Chris hurry into the elevator. He could tell how stiff she was, standing erect, her shoulders back. She was far from okay with this situation. Hell, he wasn’t okay with any of this, and he felt like a world-class jerk. He was torn as he closed the door to his hotel room and then stared at it. What was it about Jill arriving at his hotel room that had him questioning everything? He rested his hand against the door and turned just enough to see Jill simmering with righteous indignation, watching him watching her. It was so much like a standoff. Her arms were crossed over her dark green jacket and matching jeans. Her bag was still looped over her shoulder.
He took in everything about her, wondering when his illusion of her being the center of his world had begun. She’d meant everything to him, everything he did and planned and decided, he’d always thought of Jill first, but in these few second of staring at each other, he realized something was different for him. He was comparing her to Chris. Jill was taller, slimmer, smaller in the bust, but she still had a great figure.
Her eyes weren’t the big, bright blue eyes that Chris had. No, Chris had eyes that were bold and gave him a glimpse of the strength a woman like her possessed. And the way she looked at him when she listened to what he had to say told him that she understood everything and more. She gave all of herself to him in those moments. It was never about her. How different these two women were. Jill was more timid, sweet, needy. He took a breath to say something but paused. It had always been her leaning on him. Jill had never once thought about him and his needs.
“Well, that was awkward,” she said. “Walking in on you with another woman…I guess you really have moved on.”
He pushed away from the door and stepped around Jill to pull open his drawer, yanking out a t-shirt and pulling it on over his head. He couldn’t look at Jill as his cheeks heated, so he bent down and picked up his shirt and Chris’s lacy white underwear with it. So she’d run out without underwear under that slim-fitting skirt. It was a thought that didn’t make him happy.
He grabbed his socks, his underwear, and pulled open the bottom drawer he used to stash his dirty clothes, then shoved it closed. He could feel Jill watching him. Maybe she was waiting for him to respond, but what could he say?
“Why are you here?” He ran his tongue over his teeth and then crossed his arms when she took a step toward him. He felt himself tense when he realized she was going to touch him.
Maybe she thought better of it, as she pulled her hand away and lowered it to her side. She didn’t come any closer. “I’ve been thinking a lot.”
He cocked his head, wondering how many weeks she had needed to think about what he was offering. Was it second thoughts she was now having? “About what?”
“You’re not going to make this easy on me. I should be furious with you, walking in here and seeing that you’ve hopped into bed with someone else.”
“Seriously?” he barked, jabbing his thumb into his chest as he leaned forward. “You walked out on me how long ago? I asked you to marry me, and you said you still had feelings for my brother. My brother!”
She stepped back. He could see the hesitation. Maybe she feared she was messing with a sleeping lion.
“I called you over and over,” he said. “I waited like a fool for you to come back to me. I begged you. I would have crawled through hell for you.” He squeezed his fists in the air, his jaw tense. Then he stepped away, running his hands through his hair. When he looked back at Jill, she was watching him with such sadness, a tear running down her face.
“You’re right. I wasn’t being fair, but I was being honest.” Her voice trembled, and she hiccupped, fighting against tears.
Jill was a crier. He’d spent many a night holding her in his arms, trying to soothe her tears away. She wasn’t as strong as Chris. He couldn’t help comparing them and seeing all the shortcomings in Jill that he’d never really seen before. Now he realized he didn’t know what he wanted. He’d fought for Jill for so long, believing she was the one, what he needed, but Logan had said long ago, at a time when he was morning his own lost love, We always want what we can’t have.
“You were with my brother?” he asked, though he already knew she was. She’d told him as much, but for how long? From the moment she walked away from him?
“Yes!” she cried out.
“How long?” he spit out through his clenched teeth. He needed her to say it, to tell the truth, all of it.
“After I left you. I called him. I’ve been with him since after Christmas.”
“So all this time I was calling you, you’ve been with my brother. Did he know it was me calling, making a fool of myself? Were you two laughing at me, at what a joke I am?”
She didn’t say a word. She touched her fingers to her mouth. She was shaking.
“Ah, I see. Of course you told him.”
She gazed down at the ground, embarrassed. She should be. He hated that shit, especially from Jill, after all he’d done for her, being with her, supporting her emotionally after what his brother had done. Yet she still loved Samuel.
He actually laughed, but it sounded cruel to his own ears. “So why are you here, showing up in Phoenix at my hotel, then embarrassing my friend as I try to move on? What is it you want from me?”
She took a shaky breath as she glanced away, maybe deciding what she needed to say. “I’m pregnant.”
“Fuck!” he shouted, fisting his hands.
She took a step back. Was she scared of his reaction? He stared at her, hard and unforgiving.
Chapter 14
“Thanks for picking me up.” Chris wondered how she looked as she climbed into Myles’s red Corvette. His gaze swept over her with disapproval, making her feel worse than she already did. He pressed the gas and pulled away faster than he needed to, which told her loud and clear he knew what she’d been doing, and she was probably about to get an earful.
He changed gears and pressed the gas down so she was pinned to the seatback. Yeah, this car had power, and her brother was obviously pissed. Maybe they’d be at her place in no time and she could hurry inside, shutting out everyone else.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to call, but I didn’t have enough cash for a cab.” She could have walked to a bank machine, but she didn’t know where the closest one was, and she could have been walking for a long way in the dark in shoes that were starting to hurt her feet. The way she was dressed this time of night, with her hair looking as if she’d just gotten out of bed, well…she didn’t want the looks she knew she’d get.
“What happened?” he asked as he changed lanes, driving faster than he should.
“Nothing I really want to talk about.”
“So who’s staying here, Chris, and what the fuck are you doing popping into some guy’s hotel and letting him screw you? Look at you! Everyone in that hotel would know by taking one look at you what you’ve been doing, like some second-class call girl. You’re dressed the part, too.”
He was right, but did he have to be so damn crude? “Yeah, well, it wasn’t planned—and could you just drive me home without the lecture? I’m not a child.”
“Maybe not, Chris, but you’re acting like one,” he snapped. There was nothing remotely understanding in his voice.
Seriously? She was about to tell him to stop and pull over. She’d find another way to get home. Whatever was eating him, she realized he was taking it out on her. He didn’t have a clue what was going on in her life, he’d been so wrapped up in his own. “What’s going on with you, Myles?”
He glanced her way and then back at the road. Yeah, she didn’t miss the sting in his expression. He’d been holding on to something.
“We’ve always talked to each other, but you haven’t been yourself for a while,” she said. Not since he’d fumbled during the big game. Then there’d been the slew of injuries, one after the other. She wondered if he was drinking more, too.
“Should be asking you the same thing
, Chris. What’s going on with you? You still haven’t answered me on who you were with. Do I know him?”
“Why, so you can go back and pay him a visit?”
The last thing she wanted was Myles knowing any more of her shame. It was enough that he’d had to talk to her about Troy, coming in and reading her the riot act after the warning call she’d gotten from the cops. Being accused of stalking him had been worse than anything she could ever have imagined. She wondered if all the guys on the team knew.
“Damn straight. Any guy who has you walking out of his hotel room to find your own way home is a guy who needs to be taught a lesson,” he snapped. “Who was it, Chris? Some guy you picked up, someone I know?”
“I’m not some slut, Myles. I didn’t pick someone up. It just kind of happened. We’re friends.” Friends who’d had dinner and wine and acted on their attraction after Jake said he wanted to sleep with her, that was all. Friends with benefits, wasn’t that what people called it? But then, she and Jake had never really figured it out. They’d been interrupted.
“Chris,” he growled, and she knew he wouldn’t let up until she told him.
“It was Jake Wilde.”
“The guy who’s here to replace me?”
“I’m sorry. I like him.”
“Oh, Chris. Haven’t you learned anything after Troy? I told you to stay away from the players on the team. I don’t want to see you gutted like you were after Troy. Most of these guys aren’t looking for commitment with a nice girl like you. They want no strings and a quick fuck and so long, baby.”
For a second, she wondered if he was talking about himself. He wasn’t seeing anyone, but she also knew he wasn’t a monk. He was into things she was pretty sure she didn’t want to know—kinky stuff. She’d heard the talk from some of the girls who’d been with her brother. It was a picture she didn’t want in her head.
“You don’t get it, Chris. He’s not going to call. He’s done with you. So you need to be okay with that and leave it be. What happened with Troy…I don’t want to ever see you suffer like you did. He played you, he had fun. When a guy leaves—”
“I know! You’ve told me a hundred times.” She cut him off before he could finish. “It was his way of saying get lost, so long, because I wasn’t important enough for him to give me a second thought.”
“Yeah, that’s right, and the way you pushed it—”
“I know, okay?” She gritted her teeth, spitting the words out. She didn’t want to hear any more lectures about a time in her life she wished she could forget about forever. “I thought there was more. I fell in love with him. I was an idiot. I thought if I kept calling, he’d realize that he cared for me. I was hurting, and I needed to hear from him that it was over, but he never gave me that courtesy. Maybe I’m not as ‘take it or leave it’ or ‘love them and leave them’ as you and Troy, but what he did to me, calling the cops, saying I was harassing him…that wasn’t fair. I didn’t harass him. I was devastated that he left, that he wouldn’t call me back. He never said one word about ending anything. He just left when he got his offer. That was cruel and unjustified.”
“Maybe so, Chris, but he was also a coward, and calling the cops on you was his way of having them tell you what he didn’t have the balls to tell you himself. It was a crappy thing to do, I agree, but you’ve got to be smarter about guys like that. If a guy is really into you, he’s going to call you. He’s going to pursue you, so don’t be giving it away for free. You need to make him earn it.”
She felt ashamed, sitting in that seat, as he pulled up in front of her three-story walkup. She touched the handle, about to open the door and climb out, but instead she slid around on the dark leather and faced him.
“Thanks, Myles, really.”
He nodded, staring out ahead. “I’ve made some decisions as of late. I’m considering retiring.”
That was the one thing she hadn’t expected. “Oh, why, Myles? Is this because of what happened?” He would know what she meant: the fumble that cost the team their spot in the playoffs.
“Partly. I have a lot to consider. I’m making just under a hundred thousand a week, and I’ve saved nothing. This is make or break time, Chris. Reality is that I’m likely to be dropped, and everything out there, including the endorsement deals, is drying up. No one’s knocking on the door of the guy who was responsible for fumbling in the playoffs. I don’t have a big college degree like some of these guys, so I’ve started diversifying lately, invested in a franchise. But I’ve got an offer on the table to coach.”
“What?” She’d never in a million years thought he’d consider coaching. “Where?”
“University, Vanderbilt. They came to me a while ago. They’ve been holding the position, but they need an answer.”
“Are you going to take it?”
He watched her for the longest time and then took a breath. “Yes, and I want you to come with me.”
She couldn’t just leave, pack up, and go across the country to Nashville. She was building a life here.
“Come on, Chris. I want you to think about it. You need a fresh start, and you can have it there. How often do you get a chance to start over?”
She couldn’t answer that. She wanted to say no as she thought of Jake, but then the hurt came with it. There was no way she could stick around and watch him build something with a woman who’d kicked him to the curb. She couldn’t be that girl ever again, pining for a man who didn’t want her. “Can I think about it?”
“Yeah, think about it. We’ll talk tomorrow. But I’m serious, Chris. Sometimes you’ve got to know when you’re done and it’s time to move on.”
She nodded, more to herself, because on some level she knew he was right. She slid open the door and stepped out shoving it closed behind her as she waved to him. She fumbled her keys in the lock at the door, and as soon as the door closed, she heard her brother drive away. Her eyes ached, her head was spinning, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up on her bed and have a good cry.
Chapter 15
Having Jill stay in his hotel room wasn’t what he’d expected, but after she dropped her little bomb on him, he’d been shell shocked. He still was this morning, considering that not long ago, this was exactly what he’d wanted. Now he couldn’t help feeling regret, questioning everything he’d set in motion. He stared at his cell phone as he listened to the shower running. He was relieved to have a moment to himself without Jill hovering. He was starting to question the wisdom of all the choices he’d made.
If this was Chris, he didn’t think he’d feel quite the same sense of loss, but then, Chris wasn’t anything like Jill. Chris was so strong and honest that he couldn’t see her dashing from one man to the next. He’d been fixated on having Jill for so long that he’d never stopped to think that what she’d done wasn’t okay. He reached for his phone, wondering if Chris would still be at home this morning. Had she already left for work? He needed to see if she was okay. Hell, he wasn’t okay after last night. He dialed her number and listened to the ring, but it went to voicemail.
“Chris, it’s Jake. I wanted to call and check on you this morning.” He paused for a second. “Call me, please.”
“You never told me what that girl means to you.”
He hadn’t heard her come out of the bathroom. He turned to see her standing there in a robe with a towel around her wet hair. At one time, he’d loved talking to Jill and wouldn’t even have considered hiding what he was thinking. He had been so wrapped up in trying to know everything about her. How quickly things had changed.
“How’d you sleep?” He had no intention of talking about Chris with her. It just didn’t feel right.
“I see.” She licked her lips as the distance in the room grew. “I slept fine, considering.” She gestured between them. “You didn’t have to sleep on the pullout. It couldn’t have been that comfortable. I could have taken it.”
“It’s fine. I’m going to grab a shower.” He stepped around Jill, and she reached ou
t and touched his arm.
“I realize I pushed you away, and what I did wasn’t fair to you, but I was scared. I’m still scared. That’s why I had to come and see you.”
He looked down at her. She lifted her hand from his arm. He was barefoot after sleeping in the same t-shirt and jeans from yesterday. He took a step back and opened his drawer to pull out clean clothes.
“Well, I guess it’s a fine mess, then.” If he was being honest, it was a mess he’d created. His conscience prodded, but he pushed it away. He could be an ass when things didn’t go his way, as he could tell by the hurt that shadowed her expression. “Look, we’ll figure it out, okay?”
She lifted her head, and a soft smile touched her lips. He reached out to touch her cheek, as he’d done many times before. She leaned into his touch, but for him this was far different from every other time, lacking any comfort or desire to take things further. So he pulled away.
“Jake, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I can’t help the way I feel.”
No, you can’t help the way you feel. It is what it is. He knew that from firsthand experience. “You’re still in love with my brother?”
Did he really want to know? He waited as she glanced away, appearing torn. He’d seen that expression many times before. Maybe he just hadn’t been willing to find out what it meant. He’d been scared to know.
“There’s a lot to discuss, Jake. I’m confused. All I know is I’m pregnant, and it’s changed everything. I didn’t plan it, but I wondered if you did. I was so mad at you. You’d never been careless before.” By the way her expression changed, he knew she was holding something back. Then she shook her head as if pushing whatever it was away. A woman with secrets. Jill, he realized, had many. There was a part of her he’d never have.
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