Amish Love Be Kind 3-Book Boxed Set

by Rachel Stoltzfus

  “Oh... Ya, we’d better go. Let me pack some bottles and things for Eleanor’s diaper bag. Can we make a day of it?”

  “Ya, that’s a gut idea. I think we need that. Can you get everything done when we get home?”

  “Oh, ya. I’m making baked beans for tomorrow. That’s all.”

  The couple left shortly after Hannah packed Eleanor’s bag.

  Chapter 3

  At his parents’ house, Abram recounted what Bishop Kurtz had told him about his Uncle Zeb. “So, it looks like he’s going to be brought before their community to answer for his actions. I don’t know if he’ll repent or not. Something tells me he won’t. Also, Bishop Kurtz told me that the other bishop has had many experiences himself with Uncle Zeb’s temper. They talked about the possibility of uncle coming here to confront me.”

  “He won’t repent.” At fifty-eight, Isaac Beiler had decades of experience with his brother’s temper and obstinacy. “In his mind, because he’s a man, he’s never wrong. Instead, he feels that others have wronged him, even—”

  “When he refuses to take responsibility for what he’s done.” Abram finished Isaac’s words.

  “Exactly.” Isaac rose, feeling troubled and restless at the news. Pacing around the large kitchen a few times, he stopped and gazed through the large picture window set over the sink. Seeing a neighbor’s buggy passing slowly by, he tried to take comfort from the peaceful scene. It wasn’t working. Sighing deeply, he turned, allowing everyone to see his troubled face. “Abram, when Zeb and I were children, he had that temper even back then. Nothing happened to him that would have made him so abusive. Our parents were strict, but fair. If we deserved to have our bottoms smacked, it was one smack to get our attention. Nothing more. Instead, Daed preferred to discipline by using lessons from life. When I didn’t clean the barn one day, he made me muck out all the livestock stalls. That’s all I did, all day long. That was after he made me sleep on the floor in the middle of the barn, just so I could smell what the horses and cows smelled. By the time I got up, my stomach was topsy-turvy, just from the stench.

  “Zeb got the same kind of treatment when he failed to do the weeding Mamm had set for him. So, she made him pick all the beans and squash with no help. Then, she made him break every single bean in half so she could preserve them. He did that instead of getting to help with the harvesting, which he really wanted to do. For me, it worked. I knew that if I didn’t want to anger our parents, I’d better do what they told me. Not so for Zeb. Instead, he got angry all out of proportion to the situation. He whined that he had been treated unfairly. That no other Amish boy in our community got treated as he was.

  “Abram, in that last sentence, he was right. Because our parents rarely used physical discipline on any of us. That was reserved for the worst or most dangerous of our offenses. Other Amish kinder were whipped. Their faces slapped for sassing their parents. Mouths washed out with soap. And I’m sure Englisch parents did some of the same things. By the time Zeb had started courting, he had made himself well known as the young man who expected special treatment. So, when he married Emily, she found out quickly what would happen if she disregarded or forgot to do something Zeb told her to do. And so he continues to this day.”

  Hannah felt a chill in the warm room. Rubbing her arms, she asked the question on her mind. “Isaac, is he mentally ill?”

  “Nee. He knows what he is doing is wrong. That’s why he only ever hits Emily or their girls where the injuries won’t show. Never on their faces, arms or hands. He suffers greatly from the sin of pride, of setting himself above others. So, when someone does something that endangers his view of himself, that person will be made to suffer.”

  Hannah sighed. “That means he’s definitely going to come after Abram.”

  “Ya. He will.” Martha shook her head as she thought about the risk Abram, Hannah and Eleanor would be in before long. “You need to arrange with the elders for a place to stay. Here would be too dangerous. Your parents’ home would be dangerous as well. Zeb and Emily know well where they live.”

  Abram looked at Hannah and saw her wide, frightened eyes. Their communication was silent, letting Abram know that Hannah agreed with his mamm. “I’ll talk to the elders. Maybe we can stay with one of them. Or use their grossdawdi haus.”

  IN OHIO, ZEB BEILER raged loudly, causing his wife, Emily, to flee out through the back door. She knew now that the elders had spoken to her husband about his abusive treatment of her and their daughters. A part of her felt relief that the corrosive secret was now out. At the same time, as she tried to figure out where she would reach safety more quickly, she was quivering in fear. Seeing that the Hoffstetters’ farm was just slightly closer, she slipped into the thick line of trees and made a beeline for their neighbors.

  “Emily! Emily! Where is that disobedient woman?” Zeb stomped upstairs, looking through every room of the second floor. Not finding her, he stormed through the first floor, and then outside. He couldn’t find her, so he went back inside, slamming the door as hard as he could. Hearing the glass from the door shatter, he yelled and swore. “It was Isaac! Or his stupid son, Abram, who told. Now, here I am, in my sixties, having to appear before that mupsich community to answer to my ‘sins.’ It would serve Abram and his daed well if they were to suffer for what they’ve done to me. Nobody—NOBODY tells Zeb Beiler what to do or that he’s wrong in his actions!” Picking up a stoneware vase that Zeb knew Emily particularly liked, he smashed it hard on the floor, taking a corrosive sort of pleasure in the sound and destruction.

  KNOCKING AT THE BACK door frantically, Emily peered down the road toward her house. Not seeing Zeb, she let out a quivering breath. As Ann Hoffstetter opened the kitchen door, Emily tried to calm down.

  “Emily! What is it? You look...get in here. What’s wrong?”

  Emily closed her eyes and tried to calm down at the fragrant scent of the cookies Ann was baking. “I’m so sorry. I had to come over. Zeb is in such a... Ann, he’s so angry!” Emily began to sob hopelessly.

  “Let’s go into my quilting room. We’ll be safe there.” Ann had long suspected that Zeb abused his family horribly. She held him in low regard. Turning the oven off, she steered Emily into the quiet quilting room. “Now. Tell me what happened. Start at the beginning, but first, take a deep breath. Again.”

  Shy Emily obeyed, taking in several deep breaths. Feeling calmer, she wiped tears from her face and sat, facing Ann. “Okay. Denki. The elders just visited Zeb. It seems that they got word that he has been abusive toward our daughters and me. How they got that news, I don’t know. So now, he’s in our house, just raging.” Again, Emily broke down.

  “Emily, I’m going to tell you something in strict confidence. For years now, I’ve suspected that he does abuse you. And your daughters. I know that we’re not to leave our husbands, even if they are doing something that violates the Ordnung. But that’s just what he’s done. We’re not to use physical force against anyone. Even our spouses. I know why you haven’t said anything for so long. Will you tell me how it started? I’d like to be able to help.”

  Emily’s sobs deepened. She felt listened to and believed for once. Still, she struggled with the thought of revealing everything she and her daughters had been through.

  Ann sensed Emily’s reluctance. “Emily, the only way I can help is if I know what’s been happening. I also want you to know that if you need it, you have a safe place to come to.”

  Wiping her tears and getting control of her emotions, Emily nodded. “Denki. Okay. It didn’t start until after we got married. When we were dating, he was so kind. Gentle. Although... I did notice that if I tried to give him my opinion about something, he would make me shut up. Just with words. ‘Emily, you don’t know nothing about that. It’s a man’s world. I’ll make the decision on that.’ I didn’t know any better, so I obeyed him. This was just after we got engaged. The first time he hit me...

  Emily had just finished nursing their first child, now fifteen months
old. She wanted to wean him so he could begin drinking from a glass. Yet, she knew she had a higher chance of becoming pregnant again. She wanted to space their kinder at least two years apart. One evening, after the baby had been put into his crib. Zeb brought up the topic of a second child. “I think we should start trying to get you pregnant now. By the time the second baby comes along, Andrew will be two years old. I really wanted us to have a second child born by now.”

  Emily was quiet for a few minutes, just thinking. “Zeb, I just weaned Andrew last week. I think we should space our kinder so that they are at least two before I become pregnant again.” She hadn’t expected his anger.

  “What? Wife, I am the head of our home! What I say goes! If I want you to get pregnant two months after having a child, you will do so! Do you hear me?”

  Emily had looked up, shocked at Zeb’s voice and his anger. “Zeb! My mamm is the midwife here! She has told me that spacing pregnancies too closely is bad for the mother. She tells all her patients to space pregnancies at least two years apart. That way, they will be more easily able to bear children without suffering ill effects.”

  Zeb had taken three large strides toward Emily. With his left hand, he lashed out, smashing Emily’s tender cheek.

  Emily, feeling the flash of burning pain, cried out. Placing her hand over her hot and throbbing cheek, she rose from her chair and began to back away from Zeb.

  Zeb saw the look of pain and betrayal in Emily’s eyes. Something kind that still resided in his spirit took over. “Oh, Emily, I’m sorry! I never intended to hit you! Here, let me...” Running into the kitchen, he grabbed a clean washcloth from the kitchen drawer. Soaking it in cold water, he brought it back to Emily, dripping wet.

  Accepting the offering, Emily opened the front door and squeezed most of the water out of the cloth, then placed it against her reddened cheek. For several minutes, she stared at Zeb, just waiting.

  “Emily, I shouldn’t have done that. But, as head of our home, I’ve decided that it’s time for another child. We’ll start tonight.” Zeb, having delivered his final decision, left the living room. He went outside, where he sat and started to think. He’d never struck a woman before. A part of him felt repulsive, like a poisonous snake. The other half of his psyche felt as though he was justified for hitting a smaller person. Thinking back, he realized he’d always felt “special,” as though he was better than others in their community were. Secretly, his pride led him to dream of being chosen by Gott to be a deacon or even the bishop. He knew better than to voice those dreams.

  In the living room, Emily cried quietly, knowing that her plans to have children three years apart had just been disregarded and destroyed. Walking into the kitchen, she wet the washcloth again and set it against her cheek. Within two months, she was again pregnant.

  “So, that’s when it started. I had offered up a reasonable objection to his desire for me to get pregnant right away. Mamm knew what she was talking about. So, from about my fifth or sixth pregnancy on, I began to have female problems. Zeb wanted even more kinder than we already had, but my midwife—my mamm—made it clear that, after seven kinder, trying to have any more would endanger my health too much. I had a miscarriage between our fifth and sixth children, and then with our seventh, I developed dangerous preeclampsia. Oh, Ann, Zeb was so mad. ‘You’re violating Gott’s decree that we are to be fruitful and multiply,’ he said. Finally, I had to tell mamm that Zeb still wanted me to get pregnant. She spoke to an Englisch doctor she has worked with and he told her that he’d be happy to set Zeb straight on the danger to my life. Zeb still insisted that I could bear more kinder and not suffer ill effects, so the doctor finally told me in private that he could carry out a procedure that would make it impossible for me to get pregnant again. By then, I was in my forties. I was bleeding abnormally and in danger of becoming anemic. So, Mamm and Daed took me to the hospital and this doctor burned away the lining inside me.”

  Emily pressed against her abdomen as she told Ann her story. “I never...never told Zeb. Instead, I had told him that I needed to stay with my parents so I could just pray about our situation. I was shocked that he allowed me to do that much! I went through the procedure and my bleeding stopped. For gut. And, no matter how hard he tried, Zeb could never get me pregnant again. He got so angry and frustrated. Ann, he wanted twelve kinder! And that’s when the hitting got really bad. And he started hitting our daughters, too. As a way to punish me.”

  Ann felt sick. “Emily, if I had spoken up years ago, we may have been able to stop this. You can stay here until Zeb is calm again. And remember, any time you need a refuge, come here.” Ann rose and peeked out the window. Outside, she saw Zeb pacing back and forth in the Beiler yard. “He still looks highly upset. You have dinner here. In fact, I’m going to send Luke over to get some things for you. I think you should stay overnight.”

  “But...he’s so angry already! That will only make him even more so!”

  “Emily, he’s looking for a victim on which to lay his anger and wrath. You can’t go home until he’s calmer. Is he going to be facing the ban?”

  “Ya. He is. And he thinks of himself as a gut Amish man. Because he obeys every single thing in our Ordnung.”

  “Except for the rule against violence.” Unfortunately, Ann and Emily never brought up the topic of sexism. It wasn’t a well-understood topic in their community. Ann did come close to one of the root causes of Zeb’s abuse of Emily when she asked, “Emily, what usually sets off his anger?”

  Chapter 4

  Emily, well versed in the comings and goings of Zeb’s rages, answered immediately. “When I try to speak up about something or a decision he’s trying to make. He won’t let me or our daughters make any decisions that don’t have to do with the running of our households. He says, ‘That’s for husbands to do! According to Gott!’”

  “Hmmm. Even Luke invites my input. Some decisions really should be shared.”

  Although Ann’s observation was given in a quiet, gentle voice, its effect on Emily was nearly earth shaking. About to rise so she could look into her yard, she paused and slumped back into the chair. “Oh. Oh! I see what you’re saying, Ann, but insisting on using that right while Zeb is refusing to allow me to have any input...” Her hands ran over her face and paused on some spots where she had suffered old injuries. Her right hand gently rubbed her left cheek, which had been smashed and nearly broken six months previously.

  “Emily, how often has he hit you?”

  Emily fought to keep breathing. “Sometimes...sometimes, not for weeks. Other times...it seems he’s always mad and nothing I do or say is gut.”

  “And has he hurt you?”

  “Ya. Bruises. He nearly broke my cheekbone a few months ago. I’ve had a broken arm.” Emily’s voice was dull as she recounted the injuries.

  “Your daughters? What about them?”

  “He’s gone after them, too.” Now, Emily’s emotions boiled over. “And they are in abusive marriages, too! It’s all they know!”

  Ann nodded defiantly. “Then, it’s a gut thing the elders are taking him before our community. He is violating the Ordnung when it comes to using violence. He isn’t supposed to strike anyone, period.” She took Emily’s arm and made the other woman look at her. “You stay here. I’ll be in the barn, asking Luke to get some things for you. And he will make it clear to Zeb that he isn’t going to be allowed to see you or try to intimidate you.” Before she left, Ann poured a glass of cold water and set it before Emily.

  In the barn, she explained the situation to her husband. “Luke, she is petrified. She confirmed everything we’ve suspected. Also, the elders just left their house. Apparently, someone contacted the bishop and told him that he has been abusing her and their daughters for years. He’s going before the community because he refused to repent of his actions and stop hitting her. She has to stay here for a few days, or until he calms down.”

  “Oh, wife, what have you done? Nee, don’t worry. You didn’t do w
rong. We simply have to let him know that using violence is wrong. I’ll get things for her. Dresses and her unmentionables, correct?”

  “Ya, and head coverings. Her bonnet. Extra aprons. I’ll send Rebecca and Robert with you. That way, he won’t try to do anything to any of you.”

  “Robert! I need you down here!”

  Ann hurried back into the house and pulled Rebecca from her quilting. “Rebecca, go with your daed and brother to the Beiler’s house and get clothing for Emily Beiler. She’ll be staying with us.” As Rebecca’s eyes widened and she was about to speak, Ann gave a warning shake of her head. “Just go. We’ll talk later.”

  ON THE FRONT PORCH of the Beiler home, Luke and his two youngest kinder waited for Zeb to answer their knock. As they heard the lock turning, Luke stood in front of both teens “Let me talk. Rebecca, you get her things. Robert, you go with her for protection.”

  “Ya? What is it?” Zeb growled.

  “Zeb, my wife sent us over here to get some things for Emily. Rebecca will get them and Robert will go with her.”

  “So, she ran to you? You know she disobeys—”

  “Rebecca, Robert, go. Zeb, you hush right now.”

  The teens hurried upstairs.

  Luke sent a level look from under his thick eyebrows. Many times, he’d heard whispers that he would make a gut elder—he was leaving that up to Gott. “Zeb, we all know that it was just a matter of time. Well, someone finally had the nerve to speak up. And you’re going to face earthly judgment.”

  “If it was Emily...”

  Luke let out a humorless bark of laughter. “I doubt it. She’s scared of her own shadow, thanks to your treatment of her over the years. She’d no more stand against you than hit you back.”