Keeping Her

by Alexis Noelle

  I stand up not really knowing what I’m doing, slowly I make my way around the table and stand in front of Brian. My hands run through his hair ending at the nape of his neck. I take a deep breath before leaning down and gently placing a kiss on his lips. He doesn’t move an inch, almost as if he is frozen in place. “Brian Evans, you are still the most amazing man I have ever known. I don’t know what to tell you about my intentions. I know that I have never stopped loving you and probably never will. My heart is screaming at me right now to give myself over to you but I’m scared. Scared of the pain that comes with the possibility of losing you. You have been a part of me since the first day I met you and having that ripped away from me all those years ago almost killed me. I couldn’t go through that again. I can’t survive losing you again.”

  He stands and holds my hips stopping me from backing up and leaving us pressed against each other. His intense gaze is focused on my eyes and his expression is unreadable. His hands graze up the length of my body leaving goose bumps as the trail goes up to my head. “Julia Spencer, I would have never left you if I didn’t think it was what you wanted. You are the very reason I breathe, the only person who ever showed me what it was like to love and have it returned. You are the person I have dreamt about every day since you crashed into me. No matter where I was, who I was with, or how much I didn’t want to think about you, you were there. I haven’t been living without you, I’ve just been existing. Going through my life with no real purpose, no passion. Even with as mad as I was, when I saw you again nothing could compete with the love I had for you. You’re it for me, whether you choose me or not.”

  A tear falls from my eye. My body is screaming at me that this amazing man is the path I should choose. That he won’t hurt me again if I give him the chance. That maybe we could finally be happy. Together.

  “Yes. I want to try again. I want to be with you. I want to try to move past everything and get back to us. I don’t think it will be easy, in fact I think it’s going to be pretty damn hard, but I want to try. I want us to work.”

  His mouth crashes down to mine and I smile against his kiss. Brian’s strong arms envelope me and lift me off the ground spinning me around. He pulls away while I’m still suspended in the air. “You have made me the happiest fucking man in the world. Let’s go somewhere.”

  I laugh at his reaction, and my body warms knowing how genuinely happy he is. “Where?”

  “I don’t care. Everywhere, nowhere. I just want to be out with you. I want people to know I have you. That you’re mine, finally. I have been waiting for you for so long.” I feel the same way. Since the day I thought Brian left me I have been waiting for the day that he would return to me. Everything that I have done since then felt like something I was “supposed” to do. Not something that felt natural, that felt right.

  I truly loved Dan but I always knew that it wasn’t the type of love that I had with Brian. The intensity, and all consuming feelings weren’t there. The only person to ever make me feel like that was the man whose arms I’m wrapped in.

  “I need to go get dressed first.” I say kicking my feet to remind him he still has me in the air.

  Brian slowly eases me down his body and places another kiss on my lips. “You have five minutes.” His voice is so commanding that it sounds like an order.

  “What? What are you talking about?” Disbelief is evident in my voice as I let his statement sink in.

  “You have five minutes, woman, before I come over there and drag you out of the house, dressed or not.” There is no smile on his face, nothing to let me know that he isn’t serious.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  He looks down at the watch he is wearing before his eyes rise to mine again. “Four minutes and forty-five seconds.”

  “Brian, stop.”

  “Tick tock, Jules.” I laugh before running to the front door and across the street to my house.

  I have no time to shower, no idea where I’m going, and a crazy man across the street timing me. I decide I will go with casual not expecting that the destination would be anything too fancy. I throw on some jeans, and a black button up blouse, before slipping on some flats. As I’m running my brush through my hair I catch movement in my doorway. I let out a yelp at the surprise causing Brian to laugh at me.

  “I have to admit I was kind of hoping you weren’t ready in time.” He smiles as he walks toward me and his hands wrap around my waist pulling me close to him. “I still can’t believe that this is fucking real.” His mouth presses against mine and I let go. I lose myself in him. In the kiss.

  They say when you fall in love you can almost feel it. That you can pinpoint the moment that you jumped in.

  For me I am holding on for dear life.

  Falling scares me.

  Mainly because I don’t know where I’ll land.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Julia

  There isn’t much to do in town so we decide to just walk around and be spontaneous. I keep feeling like people are staring at me. I know what they’re thinking, “how could she move on so fast?” “I wonder if she was cheating on him.” I’m trying to not let it get to me but it really is. I’ve lived in this town my whole life and I don’t want to be judged when they don’t know the whole story.

  Brian gives my hand a squeeze and I look up at him. “Don’t pay them any mind, Jules.”

  “How the hell did you know what I was thinking?” I shake my head in disbelief.

  “It took me a while but I can still read that little mind of yours. It’s how I knew not to give up on you, on us. I may not have physically been here but you were with me every day. You were the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing on my mind when I went to sleep.” He leans down and places a kiss on my lips. I really am glad that he was so persistent.

  “Do you want to get something to eat?” I try to change the subject and really want to get out of the spotlight.

  “Sure, babe.” I smile at the way the word babe just rolled off his lips. He steers me toward the diner where we had our first date and I wonder if he had planned on us coming here from the start. I can still hear my mother’s reaction when I told her who I was going on a date with and where.

  “Excuse me, Julia, I thought I just heard you say you were going to a diner with that Evans boy.” She smoothes out her dress as her eyes dig into mine.

  “I did, mom. Brian is really great, if you gave him a chance you would really like him.” Probably not, but I’m grasping at straws here.

  “Julia Spencer, you are not the type of girl who goes slumming at a diner. Why don’t you call that boy and cancel. You know Daniel has always been interested in you. I bet he would take you to the club at the drop of a dime. I’ll call his mother.” She pulls out her phone and starts to dial before I snatch it from her. “Give me that back now.”

  “No, Mom. I’m going out with Brian. I don’t like Dan like that. I have told you and Dad this a million times.” The doorbell chimes and I breathe a sigh of relief. Although, I kind of wish he would have just honked the horn so I could escape my mother and save him from her too.

  As we sit down in one of the booths my phone rings.

  When I see it’s my dad, I silence it. I know that I need to tell them in person about Brian and me, but I am dreading it and will probably procrastinate as long as possible. The paranoid part of me wonders if someone in town saw us and called them.

  “Okay, hotshot, you think you can read my mind, right?” He looks up at me with a smirk and nods. “Then order for me. We can even make a little wager on your guess.”

  His eyes widen at my suggestion. “Now I’m interested. What exactly would this wager entail?”

  “Well, if I win I get to decorate your house so it looks like an actual human being lives there.”

  “And if I win?”

  I take a deep breath not sure of my response. “If you win…” I didn’t think this far ahead.

  “If I win, I get to take
you the way I have wanted to for the past six years.”

  “Umm…okay.” I lower my head half embarrassed that I just agreed to that. Brian was always the aggressor with us, and I liked it that way. Honestly, having him across the street has been a torture to my libido. Even when I hated him the lust never died down.

  “Fuck, yes.” I look up shocked by his choice of words. “How do I know you won’t cheat though?”

  “I’ll write it down on this napkin.” I jot down what I planned on ordering and fold it tucking it under the bottle of ketchup.

  “Game on.” His waves to the waitress, signaling that we are ready to order.

  “Hey, what can I get ya?”

  “I will have a double cheeseburger and a coke.” She looks over to me to take my order but I point back at Brian. “The beautiful woman across from me will have a root beer float and a grilled cheese special but instead of tomato soup she wants French onion.” My mouth drops open. What. The. Fuck. How in the hell did he get that shit right?

  Brian reaches over and grabs the napkin. “Judging by your face, I guessed right but just to be sure.” He opens the napkin and smiles. “Well, lookey here. I am fucking good.”

  “How did you do that?” I whisper half to him and half to myself.

  “I told you I can read your mind.”

  “No really you had to have peeked or something.” I try to think if he could have seen me writing it down, but I come up with nothing.

  “All right, the root beer float because whenever we go out you order soda. Mainly because you consider it a treat since you won’t buy the ‘crap’ at the store. You have always said that if you’re gonna get soda at a diner you might as well go all out and make it a float. The special because you love a good grilled cheese but always say yours never come out right. You have said numerous times that tomato soup tastes like warm ass, and I know that your favorite is French onion but you scrape the cheese off and save it to eat last.”

  I shake my head in disbelief once again. And they say men don’t pay attention to details. I can’t believe even after all these years he still remembers these little details. This moment reinforces that I made the right decision in being with Brian again. Not because he knows what I eat, but because he knows me. Inside and out, he knows every inch of me. I swear he may know me better then I know myself sometimes.

  I stand up deciding I need to be closer to him. He moves over when I rise and once I sit his arm encircles my waist pulling me close to him. His chin rests on my shoulder and I break out in goose bumps. “I can’t wait to claim my reward.” He half growls into my ear. When his teeth nip at my neck, I jump.

  Dan and I never did PDA like this, we really just—I need to stop comparing. I won’t completely forget Dan, but if this is going to work, I need to keep things separated.

  The food arrives and I smile the entire time I eat, still shocked that he got everything right. His left hand is resting on my thigh and I would be lying if I said it isn’t completely distracting. Especially since every once in a while he squeezes my leg or moves his fingers. Every touch is sparking a jolt of electricity through me.

  The thought of being like that with him again is both terrifying and exciting to me. He was my first and no matter how far apart we were, I have always thought about him. I look down at my now empty plate. Jesus, talk about stress and emotional eating. Thank God the car is a few blocks away because it hurts to even breathe right now.

  Brian’s hand trails up and down my back. “You ready?” Well, that’s a loaded question.

  “Yep.” It’s all I can manage since I can hardly breathe because I’m a food glutton, and my insides are on high alert.

  The entire walk back to the car Brian has been all over me. We are no longer holding hands but almost intertwined, both of our arms around each other. He keeps leaning down close to me to give me a kiss or just scrape his stubble over my skin. It is a miracle that my damn legs are still working. I definitely flipped a switch in him that has sent him into high gear.

  The ten minute drive back to my house is cut in half, and before I know it, I’m unlocking my front door. I get two steps into the house before Brian grabs me and spins me around using the force to close the door and pin me to it.

  “Ever since that sexy little mouth told me I could make you mine again, I couldn’t think of anything but this minute right here. I need to have you so fucking bad that it hurts, Jules. It killed me not being able to touch you these past couple of months.”

  His mouth captures mine and I moan at his forcefulness. He picks me up and carries me into the living room, sitting down on the couch so that I’m straddling him. His hands slide up my sides, slowly graze over my breasts, and stop on the sides of my head. “I love you so fucking much. I will be making love to you soon, but right now I just fucking need to be inside of you.” His hands move down to the top button of my shirt. He frantically struggles with the first button before looking up at me. “I’ll buy you a new shirt.”

  Before I can question what he means he grips the shirt in hands and rips it open, the sound of buttons scattering surrounds us. Well, fuck me that was hot. He doesn’t stop there his hands grip the top of my cami, forcefully shredding that in half.

  “I could have just taken that off.”

  “Nope, I need you now.” He lowers his mouth to my breasts begging to be at his mercy.

  “Julia Spencer! What are you doing?”

  I freeze. I know that voice.

  I look over to see my mother and father looking as pale as ghosts.

  Fuck. My. Life.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Brian

  You have got to be fucking kidding me. Her parents? I look over to see the pretentious assholes standing there.

  Just. Fucking. Great.

  Jules jumps off of me and the sight of her trying to cover herself with her shredded clothes makes me laugh. I stop immediately when she gives me the death stare. I rip my shirt up over my head and hand it to her. She reluctantly takes it as I hear her curse under her breath.

  “What in the world is going on here?” her mother utters clearly disgusted by my very presence.

  “Well, see when two people love each other—” Jules lands a punch right in my kidneys and I buckle from the pain. That’s one thing about my girl, I taught her to fight. She was always rough and it never set me off the way other it might if someone else did it, plus since I know she is only joking so it doesn’t bring back the painful memories.

  “Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing here?” Her hair is all messed up from running my hands through it and it looks sexy as all hell. I stand and place myself behind her hoping to provide whatever comfort I can for her. Once upon a time, I tried to get her parents to like me, to no avail. Now I just don’t give a shit.

  “The real question, young lady, is what is he doing here?” Young lady? She is fucking twenty-five years old.

  “I was going to tell you guys in person, but Brian and I are back together.” I brace myself for the disapproval and disdain about to pour from their mouths.

  The room fills with silence. It lasts for so long that I start to rock back and forth on my heels just to have sort of a distraction.

  “Have you lost your mind? Is this some sort of grieving process for you? Do you need to talk to someone?” Her mother doesn’t look at me even though I am standing right behind to her. “You can’t be thinking logically, Julia. I mean you just lost Dan, you can’t go back to him.”

  I feel her flinch at the mention of Dan. “Mother, it isn’t your life to live. I don’t need a psychiatrist. I have thought my decision through fully. My grieving process is just fine. Lastly, I am an adult that is fully capable of making my own choices.”

  Tell em’, babe. Her mother turns to her father obviously demanding him to step in. He steps forward to stand next to his wife. “Julia, we came here to bring you home. You don’t need to be in this house. You should be at home, with your family. That man is taking advantage of you in
your vulnerable state.” He sneers at me as he says the latter.

  Julia straightens. Here it comes. I know my girl well enough to know when the storm is coming. “I appreciate your concern, but I am fully able to take care of myself. I don’t need to, nor do I want to, come back to your house. I don’t need you running my life, and refuse to let you think you can. You may have never supported my choice to be with Brian, and you don’t need to now, but you may as well accept it.”

  “You can’t be serious!” her mother blurts out.

  “I am.” It’s all she says, but her tone has such an air of finality that she doesn’t need to say anything else. “If you want to get together at a later time, we can. As long as that doesn’t entail you outlining the many wrong decisions you think I’m making. Now if you’ll excuse us we were…busy.”

  Fuck yea, we were.

  Her mother’s eyes widen before she gracefully, yet angrily turns and leaves. Her father stares me down for a few beats before doing the same thing. Jules jumps when the door slams and I place my hands on her shoulders letting her know that I’m here for her.

  She turns to me and collapses against my chest tears starting to come down her cheeks. I scoop her up and carry her over to the couch. “Talk to me, babe.”

  She pulls away from me to look into my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  What the hell? “What are you sorry for?”

  “I hate the way they look at you and treat you. It’s horrible and I can’t stand seeing it.”

  My hand strokes her cheek wiping away the tears. “As long as you love me, I don’t give a shit what your parents think.” That’s really only half true. A part of me wishes that they weren’t such assholes. I know it would make things so much easier on Jules if I came from a rich family. That’s really all it is that they don’t like about me. Her father once told me he could never support someone who he didn’t think could support his daughter, meaning me.