by Marnie Perry
He was startled by her answer but also maddened. ‘You must have a different interpretation of the word "facts" than I do. But then if it makes you feel better to berate yourself, to blame yourself, then you’re right, nothing I say will change your mind, so I’ll save my breath.’ He realised what a hypocrite he was being and expected her to tell him so.
She didn’t but turned away and stared out of the window her back to him then her voice very low said, ‘I read Hennessey’s dossier.’
She said nothing further for a long time so he asked, ‘and?’
Still not looking at him she said, ‘the FBI seems to think that he killed only bad people, criminals, people like Glissando and Blakemore.’
‘It certainly seems that way.’
She turned to him, ‘that’s if everyone he ever killed is in that dossier. And even if it is a full…for want of a better word…itinerary, he still worked for the same kind of men he killed, he still took an evil person’s money.’
Lando shrugged, ‘to him it was just work. It might even have been a way for him to gather information, who better to know the wheelings and dealings of a crime boss than another crime boss. He could get all kinds of information from someone like Glissando on just about everyone else. You could say that both Hennessey and Glissando wanted the same men removed but for different reasons. As Hennessey himself might say, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
Hennessey would think of Glissando as his snitch, the only difference being that Glissando paid him for disposing of his rivals. Hennessey would consider it killing two birds with one stone, pardon the pun. In his own warped kinda way he believes he’s doing the world a service by dispatching these evil men, and that he gets paid huge amounts of money to do it would appeal to his twisted sense of humour. But there’s no doubt that he would have eventually killed Glissando too, what happened with you just precipitated that day.’
She listened with rapt attention to his interpretation of Hennessey’s killing sprees then said quietly, ‘you admire him.’
It was neither a question nor a criticism but a statement of fact. His eyes flashed but he said coolly, ‘I admire him in the same way I admire a panther, for its wildness, for its savagery. I find him exhilarating and amazing to behold but I wouldn’t want him as a friend.’
She looked keenly at him; she knew he had deliberately used the panther analogy. She could see his point; she knew that the panther for all its beauty would have thought nothing of tearing out her throat. She said, ‘they might both be wild animals, but there’s only one who deserves to be in a cage, and it’s not the panther.’
His head snapped up in surprise, ‘a few years ago I might have agreed with you. I see things a little differently now. I know longer see things in black and white, there are always grey areas. Maybe you should try that too, stop seeing people as you want them to be or act how you would like them to act. People aren’t perfect, they’ll never live up to your expectations and they’ll always disappoint. If Hennessey taught you nothing else, he must have taught you that.’
She had rarely been so flabbergasted, not just at his words but the way he had said them, as if warning her. She knew he was telling her to let go of Hennessey because he believed she had been in love with him, that the betrayal by the man she loved had hurt more than the physical and mental pain he had put her through. She also knew he was talking about himself too, he was telling her that he was not a good man, that in his own way he was like Hennessey, like a wild animal.
Her voice was so quiet he only just caught her words, ‘you think I’m in love with him, that I’m just bitter that he let me down.’ He was so startled by her questions that he didn’t reply but his silence was answer enough. She gave a hollow laugh, ‘well, you couldn’t be more wrong, Mr. Lando. I never loved Sterling Hennessey, maybe I thought I did, but that was before I knew better, and I don’t mean knew him better. But it did teach me that you can’t know what love is until you’ve felt the real thing.’ She paused for three heartbeats before adding softly and with deep feeling, ‘and I have.’
His eyes opened wide in his head and his face paled, his jaw clenched so tight he swore he could feel his teeth cracking. Leyton. He knew it. That sneaky bastard. That asshole. In his anger and pain he had forgotten the man had saved his life, but even if he had remembered he would still have hated him.
She kept his gaze for a few moments longer then said, ‘well, I won’t keep you any longer, Mr. Lando. Thank you for showing me your home, it really is very nice, and a credit to you and your perseverance and indefatigability.’
Perseverance and indefatigability, he could return the compliment ten fold but his anger and pain rendered him speechless. There she stood talking about his house as if she had not delivered the fatal blow to his hopes, his dreams, his heart. He refused to allow himself to admit that he had done that all by himself.
She bent down and patted Dante, ‘goodbye, Dante.’ She looked up at Lando, ‘thank you for being there when I needed someone, for saving my life.’ When he said nothing she walked to the door and opened it then turned back to him, ‘and I promise I won’t be taking any more solitary walks, so you won’t have to worry about coming to my rescue again.’ She smiled as she said it but it was the saddest smile he had ever seen, ‘goodbye, Mr. Lando.’
He felt the strongest urge in him to close the gap between them, take her in his arms and hold her tightly to him as he had before and which he fantasised about in his waking hours and dreamed about in his sleeping ones. He wanted to hold her close to him, to feel her arms around his neck, her warm breath on his face. And this time he did not fool himself that it was anything to do with the frustrations of eight long years but the simple need of a man deprived of warmth and love. The physical gap between them was a matter of mere yards but the practical gap was as wide as the ocean she had travelled across.
He stood there without speaking and watched her leave.
CHAPTER 48.
Jonas Lando stood amongst the trees cursing the world, the woman, and himself. What was he doing spying…because that’s what it came down to…on the woman.
He had left a very unhappy Dante back at the cabin, he feared that he would pick up her scent and start making a fuss, the last thing he wanted was for her to come out and catch him spying on her.
After she had left that morning he had paced up and down the cabin, then tried to do some work, then had gone for a walk, then did some more pacing. He didn’t want to do this but he would never have slept a wink knowing that she was here all alone. Not that he was concerned that Hennessey might return, he knew he wouldn’t. He had believed him when he’d said he would leave her be now. But there were all sorts of odd folk about, people who would know she was alone out here and try to take advantage.
Of course he wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway because of what she had said earlier that day. What she’d said about her family, that there would be no support, no comfort for her there. She had not said this angrily or bitterly, but rather sorrowfully. And Hennessey had mentioned a drunken mother. She must have had a hard time growing up; money certainly didn’t make for a happy family did it.
And of course he recalled what she’d said about knowing what love was, that she had found it, but not with Hennessey. He felt that same feeling he’d had when he’d thought of her and Hennessey together that of being kicked in the belly but this time the small horse had grown into stallion. He wanted more than anything to wish her well with Leyton; he wanted more than anything to hope that she would be happy and at peace with him. But he wasn’t that good a person, or maybe it was because his own heart was being torn apart inside him that he just couldn’t bring himself to be happy for them.
It was strange that he had never felt this gut wrenching, heart tearing pain when Adrianne had cheated on him, or even when she had died. What kind of man did that make him?
This led him to recall what she had said about him admiring Hennessey, in a way she was
right, he supposed he did. Not what he did, or had done, or was going to do in the future, but as a cop he knew of people that were guilty of vile crimes who had walked free, and to think that there was someone out there levelling the score was somehow perversely appealing. As a cop he knew this was wrong, but as a man he couldn’t help but feel a certain satisfaction. And hey, he wasn’t a cop any more.
He saw the light in her cabin go out and looked at his watch, 1.33a.m She was either not sleepy or she did not want to go to bed, but apparently she had now taken the plunge. But less than ten minutes later the light came back on. He sighed and leaned against a tree. So much for not giving into fear.
Suddenly he tensed then ducked behind the tree he had been leaning against as the cabin door opened and she came out onto the porch. She was wearing crop pants, a camisole and a white shawl draped around her shoulders. She stood there and looked around at the trees, he ducked further out of sight hoping she wouldn’t see him; she would certainly be freaked out then. She sat on the chair by the little table just staring at nothing in particular. It was as though she was daring Hennessey to show, as if she was saying, “here I am, come and get me, get it over with.”
Whilst he admired her courage, while he appreciated her need to lay her demons to rest, he worried for her mental state. How long could she live like this, how long could she stay in that cabin hoping that one day her fear would suddenly evaporate.
She sat there for almost an hour before rising and once more looking very slowly around before going back inside. She stayed inside with the lights on until the sun came up. Lando went home thinking was that woman never going to allow him to sleep.
After that Lando had kept his vigil for two more nights and she had done exactly the same thing although at different times of the night. He had also watched her cabin during the day too hoping she would not see him skulking around, but she had been as good as her word and not ventured into the woods. Nor had she been into town but sat on the porch reading or just sitting.
She had one visitor, Sheriff Lomax, who had called on the second day. He stayed for 23 minutes and when he left he shook her hand then she had stood watching him until he disappeared from sight. Then the smile vanished from her face and she had stayed there a while, just looking at the trees before going back inside and closing the door.
She had cut a pathetic figure standing there so alone and so vulnerable. He felt his heart contract at the loneliness he saw on her face when she thought no one was watching.
The day after Lomax called on Lando and as always asked if he was all right and if there was anything he needed. Lando always said yes, he was all right and no, he didn’t need anything and always as an afterthought added, thank you.
They sat on the porch and talked, or at least Lomax talked, Lando just listened as Lomax talked about the townsfolk. He told him there had been a fight in the bar the previous night. ‘Two guys, no more than kids really, slogging it out over a girl. I gave them a taste of what was to come if they thought everything could be solved with fists and threw them in jail for a coupla hours. Needless to say they didn’t like it. I released 'em early this morning and off they went together, their arms around each other’s shoulders.’
Lando smiled and Lomax looked at him, ‘I’m too old for this crap now, Jonas.’
Lando frowned, ‘you’ll be sheriff until the day you die, so I’m afraid you got a lot longer to go yet.’
Lomax shot him an impatient look, ‘na, this is a young man’s job.’
Lando didn’t answer and they sat in companionable silence for a while, which surprised Lando not being used to company, let alone someone who sat with him for any length of time. But he had become used to Lomax calling and sometimes staying for while.
Eventually Lomax said, ‘you know Miss. Faraday is back don’t ya, Jonas.’
The question, if it was a question, took Lando aback. She had been here six days now and this was the first time Lomax had mentioned her.
He nodded and Lomax amazed him once more by asking, ‘how you feel about that?’
Lando looked at him bewildered then looked away and said nothing. Lomax said, ‘like that, huh.’ Lando shot him a "be careful" look but the old sheriff only sipped his lemonade smiling a sly kind of smile. He lowered his glass and said, ‘she’s leaving tomorrow.’
Again Lando said nothing but his hand immediately clenched on the arm of the chair and his heart sank into his stomach. The latter Lomax couldn’t see of course, but his eyes went to Lando’s white knuckles gripping the chair. Lando unclenched his fist and ignored Lomax’s smirk. The latter said, ‘I hope she finds what she’s looking for, wherever it is she’s going.’
‘Maybe she’ll do what she should have done in the first place, after…what happened…and go home.’
‘Who’s to say what others should do, Jonas. But she seems to know what she wants.’
Lando’s voice was low as he asked, ‘and what might that be?’
Lomax shrugged, ‘what we all want, son, happiness and love.’
Lando tensed and his tone was clipped as he said, ‘maybe she’s waiting for Leyton to get better, just killing time till he’s fit enough to take what he obviously wants, and what she obviously wants to give.’
Lomax turned his head to look at him and sounding exasperated said, ‘you’re such an idiot sometimes, Jonas.’
Lando’s head snapped round to face the sheriff who was undeterred went on, ‘you always were a little odd, even as a kid. You’d go wandering off by yourself for hours, days sometimes. I recall a time the whole town turned out to look for you, fearing you lost. You was gone all night and then came strolling back as though nothing had happened.’
‘Nothing had,’ Lando snapped.
‘We wasn’t to know that though was we. So here you come, no apology, no explanation, no nothin'. Just a look of “what the hell is all the fuss about?” You’d been mine I’da taken a belt to your backside.’
Lando didn’t know whether to laugh, get angry or stand up and walk away. He did none of those things but said, ‘where’s this headin'?’
‘Where’s it headin’? Well, I can’t take my belt to you now, you’s too big, though you deserve it.’ At Lando’s amazed expression he went on, ‘why you think that woman came back here, Jonas?’
Lando didn’t know where Lomax was going with this but if he was going where he thought he was the man was right, he was too old, he was obviously senile. But he feigned nonchalance and said, ‘the hell should I know. To lay a few ghosts, to face her fears, what she said anyway.’
‘But you don’t believe that?’
Lando shrugged and Lomax sounding impatient said, ‘yeah, I sometimes thought you was odd, sometimes weird, sometimes I even thought you was downright crazy, but I never took you for a fool, Jonas.’
‘Whydya keep saying that?’
‘'Cos just like before when the townspeople turned out en masse to look for you, you never stopped to think that they did that 'cos they cared. And when they showed up to rescue you and Miss. Faraday and save your cabin you never imagined that it was 'cos they wanted to show you that they was on your side, that they supported you, always did, always will. But what did you do? Just like you did when you was a kid, but back then we put it down to the blindness, the stupidity of youth when you mocked them, shunned them. You don’t have that excuse any more.’
Lando had rarely been so astounded and tried hard to keep his anger in check remembering what this man had done for him, both now and in the past. He said bluntly, ‘get to the point, sheriff, I have work to do.’
‘’Course you do, keep yourself busy that’s your motto, helps you to forget…to a point.’
Lando stood and glowered at Lomax, forgetting his promise not to get angry with the man. His tone was openly hostile as he said, ‘seems to me, sheriff that I was right about the townsfolk,’ he sneered this last word, ‘they can’t mind their own business. This town thrives on gossip and interference and minding everyo
ne’s business but their own. And you’re the worst of all; you’re like an old woman.’
Lomax stood up too and squared off with him, ‘you’d be dead now if it weren’t for those gossipy, interfering busybodies.’
‘Well tell 'em thanks, and next time, don’t bother.’
As soon as he’d uttered the words he wanted to call them back. He opened his mouth to speak but Lomax got in first, ‘I’ll tell Miss. Faraday that shall I? See if she would rather be dead too.’
Again Lando opened his mouth but Lomax held up his hand, ‘you told me to get to the point, so here it is. Just like you conveniently forget that those people genuinely care about others, about you, you’ve conveniently closed your eyes and your mind to the fact that that woman cares for you too. That’s why she’s here, waiting yes, but not for Leyton, for you. For you to speak, to tell her you care about her, to tell her that you love her. You may be blind, Jonas, but she ain’t.’ Then he turned and walked away leaving Lando standing there dumbfounded.
********
The day following Lomax’s and Lando’s...for want of a better word...chat, Adela was packing for the last time in this country. But as she had told Lando she was not yet ready to go home, she was not sure she ever would be. So had decided to go to London, she wanted to be where there were a lot of people, see if that worked better than the isolation for laying her fears to rest. Though she did not believe for one minute that it would.
She had thought a lot about Olivia, well, that was only natural being in the place where it had all began. In this bed Olivia had slept, on the table she had eaten and in the bathroom Adela had dyed her hair. She lay awake at night sick with worry and fear for her. She was not as inclined as Lando to believe what Hennessey had said. Lando didn’t know him as well as she did, he did not know how devious he was.
