The Devil To Pay (Hennessey.)

by Marnie Perry

  Anyway, despite John’s and the other witnesses’ testimony the jury found me not guilty of murder but of negligent homicide. The judge gave me the maximum sentence for that particular crime, three years. I was shocked I must say, I thought I was going down for murder. But the jury was obviously more discerning than I thought and saw John for what he was. But I really don’t know why they reached the decision they did.’

  ‘But I still don’t understand how they could find you guilty of anything, you were just defending yourself, and your wife’s death was an accident.’

  He looked away and stared into space as if thinking about that one then said, ‘I think they believed that there was something to the revenge thing because I never attempted to defend myself.’

  ‘Why?’ She exclaimed.

  He stared long and hard at her, ‘because I was guilty.’

  ‘What?’ The word was a mere whisper.

  'She never openly flaunted her affair with John, not like with the others, but she dropped hints. I believe in her own strange way she wanted me to find out, not so much to hurt me, although that was part of it, but mostly to get a reaction from me. Something, anything to prove I cared. But I just didn’t care enough to listen.

  I was guilty of not caring enough, of being a coward, of not ending the marriage when it was as good as dead. I was guilty of indifference, which is worse than hate; at least hate is an emotion. I was guilty of going into that house angry and humiliated. If I'd never gone in that house she would still be alive. I deserved to be punished for all of those things and a hell of a lot more.’

  She shook her head, ‘we’re all guilty of those things at some time in our lives, Mr. Lando. If we all went to prison for preferring to look the other way, for burying our head in the sand, for not caring, there’d be no room for the real criminals.’

  For the first time he smiled, not a proper full smile but close enough. She went on, ‘but we can’t go on punishing ourselves forever, there comes a time when we have to forgive ourselves for our foolishness.’

  ‘Like you forgive yourself for your foolishness over Hennessey?’

  She was startled by the question which contained an accusation. As he had she looked away from his eyes before saying, ‘what I did brought danger to innocent people, ‘she looked back at him, ‘like you, Mr. Lando. Because of my stupidity you were dragged into something that was not your concern.’

  He continued to regard her strangely before saying rather abruptly, ‘none of what happened was your fault. Maybe instead of berating yourself for getting sucked in by Hennessey you should try congratulating yourself for escaping him. The men he killed never managed that did they?’

  She was surprised by this compliment and lowered her eyes and said, ‘thank you for that.’ He said nothing so she changed the subject, ‘Mr. Lando, I know words are pointless now, but I am very sorry that you had to endure what you did. Your wife’s affairs and prison. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like for you, as a policeman and as a man.’

  He frowned slightly whether at her words or the sympathy they contained was not clear. A little uncomfortable by his scrutiny she said, ‘what happened to your friend, John?’

  ‘Nothing much, they couldn’t prove anything other than he was just doing his job and was there at the house to go over legal business. It may have been business but it was not legal.’

  ‘He wasn’t convicted or even disbarred?’

  Lando shook his head, ‘he was suspended for a while for conduct unbecoming. But as far as I know he’s still practising, he could be married with a family by now. I don’t know and don’t want to know.’

  She nodded, ‘I can understand that, he turned out to be a disloyal and traitorous friend. What’s that old saying, with friends like that? You’re better off having no friends than one like him.’

  He looked at her his head on one side and she realised how that must have sounded and hastened to change the subject, ‘and what about the man who’s house that was raided? What happened to him?’

  His fist clenched turning his knuckles white, ‘turned out there was no girls there, nothing we could pin on him. Although we suspected they were there somewhere, maybe in a secret hiding place like at Glissando's. In any event, he found himself a better lawyer than John and walked free.’ He gave her a meaningful look she did not understand, ‘he was killed later though, he and several of his friends who were there that day.’

  She frowned not understanding the strange glint in his eyes. For something to say she said, ‘but I’m sure your wife had no idea how serious a situation she was getting herself into. I’m sure she would never purposefully have put herself or you in that position.’

  His eyes narrowed then he gave a derisory laugh, ‘I prefer to think that, but you didn’t know my wife. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she had been involved, certainly the authorities thought so. But I know she deliberately went there that day. She would have considered it just retribution for my distance, for my neglect of her.’

  ‘Well, you obviously knew her better than anyone.’

  ‘Huh, no one knew that woman, not even her.’

  This was getting too personal and he was getting irate. He obviously had his opinion and nothing would change that. His wife didn’t love him had set out to hurt him because of his uncaring attitude so he deserved to be punished and that was that. His guilt, his belief that he had gotten nothing more than he deserved was so ingrained in him that nothing would ever change it. She knew how he felt. She decided to say nothing further on the subject.

  There followed a silence until taking a deep breath she said, ‘Mr. Lando, you’ve told me about your wife and what happened to you both and I’m glad you did. But why did you, I mean, why me?’

  He looked away and made as if to rise then sat back down again his hands clenched together on the table as if praying. She was looking at him waiting for an answer. He said, ‘I...I just thought you should know.’

  ‘Why?’

  She looked so perplexed that he thought God help me, I’ll kill Lomax. He was the one who had told him that she cared for him, that she had come here to be near him. Fuck, what had he been thinking to listen to that senile old guy.

  After Lomax left he had called him every name under the sun. He’d lain awake thinking about what he’d said and also what she had said, “you can’t know what love is until you’ve experienced the real thing…and I have.” At the time he had convinced himself that she had meant Leyton but the morning after his talk with Lomax he had convinced himself that she had meant him. That's why he was here, that's why he had told her what he had, so that she'd know what kind of man he was, an unreliable, unfeeling man. That there could be no future for them. But now looking at her perplexed and enquiring expression he wanted nothing more than to get out of that cabin as fast as he could. Thank God she was leaving tomorrow and would not be here as a constant reminder of his stupidity and humiliation. He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat before mumbling, ‘I…Sheriff Lomax said…he said that…’ He came to a stumbling halt.

  She studied his face for a moment before saying softly, ‘it’s all right, I know why you told me.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He took refuge from his embarrassment in sarcasm, ‘then please share your insights.’

  She ignored his tone. ‘You told me about your wife because that’s how you see me isn’t it? A spoilt, pampered, overindulged, wealthy heiress with no regard or understanding of the world in which real people live, people like you.’

  He leaned back his expression betraying his amazement. Yet why should he be amazed? It was what he wanted wasn’t it? He had come here today with the intention of telling her that the chasm between them was too wide to ever be breached. To forget about him and any feelings…real or imagined…she thought she had for him. To find someone else and get on with her life. Or had he?

  She watched his face for a moment before continuing, ‘telli
ng me about your wife was a way of informing me that there’s no future for us, that are worlds are so diverse “That’s there’s no coming together of any part of them.” He raised his eyebrows at her use of his own words, but before he could comment she went on, ‘you’re telling me that my money is an obstacle to our being together.’

  She paused, waiting for him to comment when he didn’t just continued to look uncomfortable and annoyed she stood up and as he had done walked to the window. He sat looking at her. He didn’t know what he expected, that maybe Lomax had been wrong and that she would laugh at him. That she would agree with him and say that she couldn’t live as he did, that she liked her worldly goods too much to let them go. That she would get angry and throw him out. But there she stood cool and calm just as Adrianne had been. Coolness must be a trait of the moneyed.

  Without looking at him she said very quietly, ‘do you know what I was doing seven months ago, Mr. Lando?’ When he didn’t answer she turned to him and he saw that the composure she strove for was only just under control and she was fighting to keep her calm. Her tone was clipped as she continued, ‘well then let me enlighten you. I was a cleaner, in a post office. I only worked part time so as to fit in the needs and demands of my sick, alcoholic mother.’

  She walked slowly toward him as she spoke her hands clenched in front of her as though that might prevent her from putting them around his throat,’ ‘and when I say demands I mean demands. Such as picking her up out of the gutter when she was so drunk she couldn’t get up by herself. Or holding her under the shower in an effort to get her clean of the dirt and vomit. Or trying to get her heart tablets down her throat whilst she spat them and the water in my face. All this whilst trying to avoid the missiles that were constantly hurled at me.’

  She touched the scar on her temple, ‘I wasn’t always successful, you’re not so agile when you’re only eight years old. Although I did get better at it as I got older. She died seven months ago of her heart condition or her alcoholism, take your pick. Her death left me virtually homeless.

  Of course my eldest brother and his wife were benevolent enough to tell me that I could stay there as long as I liked. What they actually meant was as long as I made myself useful, did what they wanted and didn’t get in their way. As long as I took care of their children, as long as I cooked their meals and cleaned their house and was there to serve drinks and snacks to their bridge friends. Or to drive them to their gentleman’s club or to the beauty parlour. As long as I was their own personal servant I could have a home with them.’

  Lando was staggered, he knew of course about her sick mother and her selfish family but he had never envisioned this. How she must have felt to be considered nothing more than an unpaid servant in the home she had been born and raised in. But still, she had money that had been made very clear to him, so where had that come from?

  He said, ‘but you’re a very wealthy woman, you must be, you offered Glissando’s goons six million dollars to let me go.’ He narrowed his eyes, ‘or did you lie about that?

  ‘No, I didn’t lie. You want to know where I got my money?’ She didn’t wait for him to answer, ‘I won it, okay. I won the national lottery.’

  His eyes grew very wide as he leaned back in his chair and stared at her. She gave a wry smile, ‘yes, I won the lottery. I won 6.3 million pounds; around 10 million dollars give or take.’

  She spread her arms wide, ‘so there, that’s me, the spoilt, pampered, over indulged rich bitch.’

  It was not clear which shocked him the most, her revelation or her use of the word “bitch.”

  ‘I’ve been rich for just over four months, until then I penny pinched too. I knew what it was like to go without. I knew what it was like to worry about paying bills. Oh, and just for the record and despite your notions about my affluent lifestyle, I’d never even been in a restaurant until Hennessey took me to dinner.’

  He just stared at her as if she had suddenly started speaking an unknown language. How could he have been so wrong about her? But all the time he had been thinking of her as self indulgent and spoilt he knew deep in his heart that she wasn’t, that she was nothing like Adrianne.

  She smiled a bitter smile, ‘but you arbitrarily concluded that because I had money that I was as bad as your wife, selfish and self- serving and self- important. A snob. Well I’m sorry to pour cold water on your preconceived ideas about me, Mr. Lando, or to spoil your well laid out plans to convince me that we’re not meant to be together.’

  Once again she paused waiting for him to speak; he didn’t so she went on her tone stringent now, ‘but discovering that I’m not anything like your wife won’t make any difference to you will it. All I’ve told you won’t change your mind. If I gave all my money away today you’d still let me walk out of your life wouldn’t you? Because my being rich is just one excuse in your long list of excuses why you believe we shouldn’t be together. In fact, nothing I say or do will change your mind will it.’

  That wasn’t a question so he didn’t answer; he couldn’t if he’d wanted too, he was rendered speechless. But even in his shock he noticed that she had used the exact same line that Hennessey had used about his long list of excuses not to be with her.

  She gave a hollow laugh, ‘you know, my experiences with Hennessey and Glissando taught me many things. One being to live for the moment, say what’s in your heart because you may never have another chance. And since you don’t have the courage to tell me straight out what you want to tell me, that being that you just don’t want me, I’ll tell you the truth.’ She stepped closer to the table so that she was partly leaning over it and looking down at him and her voice no longer angry but silky soft as she said, ‘I love you, Jonas Lando. I love you with all my heart.’

  Once she’d started she couldn’t stop and what’s more didn’t want too, so ignoring his dumbfounded expression she hurried on, ‘I can’t tell you the exact moment when I knew I loved you, maybe when I saw the dear eating out of your hand. Or when you held me in your arms whilst I cried. Or when those men were going to kill you. Or when I saw you there in Glissando’s torture chamber and knew that you had come for me. Or maybe even the first time I saw you in the woods looking as suspicious and apprehensive as your nervous dog.

  But I do know that right from the start I resented people saying derogatory things about you, I was angrier than their jibes warranted. I think I saw in you a kindred spirit. We both have regrets. We’re both desperate for someone to care for us. We both have wounds to heal. We’re both lonely.’

  Still he said nothing but kept his gaze riveted on her and she could see the emotions flickering across his face, shock, pain, disbelief. She sat down, she had to, the enormity of what she’d said was beginning to sink in. But if she could have gone back in time and unspoken the words she would not have. This time tomorrow she would be gone from here, from this state, from this country, from Jonas Lando, so what did it matter now what she said.

  Her face was soft and her tone very gentle now, ‘no, I don’t know when I first knew that I cared for you, that I came to love you; it might come to me one day. But how I came to love you, well, that will always remain a mystery. You’re not an easy man to love, Mr. Lando, you’re morose and miserable, moody and mean. Not to mention downright rude. Even though you crave company and friendship you’re determined not to let anyone get close to you, and if you suspect that someone might you do everything in your power to alienate them. You’ve let what happened to you turn you into an angry, bitter man who sees everyone as the enemy and their friendliness as suspect. You’re determined to punish, not only yourself, but everyone else for your imagined sins…including me. You’ve been released from one prison but now you’re in a prison of your own making.’

  His face darkened and his eyes flashed. He stood up sending the chair he was sitting on crashing to the floor. He looked down on her his fists clenched as though he would strike her but she didn’t by any sign show any fear. There followed a silence broken only
by the sound of his harsh breathing finally he said, ‘you think you know me, you think you love me. Get real, lady. I’m just a substitute for what you thought you had, for what you lost. Hennessey. You’re just using me as a stand in for him.’

  He leaned over her and sneered, ‘okay, I’ll play along. I’ll give you what you want and what by the looks of you you desperately need. Where do you fancy, the bed, the floor, or what about the table,’ he shook it, ‘seems sturdy enough, but hey, it’s been almost eight years, I might get carried away. So what do you say, you’re the lady, you choose.’

  She didn’t speak but stared back unflinching. His lips twisted into a bitter grimace as he drawled, ‘what? Hey, come on, I’m willing to take on a murdering sonovabitch’s cast off, the least you can do is take on a moody, miserable, mean ex- con.’ Her eyes did flicker at this and her cheeks reddened slightly. He smirked, ‘come on, I know you want too and don’t worry I’ll try to be as gentle as I can but as I say,’ he shrugged, ‘eight long fucking years.’

  Still she made no response whatsoever so after staring into her eyes, his own flashing dangerously he stood up straight, ‘no? Well I’m not sure whether to be disappointed or not. I’m desperate,’ he looked her up and down, ‘but I’m not sure I’m really that desperate.’

  She rose slowly to her feet her face pale and her eyes very bright but her voice steady and calm as she said, ‘thank you for the painting,’ she put out her hand, ‘goodbye, Mr. Lando.’ He looked down at her hand then up at her as though she was a disgusting creature from the swamp, then he turned and walked to the door opened it and walked out of the cabin and out of her life.

  CHAPTER 49.

  Adela stayed where she stood staring at the door that Lando had slammed behind him, just as he had effectively slammed the door on any future they might have had together.