Finding Ashley

by Danielle Steel

  Michaela and Melissa talked for ten minutes, and then got off. It raised Melissa’s spirits just thinking about her. She had presents wrapped for them, and they were going to rent skis and ice skates for the children when they got there. The best Christmas gift of all was the one Hattie had brought her. She had a daughter.

  * * *

  —

  It had been years since Melissa had spent Christmas with anyone, or New Year’s, or any holiday except the recent Thanksgiving. She had spent them all alone, in the silent house, watching a movie on TV, or reading a book, without celebration. But this year was different. Norm usually went to his brother’s house in Boston, but he had declined, and had told him that at Thanksgiving. He wanted to spend it with Melissa. They had been together for almost three months, and she had never been as comfortable with any man in her life.

  He made a simple lamb roast, French style, with garlic and green beans, on Christmas Eve, with a yule log for dessert. She had tasted his soufflés by then and loved them. After dinner, they sat in front of the fire in her living room, and drank Chateau d’Yquem, another sweet Sauterne, it was the best one, which the French called liquid gold. She hadn’t had it in years and was reminded of how much she loved it.

  “It’s been an incredible year,” she said, looking into the fire and thinking about it. “I have two important new people in my life, you and Michaela. And her children,” she added, “and David. A year ago I was alone, eating a grilled cheese sandwich, thinking about the past. Now I think about the future.”

  “And what does that look like?” he asked her, as he watched her. He still couldn’t believe his good fortune to be sharing the relationship they had. It felt like a dream to him too.

  “I’m not sure.” The possibilities were limitless. “Maybe we should take a trip together.” She hadn’t been to Europe in seven years, or anywhere else, except L.A.

  “We could eat our way through France,” he suggested, liking the idea.

  “Or Italy,” she added with a smile.

  “Or both. Even better.”

  “Maybe next summer. Maybe Michaela and her family would join us, or we could rent a house somewhere. I have a family again.” It made everything more exciting, and added new dimensions to her life. And Norm did too. She liked sharing their everyday lives, and meeting up at the end of the day. “Let’s think about it. Could you get away?” He was always busy building houses for his clients, but he had a good crew and several foremen he could leave in charge.

  “I can plan it, if I know ahead of time.”

  They went upstairs before midnight, and lay in bed talking. She was half asleep and beginning to mumble while he was still talking, and she drifted off to sleep while he watched her. He slipped a long, slim box under her pillow while she slept. He had gone to Boston to shop for her, and found just what he wanted.

  She kissed him when she woke up in the morning, and he peeled off her nightgown and admired her.

  “Merry Christmas,” she said, smiling at him, and then pulled him toward her.

  “You missed Santa last night. You were snoring when he came by,” he said and kissed her.

  “He hasn’t been here in ages. I’m not on his list,” she said with a grin.

  “Well, he was here last night. I think he left something under your pillow,” Norm said innocently. She thought he was teasing her, but slipped a hand under it and found the box he had put there. She was smiling broadly as she pulled it out, and he watched with pleasure as she opened it. She gasped when she saw it. It was a heavy bracelet of gold links and on the back of each link there was a word engraved. All together it read “Happy First Christmas. I love you, N.” She liked the idea of it being their first Christmas. It suggested that there would be more. She hoped they would be lucky enough for that to be true.

  “I love it.” He put it on her wrist, and she reached into her night table and handed him a box too. It was a sturdy stainless steel Rolex watch he could wear every day at work, with a chronograph, a stopwatch, and all the extra dials and features she knew he’d love. He put his gift on too, and looked like the proverbial kid at Christmas when he thanked her.

  He slept naked and she pressed her body against him as they kissed. She loved feeling his body against her. He was powerfully built with broad shoulders and strong arms, and he loved the silk of her skin next to his. He could never get enough of her. He never wanted their lovemaking to end.

  “I love you, Mel,” he said in a husky voice.

  “I love you too.” It was the best Christmas she’d had in years. He started making love to her, and she arched her back as he entered her. Everything about their lovemaking was so sweet, and so sensual. They always seemed to be in tune with each other, as they were now. It lasted as long as they could bear it, and then their insatiable hunger and passion took over. They lay spent afterward and smiled at each other. As she looked at him, Melissa couldn’t think of a single thing she wanted. She had it all.

  Chapter 14

  By Christmas, Marla had finished shooting her most recent film. Post-production was winding down, and she only had to go into the sound studio a few times. She was already studying her next script. She was thoroughly professional, always prepared, and rarely went out or saw people when she was learning lines. She did research for months before every picture, and had set a strong example to Michaela for excellence and perfection. Michaela had developed a powerful work ethic like her adoptive mother, and admired Marla for her discipline.

  Marla joined them for dinner on Christmas Eve, and after the children were put to bed, she sat and talked to Michaela and David. The tree was lit, and Andy and Alexandra had opened their grandmother’s gifts that night. She gave them books and practical things that they could learn from. She had definite ideas about how children should be raised and what they should be taught. She’d applied them to Michaela. She had taught her to read when she was three, and Marla had taken her on location with her, with a nanny, before she started school. After that, the long separations while she worked on movie after movie had begun. She regretted it now, but her career had come first. Michaela understood it and didn’t hold it against her, and she had loved her nannies. Marla had insisted on good manners, and the nannies she hired were British and well trained. Michaela had a more informal style with her own children, and she had less help. She liked taking care of them herself whenever she could. David helped on weekends. Michaela had missed having a father. Marla never introduced her to the men in her life. She kept that separate and never discussed it with her daughter.

  “I have to admit,” she said, as they relaxed in front of the fire after dinner, “I was shocked when you told me you had met your birth mother. After they told you about the fire at Saint Blaise’s, I assumed that would never be possible.”

  “So did I,” Michaela added. “I was shocked when her sister came to see me at the office. At first I thought it was some kind of scam.”

  “I was afraid of that too,” Marla admitted. “But I was even more afraid that it might be real, and worried about why she wanted to meet you. It’s been such a long time. She wasn’t at all what I expected when I met her at Thanksgiving. I thought I’d be jealous and she’d try to ‘steal’ you. Instead she turns out to be this very nice, normal woman. She’s had a sad life, and I realize that she needs you, maybe more than you needed her. I don’t think she’s trying to take you away, I think she really just wanted to know you’re all right. And it turns out that we all like each other. She’s young enough to be my daughter too.”

  “I thought that when I met her. There’s something very dignified about her, and proud, in a nice way. She was so impressed by you. She thought you were real too. She’s kind of like a young aunt, or an older sister. They both are. I like Hattie too. You’d like her. She doesn’t seem like a nun. She’s very practical and down to earth.”

  “So is your birth
mother. I like that about her too. That’s an awful story about her son. I know what you mean about her being dignified. She doesn’t come across as needy or desperate, but there’s a terrible sadness in her eyes. Fate takes strange turns. She loses him, and finds you. And now you have both of us. I didn’t feel threatened by her, or jealous. I thought I would,” she said honestly, “but I don’t.”

  “I was a little afraid of that,” Michaela said softly. “I think I would have. You two were funny together.”

  “I meant what I told her. She should go back to writing. She has an enormous talent. It’s a sin to let that lie dormant and not use it. It’s not right.” Marla believed that everyone should work, at every age. She had made that clear to Michaela too, who was very serious about her job as a social worker.

  “Maybe she’ll go back to it someday. She seems to be busy with her house,” Michaela said thoughtfully.

  “That’s not enough,” Marla said firmly, “she’s too bright for that. Maybe finding you will inspire her.” Marla knew they were going to visit Melissa in three days. She was going to a spa in Palm Springs herself, for a week of intense exercise and diet, cleansing drinks and herbal facials before starting her new film in a few weeks. She had invited Michaela to bring the children over to Europe during ski week, while she was on location in England. Michaela had promised to try. They were going to be shooting in Ireland and Scotland too, in rugged terrain. It was a period piece. She had two weeks of fittings for the wigs and costumes, which were elaborate.

  Marla stayed until eleven and then she went home. She got up at six every day to exercise, five when she was working on a picture. She applied rigorous discipline to everything she did.

  “I’ll talk to you before you leave. And give Melissa a hug from me,” she said, and kissed Michaela and David before she left. She drove herself home. She usually had a driver, but didn’t want to make him work on Christmas Eve. He had a wife and kids, and she was sensitive to that. She was an admirable woman, and much respected by those who knew her well. Her employees were devoted to her, and many of them had worked for her for over thirty years. Michaela had grown up with them.

  Michaela and David and the children relaxed at home on Christmas Day. The weather was warm, so they heated the pool and let the kids swim for a short time. Then they went inside to play with their presents. Andrew had his first two-wheel bike, and he wanted to take it to Massachusetts. His parents said he couldn’t. He’d have to leave it at home, but he was going to ski instead.

  Michaela was excited to see Melissa again, and David was looking forward to getting some skiing in too, although the mountain wasn’t challenging there. His own parents had been killed in a freak accident, mountain climbing in Europe, before the children were born, so he thought having a second grandmother would be nice for them. He was easygoing and adored his wife and children, and had gone along with the plan. Michaela had teased him about having a second mother-in-law. Marla was a force to be reckoned with, and opinionated at times. He could already tell that Melissa’s points of view were more moderate, less old-fashioned, and more diplomatically expressed, but he loved Marla too, for her honesty and good heart. She’d always been kind to him since they’d met.

  Michaela spent the day after Christmas packing for their trip, and she could hardly get the children to bed that night, they were so excited about going to the snow, building a snowman, ice skating, and seeing their new grandmother again. Michaela hadn’t told them she had more presents for them. She didn’t want that to be the main event, so they had surprises in store. Melissa was wide awake in her bed that night too, thinking about them.

  * * *

  —

  Hattie had been at the retreat house in Vermont for a week by then. The silence felt peaceful and was a relief at first. So much had happened, and retelling the rape had brought back terrible nightmares and memories. She thought a silent retreat would help them recede again. But as the days wore on, with no one to speak to, the voices in her head got louder and more strident every day, voices about what had brought her into the convent in the first place, reminding her that she had lied about having a vocation. She kept thinking of Fiona Eckles’s words in Dublin about how disillusioned she was with the Church. She felt as though she was spinning in circles with a thousand echoes in her head telling her that she didn’t belong in the Church, that she wasn’t good enough or pure enough. She was a liar, a fraud. All the good she had done in the past eighteen years faded away and the only thing left were her doubts, about the Church, herself, and what direction to take now. She felt frozen in place, and nothing in her life made sense anymore. The only thing that did was having found Melissa’s daughter for her. She had no regrets about that, and was thrilled with how it had worked out. She was sorry she wouldn’t see them over New Year’s at Melissa’s house, but she would have had to work anyway.

  Hattie suspected that the public revelations about the sex offenders in Hollywood were continuing. They weren’t allowed to read the newspapers or watch television during the retreat, so nothing would intrude on them, so Hattie didn’t know what was going on, or if the press had said anything about her, which was just as well. In fact, her story had been added to the others, but the police had kept her name out of it, and said only that she had been a young actress raped and brutalized by him twenty years ago. Melissa had been relieved to see that it had been kept anonymous, but she had no contact with Hattie so she couldn’t tell her. No one could. The whole purpose of the retreat was for Hattie to clear her mind and come back stronger, more at peace, and feeling whole again. For now, she felt fragmented and broken in a million pieces, pulled in all directions. She had reached no conclusions while there. They had said she could stay as long as she wanted and needed to. She didn’t even know what day it was. The nuns who ran the retreat told her it didn’t matter, and she suspected they were right. A relief nurse was covering her shifts at the hospital. It made her feel that she was replaceable, which was liberating.

  * * *

  —

  The morning that Michaela and her family were due to arrive, Melissa had gotten up at six and checked everything, the room that the children would share with twin beds and antique quilts handmade by local women, the large, airy bedroom with floral prints and matching wallpaper from England for David and Michaela. It had a big bathroom, with a large antique tub that Norm had found and installed, and it had a little sitting room next to it that was bright and sunny, overlooking the garden and the mountains. They were far down the hall from Melissa’s bedroom so they didn’t have to worry about disturbing her if the children got up early. The house was well laid out for family and guests. The family who had built it had five children, and all the bedrooms were big and airy with peaceful views, with the parents’ quarters separate.

  She had rented bicycles for them to use when the ground wasn’t icy. They were going to rent the ski equipment once the children were there and could be measured for it. Michaela wanted to ski too. David had been a downhill racer in college, and was bringing his own equipment. If the weather held up and they didn’t get buried in snow, Melissa had a lot of activities planned for them. And Norm had promised to give Andy a ride on one of his tractors and his forklift, which his mother had promised him. They were going to ice-skate on a frozen pond, visit a breeder of huskies, and Norm had promised to cook for them. There was plenty to keep them busy, and Melissa was grateful for Norm’s help to entertain them. His office was closed until after the New Year, so he had plenty of free time.

  Melissa had arranged for a van and driver to pick them up at Logan airport in Boston and drive them to her home. She thought they’d be tired from the trip, so she didn’t schedule too much for the first day or evening, although it was hard not to. There was so much she wanted to fit in, and do with them, and show Michaela. David had a college roommate nearby in New Hampshire and was going to make a short daytrip to visit him. There would be enou
gh leisure time to let everyone relax, and enough activities to keep them busy. Michaela had packed games and their iPads so the children could entertain themselves if they woke up early.

  Melissa had tended to every detail. Norm had been impressed by how well she organized the week they were going to spend with her. They had discussed it, and had decided that he shouldn’t spend the night with her with the children there. They weren’t married and she didn’t want to explain it to them. And after only three months, who knew if he would still be in her life on their next visit. She hoped he would be, but was realistic about it. He was planning to spend time with them, show David the area, and still give Melissa and her daughter time alone together. She and Norm had carefully planned the meals he was going to cook, with his expert knowledge of French and Italian cooking. He was going to make homemade pizza for the kids, and real spaghetti Bolognese, which took all day to prepare, chopping and adding the ingredients and letting it simmer.

  Melissa looked nervous as she waited for them to arrive from the airport, and Norm baked cookies for them while she checked their bedrooms again. She acted as though royalty was going to be visiting, and to her they were.

  “Relax, they’re going to love it here,” he reassured her. She still had her tree up in the living room, and her presents for them were piled high, including two teddy bears she had had made especially for the children.

  At last they heard the van come up the driveway and stop in front of the house. Melissa waited for them on the porch, and then ran down the steps to greet them. She hugged the children, and kissed her daughter, as Norm, David, and the driver took their bags inside. One of them was full of gifts Michaela had brought for her. She introduced them to Norm, who was waiting in the house.