Some Kind of Wonderful

by Barbara Freethy

  "This was a big mistake," he said, frowning at her unbridled enthusiasm. With Emily nuzzled against his chest and Caitlyn by his side, he felt like he was part of a family: a husband, a wife, a baby. But they weren't a family, and he couldn't let himself forget that. "Look at you," he said pointedly, finally getting Caitlyn's attention.

  "What? I'm fine."

  "You're out of control."

  "It's one cute little dress," she said, putting it in the cart. "Diapers, we need diapers." She walked around the corner and tossed several large bags into the cart, followed by baby wipes, bottles, formula, bibs, socks, a couple of sleepers, a baby blanket, a traveling crib, and a pink hair ribbon that Caitlyn couldn't resist. By the time they headed down the last aisle, the cart was overflowing with items Caitlyn insisted that he needed.

  "You know I'm not a rich man," he told her.

  "Most of it is on sale."

  "And most of it we don't need. I don't need," he corrected. "She doesn't need," he said, finally finding the right pronoun.

  Caitlyn simply offered him a smile that told him she could see right through him. To distract her, he stopped and looked over at the shelves, determined to find something else that they didn't need, so she would coo over it and focus her attention anywhere but on him. That's when he saw it, an enormous chocolate brown teddy bear with soft, plush fur and black eyes that reminded him of Sarah.

  "Emily would love that," Caitlyn said.

  "It's bigger than she is," he replied gruffly.

  "She'll grow into it." Caitlyn took the bear off the rack and sat it on top of the growing pile, daring him to take it off.

  "Fine," he said with a long-suffering sigh.

  "Oh, please, you don't fool me."

  "I don't know what you're talking about."

  "I'm talking about that sentimental streak that runs down your back."

  "You're seeing things with those rose-colored glasses again, Princess."

  "And you're a terrible liar. Why not just admit that you wouldn't mind giving this sweet bear a little hug?" Caitlyn leaned over and put her arms around the bear, her eyes lit up with mischievous playfulness.

  He tried hard not to smile, but she was a picture with her long golden hair and her warm brown eyes. "I've got my arms full as it is," he said, adjusting Emily on his shoulder.

  "I can take Emily."

  "She's my responsibility."

  "How kind of you to remember when it's convenient," she said dryly. "I'll remind you of that next time she has a poopy diaper."

  Matt laughed out loud, thinking how long it had been since he'd heard himself laugh. Not that he'd admit that to her. It was one thing to confess a little lust to a woman, but genuine liking was going too far.

  "You should do that more often," Caitlyn told him. "And maybe pick out some brighter clothes. You wear a lot of black."

  "I like black. It suits my mood."

  "It's depressing," she said, pushing the cart toward one of the checkout counters.

  "That's me and the newspaper, depressing."

  She made a face at him as they stopped at the end of a long line. "Life is too short to spend most of it dwelling on the negative."

  "But it helps to be informed. You can make better choices, avoid costly, dangerous situations."

  "Like opening your door at midnight when some man announces there's a baby in the hallway?"

  He groaned. "There it is again."

  "And how would reading the newspaper have prevented me from opening my door?"

  "You might have read about the dangers of letting a stranger into your house."

  "And where would you be then? I'll tell you," she said, not waiting for an answer. "You'd be here alone, buying Emily an entire wardrobe in black, I'm sure."

  "All right, you win." He wrinkled his nose as a nasty smell assailed him. He didn't know why women raved about a baby smell. As far as he could tell, there was only one distinct odor, and it certainly wasn't rosy.

  "Ooh," Caitlyn said with a frown. "Guess it's time to remind you about Emily being your responsibility."

  "I have to pay for this stuff."

  "That is a dilemma, isn't it?"

  "You're going to make me ask, aren't you? Fine. Will you please help me by changing Emily's diaper?"

  "Yes, I will, since you asked so nicely. I'll take her out to the car."

  "I think there's one diaper left in the diaper bag," he told her. "If not, you'll have to wait until I pay for these."

  "I think there is one left. I'll pick up a newspaper on the way out and lay it down over the upholstery," she said with a mischievous smile. "See, I knew those newspapers were good for something."

  "Remind me to tell you how important wedding dresses are to national security."

  "I was just kidding. Jeez, lighten up. And wedding dresses may not be important to national security, but they do add to the national gross product." She took Emily out of his arms. "And more importantly, they make people happy. And that's priceless."

  Matt was still smiling even after she'd left. A foolish grin no doubt, judging by the way the checker stared at him like he was Looney. And maybe he was. Emily and Caitlyn were turning his world upside down. He just wished he didn't feel so damn good about it, because if he knew anything, he knew this: if something seemed too good to be true, it probably was.

  * * *

  Caitlyn hadn't enjoyed herself so much in a long time. After they'd finished their shopping. Matt had dropped her and Emily off at home, while he'd run out to pick up some food for dinner. Caitlyn had made herself comfortable in Matt's apartment, and after putting away the baby things, she'd given Emily a bath in her new tub.

  Emily loved the water, smiling and gurgling every time Caitlyn drizzled streams of water over her body. By the time they were through, Caitlyn was almost as wet as Emily. They were both disappointed when Caitlyn decided enough was enough and wrapped Emily in a terry cloth towel and laid her down in the middle of Matt's bed. She had just finished dressing Emily in one of her new soft, fuzzy sleepers when she heard the front door open.

  Caitlyn walked into the living room with a bright smile and offered Matt a flippant, "Hi, honey, you're home."

  The expression on Matt's face told Caitlyn she'd probably gone a little too far in making herself comfortable. She'd known it, too. Every second of the afternoon a voice inside her head told her she was getting too involved, enjoying it all too much, losing sight of the fact that this baby, this man, were not hers to keep. But she'd ignored that little voice, concentrating on the here and now instead of the future. Unfortunately, the future seemed to have arrived in the form of one scowling male.

  Caitlyn pushed a damp strand of hair away from her face. "We took a bath," she said.

  "I can see that. Just out of curiosity, did you actually get Emily wet?"

  "She likes to splash. In fact, she's a regular water baby. You should take her in the shower the next time you go. She'd probably love the water going over her... her head." Caitlyn added belated, suddenly aware that her mind had just conjured up Matt naked in the shower, and what an image that was. "Or you can just stick with the bath."

  Matt didn't say anything to relieve her discomfort. Instead, the scowl was replaced by a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. "Maybe you could join us in the shower."

  She cleared her throat. "I don't think so."

  "But you've been so helpful. Why stop with just -- redecorating?" His gaze swept the apartment, noting how she'd spread everything out, including placing the big bear in Matt's favorite armchair.

  "If you don't like things, you can move them around."

  Matt walked over to the dining room table and set down the bag of Chinese food. "Has anyone ever told you that where you go, chaos seems to follow?"

  "I didn't want to go through your drawers," she said defensively, "or I would have put things away."

  "Maybe I'd like you to go through my drawers," he said with a wink.

  "Matt, the baby!"
she said in mock outrage, putting her hand over Emily's ear.

  "If she hangs around here much longer, she'll hear a lot worse."

  "You know, you're a lot cuter when you smile."

  He shook his head in disbelief. "Do you actually think before you speak?"

  "What? I'm not supposed to notice that your face takes on this amazing glow when you're amused by something?"

  "You don't have to comment on everything you see. And men don't glow. Nor are they cute."

  "You glow and you're cute. And I'm in a good mood, so don't spoil it." She rested her chin lightly on Emily's downy head, loving the feel of the baby in her arms.

  Matt's expression softened as he gazed at them both. "You don't have to hold the baby every second."

  "I like holding her."

  "You're spoiling her."

  "You can't spoil a baby, especially one who's missing her mother."

  "Emily looks pretty happy to me. You make a good substitute."

  Caitlyn drew in a sharp breath, once again reminded that this was all very temporary. "Right. Well, maybe I will put Emily down so we can eat."

  "Good idea. You never know how long the quiet will last," he added as he set out the food. "I got chicken chow mien, sweet and sour pork, and an assortment of other stuff. I wasn't sure what you'd like."

  "That's fine." Caitlyn placed Emily in her car seat, which was now adorned by a colorful mobile, giving the baby something to look at. In fact, Emily's eyes immediately fixed on the swinging teddy bears, allowing Caitlyn to back away without even a hint of protest.

  Caitlyn was almost sorry that Emily was so happy. Without the distraction of the baby, it was just her and Matt, not in the couple sense, of course, although they did seem to have a very inconvenient and potent attraction for each other. But that was just chemistry. It wasn't like they had an emotional connection. It wasn't like they had anything in common -- besides Emily.

  Caitlyn simply had to keep things light and breezy, casual. They would just be two neighbors sharing dinner, nothing more, nothing less. She could do it. To do anything else, to imagine any other kind of relationship with Matt, would be foolish and dangerous to her heart. It was bad enough she was falling for Emily; she couldn't allow herself to fall for Matt, too.

  She sat down at the table as Matt retrieved plates and utensils from the kitchen and took a few calming breaths. Just dinner, she reminded herself, realizing that dinner actually sounded pretty good. There was a rumbling in her stomach that couldn't be denied.

  "Chopsticks or forks?" Matt asked her, holding out both.

  "Forks."

  "Now, that surprises me. I would have picked you for the chopstick type, romantic versus practical."

  "Or hungry versus trying to impress," she replied as she began dishing food onto her plate. The smells of ginger and soy made her take a long deep breath of delight. "This smells wonderful."

  Matt sat down across from her, but instead of picking up his own fork, he watched her take a bite. "It amazes me sometimes how little it takes to make you happy."

  "After the accident I realized that you have to enjoy the small moments, because sometimes that's all you have. Right now, at this place in this time, I'm happy." She shrugged. "In five minutes maybe I won't be, but now is good, so I'm going to enjoy it."

  Matt picked up his fork and took a bite of the pork.

  "While I hesitate to upset your apple cart... did I mention there's a bouquet of red roses sitting outside your apartment door? And before you ask, no, I didn't send them. In fact, I couldn't help glancing at the card. It was sitting right there."

  "You snooped through my roses?"

  "The handwriting was huge."

  "Brian?" she asked, a knot forming in her stomach.

  "Apparently he's even more sorry than he was earlier today."

  Caitlyn set down her fork. "You couldn't have waited until after dinner to tell me about the flowers?"

  "The guy doesn't give up; I'll give him that much. Of course, you now fit into his plans better than you did last year."

  "What would you have done differently? Let's say the positions were reversed. You're in a wheelchair, and your fiancé has this fabulous job opportunity. Would you tell her to forget it, to stand by your side no matter what it costs her professionally?"

  "No, I wouldn't, because I'm as noble as you are," he said. "But if she left, I'd probably figure she didn't love me as much as I loved her. I learned a long time ago that you can't make people stay. You can't make them love you, and you can't make them change their minds, not about the things that are important to them, the things they want more than they want you."

  "You're saying Brian's career was more important to him than me?"

  "Hell, yes, I'm saying that. Don't you feel the same way? Isn't that why you haven't jumped back into his arms?"

  "That's part of the reason," she conceded. "It isn't just that he left, though. When I think of him, I think of all the pain. It's like the last thing you eat before you get the stomach flu. All you remember is how bad you felt afterward, even discounting the fact that what you ate might have had nothing to do with the vomiting. They're coupled forever."

  "Nice analogy while we're eating," he said dryly. "But I get your point. You can't think of Brian without thinking of the wheelchair."

  "Exactly. I know that's not fair. But there you go." She paused, feeling a need to explain further. "I also know that a part of me wanted Brian to go. It was easier for me when he was gone. I didn't have to worry about him anymore, about how he was feeling, if he was spending too much time at the hospital, if he hated the way I looked, if he was only there out of pity. That's why I sound so ambivalent about wanting to blame him for leaving, because I know in my heart that I kind of pushed him away. I don't know if you can understand. Everything is so black and white with you, but I see all the shades of gray. You probably think I'm nuts."

  Matt reached across the table and covered one of her hands with his. "I thought you weren't going to worry anymore about what people think?"

  She sighed. "It's a habit I still have to break. You know that saying about hearing the beat of a different drum? I've always felt that was me, growing up out of step with everyone around me."

  "Maybe the people around you were the ones out of step. After all, your father doesn't even appear to be on this planet at times, and your mother is so driven by what she wants that she doesn't understand what you want. And Brian, well, don't get me started..."

  She looked at him in amazement. She'd never considered that angle. "But they're all brilliant, successful people, admired by many."

  "So are you. Brilliant and successful."

  She brushed the compliment aside. "Hardly."

  "You run your own business. You have your own apartment. You live your own life. What do you have to apologize for?"

  She hesitated, feeling the words begin to bubble up inside of her, words she couldn't possibly share. Fortunately, the phone rang, effectively breaching the growing confidence between them.

  Matt was all business when he answered the phone with a simple, "Winters." His next words shocked her to the core. "You've got a lead?"

  The question sent Caitlyn to her feet as well. The call had to be about Sarah. Oh, God. What if he'd found Sarah? Caitlyn looked at Emily, sleeping peacefully in her car seat, and was assailed by the sudden urge to grab her and keep her safe. But safe from whom? Her own mother? How could she do that?

  Matt grabbed a piece of paper and jotted something down. "Maybe I should go there, too, ask some questions." He paused, then nodded. "All right. I'll wait for your call."

  Caitlyn twisted her fingers together, feeling the tension rising within her. It was all she could do not to say anything until Matt had hung up the phone, then the words burst out of her. "Did he find Sarah?"

  Matt's eyes blazed with excitement. "A woman with long black hair checked into a shelter in San Francisco last night under the name of Sarah Vaughn."

  "Do
you think it's her?" she asked tightly.

  "Vaughn was my mother's maiden name."

  Caitlyn wrapped her arms around her waist, feeling cold. This was supposed to be good news. So why didn't she feel good? "What happens now?"

  "Blake assures me that Sarah is not at the shelter now, but he has an assistant who will be there tonight in case she returns. Blake also ran her name through the computers and came up with an address in Berkeley. That's where he is now. He says no one is home, but he will call me as soon as someone comes back." His eyes blazed with renewed hope. "I've never been this close, Caitlyn. I have half a mind to drive over there myself."

  "I'm sure Blake will call you as soon as he knows anything."

  "But what if Sarah sees him and runs? I'm not sure I should take the chance."

  "You can't take Emily," Caitlyn said abruptly.

  "Sure I can. She loves the car."

  "No."

  Matt raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Why not?"

  Caitlyn swallowed hard, suddenly forced to come up with an explanation for her knee-jerk reaction, one based on logic and not emotion. Finally, she said, "For whatever reason, Sarah didn't want Emily with her. I don't think you should take Emily back to a place Sarah left."

  He hesitated. "You might have a point."

  "Of course I do. You should just let your investigator investigate. I'm sure he'll call you as soon as Sarah surfaces, if she does." Caitlyn walked away from his inquisitive eyes and paused in front of the window. She knew why she didn't want Matt to take Emily and go, and her reasons were purely selfish. In spite of telling herself a hundred times not to get attached, she'd gotten attached.

  "Emily will go back to her mother, Caitlyn," Matt said quietly from behind her. "You know that. It's the best thing for her. A baby needs its mother."

  "A mother who left her in a hallway?"

  "We don't know why she did that."

  "I'm not sure I care why." A minute later, she felt his hands on her shoulders, and she couldn't help herself from leaning back against Matt's chest. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I know you want me to be happy that you're close to finding Sarah, but I guess it just hit me that as soon as Sarah comes back, Emily goes."