Time Shall Reap

by Doris Davidson

  A chilling thought assailed him suddenly. It didn’t seem fitting, in the middle of a war, to be so ecstatically happy – would something happen to spoil it? Would he be ...? No, no! Taking a long, deep breath he pushed the repulsive idea aside. He was being morbid because his love for Laura had blossomed so quickly; nothing – repeat, nothing – could ever come between them, and nobody could ever drive them apart.

  End of message! Over and out!

  Chapter Twenty-two

  ‘It’s good to see you, Laura.’

  ‘It’s good to be home, Mum, but I hope you haven’t planned any visits for me this time.’ Laura hadn’t been too happy at having to go to King’s Gate the last time she was home. She had never liked going there.

  ‘You’ll have to visit Helen. She always asks about you.’

  ‘I was going to, anyway. She’ll want to know all the gen on John, he’s at Turnhouse now, too.’ Laura was confident that her mother would give her blessing on their love, but she didn’t intend to tell her just yet. It was a secret she wanted to hug for a little longer before sharing it.

  A slight frown crossing her face, Elspeth carried a large, circular, chromium-plated tray through from the scullery. ‘You never said in your letters that John was at Turnhouse.’

  ‘I thought Helen would have told you. He’s been there for about three weeks.’ Three glorious weeks and two heavenly days, Laura thought, then felt that it might be better to give her mother some inkling of what was to come. ‘We’ve been going to the pictures, and dances, and that sort of thing, so you see he doesn’t object to me any longer.’

  She laughed – an excited, trilly laugh which made Elspeth pause in the act of pouring out tea. ‘He’s a wizard dancer, and it feels like we were always meant to dance together. He’s good company, too.’ That should be enough to pave the way, Laura thought, then noticed that her mother’s face had paled and tightened. It couldn’t be possible that she wouldn’t be pleased about it? ‘How’s Dad?’

  ‘His leg plays him up now and again, but you know your father, he never complains.’

  Laura was puzzled by her mother’s expression. She had seen it before, a look of sadness ... fear? She had once asked her father about it, but he had just said, ‘She worries a lot, and sometimes makes mountains out of molehills.’

  Elspeth certainly seemed to be worried now. ‘I see Helen every week, and she’s never said John was at Turnhouse.’ If she had only known, her friend had been in a quandary about whether or not to tell her.

  ‘John’s been posted to Turnhouse,’ Helen had told Jimmy after the letter came, ‘and he’s been going out wi’ Laura Fullerton. Well, they’ve been playmates all their lives – more like brother and sister, really.’ Jimmy’s grunt had stopped her flow.

  ‘They are brother and sister, half brother and sister, any road. I’m surprised at you forgetting, after what happened before Elspeth wed David.’

  Helen’s face had fallen. ‘I didn’t really forget, I just put it out o’ my mind, for I’m that used to thinking John’s ours. But surely Laura and him can’t be ...?’

  Jimmy had shaken his head. ‘He’s just taking her out, what he’d do wi’ any lassie he’d ken’t all her life.’

  This did nothing to assuage Helen’s fears. ‘I’d best warn Elspeth in case they get serious about each other.’

  ‘There’s no sense in meeting trouble half way, and you’ll just upset her, you ken what a worrier she is. And there’s nothing to tell, really. They’re in a strange place, among strangers, and they’ll be fine company for each other.’

  Feeling most uneasy about it, Helen had decided not to tell Elspeth. Jimmy must be right, they were just two young people enjoying each other’s company.

  Fear that her cosy little world was about to come crashing round her was gnawing at Elspeth now, but she told herself that she was imagining things. Laura had always been fond of John, but he’d never had any time for her. He’d had a few girlfriends before he joined up, and he’d likely had a lot more since ... he wouldn’t get seriously involved with Laura. Elspeth started talking, telling her daughter how hard it was to manage on the food rations, how she used the dried eggs – anything, to forget her doubts.

  The girl stopped listening and let her mind drift back to the happiest night of her life. Instant Love. The memory of John’s first kiss still made her go weak at the knees, though it had been repeated countless times since. They had spent every available minute together, until she had longed for him to make love to her properly. She had never allowed any of the other boys to go that far, but John was more than just another boy. He was the boy she had loved all her life. Her mother’s voice, raised in complaint about her butcher, penetrated her thoughts.

  ‘When I told him I wasn’t going to give up my meat coupons for lumps of fat and gristle, he said, “Take it or leave it, it’s all the same to me.” So I’d just to take it, but what a nerve he has, selling stuff that’s only fit for pigs.’

  Laura was laughing as her father came in, his tired, haggard face lighting up when he saw her. ‘It’s great to see you again and I hope you’ll be here longer than forty-eight hours this time.’

  ‘Yes, I’ve got ten days, Dad,’ she said, brightly. ‘I’ve just been telling Mum that John Watson’s at Turnhouse now, and we’ve been going out together quite a lot.’

  ‘That’s good news! It would be a turn-up for the books if you had Helen and Jimmy for in-laws.’ Both he and the girl failed to see the look of horror on Elspeth’s face as she rose to serve the tea.

  ‘You wouldn’t mind, then, Dad?’ Laura was glad that he had brought up the subject. It was sooner than she had meant, but what difference did it make? ‘We haven’t made any definite plans yet, but we’re going to get married.’

  ‘We’re delighted, aren’t we?’ David glanced confidently at his wife, but she was standing in the doorway, with a plate in each hand, as though transfixed, her bobbed hair, now faded to a sandy colour, framing her ashen face, and tears brimming in her eyes – the perfect picture of abject misery. He jumped to his feet to take the plates from her before she dropped them. ‘What’s wrong?’

  Pulling herself together, Elspeth muttered, ‘I just felt a bit dizzy. I must have turned too quickly.’

  David sat down again, but Laura said, ‘Are you sure that’s all it is, Mum?’

  ‘I’m fine, stop fussing.’ Elspeth, in great distraction, knew that she would have to stop what was going on between Laura and John, but she couldn’t get peace to think. In any case, she couldn’t cope with it on her own.

  Her behaviour had effectively put a stop to the discussion, and it wasn’t until the next morning that Laura had a chance to tackle her about her health. ‘Are you sure there’s nothing seriously wrong with you, Mum? You look really ghastly. You would tell me, wouldn’t you? I’ll only worry more if I don’t know.’

  Elspeth drew in a deep breath. ‘I’m not ill. I told you, I must have turned too quickly. I’m all right now.’

  ‘Well, I promised one of the other WAAFs that I’d go to see her mother in Stonehaven. She hasn’t been well, and Trish is really worried about her, but I won’t go today if you’d rather I stayed with you.’

  ‘No, off you go. Will you be back for your dinner?’

  ‘I’ll get a snack somewhere, but I’ll be home for tea.’

  After Laura left, Elspeth hurried to Quarry Street. Jimmy, due to retire shortly, would be at work, so she and Helen could talk confidentially.

  ‘Elspeth! What brings you here at this time o’ the day?’ Helen Watson had never known her friend to go visiting in the morning before; she was always too busy with her housework.

  Elspeth sat down on Jimmy’s leather chair without taking her coat off and came straight to the point. ‘Did you ken about Laura and John?’

  ‘I ken they’ve been going to dances and things.’ Helen was glad that the other woman knew about it. ‘Jimmy says there’s nothing to bother about.’

  ‘They’re
speaking about getting married.’

  Helen’s hand flew to her chest. ‘But they ...’

  ‘I couldna sleep for worrying. I can’t tell her the truth, for she’d be broken-hearted, and what would David say?’

  Helen’s normally cheery face was agonized. ‘We can’t let it go on any longer. They can’t get wed, you ken that.’

  ‘Oh, Helen, I’m sure this is a judgement on me for what I did wi’ John Forrest, and for the lies I tell’t David.’

  ‘You never really tell’t him a lie, for it was ... oh, what a muddle!’ Helen wrung her hands in agitation and Elspeth twisted her handkerchief almost to shreds, both of them searching feverishly for a solution.

  After a few minutes, Helen said, ‘There’s nothing for it but to tell her the truth, whatever way we look at it.’

  Elspeth had known deep down that there was no other way out. ‘What’ll she think o’ me, Helen? And David’s aye been jealous o’ John Forrest, but I’m sure he’s never for one minute suspected young John was mine.’

  The older woman looked contrite. ‘It was me that never put folk right from the very start. If I’d only had my senses at the time, we wouldna be in this predicament now.’

  ‘I didn’t need much persuading to let folk think the wrong thing, though, to save my good name. And it was just the way it happened. You losing your baby, and thinking ... and ... everybody round about taking it for granted that John was yours ... and I thought if I gave him up it would let David and me start wi’ a clean slate. I should have tell’t him, for it’s a lot worse coming out like this.’

  ‘We’ll both need to face up to it, Elspeth. What’s done’s done, and it’s no good greeting over spilt milk.’ Helen’s sigh showed how despondent she was.

  Elspeth pulled herself to her feet wearily. ‘I’d best get home, but God kens how I’ll tell them.’

  At teatime, Elspeth’s brooding silence convinced Laura that there was more to the ‘dizzy turn’ than her mother had admitted, but she tried to hide her alarm by chattering all through the meal. When the dishes were washed and put away, she and her mother joined David at the fireside, Elspeth sitting tensely upright on one of the uncut moquette chairs of the Chesterfield suite which had been bought years before to replace the old, second-hand seats, Laura sprawled out on the settee.

  ‘Now, Laura, tell us more about your romance.’ David’s eyes were twinkling as he laid down his newspaper. ‘How did this wonderful love affair start? I know you always liked John, but I thought he couldn’t stand the sight of you.’

  He unwittingly set the ball rolling, and Laura was glad of the opening. ‘We went to the flicks the first time he asked me out, but we felt a bit awkward with each other. The second time, we went to a dance, and on the way back we discovered we loved each other. It was as simple as that. John says we shouldn’t get married till the war’s finished, but I can’t see any point in wasting our lives – it might last for years yet.’ She gave a throaty chuckle. ‘Don’t worry, Dad, we haven’t slept together – he’s too much of a gentleman to do anything like that – but I wouldn’t have said no if he’d asked me.’

  David was too shocked to speak, but Elspeth – relieved that there would be no possibility of a pregnancy to complicate matters further – said, ‘Laura, David, I’ve some-thing to tell you.’

  ‘I knew there was something seriously wrong with you.’ Laura was concerned, and David sat up in alarm.

  ‘Let me tell you this in my own way, and don’t interrupt. It’s going to be difficult enough for me as it is.’

  Mystified, David nodded his head gravely, and the girl, to cover her apprehension, said, facetiously, ‘You’d better get it over quickly before the suspense kills us.’

  Fixing her eyes on a picture above her husband’s head, she began, ‘John’s not Helen’s and Jimmy’s real son.’ Shaking her head in warning at Laura’s involuntary exclamation, she told them as much as was necessary, coming finally to her decision to leave John with the Watsons. ‘So you see,’ – her voice, which had been quite steady before, began to waver tremulously – ‘he’s your half brother, Laura, and you can’t marry him.’

  David was staring in disbelief, but Laura shouted, ‘For God’s sake! And you’ve kept that a secret all these years, even from your own husband? How could you deceive us like that? You’re a ...’ She searched for words strong enough to convey her contempt, then spat them out. ‘You’re a cruel bitch! A cruel, selfish bitch! You’ve ruined my whole life ... and John’s!’

  Bursting into tears, she ran out, slamming the door viciously behind her. The noise reverberated in the still room and was followed by the sound of hysterical sobbing, which wrenched at Elspeth’s heart. ‘Oh, God!’ she moaned, holding her hands out in appeal to her shocked husband. ‘David? Please say something!’

  His eyes refused to meet hers. ‘I always knew that man had been your lover,’ he muttered, ‘but ... Christ! I never dreamt he’d left you with a bastard.’ His head swivelled round and his eyes were filled with such smouldering fury that her whole body shook with fear.

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, David,’ she muttered through chattering teeth, ‘but I was feared you wouldn’t marry me if you knew about ...’

  ‘But you kept it from me for over twenty years!’ he shouted, springing to his feet and towering above her as she cringed before him. ‘How do you think I feel now? If you’d told me John was yours when I first went to Quarry Street to see you, I’d have accepted it, but ...’

  ‘I couldn’t, David, for like I told you, Helen thought he was hers, and it wasn’t till I’d said I’d marry you that Jimmy made her see he wasn’t.’

  ‘But you didn’t even tell me then! God almighty, Elspeth! You’ve been deceiving me all these years.’

  ‘I didn’t want to deceive you, but ...’ She tried to stand up, but he shoved her roughly back into her chair.

  ‘You didn’t try very hard not to. Even when I tackled you about ... that man, you swore for years that he hadn’t been your lover ... till I forced it out of you.’

  He stopped, a distant look in his eyes, and she knew that he was remembering his own fears that she had been thinking of John Forrest every time they made love. She moved forward a little in her seat, and meeting no opposition this time, she stood up beside him. ‘You don’t know how sorry I am about this, David,’ she whispered. ‘I should have told you after you came back from the war, but I thought what I was doing was the right thing.’

  Flinging off the hand she had tried to place on his arm, he sneered, ‘So you thought lying was the right thing?’

  ‘I didn’t tell you a lie,’ she muttered, ‘I just didn’t tell you the truth.’

  ‘It comes to the same thing in the end. Christ, Elspeth, I thought I knew you, but obviously I didn’t. What you did to me was a wicked thing, but how will you ever square your conscience for what you’ve done to Laura and John?’

  ‘I never thought they’d fall in love.’

  ‘That’s the trouble! You never thought of anybody but yourself. And I don’t suppose you’d have told me at all if they hadn’t ...’ His hands jerked up to his head. ‘Oh, God, I can’t stand any more!’ Shaking off her detaining hand, he went out, his limp more pronounced than ever.

  Elspeth sank weakly into her chair, her mind too confused to think properly, and did not move until Laura appeared again about ten minutes later, her face streaked with tears, her breath coming in short hiccups. Her respirator and haversack were slung over her shoulder and she stood with her cap in her hand looking at her mother as if at a stranger. ‘I’m leaving,’ she said, flatly, ‘and I’ll never come back. You’ve ruined my life, and I despise you.’

  ‘You can’t leave, Laura!’ Elspeth’s voice was high with desperation, in contrast to the girl’s calmness. ‘Things’ll look better after a while. You’ll get over this, and you’ll meet somebody else, and ...’ Appalled by the sheer hatred in her daughter’s eyes, she stopped.

  Losing her grip o
n herself at last, Laura cried, ‘How can you have the effrontery to say that? You, with your supposed eternal love for that John Forrest? You should understand how I feel, if anyone should. I’ll never be able to love another man now, thanks to you, and I’ll never forgive you. Never! Never! Never!’

  The crash of the front door echoed through Elspeth’s head, and, as once before when her life had disintegrated around her, she found that she couldn’t weep.

  Coming to the open doorway, David said, ‘Laura told me she was leaving, and I thought of doing the same, for your lies and deceit ...’

  ‘I didn’t tell you any lies, David!’ She had to defend her-self, although he was regarding her with disgust. ‘Ask Helen if you don’t believe me.’

  ‘You both knew what I thought, and you didn’t correct me.

  Elspeth, fighting for her marriage, her very existence, burst out wildly. ‘Don’t leave me, David!’

  ‘I only said I was thinking about it,’ he said, harshly, ‘but I’m not going to. I worked hard to pay the mortgage on this house, but it’s mine now and I mean to keep it. You’re the one that’s leaving, first thing in the morning, and I’ll sleep in the spare-room tonight.’

  Flowing now, her tears gave no relief. ‘Please don’t put me out, David, I’ve been punished enough. You’re upset the now, but you’ll get over it.’

  He pushed her aside as she stood up, and when the spare-room door clicked shut, she collapsed once more into her chair. When would this nightmare end? The sword of Damocles had fallen at last, the retribution she had dreaded over the years had overtaken her, more severe than she had ever imagined. She had sacrificed her love-child twenty-one years ago, and now she had lost both her husband and her daughter.

  As Laura stumbled blindly towards Quarry Street, she tried to convince herself that it wasn’t true. She needed corroboration, explanation or, better still, denial ... but, if it wasn’t true, why would her mother have incriminated herself like that?