by Anna Park
CHAPTER FIVE
Lia had put it off long enough. She really should have called her sister yesterday. Hopefully 9 a.m. wasn’t too early.
“Hello?” said a raspy voice.
“Alex?”
“Yeah. Who is this?”
“Your sister...you know?”
“Oh yeah, yeah. Sorry, I’m kind of out of it.”
Oh great, she’s hungover or stoned.
“Can you talk a sec?”
“I guess…”
“Listen, so Gianna, our aunt—”
“Yes, I know who she is.” Alex sounded irritated.
“She has a tumor in her liver, and is going to do chemo again.”
“Oh, okay. So she’s going to be okay?” Alex sounded mildly interested.
“Well we really hope so,” Lia felt herself tearing up. “But it’s a big deal. Can you come over?”
There was a long silence on the line. “Hello?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” She sounded distant. “I can’t come. Sorry. I have to go.”
Alex hung up on Lia. Well that went well. Lia had expected a detached reaction from her sister. That was how she handled any potentially bad news. She simply detached herself from the source and carried on with her partying ways. Ugh. When is she going to realize what she’s doing?
She looked out the window, and saw a father walking down the street holding his two daughters’ hands. They were skipping, so young and carefree. We used to be like that. Her dad had adored his two daughters. One of her favorite memories was her first baseball game at Fenway Park. Her dad had outfitted them in Red Sox gear. They must have looked so cute, the two of them in their pink Red Sox shirts. Alex had looked up to Lia, copying her every move. The two of them had been inseparable. I miss her. I’ll call her again tomorrow.
Lia sighed and checked her phone. 9:15. A few more hours till she had to go into lab for the monthly lab lunch. She wished she could come up with an excuse to miss it, but she knew it would kill her credibility with Dr. Peterson if she missed it. He took lab lunches very seriously, as a chance for everyone in his large lab to share their results and informally get feedback from each other.
Might as well prepare a presentation myself. She opened up PowerPoint and started to summarize her research plan. Her worries were constantly attempting to interrupt her. How am I going to avoid Colin and Farahnaz? Lia felt queasy but willed herself to finish her summary.
Time go already? She checked her phone. She threw on a light jacket and headed out, her backpack slung on her shoulder. The hints of Fall were in the air, and Lia yearned for the warmer days of summer.
When she entered the lab, everyone was gathered, ready to head out to the brewery for lunch. They had reserved a room for the lab, and beers were part of the plan. Only in graduate school would this be considered normal.
“Sorry I’m late,” she smiled timidly. “No, no we’re just eager to go.” Dr. Peterson reassured her.
“Oh good.”
No sight of Colin, for now. Phew. A tall woman approached Lia as they were filing down the hallway.
“Hi, I’m Kate. I hear you’re our new student. Hope you’re getting on all right.”
Kate’s blue eyes were genuine and friendly. Finally someone I can talk to in this lab.
“Things are okay, just adjusting.” Lia didn’t want to elaborate further. She had no idea whether Kate was Farahnaz’s or Colin’s friend. Better not burn any bridges with the first normal person in this lab.
Kate nodded, understanding. “It’s a big adjustment, joining a new lab. Let me know if I can help you out. I know it can seem intimidating to not know where to find things, and not wanting to bother anyone.”
Lia smiled at her new friend. “Thank you, I really appreciate that.”
They walked down the tiny sidewalks in Cambridge, squeezing through the thick crowds of college students. Lia felt someone shuffle into line behind her. She turned, startled. Colin. Crap. Her heart skipped a beat. She walked faster. “Let’s go ahead,” she said to Kate.
Kate frowned. “Why?”
“I want to get away from the crowd,” Lia explained. Her eyes darted sideways.
Kate turned around, in the direction that Lia’s eyes were looking. “Oooh.” Her eyes softened. “Come.” She grabbed Lia’s arm and pushed through the crowd until they were well ahead of Colin.
The group turned into the Moose Ale Brewery and Restaurant. It was dark inside and the smell of beer was overpowering. Maybe I should have eaten something this morning. Lia’s stomach grumbled.
She followed the group into a side room, which was even darker than the main room. All sorts of dead animals adorned the walls. The face of a moose stared at Lia as she sat down next to Kate.
“Creepy.”
Kate laughed. “After a few beers, it won’t bother you.”
“You want some onion rings?” she asked Lia.
“That sounds awesome.” Her tummy grumbled. She was so hungry that watching her calories was the last thing on her mind. She bit into a crunchy onion ring. Ahhh.
Out of the corner of her eye, Lia saw a tall, brooding figure. Even in the shadows, she knew it was him. He was standing next to the bar. Ordering a drink? Lia’s chest felt tight and she quivered inside. Why does he get to me so much? She turned her head to look away, when the figure of a tall woman with long and shiny black hair caught her eye. Farahnaz? Oh God. She sucked in her breath.
“You ok?” Kate asked.
“Mmm hmm.” Lia couldn’t bring herself to speak.
She couldn’t keep her eyes off her. Farahnaz sauntered over to where Colin was standing. She draped her arm around him casually. Her head was right up against his. It looked they were conspiring or sharing a secret. Colin leaned back. Is he laughing at what she said?
Colin stood up and stretched. He said something to Farahnaz and walked towards the table reserved for the lab lunch. Lia wished she could turn invisible. She sat there, frozen.
“Hi.” Oh god, he’s here. “Lia?”
“Yeah?” What does he want?
“Can I ask you something?” His voice sounded unsure.
“Um, I’m kind of busy here.”
“Please?” His breaths were short and fast.
“I’m fine,” she said, her resolve still strong.
“Please, just a second.” His brown eyes pleaded with her.
“Okay, but quickly.”
He pointed over to a corner next to the restrooms. “Let’s go there, it’s quieter.” She stood up and walked over to the spot he had pointed out next to the bar.
Now that she had to look at him, she Lia saw that he was wearing dark jeans and a light blue shirt that made him look boyishly cute. Cute, but taken. And cheating apparently.
“I’m, so sorry about the other day—”
“It’s fine,” she interrupted.
“It was a mistake.”
Lia felt the humiliation rising inside her. Of course. He has an actual girlfriend.
“Yes, it was.” She stood there, glaring at him. “Are we done?”
Colin cleared his throat and took a deep breath. He cleared his throat.
“Um, well you want to have dinner?” He looked down, waiting.
“What?” She practically spat at him. “No thanks.”
What now, he expected her to just fall into his net like other women did? He was hot and cold, with no rhyme or reason. He had kissed her, but it was a mistake, and now he wanted to go out to dinner?
“I’m going back.” She turned and stomped back to the table. She slumped in her chair. Ugh.
Kate looked sympathetic. “He’s really cute, huh?”
Lia felt a light touch on her shoulder.
A voice whispered into her ear, “He’s a heartbreaker, isn’t he?”
Lia’s skin crawled. She looked at the whisperer. Farahnaz. “Get away from me.”
Before Farahnaz backed off, Lia
saw the mocking raised eyebrow and upturned corners of her lips.
*************
Colin stood there, watching Lia storm away. She looked so good in those jeans that followed her curves, and that low cut V-neck shirt. He wanted to kick himself. What had he done wrong again? He was trying to do things right, and ask her out on a date. But something had been completely misunderstood. The one woman he felt that he might actually want to get close to, was shutting him out.
“Give me a Guinness,” he asked the bartender. He had to go back to the table, but he just wanted get out of there. The bartender handed him his dark and frothy drink, with a knowing look. Colin shrugged at him, and dragged his feet back to the table. Dr. Peterson waved him over.
“Colin, there you are. Would you like to start by telling us about your progress last week?”
Dr. Peterson picked on me to go first, great.
“Okay, sure.” He found an empty seat, far away from Lia. He didn’t need the added distraction, though he could feel her presence even from a distance.
“You all right Colin?” asked his labmate Ken. “You look kind of pale.”
“I’m fine.” He pulled out his iPad to show pictures of his latest results. Talking science was much easier than talking to women.
CHAPTER SIX
Colin had been sitting at the bar for a few hours. He had called Noah after the first beer, and by the time he started on his fifth beer, he knew he was going to regret it the next day. He felt good though, the buzz had worn off the agonizing memories of that afternoon. Noah sat next to him at the bar, his head propped on his arm.
“I don’t know, I just don’t get women,” Noah said, breaking their silence.
“What happened with Anu?” Colin was curious. Things had seemed so good a few days ago. He hoped that Anu hadn’t dumped Noah after reeling him in. He felt very protective of his best friend.
“Things were great, right.” Noah said. “She came over, we spent the night together. It was amazing.”
“Sounds good, so far.” Colin looked closely at Noah. His friend looked tired, with puffy bags under his eyes and disheveled hair.
“She said I was the first guy who, you know, took her all the way, so it felt extra special. It was beautiful, I felt really close to her, like no other woman I’ve been with.”
“So it was good for you?”
“Yeah man, it was awesome.”
“And?”
“Well, the next morning, I got ready to go to work. She was still sleeping, so I left.”
Colin nodded. “Seems fine so far.”
“Well, later in the day, I get this angry call from her. She was saying something about me just ditching her in the morning, like some cheap date.”
“Why would she think that? You let her stay at your place, you didn’t kick her out.” Colin was indignant.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. She went on for a while about that, saying she won’t put up with being treated like a one-night stand.”
“Uh huh.”
“So, then I asked her, what she expects from me. It was an honest question. She lost it. Said that I had to figure that out myself, that it should be pretty obvious what she expects. Then she hung up.”
Noah looked away. Colin patted him on the back.
“What are you going to do?”
“I guess I need to think about it. I’m going to talk to my sister.”
“Do you want to be with Anu?” Colin asked.
“I think I do. I haven’t felt the way I do with a woman until I met her. But I’m kind of wary of moving too fast, you know.”
“Yeah, I would be too. You need to be careful.” Colin was all for protecting his friend’s heart. He knew all about being hurt by the woman he loved the most, and he wouldn’t wish that pain on his worst enemy.
“Let’s have another one.”
Noah poured himself another glass of beer from the pitcher.
“So how about you Colin? Anything new with that chick in lab?”
“Don’t go there.” Colin felt the stinging pain of rejection.
“C’mon man, I just bared my heart, spill the beans.”
Colin shifted in his seat. “Fine. The cliff’s notes version then. I kissed her, then I tried to ask her on a date and she shot me down.”
“You kissed her?”
“It was different from other women. Usually kisses are just a precursor to sex, and they don’t mean much. But with her, it was only kisses, and I felt so close to her…” He broke off. It must be the beer talking. He wasn’t one to reveal his inner emotions.
“That’s what I felt,” said Noah. “I get it.”
“And you tried to ask her out, and she said no?” Noah looked incredulous.
“Yeah. I don’t get it. I was trying to apologize to her, but somehow she misunderstood me. I don’t know. I guess I’m not that good with emotions.”
“Wow.”
“And I’m not one to fall for women. You know me.”
The two friends clinked their mugs together. “To better days.”
*************
Lia and Gianna were eating together in the kitchen. Tonight Paulo had made his popular thin-crust pizza, topped with basil, tomatoes and a smattering of cheese. Gianna had opened up a bottle of wine, to celebrate the night before starting chemo.
“To my recovery,” she said, clinking glasses with Lia.
Lia’s eyes teared up. “I love you.”
“Listen, don’t get all sad on me. I’m going to be fine. I’m a little fighter.”
Lia had to laugh. Her aunt was right, she had always been a fighter. Totally unlike Lia’s mom, Gianna’s sister, who had completely fallen off the deep end when her dad had died. When her dad died, Lia had lost her mom as well.
“Thanks for taking me in and becoming like my second mom.”
“Of course. I’m so glad you finally came to live with me. I wish you had been here during your college years. You’re the daughter I never had.” Gianna squeezed her hand.
“So are things okay with that guy you were being all mysterious about?”
Lia’s insides clenched as she remembered the humiliation. The kiss. Farahnaz.
“That bad?” Gianna read her mind.
“Yeah.”
“Do you like him?”
Lia hesitated. Admitting her feelings was not something that came easily. She thought about it for a second. If if I can’t trust Gianna who can I trust?
Gianna said, “Let's go for a walk. It's a beautiful evening.”
It was a cool Fall evening, with a cool breeze gently blowing the leaves off trees. The sun was just sinking behind the skyscrapers nearby, and the sky was painted in orange and red streaks.
Lia decided to share the whole story with Gianna. Hopefully her aunt would give her some objective advice, because she wasn’t thinking clearly.
“Okay, so here's the story. So I saw Colin right after you told me about your cancer news and I was really upset. I was crying, and just a mess. He took me to this room to talk, and I don't know how this really happened, but we started to kiss.”
Gianna I looked sympathetically. “I understand Lia. You were upset and feeling weak and vulnerable and he was there for you.”
Lia said, “Yeah he was. And he seemed so nice and so caring, and like he really wanted to make me feel better. Suddenly one thing led to another and we were kissing very intimately.”
Gianna looked understanding. “Yes.”
“But then this gorgeous woman walked in, acting like he wasn’t supposed to be kissing me. He stopped and basically ditched me.”
“Oh no, Lia, that's awful. I'm so sorry.”
Lia continued, “I know. I was so sad. I just walked out at that point.”
“The worst part is when I saw him the next day at our lab lunch, he asked me to talk to him. I didn't really want to but he really insisted.”
“Okay.”
“Then he told me the whole thing had been a mistake, and he seemed to regret it.” Lia felt the humiliation again.
“The crazy thing is, then he tried to ask me out for dinner. I was totally confused.”
Gianna stopped and looked at Lia. “That’s kind of interesting.”
Lia continued, her anger fueling her rant. “At that point, I was just mad, so I said forget it, but he looked really upset.”
They had reached the Boston waterfront, and the city lights were reflecting in the water. The sky was clear, and the stars were bright and twinkling. It was almost magical. Lia felt her tension ease.
Gianna held her hand, and said, “Look at all these historic buildings around us. They’ve been here for much much longer than we have. They have witnessed countless love stories and tragedies. And they will continue to do so for many more years.”
Lia wasn’t quite sure where Gianna was going with this.
“Our lives are so very temporary. We don’t have forever to make choices that will make us happy. The worst thing you can do is sit around and wait. Waiting will waste away your life. If you like this guy, you need to go for him.”
“I agree, but—”
“Seriously. If it doesn’t work out, so be it. But you won’t have wasted your precious time worrying about what could be.”
“I guess you’re right.” Gianna was speaking from real experience. She knew how fragile and fleeting life was.
“Look at me. Everyone was writing me off last time. I put my whole effort into living, and I made it through. Live like you’re truly alive, Lia. Too many of us live like we’re half-dead.”
Those last words hit hard. Lia’s mom and sister were basically living like they were half dead; constantly under the influence of drugs and alcohol to numb any real sensations. Wait a minute. It hit Lia. She always thought she was doing better than her mom and sister. But in reality, she wasn’t that different from them at all. From the outside, she seemed to have it all together, sure. But that was just an image. Inside she was a hurt little girl who put up barriers to protect herself. No wonder they resent me. I’m probably coming off as superior, when I’m not any better.
