The Loving Dead

by Amelia Beamer

  “Haven’t seen her,” Gabe said. “You’re the first people we’ve seen since we got here. We were at work when it happened. A customer just, you know, turned into one of them. The whole store was a mess before we figured out what was going on. We’re lucky we got out with our lives.”

  “Where do you work?” Michael was curious.

  “Whole Foods.” One of the girls; he wasn’t sure who was who, lit a cigarette. “Ana and I are in the studio art program at CCA, but our boy here is a lifer.”

  “Am not. I just don’t see the point of a corporate job. What’s your guyses’ life story?”

  Michael considered his words. “We work at TJ’s. When the zombies came, we figured Alcatraz was the safest place in the bay.”

  “Us, too,” Gabe said. “We’re pacifists. I’d never own a gun. I don’t even like box cutters. So we figured, come to the place where the zombies can’t get to.”

  “How’d you get here? The rowboat we saw?”

  “Stole it.”

  Michael noticed that their new friends weren’t offering to share their food. “If anyone’s hungry, I’ve got some food.” He selected a box of the Indian food. He considered eating it. The cardboard was damp.

  “Cold?” Gracie said. She looked doubtful.

  “This is the apocalypse,” Michael said. “Get used to it.”

  She rummaged through the box. The bottle came around. They all hit it.

  “This isn’t the apocalypse. Come the apocalypse, I’d want a shotgun,” Gracie said. “I’d walk down the middle of the street with it strapped to my back, because I wouldn’t be walking on the sidewalk where any dork could jump out and whack me. When the apocalypse comes—” she trailed off.

  “What are you doing here, then?” Gabe asked at the same time. “You could stay home and protect yourself, if you felt like that.”

  “Can I borrow your phone?” Michael asked Jordan. He tried to think of Kate’s number. He scrolled down Jordan’s contacts, hoping it might be there somehow. It wasn’t. He thought of the coffee-stained list of employee phone numbers. A few numbers swam behind his eyes. He dialed. Miraculously, he heard Kate’s voice. Or rather, her voicemail. The phone hadn’t even rung.

  “I don’t actually own a gun,” Gracie said.

  Michael sent a text to Kate. On the island. You? Maybe she’d be able to see it.

  “See, the thing about owning a gun,” the girl that he thought was Trish said, “is that you have to be ready to use it. You don’t just get to pull it out and have motherfuckers run away. You have to be ready to kill. Think about it. You pull it out, and either you use it right away, or they’ll shoot you.”

  Kate texted back. Who this?

  “What about if they don’t have a gun?” Gracie asked.

  “Well, why’d you need one in the first place, then?”

  It’s Michael, he texted. With Gracie and Jordan. And a couple of potheads, he thought but didn’t type. From TJs.

  “Loan us one of those?” Gabe held out his hand. He wanted a box of Indian food. Michael gave it to him. Gabe removed the pouch of food, set it aside, and flattened the cardboard to make a workspace. He started breaking the green fragrant bud.

  Where you?

  “I guess so,” Gracie said. “I just came here because that’s what my friends were doing. The reason why I don’t own a gun is because I’m convinced that I’d pull it out, if some meth head was breaking into my apartment or something — self defense, you know — and I’d drop the gun, or forget how to use it, and he’d take it from me. And then I’d be killed. Being robbed is one thing, or even being raped, but I’m a klutz. Plus guns are expensive.”

  Alabatsay, she texted back. Rock. She must have predictive text on. But that meant she was here. His skin grew hot. He needed to see her.

  “But since you don’t own a gun, you’re one of us,” Ana said. She licked her fingers. “Gandhi’s, like, my hero.”

  Where? he texted.

  “Peace is cool,” Gracie said. “I mean, it’s not like I want to murder anyone. Hell. Just seeing my friend turn into a zombie today was enough to throw me into a total mental break. I got past it,” she added. “But it’ll take a while to get over it, if you know what I mean. Survival is one thing, and processing is another.”

  The girls nodded. “You say you guys work at Trader Joe’s?” Ana said.

  “Yeah. It’s all right,” Gracie said. “Get to meet guys like these. Maybe saved my life, who knows?”

  Outside. Late in prison.

  He wasn’t texting with Kate, that much was clear. Probably “Late” meant Kate. Michael remembered. Kate had been hanging out with the neighbor kid. You OK?

  “I gotta go,” Michael said. “Kate’s here, in the prison.”

  “So what does Whole Paycheck pay?” Gracie asked.

  “Well, I hired in at nine seventy-five, and then I was supposed to get a ninety day raise—” Ana said. “And six months passed, and I asked, and asked, and finally went to the general manager. By then I was training people making more than me.”

  Gabe lit the joint. He inhaled. He coughed the squeaky cough that people do when they’re trying not to exhale. “You’ll miss out,” he said, holding out the joint.

  “Kate from work?” Gracie said. It was her turn with the joint. “Bring her back here.”

  Michael left, moving fast. The rain was cold. He walked uphill, around the snakelike curves of the pavement. There wasn’t much light to go by. Kate wouldn’t have given her phone to the kid if everything was copasetic. How much danger was she in? Michael broke into a run, wishing that he bothered to exercise more. Since the stick fighting group had fallen apart, he didn’t do much. Kate was always going on hikes and runs. She’d never asked if he’d want to come along. Sure, he’d made fun of her for it, but he’d been gentle. He hoped he’d been gentle. He had to find her.

  The door to the prison building was propped open. That wasn’t very secure. He went in. “Kate?” he called. “You here?” His voice echoed. He went up the stairs. It was a big building. A big, empty building. He passed the racks of headphones where you could pick up your guided tour. It wasn’t that long ago that he and Kate had been here, wearing those headphones. He ran up Broadway, the prison’s main drag. He looked from side to side into the cells, calling her name, not caring who else might hear him. Every time she didn’t answer, he grew a little more concerned.

  “Who goes there?” a voice answered.

  Michael ran past the cafeteria, which was fenced off. It still had the outlines of several different kinds of knives on the wall, black paint on white, so that anyone could see if a knife was missing. “Who goes there?”

  A guy was approaching at a run. Another guy trailed him, holding the arms of a middle-aged couple wearing raincoats and carrying camping backpacks. The couple didn’t look like they wanted to be there, but they weren’t struggling.

  “You seen a pretty girl, my age?” Michael called. “I have to find her.”

  “Michael?” a voice called. He’d know that voice anywhere.

  “Kate?”

  “Go away. Get out,” she called back. She sounded as if she’d been crying.

  “We gotta get these folks into a cell,” one of the guys said. “Then we’ll deal with the new guy.”

  Michael found Kate, tied to a bed in an unlocked cell. She looked miserable. Her clothes were as wet as his. She’d kicked her shoes off.

  “Kate! You’re still alive.” He ran to her. Sat next to her on the bed.

  He saw that someone had tied her to the bed frame.

  “I’m going to put them in seven,” the voice called. “Dude, lock it up for me.”

  Michael started to untie the rope. “Who did this to you?” he asked. He was angry. She shook her head, moving away from him.

  “Don’t you think you should keep them separate?” a voice called.

  “Don’t untie me,” she said. “Please don’t.” She looked like she was in pain.

  H
e worked on untying her. She pulled the knot away from him. “Don’t,” she said. “Please don’t.” There was such need in her. He stopped.

  “Kate. What happened?” His hand hovered near her cheek. “Are you OK?” he asked. It was obvious that she wasn’t. Whoever it was that tied her had done the knot right, though. It was the same knot Jamie had used last night. “I’m sorry I brought you out here. Something bad has clearly happened to you. I’m so sorry.”

  “OK, they’re in seven and eight, so they can hold hands through the bars,” a voice said.

  “Softie,” the other voice called. “That’s good. I suppose we can double them up later, if we have to.”

  “All right,” the first voice called. “Stand back. Clear?”

  “Clear.”

  “I thought you were dead,” Kate said. “I’m sorry I left this morning.”

  The clank of the cell door rang through the building. That was what the prisoners had heard three times a day, plus showers, and a monthly trip to the barber. The bells of hell.

  “Shit,” Kate said. “Oh, shit.”

  Michael followed her gaze. They’d been locked in.

  “That wasn’t it,” a voice called.

  “Sorry. Can’t read the numbers. Trying again.”

  “We’ll just ask them to open it,” Michael said. He tucked her rain-soaked hair behind her ears. “There are worse things than being here. At least we’re safe, inside. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve seen today. Well, maybe you would. You’re the only one who would. I feel so bad about what happened to Audrey.”

  “Kate?” A kid stood at the bars.

  “Trev, you all right?” Kate asked, looking at the kid. “I have to tell you something.” She turned back to Michael. “What do you mean, what happened to Audrey?”

  “Wet, but I’m OK. They’re locking people up, like you told them,” the kid said. “What happened to you, though? Did Rob do this to you? And are you Michael?”

  “Did you have Kate’s phone? Yes, I’m Michael.”

  “Trev, do you have my phone still?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Trev, listen. You remember the Indiana Jones app. When Rob the zombie comes after you in a few hours, you need to be able to use it. Do it for me now, just so I can hear it.”

  “There’s zombies here?” Trevin asked. He looked up and down the cell row. He had good instincts.

  “There will be. Do me a favor and get Michael out,” Kate said. “Let them lock you up, but in your own cell. Take some food and water. I’m staying here. I told you. This is it. Real friends kill friends who are zombies.” She looked at Michael. “That’s why you set the fire, isn’t it?”

  “I didn’t set the fire. I didn’t even know about it until you told me. I’m not leaving you,” Michael said. “Not after as long as it took to find you.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell Kate about Audrey. The scene was burned in his mind. He understood those religious guys who’d whip themselves into a bloody mess. Penitence, or penance, whatever it was, it couldn’t come close to assuaging his guilt. He could have saved Audrey, and he didn’t.

  “Like this?” Trevin asked. There was a tinny whapeesh.

  “Dude, check this out,” a voice called. “Dude. Open number one the fuck up. Rob’s in here. He’s messed up.”

  “What happened?”

  “Just do it!”

  “Yeah.” Kate let out a breath. “That’s it. As long as the battery lasts, you should be safe. You just have to sack up. Don’t let the zombies scare you. Make the whip noise and tell them to back away. Trust me. They’re docile as kittens.”

  There was another tinny whapeesh. “Um. OK.”

  “Can you do it?”

  Whapeesh. “Yeah.” There was more confidence in his voice this time.

  “Well, don’t waste the battery, then. Just get Michael out.”

  “Hey, Kate, did Rob do this to you?” Trevin put a hand through the bars. His skinny arm went in clear to his bicep. It was sweet. This kid cared.

  “Don’t you dare let that asshole out,” Kate called. “He will fuck you up. He’s going to be a zombie. Or just wait, and see, and then you’ll all be that way. Fuck.” She hit the wall with her fist.

  The cell doors clanged. They all jumped. The door to Kate’s cell stayed closed.

  “Rob,” a voice called. “Are you all right?”

  “Damn,” Kate said. “Trevin, get yourself into a cell. It’s the only way. Bring food and water.” She turned to Michael. “I don’t have much time. But I think I understand something. You said our friends were zombies. So you set the house on fire. I get it.”

  “No,” Michael said. “What? No! They were fine when we left. Something happened. I think Audrey let Cameron loose, and things went downhill from there. I don’t think she did any of it on purpose. I came back and Cameron nearly took a bite out of me, until Audrey stopped him. She had her whip. That was what made me understand. That was when I called you.”

  “Get him out of here,” Kate said. “Trevin, please. Then get those boys to lock you up. Alone. Michael, you too. Take some water and food from the gift shop. It’ll suck for a while, but it might save your lives.”

  “And I thought those guys were cool,” Trevin said. “We walked around, and I told them about the zombies we saw. And your story about the Zeppelin. They believed me. Then we found this couple at the dock, and we’re putting them in the lockup to make sure that they’re safe. Like you said. We explained it to them.”

  “What’s he talking about? A Zeppelin?” Michael asked. No wonder the kid was worried about whether people believed him. “Tell me, honey, who did this to you.”

  Kate wouldn’t make eye contact. “That’s not important. What’s important is that I am going to turn into one of them. Believe me, if you’ve ever believed anything. I swear on my mother’s life. Zombieism is transmitted by sexual contact. By saliva, and I’m sure by other fluids.” She lowered her voice. “And I’ve got it. I can feel it already. I can feel it happening. I got it from Jamie, last night. You don’t know what it was like. And now that asshole Rob’s got it. Trevin knows who I mean.”

  “What?” Trevin said. “Know what?”

  “What?” Michael held her hand. She was cold. “What do you mean?”

  “Rob? Oh, God. Did she do this to you?” one of the guys said.

  “All’s fair in love and war,” another voice said. He sounded like he was in pain.

  “This isn’t love, it’s war,” Kate said. Her voice was deep. Maybe she was catching a cold. He didn’t care; a cold didn’t last long. Future Michael could deal with it. Present Michael was here, and now. The here and now always took precedence.

  “We can’t win this war. They’re slower, and stupider. But their recruiting methods are unbeatable,” Kate said.

  “Of course we’ll win it,” Michael said. She’d set him up for a punch line from Brother Dave; she’d want him to follow through. “We’re going to win it, and save it, and put it somewhere, and forget about it. Go off playing with a tennis ball.”

  She didn’t register the joke. “No. Get lost. I mean it. Go. I had to kill two of them, earlier today. I mean, they were already dead, but I had to take them out. It was terrible. You won’t believe me, and you don’t have to. I beat that dude within an inch of his life, and I wanted to kill him. I’m not sure why I didn’t.” She held his hand to her cheek with her free hand. She was beautiful.

  “I believe you,” he said.

  “Then get the fuck out of here. But do me a favor?” She offered the other end of the rope to him. Michael took it. She trusted him. It unhinged him, that gesture.

  He took her wrist. Her skin was soft. He tied her to the bed as tenderly as he could. She lay on her back. Her shirt rode up, showing naked belly. He wanted her. Nothing else could matter.

  “Trevin, get him out of here. Now!” she called.

  “OK, OK.”

  Michael heard footsteps.

  “Guys, we have to let the du
de out,” Trevin called. “Oh, wow. Is he going to be all right?”

  “Kate—” Michael started. There was so much to say. “About last night. I don’t think it was a mistake. With us.”

  “I know. I wanted you,” she said. “I couldn’t tell you how much.”

  Michael was relieved. He moved closer to her. Their thighs touched. He put a hand on her belly. “Nice clothes,” he said. “Did you go to a thrift store?” He leaned down and kissed her stomach. Her ribs. He moved the damp shirt up. He should have thought to take it off before tying her arm. He pictured her shirt bunched around her upper arms, behind her head. He kissed her stomach. The muscles tensed.

  “Help me out, guys,” Trevin’s voice carried down the block. “There’s this guy—I gotta get him out—”

  Kate’s breathing became shallow. “No,” she said, but in a tone that meant yes.

  “I want you,” Michael said. “I don’t care if these assholes see it. No blanket. Just us. Skin to skin. I want to be with you. Don’t think I don’t know what it means.” He undid the button of her jeans. He started to feel warm, despite his damp clothes. He straddled her.

  “I’m going. To kill you,” she said. “Don’t make me. I told you. Please. Michael. I’m not fucking around.”

  “The safe word is juniper berry,” he said. He put a hand under her shirt, and leaned down to kiss her.

  She turned her face away. “I’m not playing. Your games. I swear. Please. Don’t do this,” she said in a voice thick with emotion. “It’s hard enough. As it is. Oh, God.” Her hips moved against his.

  He kissed her neck. Her nipple was so hard in his fingers. He wanted to see how it would feel in his mouth. He did. She took in a breath. He kissed her ear, and her cheek. Finally, she let him kiss her mouth. She opened her lips. Their tongues met. He tasted her. He wanted her more than he’d wanted anyone. There was something magical between them. It was meant to be. She put her tongue inside his ear. It made him twitch. He touched her hair, holding her head to him.

  “Something’s happening,” she said. Her voice next to his ear was awfully deep.

  “Kate?” He knew what was happening; he didn’t want to stop it.