by Lola StVil
He stops and I think he’s done, but then he carries on, and this time, I can hear his voice breaking slightly.
“If anything had happened to you out there today, I don’t know what I would have done.”
Something in his tone, the gentle way he says it, brings forth the tears I’ve been determined to hold back. Tears for my parents, tears for what might happen to one or all of us, and tears for the fact that Lucas and I can never be together.
I can’t hold them back any longer. My hurt pours down my face and drips off my chin, but I won’t let him see. I manage to stay silent. I continue to stare out at New York although I can barely see a foot in front of my face for the tears blurring my vision.
“You might be the First Toren and be powerful beyond anything any of us can imagine, but that’s no excuse to act recklessly. Why did you do it, Summit? Why didn’t you call me? You know I would have dropped everything for you.”
The truth is, I don’t know why I didn’t call him. I could have, and he’s right, I know he would have come. But in the past, I never had anyone I could count on, and I’m not good at it.
I’m no leader, that’s for sure. But I have to learn to be because I let my parents go off into Limbo thinking I don’t care about them, and I have to see them again. I have to tell them I’m sorry and that I do love them, but that I was so scared of losing them that I couldn’t find the words to say it. Lucas waits for me to say something, and when I don’t he sounds angry again.
“Well that’s real mature, isn’t it? I have enough respect for you to tell you what I really think without sugarcoating it, and you don’t have the decency to talk to me about what you were thinking. Hell, you don’t even have the decency to look at me.”
I count the seconds as they pass. He doesn’t say anything else. He’s done. And suddenly, I know if I don’t say something soon, I’ll lose him for good. I can’t bear to lose anyone else. I turn around slowly to face him. His angry face softens and turns to concern when he sees the mess I’m in.
I open my mouth, but no words come out. Instead, I throw myself into his arms. He takes a half step back and then catches his balance. He wraps his arms tightly around me and I cry against his warm chest.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers to me when I start to calm down a little bit.
I shake my head. “It’s not you. You’re probably right. What I did was stupid, but it paid off, and I’m not sorry about that.”
“So what’s wrong?” he asks gently with a half smile.
“They’re gone,” I say as another wave of emotion rushes through me. “My parents are gone and I didn’t say any of the things I should have. I didn’t tell them I’m sorry for going off alone like that. I didn’t tell them I was happy we found each other. I didn’t say having them back made me feel like I had a real family. I didn’t tell them I will fight with everything I have to complete this mission and save us all. I didn’t tell them I loved them or that I would miss them. I didn’t even say goodbye.”
I sniff loudly, and Lucas’s arms tighten slightly around me. I’m conscious of the fact I’m a babbling wreck, but when I’m in his arms, I feel warm and safe and loved, and in this moment, I know we can do it.
We can complete the mission. I can do anything with him by my side. The thought doesn’t stop my verbal diarrhea though.
“As they left, my mother turned back and told me she loved me. And you know what I said? Whatever. Can you believe that? Whatever! What sort of a daughter am I? I don’t even know why I couldn’t say what I really wanted to say.”
As I say that, it hits me that I do know why.
“No, actually I do know why I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say it because it would have felt too final. Like it was a goodbye forever, not a see you later. But what if it is forever? What if the last word they hear me say was whatever?”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Lucas says softly. “You will see them again. I promise you. We’ll complete this mission and we’ll all get back home safely. Together. You’ll see.”
I feel some of the tension drain out of my body. My tears have mostly stopped now. The muscles at the top of my back, which have been tightly knotted since I found out what the circle was for, finally start to relax.
It’s going to be okay.
I hold Lucas tightly, not ready to leave his embrace just yet. He makes no move to step away from me.
“They have to come back,” I say, forceful now. “I refuse to be unwanted, alone, again.”
Lucas gently strokes my hair.
“You’ll never be unwanted or alone, not while I’m around.”
I smile against his chest. He always seems to know just the right words to say.
I pull back slightly and look up at him. His eyes bore into mine and I can see the truth behind his words. He leans down and plants a lingering kiss on my forehead. He presses his forehead against my own.
We stay that way for a minute.
Everything is going to work out, I tell myself. We are all going to be fine.
It seems the universe thought that was a challenge.
Lucas frowns slightly and pulls his head away from mine. He reaches up with one arm and rubs his head.
I open my mouth to ask him what’s wrong, when he lets out a roar of agony and reaches up with both hands.
His puts one hand on each temple, pressing hard.
“Lucas!” I say.
I reach out to him.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
He groans in agony again and drops to the ground. I fall onto my knees beside him.
“Someone help,” I shout, hoping one of the others inside can hear me.
“Lucas,” I say again. I can hear the panic in my own voice. His body writhes in agony, his eyes squeezed so tightly shut they almost disappear. The air is punctuated with his cries. I reach out, trying to touch him, to let him know I’m here with him.
“It’s going to be okay,” I say. As suddenly as it started, it stops again. His eyes close and his mouth is frozen mid scream. Suddenly I’m longing for the sound of his cries—at least that way I’d know he’s alive. But right now, Lucas is eerily silent; that can only mean one thing…
CHAPTER TEN: FOR LOVE OR SURVIVAL
I can’t think straight. It’s taking all my mental focus just to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. It runs through my head, a monologue designed to stop my real feelings from creeping in and breaking me.
I hurt him. I hurt Lucas.
I should have known something like this would happen. It’s been a recurring feature of my life for as long as I can remember. The first foster family I ever let myself get close to sent me away because I was “problematic.” Then there were the Robertsons.
After that, I vowed never to let anyone else in. But I couldn’t help it. I let my parents in and now they’re gone. I let Lucas in, and now he’s dying.
I won’t let him die.
“We’re here,” Ryder says.
I hear him, but I don’t know what he means or what reaction I’m supposed to have, so I sit staring blankly ahead like I have on the full journey.
“Summit, come on,” he says, gently pulling on my arm, directing me towards the ground.
“Are you okay?” Ryder asks.
I nod my head.
No, but I will be.
I take a second to take in my surroundings. We landed in an open green space. Not too far away sits a white stone building. The building looks pretty dull and uninteresting, but I guess that’s the point. It keeps prying eyes away.
I’m told it’s a different story inside the building. The building is the healing center, where angels come to be fixed up after battle. Someone came for Parker as soon as Mel and East were gone, and now we have brought Lucas to the same place.
As I watch, two angels approach us, carrying a stretcher between them. It isn’t until they are almost close enough to touch that I realize they aren’t actually carrying the stretcher. It floats in the air between them.
The two angels come up to RJ, who protectively holds Lucas over his shoulder, their faithful stretcher still with them. RJ gently sets Lucas down, and moments later, they disembark with Lucas on the stretcher.
“Be careful,” I say, unable to stop myself.
One of the men grins at my comment, and it takes all my willpower to not punch him in his smug mouth. The only thing that stops me is I don’t know who is keeping that stretcher afloat. If it’s him, I don’t want to distract him.
“Who’s the newbie?” he asks.
Nix fixes him with a glare. “Her name is Summit Case.”
My name seems to mean something everywhere I go in this world. The grin drops from the man’s face. He turns to me.
“Don’t worry, he’s in good hands.”
It normally freaks me out when people know me before I know them, but it could be an advantage here.
We follow the men and Lucas to the building and step inside. At first glance, it looks like a normal hospital. The walls are a sterile white, the tiled floor is a grubby cream color, and there’s that smell: a mixture of antiseptic and something else, death maybe, that haunts every hospital I’ve ever set foot in.
I soon see the differences as we follow the men through a long winding hallway. I glance off to my sides, peering in the windows of the rooms as I go. The rooms all seem to be single occupancy rooms, and in the beds lie people of all ages. Surrounding them is a mixture of colorful orbs, many of which seem to float unaided.
I notice one young man whose orb hovers above his face. As he breathes in, his color changes to match the lime green fluid in the vial, and as he breathes out, he returns to a pasty white color.
It fascinates me and worries me in equal measure. The fact that no one else finds any of this strange shows me again that I’m not really a part of this world. I’m not really one of them.
Dylann reaches out and squeezes my hand. I turn to her and she gives me a reassuring smile. I try my best to return it. I remind myself that my team feels close to Lucas, and they are all feeling my pain.
Maybe I am a part of them after all.
The men lead us into a room and transfer Lucas to the empty bed. They leave without a word and a woman walks in. She beams warmly.
“Hi. I’m Anya. I’m going to be taking care of Lucas today.”
I catch Ryder’s eye and he mouths at me, “She’s the best healer they have.”
I don’t know if that makes me feel better, because Lucas is getting the best care, or worse, because it must mean his condition is serious.
Anya goes to a cabinet at the back of the room. She whispers softly to herself under her breath as she pulls out a mixture of colored vials. It must be serious because she doesn’t select just one vial. Instead, she pulls out what looks like an IV bag and begins to mix various colored liquids together in the bag.
When she’s finished, she holds the bag up to the light. The liquid inside is a vivid electric blue. It is streaked with an intense purple color and a deep, crimson red. I even see small patches of yellow.
She shakes the bag slightly, and I see that the yellow has partially solidified. It looks like little blobs of jelly floating in the prettiest soda I’ve ever seen. It could be a cocktail that you would sip on a beach somewhere hot, but I know better.
Anya nods her head, satisfied that the mixture is correct.
“Okay, time to go outside,” she says, addressing us.
“I’d like to stay,” I barely get out in a whisper as the others head for the door.
Anya frowns at me. Nix comes back and pulls me towards the door.
“She needs to be alone to activate the treatment,” he tells me.
“We can watch through the window,” Ryder says, and he squeezes my hand reassuringly.
I allow them to lead me out. I’m not going to hold up the process by causing a scene.
“Never argue with Anya,” Nix says.
“She’s the best healer here, and if you piss her off, she’ll think nothing of having you removed from her hospital,” he goes on.
“I just…,” I start.
“I know,” he says.
Something about the way he looks at me tells me he does know. He stands by my side as we watch Anya through the window. She flicks her wrist, and the bag floats up into the air and comes to rest beside Lucas’s prone body. She closes her eyes and brings her hands down to Lucas. They hover an inch or two above his chest.
I watch, fascinated, as a thin stream of liquid runs slowly from the bag. Not a drop falls to the floor. It stays in a perfectly steady stream as though it is running through a tube. It touches Lucas just above his heart and seems to melt into his skin.
“How are we all doing?” Death’s voice comes from behind us.
I force myself to turn away from the scene before me. I step forward and just shake my head. I don’t know how to put it all into words.
She embraces me tightly, then goes along the line, embracing each of the others in turn. I look at the others and see my pained expression mirrored there four times.
“He’s going to be fine,” Death says confidently.
“Anya has never lost a patient, and I guarantee you she isn’t going to start now.”
Her words make me feel a little better. She isn’t the type to lie to us. If she says Lucas will be okay, then I have to believe her.
“Lucas’s parents are on their way. Why don’t you lot go and visit Parker. I’m sure she’s ready for a bit of company.”
We dutifully troop away. Parker is a few rooms down, and we all go in. I force a bright smile onto my face.
“Hi,” Parker says excitedly as we all burst in. “How are you all?”
RJ laughs. “We should be the ones asking you that.”
Parker waves his words away as we crowd around her. I sit in an orange plastic chair, another reminder of the similarities between this and a normal hospital. Nix takes the one beside me, and the others perch on Parker’s bed.
“I’m going to be fine. The Nukes didn’t bite deep enough to penetrate the bone. It’s basically a flesh wound.”
She sits forward with a grimace and picks up a folder that’s attached to the side of her bed. She opens it.
“Look at this,” she says.
“If the teeth had gone in even an inch further, I’d have been a goner. Instead, I’m fine. But look at the dip there in my vitals. That’s the point when the healer put the first treatment into me. The Nukes’ poison started to fight it.”
Her eyes shine with excitement. The rest of us peer at her blankly.
“You all don’t get it, do you? This is like, groundbreaking. I had no idea that the poison could react to things outside of its own environment. It means it’s a reactive poison.”
I am pleased to notice that I’m not the only one of us who looks confused.
“Are you in any pain?” Ryder asks her.
“Of course I am,” she says, not losing any of her excitement.
She says it like it’s the least important thing. Her next words confirm that to her, the pain is the least important thing.
“But you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Do you have any idea how rare it is for a healer who doesn’t work in a place like this to be able to study the effects of Nuke poison close up like this? I really think I can use this knowledge to boost my own healing skills.”
I don’t want to burst Parker’s bubble, but right now, I’m so focused on Lucas I don’t know what to say to her. Now I can see she’s going to be fine, I just want to get back to Lucas.
I quickly stand up.
“I’m going to check on Lucas. Do you mind, Parker?”
Parker shakes her head. “Of course not.”
“I’ll be back later,” I say.
No one tries to stop me. I think they know there’s no point.
“Hey, Summ
it,” Parker says as I get to the door.
I turn back.
“I never did thank you for saving me from Torque.”
“You don’t need to thank me. We’re a team, remember?”
I grin and she returns it.
I leave the room, happy that at least one of our two injured seems okay. I marvel to myself about Parker’s ability to ignore the severe pain she must be in and focus on the science of it all. I wish I could do the same instead of focusing on my emotions, but I just can’t.
I reach Lucas’s room and peer in the window. No matter what Nix says, I’m ready to fight Anya when she tells me I can’t go in there.
She opens the door and peers out.
“You can come in when you’re ready. He’ll be awaking soon.”
This catches me off guard. I’m so ready for a fight, I realize I was focusing on that rather than what would happen when I did get in. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to Lucas.
“Umm, thanks,” I say. “I just need a minute.”
Anya shrugs and goes back into the room. I throw myself down on another orange plastic chair and wring my hands together, trying to sort through the mess in my head.
I glance up when I hear footsteps approaching. Death sits down in the chair beside me.
“Not going in?” she asks.
“Yes. No. I don’t know, I want to,” I say, not making any sense.
She nods, seeming to understand.
“It’s my fault. I hugged him and…”
I can’t bring myself to say the rest out loud.
“How can I face him?”
“Summit, I promise there’s nothing you could have done to prevent Lucas from holding you. I think he’s like your dad in that way—he doesn’t know how to go in halfway. He’s all in for better or worse, pain or no pain,” Death says.
“This is such a huge mess. And now, my parents are gone and…”
I see a smile flicker across her face when I say the word parents. At least I’m making someone happy. She can’t keep from interrupting me.
