A Sinful Calling

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  He raised his head up from the pillow but felt dizzy. What in the world was wrong with him? He’d been sure he wouldn’t fall all the way back off track, yet last night, he hadn’t been able to stop drinking. He’d found himself finishing one drink and then ordering another. He would down the next and then ask for a new one. He was out of control, and he finally knew he couldn’t continue like this. He could no longer deny what he’d learned in treatment. Once an alcoholic truly did mean always an alcoholic.

  Alicia knocked on the door. “Dillon, are you awake?”

  He thought about pretending to be asleep so he wouldn’t have to face her, but it was better to just get this over with. “Yeah, I’m up,” he said, swinging his legs onto the floor.

  “Levi is with me, too,” she said, easing the door open.

  They walked in, and Dillon stared at them in silence. He was completely hungover, and his head throbbed.

  Alicia leaned against the tall wooden dresser. “What happened?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  Levi stood just inside the door with his arms folded. “I knew something was wrong when you were at my mom’s on the Fourth, and I should have called you on it.”

  “I wouldn’t have admitted anything.”

  “Maybe not,” Levi said, “but at least you would have known I suspected something.”

  “What made you start drinking all of a sudden anyway?” Alicia asked.

  “Everything.”

  “Does it have anything to do with someone named Taylor?”

  Dillon looked at Alicia, wondering what he’d told her last night. He certainly didn’t want his sister, or anybody for that matter, to know he was having an affair.

  “Why do you ask me that?”

  “Because you said you’d found the woman of your dreams, and her name was Taylor.”

  Dillon could kick himself. “Wow.”

  “Who is she?” Alicia asked.

  “I’d rather not say. It’s just best not to talk about that.”

  “Well, after yesterday I don’t think you have a choice, because your wife knows everything. That’s why I kept trying to call you.”

  The pounding in Dillon’s head thumped harder. “What does she know?”

  “That you’re messing around on her. She says she’s known all along, but she never said anything to you.”

  “Man, man, man,” Dillon said, but he wondered how Raven knew about Taylor. He’d only been with her three times. The first night he’d met her and again on Wednesday. Then, when he’d discovered that Raven still wasn’t speaking to him, he’d gone back to see Taylor on Thursday evening.

  “But that’s not the worst of it,” Alicia continued. “She says if she doesn’t get what she wants, she’s telling the congregation about your mistress. She also says she has proof.”

  Levi shook his head. “Dillon, please tell me this is all a lie. Tell me you haven’t been sleeping with another woman.”

  Dillon cast his eyes at him but quickly looked away, feeling more ashamed than he had been.

  “After all I did to help you with the ministry?” Levi said. “You’ve been playing with God all this time? Standing in the pulpit saying one thing, and doing something totally different outside of it?”

  “No, that’s not what I’ve been doing at all,” Dillon told him, but his response didn’t sound convincing even to himself. “I made a mistake. I met Taylor at a bar last week, and things happened. I didn’t mean for them to, but they did.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve been doing this,” Levi said. “I did a lot of wrong in the past, but you always knew I was serious about my faith in God. When I turned my life around in prison, I was sincere. When you hear me say I love God, and that I try my best to live by His Word, I mean that. And I thought you were doing the same thing. I thought you’d changed from the person you used to be.”

  “Levi, I’m not perfect, and there are things you and Alicia don’t know about me.”

  Alicia seemed irritated. “Like what?”

  “When I left Mitchell three years ago, I was severely depressed. I’d lost everything, and eventually, I started drinking. Before long, I was a chronic alcoholic, and I couldn’t stop. That’s the real reason I had to sell my aunt’s house. I needed the money to pay bills, and I drank a lot of it away, too. But I thought I had it beat. I swear I did.”

  “Beat?” Levi yelled. “No addict ever just beats anything. You stop using, then you either go into treatment or attend meetings or you do both. But you never get to a point where you’re cured. You just do what you need to do to stay sober.”

  Dillon tried to defend himself. “Well, it’s not like I was using drugs, so I thought I was fine.”

  “Using is using. I don’t care whether it’s alcohol, drugs, sex, or shopping. It’s all the same, and you have to treat it that way. You should’ve been going to AA meetings all along.”

  “I didn’t think I needed to. I went a few times in Atlanta, but I didn’t want to bring that part of my life back to Mitchell.”

  “Dillon, man, we all have problems. And covering things up is the reason you’re in this mess. That’s why so many people struggle. That’s why marriages break up, and most importantly, it’s the reason people die. They pretend like nothing’s wrong or they become ashamed of the issues they’re dealing with. But when it’s all said and done, all they end up doing is hurting themselves and the people who care about them.”

  Dillon sighed but didn’t respond. He wanted to, but he couldn’t.

  “I don’t understand,” Alicia said. “Why did you start drinking again? Why now?”

  “I know you don’t get it, but not having a relationship with our dad has me crazy. Every time I think about him, I’m either hurt or angry, and I needed something to help me with that. Something to mask it, even if only for a short while.”

  “I get all that,” Alicia said, “but you should’ve come to me or Levi. And even if you couldn’t stop yourself from taking a drink, you didn’t have to start seeing another woman. Raven isn’t my favorite person, but I thought you loved her.”

  “I do, but I’ve struggled with so many different issues.”

  “Well, you’d better pull it together, because this Raven situation has to be dealt with. She said she has proof, and I believe her.”

  Dillon held the top of his head with his hand. “What does she want?”

  “To be co-pastor. But that’s not all. She also wants to be named co-founder.”

  Dillon scrunched his face. “What?”

  “I just can’t get over all this,” Levi said matter-of-factly. “It was your idea to start the church, and we invested all the money, yet she wants to claim half of the proceeds? We’re trying to build up a ministry, not shell out money for Raven’s material possessions.”

  “Surely she doesn’t believe we’re going to allow that,” Dillon said. “There’s no way.”

  “She does, and she’s not playing,” Alicia told him.

  “I just need to talk to her. Let her know that I won’t see Taylor again,” Dillon explained, but deep down, he wondered if it was Porsha that Raven knew about. Especially since he hadn’t been seeing Taylor long enough for Raven to find out anything.

  “I hope that works, otherwise this is going to cause huge problems,” Alicia said.

  Levi threw up his hands and turned to walk out of the room. “This is too much. I gotta get out of here.”

  Dillon couldn’t have felt worse. He hadn’t wanted to let Alicia down, but he definitely hadn’t wanted to disappoint Levi.

  Dillon looked at his sister. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”

  “I don’t know what to say, but let me ask you something else. What did you mean last night when you said, ‘That’s why I had to get him back’?”

  “I don’t remember saying that.”

  “We were talking about Daddy, and you were saying he didn’t love you.”

  A chill shot through Dillon’s veins. He wondered wh
at else he’d said that he shouldn’t have. Especially since Vincent had told him on Thursday that he was paying his contact the down payment sometime tomorrow. What if he’d alluded to any of that while he’d been drunk? What if he’d confessed to more than Alicia was asking him about?

  “It must’ve been the alcohol talking,” he said.

  “Maybe, but it sounded real to me.”

  “I was out of my head. It was almost like I blacked out.”

  “Well, like I already said, you’d better pull it together, Dillon.”

  “I promise you, Sis, I’m going to fix this. I’ll make it right.”

  “I hope you can, because if not, New Faith is about to be in an uproar.”

  Chapter 37

  Dillon had been so hoping that the idea of getting drunk last night and having to spend the night at his sister and brother-in-law’s had been nothing more than a bad dream, but sadly, this was his reality. Then there was the whole Raven fiasco that Alicia had told him about earlier. Could it really be? Could Raven actually have proof that he’d been having an affair on her? If she did, who was it that she’d found out about? He still doubted that it was Taylor, but there was just no way to be sure until he questioned Raven. Worse than that, though, was her threat of exposing him to his congregation unless she got what she wanted.

  Dillon wasn’t sure how he’d allowed this thing to happen, but he knew he had to do something. This was part of the reason he’d asked Alicia if he could lie back down for a few more hours, as he’d needed some time to gather his thoughts and plan a way out of the mess he’d created. He’d, of course, told his sister something different, that the reason he wasn’t ready to go home was because he needed to sleep off more of his hangover. But as it had turned out, he hadn’t come up with anything and had dropped off to sleep after all. Now, however, he was awake and knew he had to think, and think fast.

  When he heard a knock at the door, he sat up. He hoped it was Alicia and not Levi, because he just wasn’t ready to face him again. His brother-in-law was hurt, disappointed, and furious with him, and Dillon didn’t blame him.

  “Come in.”

  Alicia opened the door. “I know I probably should’ve asked you first, but I didn’t want to give you the chance to say no.”

  “About what?”

  “Someone’s downstairs to see you.”

  “Who? Raven? Please tell me you didn’t call her over here.”

  “No, it’s not Raven, it’s Daddy.”

  Dillon wasn’t sure whether to jump for joy or tell her he wanted nothing to do with the man. “Why is he here?”

  “I called him.”

  “Why?”

  “Because enough is enough. The two of you need to sit down and talk, man to man, once and for all.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Dillon, please. Do this so you can stop hurting. You’d said you were going to go see him anyway.”

  “Yeah, but then I also told you that I decided not to, and that I was done with him for good.”

  “I know, but we’ve all made mistakes. Daddy has, I have, and so have you. None of us are innocent, and until we can fix this, things will never get better for us as a family. So I really need you to do this. Just talk to him.”

  Dillon didn’t see how this meeting of the minds was going to help anything, and he honestly wasn’t interested. But it was the pleading look on his sister’s face that he had a hard time ignoring.

  “Why is it so important to you?” Dillon asked. “You’ve repaired your relationship with him, and that’s all that matters.”

  “No, that’s not all that matters. You’re my brother, and you’re in trouble. You have a drinking problem, and you said yourself that you drink because of your issues with Daddy.”

  “I’ll get over it, trust me.”

  “Oh yeah? And what about all the drama that’s building with Raven? How will you deal with that?”

  “I told you, I’m going to fix things.”

  “Look, D, all I’m asking is for you to do this one thing. Even if you don’t have anything to say, just come downstairs and listen to Daddy. Let him do all the talking.”

  “You’re not going to let up on this, are you?”

  “No, so please.”

  Dillon sighed loudly. His father was the last person he wanted to see and talk to, but he got up and followed Alicia out of the room. When they arrived down on the main floor, Dillon glanced toward the family room, half looking out for Levi, but thankfully he didn’t see him.

  Alicia pointed toward the kitchen. “Daddy’s outside.”

  Dillon headed in that direction and walked through the patio doors. Then he went inside the gazebo. “You wanted to see me?”

  Curtis was sitting on the padded sofa dressed in a pair of white shorts and a navy-blue-and-white-striped T-shirt. “Son, have a seat.”

  Dillon sat as far away from his dad as possible in one of the chairs.

  “We have to stop this.”

  Dillon stared at him as though he couldn’t care less.

  But Curtis continued. “First I did that awful thing to your mom when she forced me to take a DNA test. Then I pretended for twenty-nine years that you’d never been born. And actually, the only reason I finally owned up to everything was because you conspired with Mariah to have me beaten nearly to death. Not to mention, you went on television and told everyone how I had denied you from the time you were born. Still, I forgave you. But then it wasn’t long before you tried to blackmail me and cause a public scandal. On top of that, you slept with your brother’s wife. Then, if that wasn’t enough, you married the woman who stole a lot of money from my church.”

  “Why are you talking about things we already know? What good is that going to do for either of us?”

  “Just hear me out.”

  What a pure waste of time. This had been the very reason Dillon hadn’t wanted to see or talk to his father.

  “The reason I’m reminding you of all of this is because neither of us is blameless. We’ve both done some heartless things to each other. But ever since Tanya got me to see how wrong I was about Alicia’s marriage to Levi, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching. I realized that I hadn’t truly forgiven you. I know I told you I had, but to be honest, I just wanted you to go away. I wanted to pretend all over again that you didn’t exist.”

  Dillon rested his elbows on the arms of the chair. “So is that supposed to make me feel good or something?”

  “No, but what I’m trying to say is that I was wrong for that. I teach and talk about forgiveness all the time, but somehow when it came to following my own advice, I wasn’t able to. I was just so angry at you for so many different things. And it seemed easier to simply stay away from you. But I’m very sorry about that. Alicia also told me this afternoon how you’ve always felt left out. Like I treat my other children much better than you. At first, I didn’t see that, but as I thought back to three years ago, I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t purposely try to treat you differently, it’s just that I’ve had a relationship with my two girls since birth. And with Matt since he was seven. Then when I finally met you, it happened on bad terms. But now that I know you’re struggling with alcoholism, it’s time for me to be a father to you. It’s time for me to be a loving dad to all my children, and not just Alicia, Matt, and Curtina. My own father was an alcoholic, and he made life miserable for my mom, my sister, and me. It was like I never even had a father.”

  Dillon wasn’t sure what to say, and he’d had no idea his grandfather had suffered with anything.

  “So you see, son,” Curtis continued, “we can’t go on the way we have been. We need to come together so you can get the help you need. And there’s one other thing I need you to understand.”

  Dillon stared at him in silence, still thinking about his grandfather. Dillon had heard alcoholism was hereditary, but because he’d never seen his father drink, he hadn’t thought much about it.

  His dad spoke again, though. “Alicia told me
that when you first moved back to Mitchell, you always talked about how lucky she was to have grown up in the same house with me. And that had you been able to do the same, you would’ve turned out a lot differently. But truth is, you suffered because you didn’t grow up with me, and Alicia suffered because she did.”

  “Why do you say that?” Dillon asked.

  “Alicia had affairs on Phillip twice, but it was me who she learned that kind of behavior from. When she was growing up, she saw firsthand how to commit adultery. I slept around on Tanya, Mariah, and Charlotte, and it wasn’t a secret. On top of that, Tanya and I got a divorce and Alicia had to struggle through that, too. Then, as far as you, when I falsified that DNA test, you were forced to grow up without a mom or a dad. You’ve been searching and crying out for a parent’s love ever since. I know you had your aunt, and thank God for her, but it still wasn’t the same. And for that, son, I’m sorry. I apologized when I first met you, but I really mean it this time. I handled so many things with you in the wrong way, and I want us to start over. Can we do that?”

  Dillon wanted to tell him how much he hated him and that he didn’t need him, but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. Instead, tears fell from his eyes, and he couldn’t stop them. He was thirty-two, yet he felt more like a five-year-old who just wanted his daddy to love him. That’s all he’d ever wanted, and now that his father had finally admitted his mistakes, Dillon knew he needed to ditch his pride. It was time he and his dad stopped doing all the tit-for-tatting that Miss Brenda had talked about. Time to call a truce and be a family.

  It was time to call off the vicious level of revenge Dillon had planned for his father.