Jimmy The Kid

by Donald Westlake

  “Oh, sure,” Kelp said.

  “It still needs a plan,” Dortmunder said.

  “Absolutely,” Kelp said. “That’s why the first thing I thought of, I thought to bring it to you.”

  Murch said, “What, are we back with that book? I thought we weren’t gonna do that.”

  Dortmunder was being very dignified, very judicious, and Kelp was hanging back and letting him have his head. Turning to Murch now, Dortmunder said, “I give the book another reading. I wanted to be fair, and we don’t have that much on the fire that we ought to turn something down without giving it a chance.”

  “Oh,” Murch said. He pulled out a copy of the book and said, “I brought this along to give back to Kelp.”

  “Well, hold onto it,” Kelp told him.

  He was immediately sorry, because Dortmunder apparently hadn’t liked that. “Hold onto the book if you want,” he said, “but what we’ll do is, we’ll work out our own plan from it. We do what we do, not what the book does.”

  “Sure thing,” Kelp said, and tried to flash Murch a high sign that he should go along with it.

  Whether Murch saw the sign or not, all he did next was shake his head, look baffled, and say, “Fine with me. You want my Mom in on it?”

  “Right. She and May can take care of the kid.”

  “Okay,” Murch said. “Only, where’s the kid?”

  “Up till now,” Dortmunder said, “we’re going along with the idea this book can tell us how we get one.”

  “That’s right,” Kelp said. “How to find just the kid we want, it’s all in the book here.”

  Picking up his copy, Dortmunder said, “Well, I got an open mind. I’m always ready to have a book writer tell me my business. Let’s take a look at that part.”

  Kelp, riffling hurriedly through his own dog–eared copy, said, “It’s chapter four. Page twenty–nine.”

  Dortmunder said, “Thanks,” and turned to the right page. He read slowly and patiently, his lips not quite moving, his blunt fingertip following the words from line to line.

  Kelp watched him for a few seconds, then began to read the same chapter in his own copy of the book.

  Murch sat there by himself. He looked at Dortmunder, and then at Kelp. It took him quite a while to figure out what they were doing; until, in fact, both of them had turned a page. Then he shrugged, picked up his own copy of the book, shook a little salt into his beer to get the head back, drank a bit, and settled down to read.

  Chapter 7

  * * *

  When Parker walked into the apartment, Krauss was at the window with the binoculars. He was sitting on a metal folding chair, and his notebook and pen were on another chair next to him. There was no other furniture in the room, which had gray plaster walls from which patterned wallpaper had recently been stripped. Curls of wallpaper lay against the molding in all the corners. On the floor beside Krauss’s chair lay three apple cores.

  Krauss turned when Parker shut the door. His eyes looked pale, the skin around them wrinkled, as though he’d spent too long in a swimming pool. He said, “Nothing.”

  Parker crossed the room and looked out the window. A clear blue cloudless day. Three stories down and one block to the north was the Manhattan exit of the Midtown Tunnel. Two lanes of cars and trucks streamed out of the tunnel, fanning apart into half a dozen lanes of traffic, curving away to the left or the right. Parker watched for a few seconds, then picked up the notebook and studied the entries. The numbers were license plates and dates and times of day. Parker said, “The Pontiac came through today, huh?”

  “So did the Mercedes,” Krauss said. “But there isn’t any phone in either of them.”

  “We may have to change things around.” Parker dropped the notebook on the chair and said, “We’ll try the Lincoln today, if it comes through.”

  Krauss looked at his watch. “Ten, fifteen minutes,” he said.

  “If it isn’t any good,” Parker said, “Henley will come take over here at four. If he doesn’t show up, that means we’re on the Lincoln, so just pack in everything here.”

  “Right,” Krauss said.

  Parker glanced out the window again. “See you later,” he said, and left the apartment. He went down the warped wooden stairs and out to the street, then crossed Second Avenue and got into a blue Plymouth just around the corner on Thirty–Seventh Street.

  Henley, at the wheel, said, “Anything new?”

  “The Lincoln’s still the best bet.”

  Henley looked in the rearview mirror. “That’s due pretty soon, isn’t it?”

  “Maybe ten minutes.”

  Henley rolled down his side window and lit one of his narrow cigars. They waited in the car, neither of them saying anything, until Henley, looking in the mirror again, said, “Maybe.”

  Parker twisted around and looked out the back window. Among the cars crossing Second Avenue, coming this way, was a black Lincoln Continental. Squinting, Parker could make out the uniformed chauffeur at the wheel. “Right,” he said.

  Henley turned the key in the ignition. When the Lincoln went by, an eight–year–old boy could be seen alone, reading a comic book in the backseat. Henley shifted into drive and eased the Plymouth into line two vehicles back from the Lincoln.

  The black car led them across to Park Avenue, then north to Seventy–Second Street, then through the park and north again on Central Park West. At Eighty–First Street the Lincoln made a U–turn and stopped in front of the canopied entrance to a large apartment house. Henley eased into a bus–stop zone across the street, and Parker watched as a livened doorman opened the Lincoln’s door, and the boy stepped out, not carrying his comic book. The doorman shut the Lincoln’s door and the boy went into the building. The Lincoln moved forward along the curb and stopped in a no–parking zone just beyond the canopy. The chauffeur took his cap off, picked up a tabloid newspaper from the seat beside him, and settled down to read.

  Parker said, “I’ll be right back.” He got out of the car, crossed the street, and walked slowly down the block past the Lincoln. Looking in on the way by, he saw the telephone built into the back of the front seat. Good. He went on down to the corner, crossed to the park side of the street again, went back to the Plymouth, and slid in next to Henley. “It’s got one,” he said.

  Henley smiled, drawing his lips back to show his teeth clenched on the cigar. “That’s nice,” he said.

  “Now we wait for the kid to come out again,” Parker said. “Then we’ll take a look at his route home.”

  Chapter 8

  * * *

  When Dortmunder walked into the apartment, Kelp was asleep at the window with the binoculars in his lap. “For Christ’s sake,” Dortmunder said.

  “Huh?” Startled, Kelp sat up, scrabbled for the binoculars, dropped them on the floor, picked them up, slapped them to his face, and stared out at the Lincoln Tunnel exit.

  They hadn’t been able to find an apartment overlooking the Midtown Tunnel. This one, in a condemned tenement on West Thirty–Ninth Street, had an excellent view of the Manhattan exit of the Lincoln Tunnel, bringing cars in from New Jersey. It also, since it faced south, got a terrific amount of sun; even though it was now October, they were all getting sunburns, with white circles around their eyes where they would hold the binoculars.

  Kelp was sitting in a maroon armchair with broken springs; this was a furnished apartment, three rooms full of the most awful furniture imaginable. The floor lamps alone were cause for weeping. Kelp’s notebook and pen were on a drum table next to him, the drum table having been painted with green enamel and its top having been covered with Contac paper in a floral design. The walls were covered with a patterned wallpaper showing cabbage roses against an endless trellis. Some of this wallpaper had peeled itself off, and curls of it lay against the molding in all the corners. On the floor beside Kelp’s chair stood three empty beer cans and three full beer cans.

  Dortmunder slammed the door. “You were asleep,” he said.

/>   Kelp put the binoculars down and turned an innocent face. “Huh? I was just resting my eyes a minute.”

  Dortmunder crossed the room and picked up the notebook to study the entries. “You been resting your eyes since one–thirty,” he said.

  “There wasn’t anything useful since one–thirty,” Kelp said. “You think chauffeured limousines with a kid alone in the back seat come through every minute?”

  “It’s all that beer you drink,” Dortmunder told him. “You drink that stuff and then you sit in the sun here, and you go to sleep.”

  “For maybe two minutes,” Kelp said. “Maybe at the most five. But not what you could call a deep sleep.”

  Dortmunder shrugged and dropped the notebook back on the drum table. “Anyway,” he said, “we’ve got that Caddy to follow.”

  “Sure,” Kelp said. “It’s a natural. And I bet it’s got a phone in it. Why else would it have that big antenna thing?”

  “Because it’s probably the police commissioner of Trenton, New Jersey,” Dortmunder said, “and they’ll see Murch and me following the car, and we’ll get picked up for anarchists.”

  “Ha ha,” Kelp said.

  Dortmunder looked out the window. “Traffic,” he said.

  “You know,” Kelp said, “I have a very hopeful feeling about this operation.”

  “I wish you hadn’t told me that,” Dortmunder said. He looked at his watch. “If the Caddy’s coming through, it’ll be pretty soon.”

  “Sure it’s coming through,” Kelp said. “Monday, Wednesday, Friday, right around two–thirty.”

  “Uh huh. If it turns out it’s no good, Murch’ll come take over here at four. Try to stay awake until then.”

  “I wasn’t really asleep,” Kelp said. “Not really. Anyway, I’m wide awake now.”

  “Uh huh. If Murch doesn’t show up here at four, that means we’re either following the Caddy or some damn thing has gone wrong, and you should pack up everything and go home.”

  “Right,” Kelp said.

  Dortmunder glanced toward the tunnel, looked at Kelp, sighed and said, “See you later.”

  “Sure.”

  Dortmunder left and went down the warped wooden stairs and out to the street. He walked to the corner, went a block up Tenth Avenue, and got into the Renault just around the corner on Fortieth Street. Murch, at the wheel, said, “Anything new?”

  “Kelp was asleep,” Dortmunder said.

  “It’s all that beer he drinks,” Murch said. “He drinks that beer and then he sits in the sun, and he falls asleep.”

  “I just told him that.”

  “So what do we do? Follow the Caddy?”

  “If it shows up.”

  “Right.” Murch started the Renault, drove a block, waited for a green light, turned left on Dyer Avenue, and parked over against the left–hand curb.

  There wasn’t much room in the Renault, and Dortmunder had long legs. While he shifted around, trying to get comfortable, Murch rolled down his side window and took a long narrow cigar out of his shirt pocket. Dortmunder stopped squirming to watch him light it, and then said, “What’s that? You don’t smoke cigars.”

  “I thought I’d try one,” Murch said.

  “It stinks,” Dortmunder said.

  “You think so? I kind of like it.”

  Dortmunder shook his head. He scrunched around again, moving himself an inch farther away from Murch, and then rolled his side window down. He hung his right arm outside, and watched the incoming tunnel traffic stream past his right elbow and on up Dyer Avenue.

  Dyer Avenue, on the west side of midtown Manhattan, has almost no true existence at all. It runs eight blocks, from Thirty–Fourth Street to Forty–Second Street, and contains no houses, no shops, no churches or schools or factories. Lined with the blank walls of warehouse backs and overpass supports, it is partially roofed by ramps leading to the upper levels of the Port Authority Bus Terminal, and is used exclusively to funnel traffic coming out of the Lincoln Tunnel. There’s no reason to park there, and in fact no parking is permitted.

  Which was what the mounted policeman told them, ten minutes later. Coming up on Dortmunder’s side of the car, he leaned down beside the neck of his horse and said, “There’s no parking here, fella.”

  Dortmunder looked up and back, and saw this policeman’s face suspended in midair. Then he saw it was a policeman’s head with a horse’s body. He just stared.

  “Didn’t you hear me, fella?” the policeman said.

  Dortmunder reared back, as best he could in the Renault, closed one eye, and finally managed to get the right perspective. “Oh,” he said. “Right. Yeah.” Nodding to the policeman, he turned to tell Murch to drive them away from there.

  “Just a minute,” the policeman said, and when Dortmunder looked at him again he was climbing down off his horse. Now what? Dortmunder thought, and he waited while the policeman got himself down onto the blacktop and leaned his head close to the window. He gave Dortmunder a hard look, and then gave Murch a hard look. He also sniffed loudly, and Dortmunder realized the policeman thought they were drunk. He sniffed again, and wrinkled his face up, and said, “What’s that stink?”

  “His cigar,” Dortmunder said. “I told him it stunk,” he said, and watched the Caddy go by. Silver–gray Cadillac limousine, whip antenna, gray–uniformed chauffeur, kid in the backseat, Jersey plate number WAX 361. Dortmunder sighed.

  “Urp,” Murch said. Then, being very hasty, he said, “Okay, officer, I’ll move it now.” He even shifted into gear.

  “Just hold on there,” the policeman said. The Cadillac went on up to Forty–Second Street and turned right. The policeman, leading his horse, walked slowly in his tight riding boots around the front of the Renault. He studied the car and the license plate, and frowned through the windshield at the two men inside there. Murch gave him a big wide smile, and Dortmunder just looked at him.

  There wasn’t room for the horse between the left side of the Renault and the brick wall of the overpass support, so the policeman left it standing broadside in front of the car.

  Still smiling broadly at the policeman, Murch said out of the corner of his mouth, “What if he asks for license and registration?”

  “Maybe there’s a registration in the glove compartment.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t have a license.”

  “Wonderful,” Dortmunder said, and the policeman leaned down to look in Murch’s window and say, “What are you parked here for, anyway?”

  Murch said, “I got a dizzy spell coming through the tunnel.” Out front, the horse’s tail, which was on Dortmunder’s side of the car, lifted up and the horse began to relieve himself.

  The policeman said, “Dizzy spell, huh? Let’s see your–”

  “Your horse,” Dortmunder said loudly.

  The policeman looked past Murch at Dortmunder. “What?”

  “Your horse,” Dortmunder said, “is shitting on our car.”

  The policeman leaned in and looked through the windshield at his horse. “Son of a bitch,” he said. He removed his head from the car, went around front, grabbed the reins, and led the horse away from the car.

  “Get us out of here,” Dortmunder said.

  “Right.” Murch put the Renault in gear again and angled out away from the curb and around the policeman and his horse. Moving slowly by, he called to the policeman, “Thank you, officer. I feel a lot better now.”

  The horse apparently preferred walking to standing still when relieving itself, and was now walking slowly up Dyer Avenue, plopping contentedly behind itself, and ignoring the policeman’s efforts to make it stop. “Yeah yeah,” the policeman said, nodding in distraction at Murch, and to the horse said, “Stop there, Abner, stop there.”

  Up at Forty–Second Street the light was against them. They stopped, and Dortmunder said, “Goddam it to hell and goddam it back again.”

  “So we’ll try it again Friday,” Murch said.

  “The horse’ll shit in the window next t
ime.”

  The light turned green and Murch made a left. “You want me to take you home?”

  “Might as well.”

  At Tenth Avenue the light was against them. Murch said, “I threw out the cigar, did you notice?”

  “I told you it stunk.”

  “Friday we’ll wait around the corner on Forty–Second. You can park there.”

  “Sure,” Dortmunder said.

  The light remained red. Murch looked thoughtful. He said, “Listen, you in a hurry?”